by Kol Anderson
Jake stepped into the apartment and looked around. “You must be loaded.”
It made me laugh. “Loaded?”
“Yeah, you know. Rich.”
“I know what loaded means, Jake.”
“Oh, I thought maybe…”
“Come through here,” I led him to the rooms. I opened the first one next to my bedroom, and hoped the housekeeper had done her job. Thankfully, for once she managed to get the room in some semblance of order. Jake went straight to the bed and sat on it. “There’s enough space for us both,” he said. I had a clear view of his chest, the rises and falls of the bone structure underneath his sternum and the navel with a belly button that invited me to think of fantasies I had long since forgotten.
“Goodnight, Jake.” I closed the door and took a deep breath. Fuck. It was going to take a lot of self-control to not say yes to that.
You saved me.
There was something heartbreaking about those words, and about the forlorn look in his eyes. No wonder he thought that, considering his own father was used to hitting him.
I vowed to find out more when he woke up.
Why he didn’t want to go home.
No one ever saves me.
JAKE
I had to get out of Trey’s apartment. There’s wishful thinking and then there’s pure unrealistic expectation from some guy you’ve barely met to get you out of the hell that you were born in.
My hell is my own.
Only reason I didn’t come home last night was because Colton was sleeping the night at a friend’s house and I wasn’t worried about my father selling off my fifteen year old brother to some pervert for Jack and Coke.
Which is why I completely lost my shit when I came home to find my father and Colton in the living room with strange men.
“Oh hey,” Dad said gleefully. “My older son is here! Come here Jakey I want you to meet some friends.”
Friends. Yeah right. The only friends my father had were the ones that bought his son’s blowjobs. “Why aren’t you in your room, Colton?” I spoke directly to my brother who was sitting with a weird looking guy of about thirty, who wore a colorful sweater that made him look like a garden gnome. “You have term papers coming up, don’t you?”
My brother was completely clueless about my father and our lives. I don’t think he’d been exposed to things like I had been. Even his friends were mostly nerds which was one of the reasons I felt like I didn’t need to worry. Yet.
“I was studying,” Colton replied. “Dad said I could take a break.”
I couldn’t believe my brother was growing up so fast. Seems only yesterday that we were hiding under the bed from Dad’s beating. Now, he’s talking back to me. Go figure. “Go to your room, Colton.”
But before I could hear his response, my father stood from where he was sitting and came up to me.
“Where were you last night, Jake?” Dad asked when I said nothing to his guests. “And whose clothes are you wearing?”
I had grabbed Trey’s shirt when I left his place today, and that’s what I was wearing. I didn’t think he would notice. Should have known my father has an eye for detail. Especially when those details are important for whatever it is he needs. “What’s Colton doing here?” I asked.
“Meeting my friends, Jake. What else would he be doing?”
“What’s the matter, Dad?” I couldn’t keep it bottled up any longer. “Nineteen too old for you, that you had to bring a fifteen year old kid in here?”
At this, Dad hit me. His fist landed square on my jaw, and I felt dizzy for a second.
Colton saw this and ran up to his room without a word. I heard him locking it. My father looked pissed. “You better behave, Jake. Or I’ll pound some sense into you. Don’t go crying around to your faggot friends then! The kind that don’t let you come home all night and let you wear their shirts!”
I wiped the blood off my mouth. “Don’t worry, Dad. Nothing happened. Your investment is safe.”
I could see my father gearing up for another hit, but for some reason he didn’t do it. Maybe he was saving up for later. “Leave,” he said simply.
I was happy to oblige.
Upstairs, I knocked on Colton’s door a million times before he actually let me in.
Even his room had changed. Where was I when this happened?
“Hey,” I said, closing the door behind me.
Colton said nothing.
I sat on his bed and he stayed where he was, leaning against the desk.
“Are you angry at me?” I wanted to know.
“What do you think, Jake?”
“Please tell me why.”
He rolled his eyes. “Forget it.”
“Colton?”
He glared at a poster of Scarlett Johannsson in a Black Widow costume. “You think I’m still a stupid kid!” he said. “I might have been, a billion centuries ago, but I’m fifteen now!”
“Noted.”
“Don’t make fun of me.”
“I’m not.”
He paused and I saw the emotional turmoil going on inside him. He was struggling with something. “Colton, what is it? You can talk to me.”
“Really? Because for the past few years all you’ve done is lie! You’re so much like Dad sometimes.”
Anger raged inside me at the idea of being compared to a sleazy man like my father. “Hey, I’m nothing like Dad! You don’t have a clue what you’re even talking about.”
“Jake that’s not what I meant.”
I wanted to say something but I couldn’t. I just wanted to leave this room. I wanted to leave this fucking world.
“Jake?”
“I’m okay.”
“See that’s exactly what I’m talking about. You’re not okay! You haven’t been for a while, Jake. But whatever it is you’re going through, you pretend like it doesn’t exist.”
“What do you want from me?”
This time Colton came toward me and sat next to me on the bed. “I’m not stupid.”
“I know that.”
“I know Dad makes you do stuff…”
This time I almost jumped up and rushed to the window because I felt like I was running out of oxygen. I wanted Colton to stop talking, but instead he kept going. “Jake you don’t have to hide. Whatever it is we can deal with it together. Dad, finances, the rest of it. You’re not alone, Jake. I’m right here.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I finally managed to speak.
Colton stood and walked over to me. He gingerly placed a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
I turned to face him. “What were you doing down there with those people?” He was hiding something. I knew that much. “You said no lies, Colton!”
He still wouldn’t look at me. “I was just trying to help…”
If I had a weapon in my hand I would have shot my father first and then every single one of his friends. Instead, I smashed my fist into the wall hard enough for my knuckles to bleed.
Colton stood there, not saying a word.
“Colton, please listen. Please. The only reason I let Dad do this to me is so he won’t touch you! We have an arrangement.”
“I don’t need your help! Stop being a fucking martyr! I don’t need you to save me, Jake.”
I cupped my brother’s face with one hand. “Yes, I do.”
At this, Colton put his arms around me. I could feel the dampness of his tears on the shirt I was wearing. I hugged him right back. “You’re my baby brother,” I said. “I’d jump through fire for you. Giving a few perverts what they want, is nothing. Besides, I have a plan. This is temporary. Just until you turn eighteen.”
“Promise?”
“I promise. Now stop crying or I’ll tell every single chick on your Facebook that you cry like a girl.”
He pushed me jokingly. “You cry like a girl!”
We were both laughing when the door opened and Dad walked in. “Jake, we need to talk.”
Colton spoke up before I could reply. “Dad, don’t be mad at him, he was just trying to protect me…”
“Who the fuck told you to open your mouth, Colton?” Dad cursed. “I swear to God I’m living with a bunch of whiny ass bitches.”
Colton stood there staring at me and I tried to make light of it by giving him a goofy smile. He didn’t go so far as to smile back but he did stop arguing with my father.
I knew as we ran down the stairs, that I would have to figure some stuff out, make sure that I actually delivered on the promise I made to my brother.
Downstairs, those men were still sitting and discussing everyday stuff. The weather, the super bowl, the downfall of the media. Dad pretty much pushed me to talk. One of those men handed me a drink and placed a hand on my thigh. I looked at his ridiculous long hair and downed that drink like it was water.
JAKE
Someone ripped the duct tape off my mouth. It hurt like a mother and it was still too dark to see much besides silhouettes. “What do you want?”
In my mind, I had been running all kinds of scenarios. I remembered sneaking out of Trey’s apartment, I remembered reaching home and finding my Dad in the living room with some new faces. I don’t remember much else. Just that I woke up in the dark, with no one around and ages could have gone by and I wouldn’t know because there was no way to know how much time had passed.
My hands still tied behind my back, they pushed me outside, whatever that cramped space was, and that’s when I learned it was a basement. The man who had a grip on my arm, forced me to walk straight but I was having trouble concentrating. He was tall and had tattoos all over like a second skin, massive forearms and a chest that was wide enough to bury someone in. In any other circumstances, I would have been attracted to him but this wasn’t any other circumstance, this was a nightmare. I hoped it was a joke someone was playing on me, nothing but a prank.
The man pushed me to the floor, so I went on my knees in front of this other guy whose face I couldn’t see. There was something familiar about the feet but I couldn’t put my finger on it thanks to my foggy mental state. But then, I made the mistake of looking up. My heart jumped to my throat when I saw who it was that I was kneeling for and most of the fog cleared. “Dad?”
I didn’t understand but I had a feeling some serious stuff was about to be thrown my way. The man that I was forced to call Dad, grimaced. “Get up.”
I couldn’t do it owing to the shock, so he lodged a fist in my hair and pulled me up and I stood because I didn’t want him ripping out my scalp. “It’s time, Jakey.”
I wish I didn’t know what he meant. I wish I didn’t know but I did and it was a frightening thought. Whatever discussions we might have had prior to this, there was no way I was letting this happen. “Dad, no!”
He grabbed my hair and pushed me against the wall. His weight was on me, threatening to squash my ribs and his hand pushed my head into the wall hard enough for it to hurt. “Dad!”
“We talked about this, Jakey. You know what I’m going to do if you don’t do as I say. You know, don’t you? Or do you need a gentle reminder? I could call home, Jakey, is that what you want?”
“No!” I wept. “Please.”
“That’s what I thought. Now, these upstanding gentlemen have paid a good amount for my virgin son, and I expect them to be serviced as they deem fit. Understand?”
I nodded my head just so he would stop pushing me against that wall but he wouldn’t let go. “Remember Jake. Remember what’s at stake here, and don’t disappoint me.”
“Please don’t do this, Dad…”
He took his weight off me. “Don’t be a fucking pussy,” he growled and said his goodbyes to the two men and no matter how much I wanted him to stop, and not leave me there, he still left.
The man who had brought me here, locked the door. He pushed me toward the other guy, Stoll. They were both older, I wasn’t sure how old but they had to have been in their late forties. The younger one was called Mace and Stoll was older than him by a few years. They were both heavily built, though Mace happened to be more muscular.
Stoll didn’t have tattoos.
But the minute I saw him, I felt a shiver up my spine. There was something cold about that guy, about the way his cruel eyes took things in. Mace was no less scary, but at least his eyes weren’t so fierce. At first, I was relying on their kindness, now that my father had left me here with them. I heard the ultimatum in Dad’s tone, he was serious about the threat. He wanted this to go well, so I told myself I would give it my best shot. But I had this strange feeling that whatever was about to happen next, would be a lot more messed up than anything that had happened so far, including all the weird dicks my father-slash-pimp lined up for me to get his booze money and to keep a roof over our head.
“Take off your shoes,” Stoll commanded, so I stood there and did it because I could sense the anger lying deep down in his words.
“Go lie on the bed facedown.”
I sauntered up to the bed and kneeled on the mattress, lay down on the pillow. The bed was warm and comfortable but it did nothing to ease me. My restless brain became agitated when I felt the two of them spreading my legs apart. They were both moving their fingers over my feet, and it tickled in some places. I was freaking out when they started restraining my legs to the bed with thick black ankle cuffs.
“Relax,” Mace said.
Yeah right like that was a possibility.
Stoll was still holding my left leg and he was now running a firm hand over my calves, under my jeans. I was still getting used to that when Stoll straddled my back and that’s when my freak out reached epic proportions. I tried to resist but between the two of them, they forced my shoulders down and restrained me with wrist cuffs that dug into my skin. Stoll had one leg on my back while he bound my right arm. He grabbed my hair and pulled my head toward him. “How does it feel, huh?” he grunted. “To be completely helpless, Jake?”
I felt Stoll’s hand caressing my butt, and Mace raised my shirt and ran his hands over my bare back. “Come on, let’s see what the boss-man paid all that money for,” he snickered and Mace laughed. “We’ve been given instructions to do a few more things to him before the night is over,” Mace chortled and they both lowered the jeans from my waist, and I felt their cold, rough hands on my ass and this time the fear was real and tangible.
“Please stop!”
“We haven’t done anything yet,” Stoll laughed and Mace joined in. “But we’re about to!” One of them thwacked my butt. “Looks like Daddy dearest beat us to it,” Stoll said as a joke but it wasn’t funny. “See these marks? He must have really pissed off the old man.”
Mace ran a hand over the marks. “Well then at least he will have had practice for what we’re about to do,” he said, and slapped me hard. “Let’s see if we can do better.”
They were moving away and at first I didn’t get it but then I heard that familiar sound, the soft friction of a metal belt buckle getting ready to cause damage. But no amount of preparing myself meant anything when that leather landed on my skin. One strike and then another, followed by a third that fell harder than before. I tried to get through the pain like I did with my Dad and it helped until that thing landed on me two consecutive times, quick and hard and painful. I tried not to scream but the tears came and I couldn’t stop them. Stoll hit me with that thing a few more times, and the pain just got worse when he kept going without holding himself back. No matter how many mind games I played in my head, the pain came on top. My back and lower back was burning, and when he still didn’t give up I was screaming and sobbing in pain, willing to do anything to make it stop.
Stoll did slow down then.
He came and ran a hand over my back, especially on the exact places where he had whipped me just now. I felt all the anger inside, rage that wouldn’t quit. I wanted to break free from these restraints and break the hands that did this to me. “Your turn, Mace.”
I would kill them, yes it w
as obvious. The minute I was free, I would break their faces and use that same belt to whip them bloody and no one would stop me because I would not be this person that I am right now, I would be someone else. Because everyone knows there’s a limit for everyone, the limit until which they stay victims. A limit after which people go apeshit on their abusers and end up doing worse than anyone imagines. That’s the nature of the dark. And I felt it assimilating inside me, the dark I had felt growing ever since the first time my father raised a hand on me and the first time he beat the shit out of me in grade school.
I would never forgive him and I would never forgive these two. I felt Mace lashing me, starting with the back and the pain made me foggy and gave me blurry vision. I couldn’t think straight and the anger turned into anxiety and terror.
Just when it seemed like they would never stop, they did.
I heard them dropping the belt on the floor, and I felt like I could breathe again. But it wasn’t over, it couldn’t be. They didn’t pay all that money to whip me. Had they? Whatever was supposed to happen next, I just wanted it to be over. So, I could go back home and start the process of healing, that was all I wanted.
“Let’s call it a night,” Mace said. “We can resume tomorrow.”
Fuck.
Please tell me that wasn’t true, there wasn’t a tomorrow.
Please.
They were gone.
I was all alone.
That’s not news but I couldn’t pick myself up and get on with my life this time, it wasn’t like all the other times my father had offered me to people. There was something not right about this whole thing. And then I remembered something that I had ignored before, words spoken that hadn’t made any sense back then but now I knew what it meant. “Come on, let’s see what the boss-man paid all that money for.” “We’ve been given instructions to do a few more things to him before the night is over.”
What did Dad get me into?
The pain made it impossible to sleep. My arms were cramping, begging to be freed. Through it all, I had one hope. One remaining fantasy—Trey. I was aware I couldn’t have been the only guy he ever took home, but in the short while that I got to know him, I had started to like him. Hell, I even liked my life just a little before this happened. I dreamed about him coming for my rescue but each one turned into a nightmare, where a monster disguised as Trey was coming for me. That and my father’s voice: It’s time, Jakey.
