by CR Robertson
I’d lost track of time and jumped when Ash put his head on my shoulder. It was starting to get dark outside, which meant I’d been engrossed here for a few hours. “What time is it?”
“A little after seven. Zee came up to say goodbye, but you were in your zone, so he left.” I blinked a few times and he tucked some of my wayward hair behind my ear. “I ordered pizza and it should be here in a few minutes if you want to finish off.”
When I looked at my work, I’d accomplished more that I usually had, but then I didn’t normally have an area like this to work. I washed my hands and splashed cool water over my face before wandering downstairs.
“Where’s Francis?” I asked.
“Since you were working, he headed out to see his family again. He seemed relieved that Zee knew you were here.”
We settled ourselves in front of a movie and ate the cheesy delight. Ash had obviously been paying attention in the past and had ordered my favourite toppings.
“If you keep spoiling me, I won’t want to leave,” I teased.
He gave me a strange look that I couldn’t interpret. “Maybe I don’t want you to go.”
Instead of answering, I snuggled down beside him to watch the movie. I’d avoided Catarina’s and Sofia’s calls, only answering to Papa because he phoned us every night when he was away. To ignore him would end in him contacting Francis or Madison. Every day with Ash removed me further from my prison world.
He’d stolen my heart and held it captive. I knew from that summer all those years ago that the only man I could ever love was Ash. Time hadn’t changed or eroded that. Ash had proved he was the only man who understood me and could protect me without imprisoning me.
All I needed to do was make him realise that we belonged together.
***
Chapter Twenty-One
Lucrezia
The constant noise woke me from my sleep. I’d been wrapped up in Ash’s arms with my head on his chest.
“Yeah? What’s up?” Ash sat bolt upright. “Yeah, I’ll be there shortly. Do you have coordinates of where she is?”
“Is everything okay?” I stretched and tried to untangle my hair.
He sighed and flopped back to stare at the ceiling. “Zee’s girlfriend ran away because some guys jumped him and Jay a few nights ago. She phoned tonight but he heard a skirmish in the background and thinks she’s been abducted. I need to get ready.”
My heart was in my throat as I watched him climb out of bed. Tonight, Ash was in danger and that terrified me. I crawled across the bed and got out behind him. He froze when I kissed between his shoulder blades.
“You need to stay safe,” I whispered.
He spun so fast I nearly fell on my ass. He pinned my arms behind my back with one hand while the other gripped my chin. “This is why men like me can’t have relationships. This could be you tonight and me phoning because I was out of my head with worry.”
I leaned in to him. “I wouldn’t have run in the first place.”
“This isn’t the life for you, Angel. I’m the devil, and Heaven and Hell rarely mix.” The ferocious glare he gave me was designed to terrify the weak and make them run in the opposite direction. He forgot that Papa had mastered death stares years ago.
I stood on my tiptoes and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “I’ll go and make you some coffee while you get dressed.”
Ash watched me, pulling on a T-shirt and a black hooded top while I dressed in a vest and my panties with a fake hairy front and furry ears to the side. The words bare faced cheeks were printed on the rear.
I smiled when Ash grabbed my waist and tugged me against his strength. His hand groped the hairy front of my panties. “You’re killing me right now.” He’d laughed until he was breathless earlier when he saw them. His nose traced the side of my throat. He kissed that sensitive skin before moving away.
I didn’t know what to say when he retrieved a gun from behind the painting on the wall beside the bed and tucked it into the waistband of his black combat trousers. My teeth bit into my bottom lip to stop it from trembling.
He glanced up at me. “I told you I wasn’t a good man.”
“That doesn’t make you a bad one.” I turned away before he tried to convince me of his villainy and wandered down to the kitchen.
It was strange that this place felt more like home than my actual home did. In the week I’d been here, I had discovered a new side to myself. Ash had taken me shopping when I complained the kitchen lacked utensils and pushed the trolley around without commenting on all the stuff I put in. He would be glad of it tonight, especially since I was pouring his coffee in a thermal travel mug.
Ash prowled into the kitchen, his hair a mess since he’d actually just crawled out of bed. I held his mug out and his eyebrows shot up. “I guess some of that stuff does come in useful.”
“It all comes in useful. I’ve seen you using some of the other items as well.”
His lips twitched, but he never commented.
I stepped forward, dragging him toward me by the pockets of his hooded top. “Make sure you come home in one piece.”
“Or?”
“Or I will turn into one of those terrible nagging women.”
He pressed a soft kiss on my lips that melted my heart. “I’ll do my best.” He tugged the ears of my bear panties as he stepped back, shaking his head as he grinned at them.
“And, Ash?” He turned at the door to stare at me. “My injection means we can stop using condoms when you get back.”
His mouth dropped open and his eyes dropped to my crotch. “Fuck me, now I have to go and meet the guys with a fucking erection.” He disappeared out the door and I could barely breathe. What if something happened to him?
Even though it was the middle of the night, there was no way I would be able to sleep now, so I decided to work on the last of my designs. The jewellery show was in a few days and all my chains had been delivered to put on my designs. Most of them were already on velvet busts that Ash ordered so I could sort through everything and make sure they sat right.
I pulled on yoga pants and a T-shirt and started to work on the last batch, only looking up when light started to creep in through the window. Ash hadn’t returned home and worry gnawed deep at my stomach. Standing in the shower with the water pounding down on me, a startling realisation struck me.
I was in love with Ash.
I didn’t just like him, or desire him, I loved him. The idea of a life without Ash in was too painful to even consider. Even though he constantly tried to push me away, I didn’t want to leave him because I instinctively knew I belonged beside him.
The clock moved slowly, taunting me with the time. Where was he?
To keep myself busy, I reverted to what I normally did in times of stress. I went to the kitchen and began to bake. First, I put the shortbread base for the caramel squares in. Then, I made several different cookie doughs that I rolled into logs, covered in clingfilm, and put in the freezer. The caramel came next to set before I lathered it in melted chocolate.
For lunch, I whipped up pancake batter and put bacon on to grill. It was one of the comfort default foods I reverted to because it was one of the first things Madison taught me to cook.
Francis stole a piece of crispy bacon on his way past to the gym, leaving me to my baking. He knew better than to ask what was wrong. We’d been together a long time and knew each other’s moods.
I was lost in my own thoughts as I tossed the last pancake, and screamed when cold hands landed on the warm skin of my stomach. “Miss me?” Ash’s deep, husky voice sounded in my ear.
I squealed and spun in his arms. “Are you okay?” I launched myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and climbing his tall frame until my legs were around his waist.
He laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
“I was so worried,” I whispered in his ear. “In my head, I had so many bad thoughts about you being injured or killed.” I clung to him because suddenly I co
uldn’t let him go.
“Everything’s sorted,” Ash replied. “Zee has Cas at the hospital to get checked over and the threat has been neutralised.”
I didn’t even want to think what that meant. All that mattered was that he was home and safe.
“Are you making pancakes?” Ash asked, manoeuvring around the kitchen while still holding me. “Is that caramel squares?” He went straight to them and lifted one. “Hmmm. These are great, the caramel is soft and chewy. Take a bite.”
The tray bake appeared in front of my mouth. I’d been so sick with worry that I hadn’t been able to eat earlier, so I bit the corner and chewed. My stomach almost cramped when I swallowed it.
“Let’s grab something to eat. I’m shattered.” Ash set me on my feet and shoved the rest of the caramel square into his mouth and licked the chocolate from his fingers.
I piled a huge stack of pancakes on his plate with bacon beside it. The maple syrup I’d bought was in the cupboard. I left a plate for Francis and carried a pot of tea into the conservatory at the back of the house. After all the darkness, I really needed to surround myself in light.
Ash chatted about the upcoming show since the initial display needed delivered today. “Jay will bring some of the trackers around later for your pieces.”
I finally looked up from my pancakes. “What happened last night?”
His expression froze and the shutters of a stranger came down. “You don’t need to know, Angel.”
“I think I do,” I said, setting down my fork. “My entire life I was told that I didn’t need to know. When I heard bangs in the middle of the night, Papa told me it was his mechanic working on the car when it was clearly gunshots. We never need to know, and yet we are the ones who are vulnerable.”
My terror was slowly ebbing into rage against how helpless I’d been last night.
“This is not the life for you, Lucrezia. You deserve a life with a boring fucker who needs a map to find your G-spot because he’s clueless. A life somewhere that no one ever realises who you are or what your connections are. I can’t give you that life.”
He’d said it all along, but the message finally sank in. I didn’t belong with him and he had no intention of changing his world for me to fit into it. I didn’t want to reply because tears threatened to choke me. Instead, I lifted my plate and took it to the kitchen as if I was cleaning up. Darkness coalesced around me and permeated deep into my soul.
No one ever wanted me.
I lifted my phone that was sitting on a table in the hall and slipped my feet into my trainers. My jacket was beside the front door. Running usually cleared my mind, so I zipped up my hooded jacket, pulled the hood over my hair, and ran from my problems.
What hurt the most after realising that I loved him was that he constantly pushed me away. He wanted to have sex with me but that seemed to be all he wanted. It was worse than nothing, because at least with nothing, I would have my self-respect.
My feet pounded the street but my mind ran faster, analysing every conversation we’d had on the phone and in person. Embarrassment burned through me at all the warning signs he’d displayed. I threw myself at him, and what man wouldn’t take what was offered?
This wasn’t Ash’s fault, it was mine. He said all along that nothing could ever happen between us. Self-loathing washed over me. Some men might want me for my money, but he had more than me. I even signed that stupid contract instead of just leaving things. Maybe I could just start all over again under a different name? All my excitement for the upcoming show evaporated.
I stopped in the middle of the park and bent over to rest my hands on my knees. I’d lost track of time and where I was. The ridiculous thing was that I didn’t even know my way back. Defeated, I sat on a bench seat and watched the ducks in a nearby pond. It was twilight and the world continued to turn with people walking past me even as the fake world I had believed was mine crumbled around me.
When my body began to cool, I then pushed myself onto my feet and started to walk with my hands pushed into my pockets. Running had seemed like a good idea a while ago. With darkness settling around me, and the fact that I had no idea where I was, uneasiness crept up my spine.
My phone burned a hole in my pocket, but I refused to dial the one man who could sweep in and save me again. I found myself a small café and I ordered myself a hot chocolate while I phoned Sofia.
“Hey, little sis. You doing okay?” Her voice was the healing balm I needed.
“Yeah, just feeling a bit lost today.”
“Papa said you were in London with Xavier. Are you all shopped out?” In my head I could imagine her smiling when she said that.
“Yeah. It’s probably time to go home. Shopping isn’t the same without you and Catarina with me. How’s Mario?” My sister had been in love with her security detail forever.
“Ugh! I’m so embarrassed, Lucy. I presented myself to him in my underwear and he told me to put some clothes on. I read all the signs wrong and now I can barely look at him.”
I knew exactly how she felt. “Hey, chin up, Sofs. At least you’ve managed to escape.”
“Why don’t you come and visit me in Aberdeen for a while? We could just hang out and watch movies.”
“Maybe I can travel up from London?” It was a better option than running home to Tuscany. “I need to find a career or something to fill my time.”
“You could check out courses while you’re up. Since Papa let me go here, maybe we can convince him to let you go to university?”
I could take a design course and explore whatever talents I might have. “I think I’d like that.” I paused for a moment. “I miss you, Sofia.”
“I miss you too, Lucy. I’ll text Papa and let him know you’re coming to visit.”
“Thanks, I’ll see you soon.” I hung up and stared at my phone. My bags were still in the room I’d never used. It wouldn’t take Francis long to pack them and meet me here. Another hot chocolate later, I sent him a brief text. He was my security detail and would keep my confidence.
Me: Can you grab my bags and collect me? I want to stay in a hotel or Papa’s house tonight.
All the jewellery pieces were finished, so Ash wouldn’t lose any money on his investment. It was time for me to grow up and realise that just because I loved him didn’t mean he had to feel the same.
My phone pinged on the table.
Francis: Where are you? Ash and Jordan are tearing this house apart.
Me: I don’t know. Give me a place to meet you and I’ll find my way there.
Francis: Are you okay?
I contemplated that, but he and Madison had been like surrogate parents to me over the years.
Me: Not really. I need time to think.
Francis: I’ll grab your stuff when they’re not looking. I’ll send you a location.
I wandered to the cash desk and paid with the money at the back of my phone case. It was only when I was outside that I noticed all the missed calls and text messages on my phone. I looked at a few and Ash’s tone ranged from weary to angry to screamy. Jordan had sent a few asking me where I was and if I was okay.
Me: Just out for a run. Chat later, Lx.
Jordan: What the fuck? It’s been hours. Where the fuck are you?
Me: Back soon.
When I saw the location from Francis, I turned my phone off. I wouldn’t be making a fool of myself again. Maybe this mysterious Cas had been right to run. Maybe she realised that Xavier didn’t love her. I could have coped with lies and deceit, but I couldn’t fight against his brutal honesty.
I stood shivering under a tree and waited for Francis, deliberately staying there for a few minutes after he arrived to ensure it was him in the car and the guys hadn’t followed him. He gave me that fatherly stare when I climbed in.
“Lucrezia.” The concern in his voice broke through my barriers and the tears I’d suppressed broke free. He grabbed my hand. “I have the security codes to Lucas’ house. We’ll be there shortly.”
I nodded and tried to wipe the tears away.
One week was all it had taken to break me and destroy my business. I had nothing left.
***
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ash
What the actual fuck had happened?
I stood staring at the kitchen and waited for Lucrezia to appear in it. She’d taken her plate back and I wandered into the living room. I’d been exhausted and fell asleep in the chair. The next thing I knew, it was hours later and Jordan had arrived to tag the jewellery.
“What happened?” Jordan demanded, his hands clenched at his side as if he was going to attack me.
“No idea. We had pancakes and she took her plate back. I fell asleep on the sofa and you know the rest.”
I tried to remember what we’d been talking about. My mind finally zeroed on my words and the expression on her face as they impacted on her. I’d been too tired to read the danger signs. When we got back to London, I hadn’t stopped to rest because I wanted to get home to her.
It wasn’t as if it was the first time I’d told her we couldn’t be together.
“What is it with these women running off?” Jordan demanded, pacing the kitchen. “She knows better than to go off by herself. Lucas would be furious.” He lifted his phone and left her an irate voicemail.
The house felt empty and she’d only been gone a few hours. Francis walked into the kitchen. “What’s up?” I’d screamed his name several times until I was nearly hoarse.
“Have you seen Lucrezia?” I demanded.
“No, you made it clear that while she was here that I was only required for background work.” Jordan threw me the stink eye. “Have you tried her studio?”
I took the stairs three at a time and nearly broke the door down. She said only last night that she wouldn’t run, but then I’d watched something break behind those huge brown eyes of hers. I’d done that. No one else. She’d given everything she had to me and I’d thrown it all back at her.
