She leaned forward on the bed. "Why would you think I would want all of these things, Garrett?"
He shrugged. "I'm trying to… that is, I'd like to—" His face edged into a warm shade of pink.
"Buy my trust?"
He widened his eyes. "No, of course not!"
"Garrett, have you forgotten already what you've done? Of course, it wasn't your fault that your brother…" Her throat threatened to close as tears pressed against her eyelids. "But I've told you how hurt I was for years of being lied to."
"I was going to tell you, the day that you—"
"The day I found out by accident? After you'd known the truth for weeks? If I can't trust you to tell me something like this, how can I ever trust you with anything that actually matters? Trust is everything to me."
Garrett glanced around at the boxes and bags strewn all about the room. He let out a heavy sigh. "I'll have the butler remove all of the gifts. Perhaps they can be donated to the church to be of use to the poor." He ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry that I… I'm sorry."
The door closed behind him with a soft click. Sasha's heart lurched as tears again slid down her cheeks. She wiped them away. Garrett's saddened expression was more than she could bear. Her fingers itched to reach out to him. But she couldn't. Wouldn't. Why had things gone so wrong just as her life had seemed as sweet as a fairy tale? Why couldn't it have lasted? Her happy ending had been in sight, something she'd never dreamed could happen, until the day she fell in the well and was rescued by a handsome duke.
But you love him. You'd be lost without him.
He lied about something so important!
Your heart will be broken.
Bowing her head, she prayed for strength to forgive her husband.
****
What he had done had been futile. He should have known Sasha wouldn't be swayed by things. With her background of her and Samuel fending for themselves, she'd never had much given to her before. They weren't important to her. He shook his head, trying to wrap his brain around the concept of being poor. It seemed foreign. He and his siblings had been denied nothing they'd asked for and had been showered with gifts they hadn't even mentioned. To them, being pampered with everything imaginable had been the natural way of life. They had known no other.
It might be part of the reason Lucien had turned out as he had. They would never know now. He squeezed his eyes closed briefly, willing away thoughts of what was happening to his brother at that moment. Even though Lucien was his flesh and blood, Garrett had to cut all ties, much as it pained him. Although the ton might have something to say about that. Everyone would know. There would be whispers. Finger pointing. Accusations.
But Sasha was his family now, and there was no way Garrett could be loyal to both of them, even if he were willing to try. Lucien had brought this misery on himself, as well as on others. As much as it hurt Garrett's heart to think it, his brother had to pay for his crime.
Garrett was still determined to show Sasha how much he loved her, and how sorry he was for what he'd done. Just saying the words hadn't been enough. It seemed his wife had a stubborn streak. Not that he blamed her for how she'd reacted to him keeping the truth from her. But he wished he knew of something he could do that would convince her.
Again donning his hat and coat, Garrett decided a drive in the carriage might clear his mind. Maybe he'd think of a solution with the wind in his face. He ordered his curricle to be readied and instructed his groom that he had no need of him. He longed to be alone.
He steered the fresh pair of horses west, taking a road just to the outskirts of Hammersmith. Some of the homes there were a little rundown, the people who lived there dressed somewhat shabbily. In the past, Garrett wouldn't have taken much notice of them. They weren't a part of his world, so why should he have cared? Since meeting Sasha, though, that had changed.
No longer did he look past others because they were different from himself. Nor would he look down his nose at anyone who wasn't of his station. And never again would he let the ton dictate what he did with his life. Sasha was his heart's desire, no matter where she'd come from, or that she'd been poor. Garrett couldn't imagine loving her any more if she had been born to a higher station in life.
The road took a slight dip, causing the carriage to bump and rattle as the horses adjusted to the uneven ground. Lilly stumbled. Had she injured herself? Perhaps had a stone in her hoof? Garrett pulled back on the reins, stopping the horses on the road. The dust kicked up by their hooves settled back to the ground.
Garrett hopped from the carriage, landing on the road with a thud, his boots kicking up small clouds of dust as the horses had done. Lilly whinnied and shook her head. She'd always been the more skittish of the two horses. Star, calm as ever, watched the proceedings with slight interest.
"Let's discover the problem, Lilly." He stooped to the ground, coaxing the horse to lift her front leg. Garrett squinted. Yes, it was a stone all right. And it was wedged in her hoof, tight. Poor creature. It must be painful for her.
He had no tools with him. What he needed was a sharp stone or stick. Glancing around, he could see nothing that would work. He looped the reins over a nearby fencepost and began walking down the road, scouring the ground for something useful. There had to be something. He had no desire to see Lilly in pain. It wouldn't do to make the horse walk back home in her present state. The result might be dangerous to her foot and dangerous to them all if she became lame. How would they get home?
Garrett glanced back, glad the horses seemed content to rest beside the fence. A few more yards yielded results. Garrett eyed both a sharp stick and a thin, pointed rock lying close together. He hoped one of them would work. Grabbing his makeshift tools, he angled back toward the horses.
The sharp cry of a hawk caught his attention. Such majestic birds. He angled his head toward the sound, just catching a glimmer of the bird's feathers as it changed direction in the air and dove to the ground. Probably had spotted a small animal for dinner. Perhaps a mouse or a mole.
He lost sight of the hawk when it landed behind a tombstone in a small parish churchyard. Garrett paused, taking in the quiet dignity of the small burial ground. Someone had lovingly cared for the gravestones and the sites. The stones themselves were free of dirt and each plot had fresh flowers lying beside the stone.
Obviously, someone loved whoever had died, quite a lot. Just as Sasha had loved her brother. As the breeze kicked up some scattered dry leaves from the ground, swirling them in the air, so Garrett's thoughts swirled through his mind. Was the answer to his problem right in front of him?
Chapter Sixteen
Two days had passed since Sasha had chastised her husband for filling her bedroom with gifts. Her hurt had lessened, but she couldn't make her heart believe what her mind knew. That he did love her and hadn't intended to be cruel. She would forget about the gifts soon enough, and to be fair, she was sure Garrett had thought he was doing something that would please her.
But… there still remained the fact he'd kept the truth from her about what had happened between their brothers. Yes, he'd apologized with words and gifts, but Garrett just didn't seem to understand how important Samuel had been to her. Even though he'd often lied to her, her brother had been her only family. But was it any wonder, with the brother Garrett had, that he had never been close to him? Those two hadn't had a good relationship, and Lucien was a cad of the first order.
She bit her lower lip. Yes, she loved Garrett. Guilt hovered near her mind. He was her husband, after all. And a duke. He'd had every right to do what he'd done, and more. Except for not telling her about how Samuel had died, he'd been nothing but sweet, thoughtful, and kind. Was it possible he'd actually had her best interest at heart?
Sasha's stomach roiled. Was it from her continued hurt or possibly something she'd eaten the evening before? Lately, most things she ate didn't agree with her, even though the foods were meals she'd had often before. What had changed?
But
then, she'd been so out of sorts, it was no wonder she had taken ill. Surely emotional upheaval took a toll on one's body. Besides, she'd never been so tired in her life. She couldn't shake the effects of the chill she'd taken after leaving the house and being caught out in the storm. Should she not be feeling better by now?
Knock. Knock. Sasha sincerely hoped it wasn't Garrett. Although a trickle of doubt hovered in her mind. Was she being too harsh? What if he truly was sorry for what he'd done? Could she get over her hurt? Perhaps he understood more about her love for her brother than she'd given him credit for. Indecision warred in her mind, pulling her this way and that.
"Come in." She pulled the blanket up over her lap.
The door opened partway. Maryann stuck her head in. "Your grace?"
Sasha still wasn't used to the title. It sounded foreign. "Maryann, please come in."
The maid entered and closed the door. She hurried toward the bed. "Your grace, are you well?"
Alarmed, Sasha frowned. "Why do you ask?"
"You've lost all color. You're as pale as snow."
Sasha touched her face, her skin clammy beneath her fingers. Her stomach rumbled so loud that Maryann gasped. Sasha glanced down. "I'm afraid I haven't been feeling the best, to tell you the truth."
Maryann wrung her hands. "What ails you, your grace?"
"First of all, Maryann, please call me Sasha. You know I consider you family."
Maryann smiled and nodded. "Of course, Sasha. It's difficult to change the habits of a lifetime when addressing someone of a superior station, but I will try."
"Thank you." Sasha shrugged. "I've been so tired and have had an upset stomach. Usually I can eat anything with no trouble. I'm not sure the cause." She angled her head away, glancing down at the bed. "Also, I've been quite…"
Maryann sat on the edge of the bed and took one of Sasha's cold hands in her warm one. "Sasha, is everything all right?"
"No. You remember the gifts Garrett had brought to my room?"
Maryann nodded.
"And how irritated I was and…"
Maryann gently squeezed her hand.
Sasha turned back toward her. "And I'm still so hurt about Samuel and Lucien and—"
Maryann squeezed her hand again. "Yes, I know." She sighed. "I wish—"
"What do you wish?"
Maryann tilted her head. "I wish things were different for you and his grace. I know how much you love him."
"I do love him. I just cannot get past this hurt." Oh, that I could!
"I…"
"Please go on. You know you can say anything to me, Maryann."
The maid bit her lip and then nodded. "I've told you about my husband and daughter both dying from illness."
"Yes. I'm so sorry you had to go through it."
She blinked rapidly. Was she fighting off tears? "Thank you. What I didn't tell you was how my daughter… came to be."
"I don't understand."
"You see, my husband wasn't always the most… trustworthy man."
"Oh?" Sasha had pictured Maryann, her husband, and their daughter as being the perfect, happy family, before they had been overcome by illness.
"He had a wandering eye." She paused.
Sasha widened her eyes. "Like my brother had?"
Maryann let out a breath. "Yes."
"So, your daughter…"
"Wasn't mine. Not in the beginning, anyway."
Sasha frowned. She was still confused about how babies came to be. "But…"
"My husband was with another woman. She had a baby. Then, the woman died."
"Oh, my. That's terrible!"
"It was quite hard at first. I was so angry and didn't think I would ever forgive him. Anger nearly burned a hole through my heart."
It was Sasha's turn to squeeze Maryann's hand in comfort. "I understand your anger. Anyone might have been."
"Yes. It's a normal reaction, to be sure."
"How did you finally get past it?" She tilted her head.
"I didn't even know about the child until after she was born. One day my husband walked in the door and placed a bundle in my arms. He told me what he'd done, that he was sorry, but that the mother had died."
Sasha gasped. "Oh, Maryann! How horrible for you!"
"It was. I wanted to hate the baby. Every time I looked at her face, I saw my husband's nose and chin. But the eyes…"
"The eyes?"
"They weren't my husband's brown eyes. They were blue. Bright blue. Her eyes."
Sasha pulled Maryann into her arms and held her tightly. When she pulled away, the other woman had tears brimming in her eyes. Sasha's own eyes were moist. She sat back against the headboard. "You've told me how much you loved your daughter."
Maryann lifted one corner of her mouth. "She was the light of my life. Such a beautiful, sweet girl. I miss her greatly."
"I can only imagine losing a child. Losing my brother was heartbreaking enough." Sasha lowered her gaze to her lap.
"I do miss her. Every day. But sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had rejected her. What if I had refused to keep her and my husband had left and taken her elsewhere? I would have missed out on all those years of love."
"Yes. I guess you would have. And what of your husband? Were you able to ever forgive him?"
Maryann clasped her hands in her lap. "It took some time, but yes. I was. What he'd done was despicable. He'd betrayed me. And yet… I loved him. While I was still struggling with my feelings for him, someone who lived in the house next to us had a terrible tragedy. The father was run over by a horse, which had gotten loose from its master. The horse reared up on hind legs, trying to avoid the master's cruel whip. When the horse got free, it raced away in the other direction. Our neighbor was crossing its path. He was trampled and died right there on the path."
"Oh no!"
"It was terrible. His wife was never the same after that. She took her two small children and went to live with her parents in the next village."
"When you heard of this and thought of your husband…"
Maryann nodded. "I realized life doesn't go on forever. None of us knows how many days the Lord will allow us. That day, I decided to forgive my husband. And do you know, he never once strayed again."
Sasha tilted her head. "And then…"
"And then he and my daughter died years later, both of them too young to leave this earth. I often think what my life would have been like had I not forgiven him and had the chance to spend those years with my beautiful girl."
"You have no regret of your forgiveness?" Sasha swallowed, anxious to hear Maryann's reply.
"None."
Sasha sighed. "Thank you for telling me, Maryann."
Maryann glanced down. "I hope I haven't overstepped."
"No. Never. We're family, you and I." Sasha closed her eyes, her stomach roiling again.
"Are you feeling poorly still?"
She nodded.
Maryann stood. "Let's get you under the covers and perhaps you can rest." She paused, staring down at Sasha. "I wonder if—?"
Sasha scooted down on the bed and pulled the covers around her shoulders "What?"
"It might be possible you are… with child." She raised her eyebrows as she said the last word.
Sasha gasped. The thought hadn't entered her mind, at least not since the time she'd spent in the garden with Douglas. But that had been before the betrayal. When everything had seemed… perfect… Could it be true? Her? A child? Sudden warmth entered her body and heart. She couldn't wait to tell Garrett… Wait. Shamed now by her treatment of him, she rolled on her side. As the click of the bedroom door signaled Maryann's departure, Sasha cried into her pillow.
****
Garrett reached the top of the stairs. A person stepped out of Sasha's room, back turned. A man? What was going on? Fists clenched, Garrett stormed down the hall. Anger pulsed about his head and neck. How dare some man—
The man in question turned. Garrett's rage changed to worry.
"Dr. Fremont? What are you doing in my wife's room? Is she ill?" Oh no. Now the other man would know the newlyweds weren't on good terms at present. Because wouldn't a husband normally know about his own wife's health? Of course. If the couple were on good terms. Unclenching his fists and crossing his arms, he waited.
"Your grace." Dr. Fremont eyed the closed door and then Garrett again. "I've come at your wife's request."
Garrett pointed at the door as he tapped his foot. "I can see that for myself, since you're coming out of her room."
The doctor grasped his medical case tightly in both hands, his knuckles white. Was he frightened of something? Was the news about Sasha so negative? "I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say anything more, your grace."
"What do you mean? She's my wife." How dare he speak to me in such a fashion!
The doctor's face reddened. "Pardon, your grace, but her grace explicitly instructed me not to tell you of—"
"Of what? What's going on?" Garrett's heart pounded in his ears. His fingers itched to grab the man's coat front.
"You're putting me in an extremely delicate position, your grace ."
"That's correct. You address me as 'your grace,' yet you refuse to tell me what's happening in my own home! And I don't care what kind of position I'm putting you in."
Dr. Fremont stepped closer, lowering his voice. His hands, still clutching the medical bag, now trembled. "Please understand, it's my patient's wish you not be told at this time."
Garrett was afraid he might lose his mind. What was going on with his wife? Was she ill? Dying? He had a right to know! He stepped closer to the doctor until they were toe to toe, his true wish being to tear the other man limb from limb. He took a deep breath, trying to control his erratic breathing. "Dr. Fremont, I'm asking nicely. And believe me, acting in just such a manner is a stranger to a duke. Now for the last time, why are you here to visit my wife?"
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