by Brenda Novak
“Tomorrow then?”
She squeezed her eyes shut. If she left it open-ended, allowed the possibility to exist, she’d give in—if not tomorrow, then the next day or the day after. “No. I won’t be returning, Keith. Not the way I’ve been doing since you came home.”
He lowered his voice as he said, “You can see this other guy after I’m gone, Nance.”
She thought about that, saw the practicality behind it. Why not take advantage of the time they had? That was how she’d been thinking the past several days, why she’d allowed herself to succumb to the urge that kept driving her back. But she had to take control of her own destiny even if that was painful. Anything less damaged her self-esteem. “For my own sake, it’s important I do it now, while I still have a choice.”
There was another long pause. Then he said, “Fuck,” and disconnected.
* * *
The next several days were some of the worst Keith could remember. Although he was relieved to hear that Lana was being extradited from Australia, he couldn’t stop thinking about Nancy. He hoped she’d give in and see him again before he had to leave. He knew she loved him—she’d said as much. But while he delved into his mother’s finances in an attempt to save what he could, Nancy remained resolute. Over the next four days, she didn’t call him once, and she didn’t return any of his calls, either.
It wasn’t until he left a message saying he needed to speak to her about Love’s in Bloom that he heard back. Selling the business to someone else, someone who could purchase it outright, would’ve made what he was trying to do much easier; bailing out his mother’s estate was taking all his available cash and then some, meaning he’d have significant debt. And yet he wanted Nancy to have the store. But when he made an appointment for Wednesday to talk about it with her, she wouldn’t even meet him at the house. She suggested they get together at the store instead, and when he arrived, she wouldn’t really look at him. She glanced away as soon as he began to search her face for any of the tenderness and concern that had been there before.
Keith tried to make the purchase contract as favorable to her as he could. He hadn’t made a very positive impact on her life, and figured he owed her that much. But she wouldn’t allow him to go too far. She insisted on paying a higher price than he told her he’d accept, and although he’d offered to let her go three years without making her first payment, she’d insisted that payments would start as soon as they signed the contract.
“I can make this work,” she said when they finally came to an agreement on all the terms.
“I know you can.”
Her eyes met his without shifting away. “I’m grateful to you. I realize you’ve made a lot of concessions here. Another owner probably wouldn’t have given me this opportunity. I want you to know how much I appreciate it.”
He took her hand and was gratified when she didn’t pull away. “I care about you, Nancy. I want you to have whatever you want, to be happy.”
“I believe that.”
“If you get into trouble on the payments, don’t worry. We’ll work out a new schedule, if necessary. You’re taking on a lot. I’d hate for it to be too much.”
“I’ve done my homework. If the store produces the way it has in the past two years, I’ll be fine. And I’m planning to increase sales, not go the other way.”
“You’ll do great.”
She stepped closer. “What’s going to happen to Coldiron House?”
“We’ll keep it in the family.”
“But leave it empty?”
“Rocki will probably move here with the two younger kids.”
“Without Landon?”
“It doesn’t sound like they’re going to make it.”
Because she’d always liked Landon, she found that disappointing. “I’m sorry to hear it.”
“So am I. I think he truly hates himself for what he’s done, but...it would be a difficult thing to overcome, so I can’t blame Rocki if she chooses not to try.”
“No, of course not. No one could blame her.”
“I’ve managed to save almost everything else,” he said. “Once I’m in California and back at work, I should be able to pay off the loan my mother took out on the bungalows. Eventually, everyone will get the inheritance they deserve.”
She let her fingers curl through his. He liked that, but it was hard not to pull her even closer, to kiss her. He wanted that, wanted to feel her against him, as passionate as she’d always been.
“That’s really something, Keith,” she said. “Did you ever dream that you’d be the one to save the whole Coldiron estate? That your sisters would only inherit because of you?”
He shook his head. “Never.”
“You’ve made good. You should be proud of yourself.”
She’d always been in his corner—no matter what. “Thanks for sticking by me when I had no one else, Nance. Somehow you managed to believe in me, even when I was at my worst.”
“And I was right about you,” she said, releasing his hand. “I knew the great things you were capable of.”
There was nothing left to say, but Keith hated to leave. The fact that he didn’t feel free to touch Nancy the way he’d been touching her until recently, to kiss her and hold her, just felt...wrong. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you at the funeral tomorrow?”
“I’ll be there.”
He turned to go, then hesitated at the door. “Did you ever take back that lingerie?”
She smiled when he looked over his shoulder at her, but it was the firm kind of smile that let him know she wouldn’t be changing her mind. This time, her refusal was permanent. Unless he could give her more, she didn’t want anything.
“You’re going to make some man very happy someday,” he told her.
“If not, I’ll make myself happy,” she said and that was when he realized he wasn’t the only one who’d changed. These days Nancy knew who she was and what she wanted; she’d gained the confidence she’d lacked when he was with her before.
* * *
As much as his mother’s funeral signaled the end of what’d happened on Fairham, Keith dreaded the service. Even as he dressed for it in an expensive black suit he’d purchased in Charleston, he knew the next few hours would be painful. Beyond the fact that he and his siblings were saying a permanent goodbye to their mother and would be coping with all the attendant emotions, Hugh Pointer had left Keith a message saying he’d be there to pay his respects.
Fortunately, he wouldn’t be bringing his wife. Lana was already in the process of being extradited. Hugh had even more to grieve than Keith did—he’d lost his wife and his lover. But Hugh’s presence would be uncomfortable even without Lana. It bothered Keith that he’d returned to the island in an attempt to cover up his wife’s crime. That proved he placed Lana above Josephine. Although Keith could understand why he’d try to protect the mother of his children, especially once Josephine was gone, Keith couldn’t help feeling defensive of his own mother, who’d died at the hands of Hugh’s jealous wife.
As if having Hugh there wasn’t bad enough, Rocki and her family were not only in town, they were getting ready for the funeral in the other wing. Keith couldn’t imagine how heartbreaking it would be for her to stand over their mother’s casket with Landon by her side, knowing he’d slept with Josephine less than two months ago. Keith considered it a miracle that they’d shown up, but she’d confided in him that she’d come for the kids’ sake. Even Brooklyn had left college to be there. Regardless of how it had happened, they’d lost a grandmother. She felt she should give them the opportunity to say goodbye.
Then there was Nancy. Keith could easily guess how seeing her again would make him feel. He’d felt like shit when he saw her yesterday.
Bottom line, he needed to get back to California and get on with his life. His escape from Fai
rham was what had rescued him before; he assumed it would do the same now. The debt he’d created in order to save his mother’s estate would mean he’d have to work extra hard and extra smart, probably for several years, but he didn’t mind. He was actually looking forward to the challenge. It would keep him absorbed, interested in his work, actively pushing forward every day instead of sliding back and allowing himself to crave cocaine or Nancy or Fairham or anything else.
His phone buzzed, signaling a new text. He finished putting on his cuff links before picking it up.
The message came from Dahlia, who was far more determined and resilient in her pursuit of him than he’d expected.
Hey, gorgeous. You home yet?
No, he wrote back, but I’ll be there on Tuesday.
Will you call me as soon as you get in? I miss you.
He felt resistant to the idea of seeing her again, but he attributed that to everything he was going through. She was a beautiful woman. Nice, too. There was no reason he shouldn’t give her another chance.
Sure. See you soon.
30
ROCKI FELT AS if she’d been moving through a dream world. Had she been told a few months ago that Landon would ever have an affair, she would’ve scoffed. Cheating on her with her own mother was...beyond belief. And yet the truth, the reality of what he’d done, wouldn’t retreat. The knowledge lurked in the corners of her mind, hovered there, waiting to come roaring back just when it began to feel as though their lives could or should return to normal.
Her kids, especially Brooklyn, knew something was wrong. Fortunately, they were attributing most of her distress to the loss of Josephine. She’d been able to smooth everything over by claiming their marital problems revolved around the lie Landon had first told her—that he’d gone to Fairham while he was supposed to be in Las Vegas to borrow money from her mother without including her in the decision. Eventually she’d used the same lie to explain why the police had searched their house. Brooklyn was old enough to understand that the police wouldn’t search unless there was more of a connection than simply being related—which had pacified the younger kids—allowing Rocki to keep the worst of Landon’s actions to herself. The problem was, maintaining her silence made what he’d done harder to expel from her own soul. The betrayal just sat there—and festered.
Landon had offered to move out. When, after several more days, she couldn’t allow him to return to her bed, he’d said he felt he should go. He couldn’t bear the pain of seeing what he’d done to her in her eyes every time she looked at him.
But the thought of letting him leave hurt, too. She wasn’t sure what to do. She was in her early forties, with three children who were quickly growing up. She’d never expected to be alone, couldn’t imagine being divorced.
Was she wrong for hanging on? Was she only dragging them through more emotional turmoil?
Maybe she should let go. But that would break up their family—and she feared she’d regret that more than anything.
He’d suggested counseling. Would that help?
She didn’t realize she’d stopped getting ready for the funeral, that she was simply staring at herself in the mirror, until Landon came up behind her.
“Are you going to be okay?”
She shifted her gaze to meet his eyes. “I don’t know.”
“We shouldn’t be here,” he said. “We could’ve told the kids something. That we didn’t have the money. That they couldn’t miss school. As far as I’m concerned, this is rubbing salt in the wound.”
Since she’d learned about the affair, she’d only let him see her fully clothed. She was standing there, in front of the bathroom mirror, in a lacy bra and panty set, but would’ve covered up now if her robe had been handy. He’d left her room several minutes ago to make sure the kids had everything they needed to get ready, and she hadn’t expected him to come back. The robe she’d been using was on the bed. She’d bought the lingerie for herself just yesterday because she’d needed something to make her feel sexy again after feeling so...overlooked and unappreciated. “You may be right,” she said. “But we’re here now. I’d like to get through it—for Maisey’s and Keith’s sake, if not for any other reason.”
“It’s only making you hate me more. I can feel it.”
“I wish I could hate you,” she said. “But I’ll get there. I’m trying.”
He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, she saw the torment there. “I’ve told you how sorry I am. I tell you every day.”
“If you’d cheated with anyone else, maybe I could forgive you.”
His Adam’s apple moved as he swallowed. “Right. I understand. And I don’t blame you.”
He hung his head as he turned to go, but in that instant, Rocki missed his hands on her body more than she’d missed anything else in her life. She turned, too, and caught his arm.
He seemed startled that she’d stopped him. A look of uncertainty crossed his face—one that suggested he was afraid to hope her actions really meant anything.
He was hurting as badly as she was. She’d understood that for several days. They were both in hell. And only she possessed the power to let them out.
But could she do it? Could she forgive something so heinous? Would forgiveness be enough? Or would the insecurities and fear this had caused destroy their marriage in spite of any attempt she made to save it?
They stared at each other for several long seconds. Then his hand moved to her waist, and she could feel, even though he was tentative about touching her, that he was trembling. “I can’t bear the thought of living without you,” he said, his voice choked with emotion. “I’ve always planned on spending the rest of my life with you.”
When she didn’t withdraw, as she had at every other attempt he’d made to be tender with her, he rested his forehead against hers. “If you leave me, at least know that this is all on me. You never did anything wrong, never left me wanting, never looked unappealing to me or seemed boring. You’ve been the best wife any man could ever have. I just...got frustrated and dissatisfied with other parts of my life—with our constant financial problems. And I let myself get distracted, took you for granted. It’s that simple.”
“Simple?” she repeated. None of it seemed simple to her.
“My fault,” he clarified. “All my fault. I was drunk that night, which didn’t help. But please don’t ever wonder if you somehow fell short and that’s what caused me to...to screw up. Because that’s not the case. You didn’t deserve what I did. It was me.”
But...most people could make a mistake, get tripped up by the wrong emotions or become confused about what they really wanted, couldn’t they? What if she’d been the one? What if she’d met someone who dazzled her, caused her to forget everyday problems or created just enough of an ego trip to make her lose track of what was truly important? How would she want him to react?
He was accepting all the blame. Even in his mind, she would be justified to cut him out of her life.
But wouldn’t a little forgiveness and mercy make them both happier?
“What would you do if it were me?” she whispered.
“Is there someone else you’d like to sleep with?”
He sounded so hopeful she was almost tempted to laugh. “Maybe,” she lied.
“Fine. Sleep with two or three guys. Do whatever makes you feel better. I’ll take you back afterward. I’ll take you back no matter what.”
Of the two of them, he’d always been the more forgiving. There’d never been any big indiscretions like this, but he’d given her the benefit of the doubt on so many little things, had always been patient and kind even when she didn’t deserve it. She supposed that was why she believed him.
Smiling, she wiped the tears that were glistening on his eyelashes. Then she slipped her arms around his neck and felt a huge and terrible we
ight disappear from her heart as they broke down and sobbed together. What he’d done was terrible. But he was more than that one mistake. Hadn’t he proved who he really was during all the years they’d known each other?
Besides, she loved him—in spite of everything.
* * *
As Landon waited for his family to finish getting ready for the funeral, he wished he could load them all in the car and drive them straight back to the airport. He didn’t want to attend Josephine’s funeral; he couldn’t think of her without feeling ill. He hated knowing how badly he’d hurt Rocki and vowed that he was going to make it up to her. They just had to get through this trip to Fairham. Then maybe they could put Josephine behind them and begin to rebuild their relationship.
Before that could happen, however, he needed to apologize to the other people in his life. Maisey’s family had to feel even angrier toward him.
As soon as Keith descended the stairs, Landon asked if he could have a minute. At first, Keith looked as if he’d rather beg off, which would be understandable. They already had too much going on today. But to Landon’s relief, he nodded and followed Landon into the drawing room, where he could have the privacy to apologize.
Landon expected Keith to give him hell. But that didn’t happen. Keith listened quietly. Then he said, “With the mistakes I’ve made, I can’t condemn anyone else. If you two can patch this up and stay together, I’ll be glad. And I think Maisey feels the same.”
“Really?” Landon’s shock must’ve been evident in his voice, because Keith chuckled as he gave him an embrace that included a solid thump on the back.
“Just don’t ever do anything like that in the future,” he warned.
“I won’t. I still can’t explain how I did it the first time.”
“Sometimes in life we make a wrong turn. Doesn’t mean we can’t find our way back.”
That was such a generous response that Landon didn’t know how to thank him. “I can’t...I can’t begin to tell you how much that means to me. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m grateful for it. I’ll take better care of Rocki. I swear it.”
