by Kol Anderson
“Weld…”
“SHUT UP, JAKE!!!”
No words would come from my throat after that. Weldon let go of my hair and I watched him going over to the rack with all those torture implements and he picked up something that looked like a walking stick but smaller and thinner, a mixture of a cane and a baton with a bulge on top, in the shape of a tiny cube with smooth, circular curves.
I saw the look in his eyes. It wasn’t just anger, it was more than that. This was his way of taking back the control I’d taken away.
He walked up to me and placed the narrow end of the stick on my waist. “I’ve been saving this,” he said, running that thing over my crotch and then my thighs. “I got it made special. I asked the designer to make something that hurts in a way nothing else does. And though it can be argued that pretty much every weapon has its particular sting, we all know that one thing that hurts worse than anything we’ve ever experienced. Let me give you an example. There’s a bunch of toys and weapons that use electricity to cause pain in varying degrees, but everyone knows there’s nothing worse than a Taser.” He ran the stick over my chest. “Which you also happened to experience today. So, what I mean to say, Jake, is that this thing is the Taser of sticks. Do you understand what that means?”
It means I’m getting beat up by a stick you sick fuck, but I didn’t dare say it. Weldon stood behind me, placed his heavy hand on my shoulder, and leaned in. “I think it’s time to go deeper into the rabbit hole, Jake.”
TREY
The room I stepped in was tiny, cold, and decidedly worse than the one they were keeping him in before. There was a bare lightbulb in the middle that threw light on Colton in a way that made him look unhappy. I’d seen that look before, in his brother’s eyes the first time I saw him. It was what drew me to him come to think of it. I mean, I know it was more than just the look in those eyes but it was a big part of Jake’s appeal. I know most people wouldn’t agree but most people didn’t know that I happened to garner an odd nurturing instinct that I couldn’t quite understand but I knew that with Jake that instinct became stronger. Even now, he was the only thing I could think about.
"I see you got promoted," I said as a way to break the ice, but it seemed to have the opposite effect on Colton because he looked terrified of me. His eyes searched me for information as I sat on the bench that doubled as a bed, for any clues about what was going on. I couldn't imagine anyone living in such a constant state of unrest. "It's okay, you don't have to be afraid of me."
He glanced at the vial in my hand. I felt like an idiot. "You must think there's not much difference between them and me," I said. "But there is. You'll have to take my word for it."
He protectively raised his arms over his chest when I brought out the syringe. His arms were thin, his shoulders weak adding to his fragility. He looked away when I started to fill it with the serum, and refused to look me in the eye. He wouldn't be the first one. I refused to look myself in the eye most days. "Heard about what happened with your brother," I said, trying not to sound too interested.
“You suck at small talk.”
“Okay then,” I said. “What would you rather talk about?”
"They took him," he blurted out. "I don't even know where he is."
"I'm sure he's fine."
Yes, because the last time someone tried to escape went so well! How could Jake be so stupid, I didn't understand. How could he fuck up so massively in one night?
"Will I see him again?"
"Sure." Well, it didn't distress me that I lied so easily. I lied for a living. What distressed me was that I was so good at it, as Colton seemed to believe me when his shoulders sagged and he dropped his hands to his side.
"When?"
"I'm not sure. I told you you're going to see him again, can't that be enough for now?"
"How can you be so certain?"
I paused and thought briefly about what I was going to say next. "What I'll tell you is this. Watch what you say in here. This is free advice that'll stand you in good stead."
"Why should I do anything these people want?"
It didn't escape me that he didn't bundle me in with the rest of whoever he thought was against him. Subconsciously, he had started to treat me as an ally. Which made what I was going to do next strangely problematic. "Because you want to be alive long enough to see your brother again." My words sobered him up. Colton's eyes grew wider as the prospect of dying in this dingy cell dawned on him. I approached him slowly, emptying the vial into a syringe.
"Don’t I have the right to know what you've been injecting into my body?"
"Look around you, Colton. No one in this place has rights. Except for maybe Weldon. Think of this as a new reality. The rules of the outside world don’t apply."
He remained defensive and the tension had come back in his shoulders.
"You deserve to not be here right now,” I said. “Neither does Jake. But because of some bad genetic luck or a cosmic joke you got the father you did and here we are."
"My father. He's here? He had something to do in this, didn't he? He's the one behind all of this!"
"Calm down."
“I can’t calm down!”
He was getting agitated and I had to restrain him. I was aware of the security cameras pointing at us, I knew every single word was being recorded.
"Get away from me!" Colton struggled to get free of my grasp but he was fragile and I was a lot stronger than him. It was never an even fight and he had to have known. “You’re no different from these people! You’re one of them!”
I surveyed the frantic boy and grabbed his arm in a firm grip. "I'm the only other person here aside from Jake who could possibly give damn about whether you live or not."
"By hooking me onto some shit I don't even know what it is?"
"You're not hooked yet. You will be, though."
The fight left Colton and he sat down on the tiny bench.
"Arm," I said and waited.
Colton rolled up his sleeve slowly, resignation setting a thin line in his mouth.
"One day you'll be begging me to give this to you."
He lifted his brows.
"But I won't be able to. Until you've earned it."
"Earned it?"
"Earn your fix, Colton."
"How would I 'earn my fix'? Why would I want to?"
"You'll see," was all I said. "But I won't be the one deciding if you get the injection or not. Or where you get it."
The fear in Colton’s eyes was back. Gone was the tiny bit of relief at having me as a friend. Now that I had become the exact opposite. I sank the needle into the healthy vein that protruded up his arm. One week from now and I'll have to spend an hour searching for a vein.
I made my voice lower this time before I spoke. "They'll make you work for this,” I said, audibly but still in a voice that was several decibels below what Colton was used to. It created the effect I wanted. There was confusion on Colton’s face but there was also a panic-stricken anxiousness as the syringe emptied the serum into his veins.
He started to breathe harder. “And when you do earn it, they'll inject it wherever they want to.” I placed my hand on his thigh and he flinched but stayed where he was and didn’t try to fight me. “Into your balls, if you're lucky,” I raised my hand a bit higher, and he still did nothing to stop it but there were tears in his eyes. I leaned in until my face was right next to his and his mouth was aligned with my own but I didn’t go so far as to kiss him. Instead, I brought my lips next to his ear. “I hear it's quite a rush. Other times, they'll inject it into your scrotum and let it run up your dick. The point is you'll be begging them for a drop by then."
I realized he was trembling. I lifted my hand off his thigh and tossed the empty syringe aside. Colton sank down against the clammy wall as the drug spread up his arm and to his heart, slowing him down.
I watched him, the slow rise and fall of his chest and the slackness of the muscles in his body that were getting slacke
r as the drug reached various parts of him and finally the brain.
He closed his eyes.
At least he wouldn’t have nightmares.
I turned away from him, hating myself more than I've even hated Weldon in all our time together.
JAKE
My body was numb from shock.
Minutes felt like hours and hours felt like days. The lingering doubts in my mind about Weldon killing me from this beating kept making things worse but there came a time when I was beyond worrying about dying.
It felt like transcendence. Only there was nothing remotely spiritual or divine about this experience. No. This felt more like something right out of the depths of hell. At first there was pain but then the pain became something completely different.
Whack. Whack. Whack.
I could no longer feel the sharp stings of the stick, not even when Weldon used the wider end to cause more pain. I could feel my skin swelling up and pulsating every place he had hit. He started with my upper body, the shoulders, and the sting was unlike anything I’d experienced. I couldn’t explain what it felt like exactly but I felt every hit not just on my body but also on my chest.
I don’t think I was in my senses because I ended up drooling all over the floor and most of it was blood. Every time I was about to lower my head from exhaustion, Weldon would pull my head back up and begin again.
It would stop when he wanted it to stop.
It would end when he wanted it to end.
And even though it was my body I was not in control of it.
It was past the point of begging and groveling, past the point of appealing to his humanity—you couldn’t appeal to something that wasn’t there.
All I could do was wait. I had no concept of time but it seemed to have been going on for hours. It wouldn’t end. It wouldn’t fucking end.
And then, he stopped. Or time did. Or the world. Or me. I wasn’t sure which because I was so completely disoriented. All I knew was that I couldn’t hear that awful thud of the stick connecting with my body. I still couldn’t feel a thing and I don’t really think I was awake. But I wasn’t asleep either, I was just somewhere in between with the clouds… yes there were clouds.
Slowly, I felt myself coming to and the first thing I noticed was the disgusting wetness around my crotch. I didn’t know when that happened. And I started to cry because I was embarrassed. They saw me doing this, it wasn’t just Weldon. I couldn’t face them, especially Mace. I couldn’t bear to look at them even though none of this was my fault.
I wanted someone to come and hold me but I knew I was disgusting and I didn’t deserve to be that close to someone.
But even though I was disgusting, someone pulled me up from the chair. I noticed that I was no longer in chains. That person carried me to the room, the one I shared with Weldon and it was the last place I wanted to be in but I had no choice. He helped take off my soiled clothes and took me to the bathroom. He helped me get under a shower and washed me up and everything hurt endlessly. Halfway through the shower I realized that person was Mace. And for some reason, he wasn’t hating me. He wasn’t laughing or making fun of me. He just stood there trying to help. I realized how strong he was when he lifted me up and carried me to the bed. He was staring at me and the look in his eyes, I’d never seen it before. I’d never thought he could look at anyone like that. “I know it seems like the worst thing that could have happened,” he said. “It looks bleak and you want to find a way to escape from all this, but the world outside doesn’t exist for you. Weldon made sure of that when he brought you here. I know things are bad right now but stop making them worse.”
I felt exhausted and like I could sleep for a million years.
“You’d be surprised what people can get used to, Jake.”
JAKE
There was someone there in the room with me.
I saw their vague silhouette, on the bed next to me but I couldn't make out his face. The pain hit me, and it was unbearable.
"Jake?" this time he spoke to me.
The haze cleared a little and I finally saw his face. Seeing him must have brought back some stuff. Good stuff. The only good stuff I'd had for a long time and without thinking I pulled him to me. I just wanted to feel him close. It was awkward and it hurt when he hugged me back but I didn't care.
"Jake..."
"I'm stupid, Trey. I couldn't save him."
"Shhhh. No need to think about all this right now. It will be okay. Everything will be okay. I'm right here."
I felt awful clinging to him but I couldn't stop. He finally broke away and stared into my eyes. Only, I couldn't bear to look at him. "What's wrong, Jake?"
"I don't deserve you."
"No, don't say that. This isn't your fault." He tried to hug me again and I cried out in pain. It happened before I could keep myself from screaming. He pulled away. "Let me see."
"It's nothing, I'll be fine..."
"I'm not going anywhere until you show me," he said and reached for the buttons of my shirt but I stopped him. He looked confused. "Jake?"
"I can't," my voice trembled. I can't let you see me. "It's ugly." I'm ugly.
"Take it off."
I started to take my shirt off but I felt embarrassed that he would know this about me. Those weren't wounds on my body they were stories. They were images of Weldon treating me like I wasn't a person but something inferior. Less than human. Not worthy of love or attention. Not worthy of hope.
Even the simple task of taking off my shirt became impossible because the shirt kept sticking to the open wounds. Trey helped peel that thing off but that just made the pain a lot worse. I was afraid of him touching me, afraid of any more pain.
He was being careful, but it still hurt and I broke down when he tried to touch a particularly painful wound on my back. Trey stopped and held me again, more cautiously this time. "I'm sorry," he said, and it was stupid right, this wasn't his fault. He gently pulled away from me and stood. "I'll go see what he has in the medicine cabinet," he said, walking toward the bathroom.
"Does he know you're here?" I asked.
"No. Mace called me. I was a little surprised to be honest." As was I. But I didn't talk about Mace or how he'd tried to be nice to me. I'd been wrong about Weldon. I might be wrong about what I thought Mace was feeling. It wasn't love or anything like that. It was concern. But who knows what these people, who've always been Weldon’s slaves, feel.
Trey came back with a first aid box and a bottle of pills. He got me a glass of water and two of those pills. "They'll help with the pain," he said. "I'll bring down some antibiotics later."
He grabbed the box and started cleaning the wounds. The pain pills hadn't started working and I thought I was going to pass out. He was working with quiet concentration.
"Trey?"
"Yeah?"
"I like it when you're around."
"Jake..."
"I never fell for Weldon. I just pretended I did."
He said nothing. So, I kept going. "I wanted you that night. I wanted it to be you."
Why was I telling him all this?
"I mean, I know it doesn't change anything..."
"You wanted me to be your first?"
I nodded. He stared at me, not disbelief but curiosity. "When you didn't want to sleep with me,” I explained. “I was a little disappointed. I was hoping I'd run into you again. But I went home, and... and everything changed."
For a moment, he continued to stare but then he grabbed my face and started kissing me. "You know how long I've been waiting to do that?"
"Trey, if he finds out..."
"I don't care!"
He'd raised his voice and it launched me into panic mode, because I kept hearing Weldon yelling inside my head. Trey saw this and tried to calm me down. "I'm sorry. Jake?"
I felt dizzy and like I was suffocating. Trey kissed me again without warning and the panic started to leave my body. The more we kissed the more I wanted him. But eventually we had to s
top.
I grabbed on to his shirt. "You need to leave."
“I’m not going anywhere.”
I was suddenly terrified. For me and for him. Just the thought of Weldon walking in on us… my head felt like it was about to explode.
“Jake?”
“You have to leave...”
I could hear the grating sound of the stick connecting with my body, whack, whack, whack…
I wanted it to stop but it wouldn’t.
It would stop when he wanted it to stop.
It would end when he wanted it to end.
My body was trembling again. Shaking uncontrollably and I heard all these strange noises, sounds of an angry ocean and rustling leaves…
It would stop when he wanted it to stop.
It would end when he wanted it to end.
JAKE
I must have passed out.
Because I woke up when I felt someone in bed with me, and I felt his hand on my crotch. It was pretty much the only place in my body that didn’t hurt. It was dark and the light from one bedside lamp fell on the bed, making things only semi visible. It took me a while to come to my senses but when I did I found Weldon trying to get on top. He kept trying to kiss me and when I didn’t, he did it forcefully. His hand was on my crotch, grinding against my cock. His shirt was unbuttoned, I could feel his chest against me and he kept trying to make me feel something but I felt nothing. I just wanted him to stop but he was drunk, I could smell the alcohol on his breath. If he didn’t listen to reason without alcohol, I had no need to even think about what he was with a few drinks in him. I wanted to push him away, every time he tried to touch me or kiss me but I couldn’t do it. Everywhere he touched my body was breaking out in pain. Even the pills hadn’t been able to help for long. I heard his belt loosening, and it scared me. He was stroking himself.
It got worse when he forced me to turn over and got on top, and I felt his weight on my back, making everything hurt worse and he didn’t stop when I started to cry. He just forced himself into me, and that hurt too, and he didn’t care that I was tired of the pain…
