“Oh, Ryan,” she breathes, as the sand becomes visible, and down the dune hill, the ocean is in full view.
“This is so beautiful. I don’t think that I have ever seen anything more beautiful.”
I stare at her as my heart expands in my chest.
“I feel the exact same way, baby. I’ve never seen a more beautiful view than the one that I’m looking at right now.”
She blushes again, leaning her head against me and staring off into the distance.
“You’re such a charmer, but I appreciate yet again, another compliment.”
“I mean it, Isabelle. You are the most beautiful view that I have ever seen. It’s a view that I want to be able to see for the rest of my life.”
Her breath catches, as her eyes snap towards mine.
“I was thinking that the house could go right here.”
I tug her towards a large, flat area, where the forest meets the sand.
“Wait, what?”
“The house,” I repeat, before grabbing both of her hands and turning her body towards me.
“I’m sorry,” she starts, before staring up at me with wide eyes. “I don’t think that I’m following.”
“I bought this land today.” I shrug. “I’ve been looking for a while, but nothing ever seemed right. I guess it’s because I didn’t really know what I wanted. The last few months have made it easy to decide.”
She doesn’t say anything.
She simply stares at me in confusion.
“You’ve made everything pretty damn clear to me. Meeting you has given me an entire new outlook on life, baby. Before I met you, I was lost. But I don’t feel like that anymore.”
“Ryan.” She reaches up and touches my face with her hand.
I lean into it, letting my eyes close at the sensation of her skin against mine.
“I always figured that I would end up moving back to Indiana at some point in my life, but then, Isaac happened, and I knew that I was stuck here. But, then I met you, and I no longer feel like having to stay here is being stuck. I want to be here, because here is where you are. I know that your family means everything to you, and I would never try to pull you away from them. This would be the perfect spot for us to start our life together. Right here, in our imaginary house.”
I kiss her hand before taking a step back and tugging her up the hill.
“I figured that this could be the wall of the house. All of the bedrooms could face this direction, giving us the ocean view.”
“We’ll need an awful lot of bedrooms, but we’ve got tons of land here to build your dream house.”
“My dream house?”
“Well, yeah, of course. This only works if it’s what you want too. Would you want to live here?”
She blinks, before shaking her head.
“I’m so sorry, Ryan. I’m still struggling to process all of this.”
I chuckle before turning back to face her.
“I’m sorry. I know that this is a lot to take in. I just, I had to bring you here. I had to show you my vision for the future, because we haven’t really talked much about it, and I know that you’ve been wondering where I stand on us.”
“That’s true, I have wondered that.”
“Isabelle, like I said, before I met you, I was totally lost. Audra burned me so badly that I never planned on falling in love again. I never wanted to fall in love again, because I was so scared of the same thing happening all over again.”
Her mouth drops open as she stares at me.
“But then you came into my life, and you pulled the rug right out from under me. I’ve been trying to fight the way that I feel about you, but there’s no use. I’m in love with you, Isabelle. The way that I feel about you makes any feelings that I had in the past seem like they couldn’t have been love at all. I can’t imagine any future for myself without you in it. I love you. I want to love you forever, and I want us to build a future right here, on this land. I want to build you whatever kind of house you want and fill it with babies. I want to go to sleep every night next to you and wake up to your beautiful face in the morning. I want to spend all of my time inside of you, creating lives with you. My only goal in life is to keep you barefoot and pregnant, right here, right where we’re standing. I know that you said that you don’t want kids, but I just can’t envision you not being a mother. You are so good with kids, baby. We would make such great parents together. Isaac needs you in his life as a permanent fixture, just as badly as I need you in mine. I don’t know how else to say this, Isabelle, and I’m sure I probably sound like a crazy man, but that’s the way that you make me feel. I’m crazy in love with you, and I need you to know that.”
She blinks, and then, her face falls.
It was not the reaction that I had imagined in my mind.
“Ryan, wow.”
That’s all that she says, before shaking her head and pulling her hands out of mine.
“I know, I know. It’s really soon to be saying all of this. It’s just, I need you to know where I stand on us, and how I feel. Isabelle, I’d marry you tomorrow if you’d have me, and I’d get to work right away at putting a baby inside of you.”
I can’t even contain my smile as I move towards her.
“I, oh my god.”
“I mean, I get it if you want to wait a while on kids I’m not trying to freak you out or anything, I just wanted you to know…”
“I don’t think that we should see each other anymore,” she finally blurts out, before wrapping her arms around herself.
Her words couldn’t have stopped me in my tracks any faster than if she had dumped a bucket of ice water over my head.
“What?”
“I don’t think that we should continue doing this.” She swallows hard as her voice shakes. “I’m not in love with you, Ryan. I don’t feel the same way about the future as you do.”
“Are you fucking with me?” Her words are like a punch to the gut. I would have never let myself fall for her the way that I have unless I thought that she felt the same way.
“I’m serious. This all has gotten out of hand. I was just looking for a…” She bites her lip before squeezing her eyes shut. “A summer fling. I wasn’t planning a future with you, Ryan. I just wanted to hook up.”
I can’t even believe my ears. My mind seems unable to process the fact that I brought her here today to profess my love for her, and she’s telling me that she has no feelings for me, whatsoever.
“You just fucking used me?” I growl, before taking a step back from her. “Are you fucking serious right now, Isabelle?”
“Yes,” she murmurs as her face turns to stone.
“You don’t mean anything to me, Ryan. I’m so sorry that I led you on.”
Well that makes two of us.
“You wanna talk about why you’re sitting here, all alone and drowning your sorrows in a bottle of tequila?” Eric asks me, as he makes himself comfortable on my back deck.
“Nope,” I mutter, before slamming another shot.
“Huh. Alright. Let me get to guessing, then. Is Audra back in town?”
I shake my head.
“Alright. Everything ok with Isaac?”
I nod.
“Perfect. That leaves one person then. How’s Isabelle?”
Just hearing her name slices me.
I can’t believe that I was such a fool. I also can’t believe that I poured my heart out to the woman, only to have her crush me like a bug.
“How in the fuck would I know?”
Eric just nods.
“Alright, so, I’ve found the cause of the tequila binge. What happened with her? I thought that things were going good between you guys.”
“That makes two of us,” I mutter, before shaking my head. “Look, Waynsie. I appreciate you stopping by, but I’m not really in the mood for conversation or company. Why are you here, anyways?”
“Aves.” He finally shrugs. “She’s worried about you. She told me that when she dro
pped Isaac off tonight, that you looked like shit. She may have also mentioned that you smelled like a stale brewery. Hence, the unexpected visit. It’s a well check, Jamesy. And now I see that my wife had every reason to be worried.”
I sigh.
I’m grateful for the people in my life, and I’m touched that Avery was worried about me enough to mention it to Eric.
I’m also thankful that Waynsie is a good enough friend to check up on me.
But I’m not ready to talk about what happened with Isabelle.
The wound is just too damn fresh.
“I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“Alright.” Eric shrugs. “But since I already came all of this way, at least share some of that tequila with me.”
I slide the bottle across the table.
“Have at it.”
“You kill this much tonight?” He points to the nearly gone bottle before looking at me with wide eyes.
“Yep.”
All of that tequila, and I still can’t get my mind off of her.
That’s when you know that you’ve got it bad.
“Damn, dude. Well, whatever it is, I’m sure that it will work itself out.”
I snort.
“Doubt it.”
“Jake said that you bought some land on the water. Congrats, man.”
I just shake my head.
“Nothing to congratulate me on. I’m fucking selling it.”
“You’re selling it? Dude. You literally just bought it.”
“Yeah, well, I bought it with a purpose in mind, and now, that ship’s sailed. I don’t need it anymore.”
“Fuck, man. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I’m the dumb ass that fell for another woman that didn’t feel the same way. I should have trusted my gut and avoided her. I set myself up for this. My judgement sucks.”
“Jamesy, if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s cool. But, buddy, I’m lost. I’ve seen the way that Isabelle looks at you. What in the hell happened?”
I raise my arms before letting them flop back to my sides.
“That’s a great fucking question, man. I have no idea what happened. I bought that fucking land, I brought her there, and spilled my fucking heart to her. I laid out the future and told her that I loved her. She doesn’t feel the same.”
Eric blinks, before shaking his head.
“I have a hard time wrapping my head around that. She seemed so into you.”
“Yeah,” I snort. “She had me fooled, too. Turns out I was just a dick that she wanted to take for a spin. Nothing more.”
Eric pours more tequila into my glass.
“I think that you need this.”
“No kidding. I thought that if I drank enough, it would numb it. Hasn’t happened yet.”
“That’s some real shit, right there. If you can’t numb it with a bottle of tequila, then I don’t know what’s going to work.”
“Nothing,” I snort.
“Booze and pussy usually do the trick. Booze isn’t working, and the other doesn’t even appeal to me. She fucking gutted me. I don’t even know what to do to feel better.”
“Give it time.” Eric shrugs, before nodding to my glass. “And take that shot.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Isabelle
“You look like total shit.” Arielle grabs me by my elbow and pulls me into her office.
“You’re going to scare my customers.”
“Gee, thanks, sis,” I grumble, before sinking into one of the chairs across from her desk.
I know that I look like shit, but the sad thing is, that my looks on the outside don’t even hold a candle to the way that I feel on the inside.
The last week has been brutal.
I’ve had my heart broken in the past, so I know that time is the only answer to heal this pain.
But this is far worse than any heartbreak I’ve ever had before.
I actually feel like I’m dying.
Today is the first day that I’ve made it out of bed, and even now, I’m not ready to face the world.
“Maybe you should try to talk to him. Explain yourself, Is. At least let him know why you did what you did.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’m not doing that. It’s better off if he thinks that I don’t love him. It makes all of this easier.”
“Easier for who? For him, or for you?”
“Both.” I shrug. “Arielle, if I told him the truth, there’s a chance that he would be ok with it. But you didn’t see the way that his eyes filled with excitement over having children. Ryan wants a big family, and I can’t give him that.”
“You can give him that. You’re just too damn stubborn to consider your options.”
“I have no options!” I exclaim, before shaking my head hard. “He was describing the way that our children would look. He had already envisioned them. Those children will never happen! I can’t give him that. Could we adopt? Yes, of course. But down the road, I’m not certain that it would be enough for him. He would end up wanting the things that I can’t give him, and I can’t imagine how badly that would hurt me. He’d probably end up leaving me anyways. It’s just better if we cut the cord now.”
“You are such a stubborn ass.” She glares at me. “I’ve already told you, I’m willing to help you.”
“No.” I shake my head. “And listen, can we please stop talking about Ryan? I’m doing my best to move on here.”
“Yeah.” She looks me over with a disgusted stare. “Looks like you’re doing a great job of that.”
“Fuck you.” I’m doing the best that I can.”
“Listen, Issy. You’re my sister, and I love you. If you aren’t going to take my advice, at least go and see the doctor. They can prescribe you some pills to help stabilize your mood. At least short term, so that you can stop looking like a red eyed zombie.”
I do look like a red eyed zombie. I’ve been crying now for six days straight and haven’t even had the motivation to try to cover up my ugliness with make-up.
My will is nonexistent at the moment.
“That’s probably not a bad idea.” I shrug. “Maybe they can at least give me something to sleep at night.”
Something to knock my ass out, so that every time I close my eyes, I don’t envision Ryan’s face.
“I’ll take you. Let me just tell Jess that I’m leaving.”
I can’t even focus on anything, over the clanging inside of my head.
I’m staring at the doctor’s face, and I can see her lips moving.
But my mind is not processing anything that she’s saying.
“Isabelle.” Arielle’s standing at my side.
“Isabelle, hey.” She claps her hands in front of my face, snapping me back to reality.
“I’m sorry.” I finally shake my head. “Can you repeat yourself? Because I’m pretty sure that I’m misunderstanding.”
“I can’t prescribe you any mood stabilizers because you’re pregnant. Your urine test was positive for pregnancy,” she repeats, and my blood literally freezes in my veins.
“That’s impossible.” I shake my head. “I can’t get pregnant. My OB-GYN has already told me that the chances of conceiving were one in a million.”
“Well, looks like you’re one in a million.” She smiles at me over her clipboard. “I’d like to order some blood work to see the numbers of your pregnancy hormones. I can send you with a lab slip today and set you up for an ultrasound. Of course, we’ll have all of the results sent to your OB doctor.”
“The urine test has to be wrong.” I shrug. “I just don’t believe that I’m pregnant.”
“Have you had unprotected sex recently?” The doctor inquires, and I squeeze my eyes shut before nodding.
“Well, then congratulations, Miss Mendez. You have beaten the odds.”
Holy shit.
She pats me on the shoulder and tells me that I can get dressed.
I’m numb as I go through the movements.
“Issy. Wow.” Arielle breathes, as her eyes light up. “It’s a miracle.”
“It’s not a miracle.” I bite my lip, trying to hold back the tears. “It’s awful. I’m not going to be able to carry the baby, and we both know that. I’m going to have another miscarriage.”
“You don’t know that for sure.” Arielle jumps to her feet before wrapping her arms around me and squeezing me tightly.
“You heard the doctor. She said that you had beaten the odds. Maybe this time…”
“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t even feel pregnant. I could feel it with all of the other pregnancies. This one doesn’t feel the same. I’m sure that my body is already beginning to reject the baby.”
I tug on my clothes, and then the nurse comes in. She gives me a sympathetic look, as the tears that I had been holding in escape my eyes.
“Pregnancy can be very unexpected,” she tells me, before reaching out and squeezing my arm. “But it can also be one of life’s greatest blessings.”
I swallow down a sob.
She hands me my paperwork, complete with a lab slip and an ultrasound appointment. I simply nod at her and tell her thank you, before moving as quickly as I can down the hallway and out of the office.
“I think that he deserves to know.”
“No!” I exclaim, before staring at my sister as if she has grown another head.
“I’m not telling him!”
We’re walking out of my ultrasound appointment the next day, and in my hand, is the small picture showing my insides.
“It’s his baby, Isabelle. You can’t keep this from him.”
“Yes, I can. You heard the doctor. They couldn’t find a heartbeat.”
“Yeah, I did hear that. But I also heard the part where he said that sometimes this happens when the pregnancy is so early.”
“I’m going to miscarry, Arielle. I can feel it in my heart. I don’t need to tell Ryan about a baby that isn’t going to happen.”
“You’re being really selfish, Isabelle. Really fucking selfish. He has every right to know about this child, whether you are able to carry it to term or not.”
“You think that he deserves to know that he will be the father to a dead child?”
Hard To Fall (Sliding Home Book 3) Page 14
