I let out a breath. “I hate that you even put it like that because if I had my way I’d spend every waking moment with you. Holding you.” I brushed my nose along her cheek. “Loving you and not sharing you with anyone else.”
She moved into me as I nuzzled her. Reaching up, she ran her fingers into my hair, firing up the blood in my veins that only she had a way of doing.
“No. You’re right,” she said, leaning her forehead against mine. “I think the only reason it didn’t hit me the way it hit you is because I do spend so much time outside of us.”
I frowned, not understanding. “What do you mean?”
“With my job. I’ve made so many friends. I socialize all the time. Go to parties and events that you don’t always go to since you do have to work so much. But you—” Pausing, she shook her head. “I am your world. Outside of your job, all you have is me.”
Her words only brought me back to the conversation I had with Derrick, and now it completely made sense why I didn’t necessarily want to stay here. Lacey was right. She was my world. She had become my life, and now, I had no clue what I had outside of that. I had no clue who I was outside of that.
Chapter Eleven
Lacey
I couldn’t believe I didn’t see it sooner. I was just so wrapped up in my own life; so wrapped up in the excitement of being here and all the wonderful opportunities I’d received that I didn’t see it. But the minute the words left my mouth, I knew. The minute I realized I had a life outside of our relationship and he didn’t. Margot’s concerns in the cab suddenly held merit, but in a way I’d never thought about before. It wasn’t that Drake was living in my shadow. It’s that he wasn’t living. His life had taken a backseat to mine and because of it… he wasn’t happy. The way he looked now as he stared aimlessly in my dark bedroom only confirmed it. He realized it, too.
Reaching up, I caressed his cheek with my fingers. “Do you like it here, Drake?”
He gazed down at me. Lifting his hand, he ran his thumb along my bottom lip. “I like being with you.”
Of course he’d answer that way. He’d been making sacrifices since he’d been here, putting on a happy face for my benefit, so why would he stop now? “But that’s the only thing you like about being here, right? Me?”
He didn’t say anything. Only continued to move his thumb along my lip as he studied it.
“Do you want to go home?” I prompted. He couldn’t opt for silence now that I asked him directly.
His bare chest rose and fell when he sighed heavily. “I think so.”
Though I expected those words, it wasn’t any easier to hear them. My life had been such a wonderful dream since I’d been here. My passion and the person I cared for the most were both in this magical city. To leave felt like I’d shatter the spell, the enchantment. Home represented nothing but pain for me. Mama’s death, Drake’s family disapproving of us, and so many other bad things from my past. I didn’t want to go back. But if that was what Drake needed to have something of his own, I’d support him. I’d do anything to make sure he was happy.
“I spoke to Derrick this morning,” he said. “He called right after I was fired. He thinks he can get me a job at the garage as an office manager. And he and your Aunt Gladys have a spare room they’ve been trying to rent out.” He shrugged, still staring at my lips. “A job. A place to stay. It just seems like something to consider.”
“The West Side, though? What about Ty?” I got chills just thinking about the day he’d hurt Drake. He fought him because he was jealous of Drake’s relationship with me. The whole thing had been the product of my nightmares for a while. Especially in the short time Drake and I broke up last year. So many bad things seemed to haunt me after Mama passed.
Drake surprised me when he laughed. “No worries there. I guess he got locked up. Grand theft auto.”
Ty had been known for getting into trouble. Even when we were kids. Though this information wasn’t surprising, it was sad. However, I could only give him so much sympathy. He did it to himself.
Looking up at Drake, I nodded. “Okay. Well, I guess I’ll let Madame Duval know my decision. I heard she was going on vacation for a few days, but I might be able to catch her before she leaves and explain everything.”
He squinted at me, confused. “What do you mean?”
“My contract. For the show extension. I didn’t sign anything yet, so it’s not too late to let her know I can’t stay.”
The papers were there to sign, but I was so excited to come home and tell Drake that I didn’t. I wouldn’t let myself be disappointed. This decision was the right thing. I knew that.
Drake stared at me for a long moment. I was worried the longer he did. Why wasn’t he saying anything?
“Lace,” he said, tucking a loose curl behind my ear. “Why are you talking like you’re not going to accept the production’s offer?”
Now I was confused. “But you just said you wanted to go home.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean your plans are going to change.”
My heart quickened that very second. What made him think I wouldn’t join him? Did he see me as being that selfish? “Of course that means my plans will change.” I pushed up on my elbow, and he leaned back. “You want to go home so I’m going with you. We’re going home together.”
“You’ve been offered an opportunity to continue your dream. You can’t ignore that and leave it behind to come home to nothing. Just because I feel going home is the right decision for me doesn’t mean it is for you.”
“But it is the right decision. You’re not happy here, and if going to Chicago is where you feel you need to be then I’m going too. I’m not coming home to nothing. You’ll be there. Margot. Derrick, Aunt Gladys, and my cousins.”
When he shook his head, I thought I was going to vomit. I didn’t understand why he was urging me to stay if he was leaving. Me staying wasn’t an option if he wouldn’t be here. I didn’t like where this was going. What was happening didn’t make sense.
He curled his fingers behind my neck, brushing my skin with his thumb. “Don’t you see what you’d be giving up? How much you’d regret it if you left right now? You have nothing to gain by going back home, and I’d never be able to live with myself knowing I was the reason you turned this offer down.”
Why did this feel like he was breaking up with me? Like he was giving up on us?
“You’ve got something so good going for you here, Lace. Something that makes you feel worthwhile. This…” He raised his hand. “This life. This world. It makes you happy.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close so he couldn’t see my eyes. He wouldn’t see them watering if I didn’t let him. He couldn’t.
“You make me happy,” I whispered. I was actually shaking. “You.”
He pulled me into his lap, securing me against his chest like a small child. In silence, he ran his hands up and down the length of back. He did this for so long. So very long. It was only after my breathing regulated that he spoke again, and my heart raced at the anticipation of what he’d say next.
“You make me happy too, Lacey,” he said, kissing my hair. “So, so happy. Don’t mistake my wanting you to stay as me letting you go. That’s far from what I want.”
I shut my eyes tight, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. I fought so hard not to cry. Not to get overly emotional, but it was so hard not to. It sounded like he was letting me go. Whether he wanted to or not, that was what it sounded like.
I let out a breath, trying to calm down. “But how can we be together if we’re apart?”
He held me tighter, brushing his lips along my forehead. “How about we revisit this location issue again once your show wraps up? We’ll discuss it and figure out what the next step is. A good plan for both of us.”
I looked up at him. “But that’s three months, Drake. Three months apart, and that’s not even counting the prep time for the show.”
I got sick to my stomach even thinkin
g about it. What Drake and I had was so much stronger than I was willing to admit sometimes. Drake had become my rock. My everything. He was my strength in every way someone could be for someone else, and it scared me that I’d allowed myself to become so intertwined with another person; that I was vulnerable to an excruciating hurt that could come when one loved someone so much. He had no idea the power he had over me. He had my heart and my soul.
“It won’t feel that long if we don’t let it, Lace. We’ll only be a phone call away from each other. Only a call.”
I heard what he said. I did. But how could a call be the same as snuggling up on the sofa with him? It wouldn’t allow me to feel the warmth of his body or listen to his steady breaths or hear his heartbeat as I drifted off to sleep. I couldn’t be there for him after he had a long day, massaging all the tension from his body to make him feel better. A call couldn’t replace those things. It just couldn’t.
I stared aimlessly into the dark room, wanting to do anything but answer him. In the end, I forced myself to respond.
“Okay.”
He lifted me up, studying my eyes. “Okay?”
I nodded, putting on the bravest face I could. He needed me to be okay so he could be. So that’s exactly what I made myself be. “Okay. You’re right. We’ll figure it out when I get back. Everything will be fine.”
Without words, he placed a hand on my hair, kissing my forehead. “It will be. I promise. I promise it will be, Lace.”
I nodded once again. There wasn’t much else I could do.
He sighed, pulling me in tight against his chest. “I’m so sorry all this went down on your birthday. It’s killing me you’re so sad.”
I’d nearly forgotten the fact until he mentioned it. I brought my arms around his neck. What a birthday this turned out to be.
“Let me make it up to you,” he said, brushing his lips over my cheek.
I breathed in deeply as his mouth made it to my ear, then sighed when he pulled my earlobe into his mouth.
I placed my hand on his chest, my lips trembling as he played with my ear. Without warning, he released me, breathing warm breath over my skin.
“Are you going to ask how?” he whispered.
I dampened my lips. “How?”
I thought I knew exactly the extent of his plans. Especially when he leaned me down and pulled me deep underneath the covers with him. But it turned out I was wrong.
“Let me sing to you,” he said, moving a finger along my cheek.
His words couldn’t have surprised me more, and by his expression, he looked completely serious about what he had said. “Sing to me?”
He nodded once. “You always sing to me all the time.” He ran his finger along my profile, my forehead, my nose, my lips. “Let me sing to you. A Korean lullaby my mom always used to sing to me when I had a nightmare or just had a bad day and couldn’t sleep. I don’t quite remember all the words so I’ll hum them to you and help you fall asleep.”
I watched his eyes in that moment. Their mahogany hue was so dark, but there was still a glimmer there. His proposal excited him, and that warmed my heart.
I’d never heard Drake sing before. Even when he helped me with my lines he spoke the words. I always assumed he didn’t sing because he either couldn’t or didn’t feel comfortable doing so. I settled for what he gave me during our mock rehearsals, but in the back of my mind I always wondered if he could sing, and if he could, what his voice would sound like.
There was no longer any question about his musical ability the minute his lullaby began.
His normal speaking voice was so deep, so smooth in tone, and this fluidity translated completely over to his singing voice. Though he only hummed the childhood lullaby to me, that in no way hindered the effect his song held over me.
I felt at ease while I listened, getting lost in the song his mother used to comfort him. The song he now used to comfort me.
As my eyes grew heavy, my thoughts drifted to his mother. Though she wasn’t too fond of me, I knew she loved her son deeply. I could feel that love through the song. I had no idea she’d even attempted to expose Drake to the culture of his home country.
According to him, he knew very little of his heritage post adoption. Maybe his mom only tried for a little while. Maybe she only tried through the song. But she did try, and it was nice to know that. It was nice to know.
The song ended, and he snuggled me into his strong arms. I went more than willingly, happy he brought peace to my mind and soul.
Leaning in, he brushed his lips softly against mine. “Happy birthday, Lacey.”
I smiled as I drifted into slumber. I actually smiled.
Chapter Twelve
Drake
I brushed my fingers along Lacey’s arm to wake her up after we touched down for our layover in Florida, but not before snapping a quick shot of her with my iPhone.
Normally, Lacey was one of those sleepers that could piss another girl off she looked so damn beautiful while she slept. But today, the uncomfortable flight slumber had clearly gotten to her. Her mouth hung open, and there was definitely a bit of drool on my dark button down shirt from where her mouth rested against me.
I bit my lip, fighting a chuckle, as she leaned up from my chest. I made sure to put my phone away while she was preoccupied with wiping her eyes. She’d kick my ass if she knew I got her in another candid. Frankly, I was surprised the photo I had in my wallet of her eating had survived as long as it had.
Disoriented, she glanced around with hazy eyes. “What it is, baby?”
“We’re back in the States.”
The small frown on her face didn’t go unnoticed. Ever since the night we decided that I’d come home and she’d take the offer in France, that same look readily appeared on her face. I’d come to know that expression far too well, and it killed me every time I saw it.
“We better hurry so we don’t miss our connection,” she said, standing up to grab her carry-on.
I touched her arm so she would let me grab the bag instead. When she cleared the aisle, I got it for her. I had a shoulder bag, so I managed both just fine. I made sure to also hold her hand as we made our way out of the plane and through the Florida airport toward our Chicago connection. She stayed silent the whole time we walked, watching the different travelers with intrigue. I didn’t blame her. It did feel kind of weird being back home. I felt myself trying to get my bearings a bit.
I leaned toward her. “I really appreciate you coming to help me get settled. I could have moved by myself after your shows started up again.”
Lacey surprised me when she offered to come spend some of her time-off helping me move-in with Derrick than having the two of us spend it in Paris. I had a feeling it was because of the final moments I was able to spend with her there. I made sure to take her to some of our favorite places before leaving, and with each visit, she seemed more despondent than the last. Going to them made her sad rather than happy. They didn’t bring the same magic they did all the other times we visited. Things were different, and we both knew that. Those once special places now represented a finality rather than a new beginning.
To make matters worse, she came down with a really bad cold that ended up turning into a bacterial infection right before we left. This cut the amount of time she would actually be able to spend in Chicago since she had to be back at work soon. It was all just really bad timing, and I was sure it didn’t help with her wanting to come home any sooner.
She genuinely smiled when she looked up at me. It was just in the corner, a half one, but it was still there. “Of course,” she said, hugging my side. “It will be good to see everyone again. Aunt Gladys is throwing us a welcome home party. The neighborhood crowd will be there. It will be good for me. Healthy.”
She was definitely doing a little self-convincing, but if that’s what she needed to do to be all right with coming home for a while, that was okay. Home wasn’t exactly peppered with pleasant experiences for either of us. I’d do my bes
t to make sure our time spent together went well for her sake.
We had made it about halfway to our gate when her hand left mine.
“I’m just going to use the bathroom real quick.” She pointed ahead.
I nodded. “Okay. Hurry, though. We don’t have a lot of time.”
I unfortunately had missed a connection or two before due to one too many spring break trips with girls who couldn’t hold their water on flights. An element of my past I longed to forget.
“I won’t. I promise.” She skirted off, and I couldn’t help angling my head a bit as she did. That wonderfully tight ass of hers as she wiggled her hips in her little jean shorts could madden the most controlled man. I’d bite my knuckles if I wasn’t carrying so much crap. I settled for biting my bottom lip as she disappeared through the crowd and toward the highlighted bathroom sign.
“Drake?”
I didn’t recognize the voice, but when I turned around, I wondered how I didn’t know it was the voice of the cocky bastard from my high school.
My old prep schoolmate grinned, his eyes flashing behind the sweep of blond hair that covered them. “Truman-motherfucking-Drake. It is you.”
I laughed, adjusting my bag on my shoulder to shake his hand. “Simon Cartwright.”
“Fuck, this is a small world,” he said, releasing my hand.
It sure was. I didn’t expect to see my former classmate in the Florida airport the very same day I made it back to the States. Though, I shouldn’t have been surprised since our whole school crew traveled a lot. Our influential parental units gave us the means for that. I considered Simon more of acquaintance than a friend. We used to travel in the same social circles sometimes and found each other at the same fundraising events for our dads—since his was a congressman. The status of our parents kind of linked us all through school. We were friendly, but only by connection really.
“How the hell are you, dude?” he asked.
“Pretty good. I’m just heading back to the Midwest.”
The Dividing Line Page 7
