But he’d never hidden that he’d been eager to get home, to set feet on his land again. Just like in the movies, the big, strong cowboy. She’d nearly swooned when she’d first seen him on horseback, so rugged and handsome.
He was up to the challenge of taking over after his father was gone—he’d never minded hard work or filthy weather. He’d drag in late at night, mud-caked and weary from rescuing a lost calf, and he’d fall into bed, only to be up with the chickens the next morning.
Chickens. The bane of her existence. She’d taken over the care of them, vicious little creatures that they were. She’d learned to garden and preserve the produce in the relentless heat of summer.
But she couldn’t fit. And she couldn’t breathe.
She’d never volunteered to turn into a farm wife. The women she met were solid souls, and she could admit from the vantage point of time and distance that they’d tried to teach her, to help her.
But her nails split, and she grew calluses and her skin suffered in the harsh sun.
The only bright spot was Ian. Her baby. Her sweet boy.
But Ian was a daddy’s boy, already tied to the land before he could walk. Up on a horse as soon as he could sit, tucked tight in the saddle in front of his big, handsome father.
She smiled. They’d been a sight.
But they’d been a pair.
And she’d been lonely beyond bearing.
Gordon had wanted a houseful of his babies. She’d thought she wanted that, too—but something inside her had known she’d be trapped forever if they did. She didn’t want out forever, she just needed a break now and then.
And not one soul she met in Sweetgrass understood that. Mary Gallagher tried to reach out, offering to take Ian to play with her own Jackson. The two were fast friends from toddlers. But kind as she was, Mary liked that life.
And Sophia hated it.
Long after she’d known the life would break her, she’d tried again to embrace it and quit taking her pills, got pregnant almost immediately.
Miscarriage broke her. And she was breaking Gordon, she could tell.
He wouldn’t let her take Ian with her. Truth be known, Ian wouldn’t have wanted to go, not for long. He was heir to that land, those hundreds of acres in which Gordon’s roots were so deeply planted. As were Ian’s, himself. Young yet, still he’d walked the acres beside his father and crumbled the dirt between his fingers with unmistakable belonging and pride.
But he hadn’t wanted to be left, either.
Her last memory of him was his beautiful brown eyes swimming with pain. Why do you have to go, Mommy? Please don’t go.
She pulled back, and there were tears in her eyes. I tried, Ian, I promise I tried hard. I just…I have to. I’m dying here.
You’re upsetting the boy, Gordon had said. You have no right. You’re the one doing this to us.
How could such young eyes look so old as Ian watched her turn away?
She’d wanted desperately to promise she’d see him soon. She’d had hope that once she found her place, Gordon would listen to reason and let her see him, let her bring him out of the prison of Sweetgrass and into the light of the larger world.
But before she could speak, Ian had gone into his father’s arms and Gordon had watched her go, his eyes promising the hellfire of retribution for what she was doing to an innocent boy.
Who had Ian grown up to be? Was Sweetgrass his home, his foundation…or his prison, too?
She didn’t know. She couldn’t.
Because, for many reasons that meant everything and nothing…she’d never returned. Never spoken to her firstborn again. The loss of him had nearly killed her, but Gordon was right: though Sweetgrass had never been home to her, it was a good place, a strong base. She had refused to let her father fight him for Ian, but it had taken what little strength she possessed.
The only way she’d survived walking away was to try as hard as she could to forget. She’d gotten as far away as possible, and she’d foundered there, too.
But a kind older man had rescued her. Allan Cavanaugh had swept into her life and transformed it. He’d loved her for a long time before she’d been able to love him.
Not the way she’d loved Gordon, no. She’d never love like that again. Her marriage to Allan had been a polite affair, a very civilized friendship, and she’d had the life she’d been raised to live, full of travel and culture and people, a mad, colorful swirl of an existence.
She’d had Michael, and she’d loved him with everything in her aching, lonely heart.
Now she was alone again, bound up in silence born of her own secrets she’d never shared.
I love you, but I am ashamed of you, Michael had said. And I am going to meet my brother, like it or not.
She didn’t know who to implore the heavens to protect, the man who was furious over the secret she’d kept—
Or the man who had grown from a small boy who’d once begged for a mother to stay.
And then there was Gordon…strong, silent Gordon McLaren, the rugged cowboy who’d taken her breath away.
I couldn’t have hurt them more if I tried, could I?
She couldn’t think how she could have fixed any of it, and regrets filled her to her marrow.
But a universe full of sorrys couldn’t fix anything at all.
“I can come back,” Michael said as he, Mackey and Rissa watched the driver’s door open.
The driver emerged with a smile. “Hey, Sis. We’ve come to spring your lesser half.”
Her laughter was strained as she glanced over at Michael.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize you had company. I’m Jackson Gallagher.” He extended a hand.
Michael stepped forward to clasp it. “Glad to meet you. I’m—”
“Not wanted here,” growled Jackson’s passenger as he approached. “I thought I told you to go.” His tone was granite hard.
Rissa gasped. “Ian!”
“It’s my fault. I asked him to help me out,” said Mackey from beside Michael.
Jackson was busy glancing back and forth between them. “Wow. There’s definitely a resemblance.”
But Ian didn’t respond to his friends. He simply stared Michael down. “I want you to leave,” he repeated quietly. Decisively.
All of a sudden, Michael got mad. “Look, I get that you’re shocked. That you might need some time to adjust, but—”
“Go. Now.” Ian’s jaw flexed as he spoke between clenched teeth.
“Ian, he’s a vet. He’s helping me out. Blaze’s incision isn’t healing.” Mackey stepped forward. “You know we need a vet around here. Come on, man.”
Ian’s glance could have felled a lesser man. “Not him.”
Rissa intervened, stepping right into the middle of the testosterone. “Okay, guys, back it down here. Ian—” She gripped his bicep, and for a second, Ian softened. But all too quickly he was back to stone. “Stay out of this, Rissa.”
Michael noticed that all of Ian’s friends seemed stunned and uncomfortable. He’s a great guy. Ian? Ian was rude? others had said earlier.
He was the problem. He shouldn’t have yielded to temptation simply because he had longed for a brother all his life. “Look, I get that you don’t want me here. I understand why.”
A muscle jumped in Ian’s jaw. “You couldn’t possibly.”
Michael looked at the ground. Shook his head. “You’re right.” He glanced up. “I can’t begin to understand how a mother could behave that way. Especially not the mother who raised me.” At his words, Ian’s face only went harder, his eyes more savage. He was visibly wrestling to control the urge to violence. “But this is on me. I should have written you a letter or something. I didn’t expect to actually meet you when I first hit town.” He grimaced. “Though I’ll tell you that I wanted it badly. It’s felt like a hundred years, waiting to find you.”
“So you found me. Now go.” Ian turned away.
Everyone else shifted uncomfortably. “Listen, Ian—” Jacks
on reached for Ian, and Ian shook him off.
Before he got out of hearing, Michael spoke up. “I will go, but not until I do what I can for this animal. I won’t leave an animal hurting, not even for you. Not even with all I owe you.”
Ian halted. Lifted his shoulders, then exhaled hard. “Do what you have to do,” he said. “Jackson, I need to get back to the ranch. Take me back to my truck, will you?” But it was not a request.
Jackson and Mackey and Rissa exchanged surprised glances, then all three looked at Michael.
“Sorry, man,” Mackey said. “I got you into this.”
“Not your fault.” Michael shook his head decisively. “I’m here. I want to help. Let me get my bag, then I’ll need a couple of hands to help hold the colt.”
Without a backward glance at the man who seemed determined to freeze him out, Michael turned away and followed Rissa into the barn.
The ride back was silent, and Ian was glad. He couldn’t figure out what the hell to feel or what to do. “If he’s hanging around, I have to tell my dad,” he muttered. “Man, that’s gonna suck.”
Jackson didn’t respond.
Ian looked over. “Aren’t you going to ask why I was such an asshole?”
“Don’t think that’s much of a mystery.” He cleared his throat. “We do need a vet around here, you know.”
“But not that one. We don’t know anything about him. He might not be any good.”
“Sure,” Jackson replied slowly, as if mollifying the crazy man. “He might be a quack. Or he might have malpractice suits to hell and back.”
Ian heaved a sigh. “He doesn’t.”
That garnered him a whip of Jackson’s head. “You know that for a fact?”
“Nope. Just my gut.”
“So…you like him?”
“Hell, no. I don’t know him. And he’s blown a hole in my life. Scarlett’s pregnant. We don’t need the drama.”
“Scarlett sounded fine when she called me. It’s you she’s worried about.”
“I don’t need a nursemaid.”
“Good. ’Cause not a one of us would be worth a damn at it.”
Ian exhaled. “Damn it. I don’t want to think about that woman. I don’t want to know anything about her.” Keep telling yourself that. He wanted to ask a thousand questions, all of them starting with Why?
“Then tell him that. He doesn’t seem to want to make your life hard. He appears to be reasonable.”
“Screw reasonable. I want to clock him.” Ian caught a glimpse of Jackson’s raised eyebrows. “Oh, shut the hell up. I’m gonna go muck stalls.”
“That’ll really improve your mood.”
Ian slammed the side of his fist into the door. “Damn it, what am I going to tell my dad?”
“Want me to do it?” Jackson offered.
Some of his fury leaked right out of him. “No. I have to. But I need to know more before I do.”
“Bet Dev Marlowe could dig up something pretty quickly.”
Ian stared at his friend. Devlin Marlowe was married to one of Scarlett’s cousins, a private investigator who’d helped Maddie Gallagher reunite her husband with his long-lost brother and find the half-sister Maddie hadn’t known she possessed. “Bet you think you’re smart, suggesting that, Wiz.”
“You know it.” Jackson grinned. “Smart enough to whip your ass at poker tonight. You in?”
“That’ll be the day. Can’t tonight, though. Promised to take Dad to Ruby’s.” At the thought, his spirits sank. “The word will be all over town in a heartbeat.”
“Harley does live for gossip, but according to Scarlett, Harley and Arnie are planning to broadcast live from Ruby’s, so he needs her good will.”
“Broadcast?”
Jackson threw back his head and laughed. “Yeah. They’re starting a radio station, and the first program up is a trading post. So we can all buy and sell to each other.”
“We already manage that just fine by word of mouth.”
“I heard rumors that Big D offered to help them set up an internet station, too, in exchange for a talk show to be named later.”
“Harley and Big D?” Ian found he could still laugh. “That’s the craziest damn thing I’ve ever heard.”
Jackson smacked the heel of his hand on the steering wheel. “You gotta love this town.” Then he laughed so hard he was wiping his eyes, and Ian was laughing right along with him.
As soon as he got in his truck, Ian grabbed his phone and placed a call. Dev’s phone went to voicemail. Instead of leaving a message, he tried Dev’s wife Lacey instead. Normally he’d leave Dev a message and just wait, but this was urgent. He and Jackson might laugh, but the problem was dead serious. Sweetgrass was a hotbed of gossip. No matter what Ruby told Harley about keeping quiet, Harley was married to the biggest gossip in town, and if he let one single thing slip, the news would be all over town in hours.
And his dad would learn from someone else.
Ian had to go tell him. But he also needed better information as quickly as possible.
“Hello?”
“Lacey, it’s Ian McLaren.”
“Well, now, cousin Ian.” Her voice was rich and warm with pleasure. “How are you?”
“Fine,” he answered automatically. Then he paused. “Not so fine, really.”
“It’s not Scarlett or the baby, right? They’re okay?”
Hell. He had to quit leaping into things ham-fisted. “No. They’re good—well, Scarlett’s overdoing it, as usual, but otherwise…”
“Of course she is. She’s a one-woman army. You both must be getting so excited about this baby.”
The thought of their child spread a soothing balm on his soul. Whatever insanity had blown up this morning, he still had Scarlett in his life, and they were set to welcome a child they would love with everything in them.
A frown creased his brow. Unlike his mother, who’d abandoned him so easily.
“Ian?”
“Yeah.” He snapped himself back to the moment. “We’re very excited. Can’t wait, really—and in Scarlett’s case, that’s literally true. She’s chomping at the bit.”
Lacey laughed. “Such a shock. Not.” She knew her cousin well. “By the way, what do you think of a surprise baby shower?”
His eyebrows flew nearly to his hairline. “After throwing us a surprise wedding? Hasn’t Maddie had her fill of that? Does that new baby not slow her down one iota?”
“You know better than that. My sister is a force of nature. Four kids and a thriving diner and she’s still got the energy to, um—”
“Meddle? Interfere? Wreak havoc?” Ian teased.
Lacey laughed again. “She just loves all of us so much. Thus I’m not using those words, Ian.”
“But you want to.”
Another giggle. “She’s our Maddie…what can I say?”
He had a thought. “What was it like for you? When Dev showed up and dropped the bombshell that you have family you had no idea existed?”
A slight hesitation before she answered. “It was…cataclysmic. I completely lost my footing. My parents had never even told me I was adopted, you know.” Her voice went quiet. “And I wasn’t in the best of shape at the time. Plus I felt so betrayed by Dev.”
“Why was that? You two are so crazy about each other.”
“Oh, we are. He’s my world. But…we had a past. A very challenging one. Each of us had been lied to, and each of us believed ourselves abandoned by the other. Then here he shows up in my life again, and I’m falling right back in love…then he tells me I’m not who I thought I was.”
Ian whistled. “And I thought my situation was complicated.”
“You have a situation?”
“Yeah. I tried to contact Dev to help me. Is there any way to get in touch right away? His phone went to voicemail.”
“He’s with Connor.” Her voice was heavy with dread.
Ian knew that Dev’s younger brother had returned from Afghanistan with problems, but that’s al
l he knew. “Oh. Never mind, then. I’ll deal with it myself.”
“Would you want to talk?” She halted. “I don’t want to pry, but it sounds as if we might have something in common.”
“Yeah. You might say that. I had a brother—or a guy who says he’s my half-brother—show up in Sweetgrass today.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“I thought…”
“That my mother was dead? So did I. My dad thought so, too. I haven’t seen her since I was not quite five.”
“Oh, Ian…” Her voice was rich with sympathy. “You know Dev will want to help you. I’ll text him right now and get him to call you.”
“No, don’t do that. His brother is more important. I’ll deal.”
“What do you think of him, this new brother?”
Wish to hell I knew. “He’s got some nerve, just showing up.” He exhaled heavily. “In truth, he comes across as reasonable.”
“But you don’t want to know him?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I always wished for more family, but…”
“But what?”
“I don’t want him upsetting my father. Dad really loved her. Instead, she left and he got stuck raising me alone. He never gave another woman a chance, best I can tell.”
“Do you want to see her?”
“No. I want nothing to do with her. She walked out on us when I was a little kid. Who does that?”
“I can’t imagine it.”
I cried every night for weeks, he wanted to say but never would. “I don’t want this. Not now, just when my dad had that stroke, and he doesn’t need more stress and—” He slammed a fist against the dashboard. “I’m sorry. This is not your problem.”
“Ian, we love you, all of us. You do have more family—maybe too many of us.” There was a smile in her voice.
It summoned a small one from him. “Thanks, Lacey. You all are the best. Even Maddie,” he added.
Texas Hope: Sweetgrass Springs Stories (Texas Heroes Book 16) Page 6
