“Are you okay?” Justin’s eyes glistened with silent lust as he brushed his hand across my back, adding even more to what I was feeling. Flushed. Way too warm. Uncertain about my true sexual needs.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” He pushed his hand further into the small of my back. We left the scene and walked slowly as I waited for whatever was coming next.
“Justin, does that get used a lot?” I motioned back toward the cross. My breath unsteady, I was really curious. Entirely damn inspired. The corner of Justin’s mouth curved a little, hiding a smile.
“Quite a bit, sweet thing,” he whispered into the side of my neck.
“It’s generally used for punishment, if you didn’t already know that from all your reading.” He winked. “It’s a very common fixture.”
God, I bet.
My inner thighs throbbed. I just couldn’t imagine … Justin … me … and that cross. How many women had he bound on that thing? Suddenly all I could think of was playing—here—with him. Learning his weaknesses. What turned him on the most?
What got his goat up?
What filled his sails?
Not entirely sure what was happening between us, if anything, one thing I was certain of…
Was that I wanted to find out more about that cross.
It was now or never. I looked up at Justin.
“Can I ask you something?” Whispering, I scrambled back nervously, wrapping my arms around my middle.
“Of course you can.” For a second I avoided his eyes, not speaking immediately.
“That cross,” I mumbled softly, my upcoming question like heavy lead on my tongue. “Have you ever had a woman that way?” Stupid to ask something I already knew the answer to, I felt a deep-seated need to hear the words from his mouth for some reason.
“What’s your fascination with the cross, Hartley? Do you think it’s something you might like?”
The picture of absolute sexual perfection, dressed in perfectly fitted black dress slacks and matching black shirt, his hair gelled and neatly styled, Justin’s eyes sparkled with heat as he embraced my stare. I’d die to know what he was thinking. If he was considering taking me on an x-frame.
My God, was I really considering it?
“I found that couple beautiful … and tender in an odd sense.” Excitement lifted through my belly watching the quick change in Justin’s gaze.
“That’s not what I asked, Hartley.Is it something you’re seriously interested in?”
“Yes. Very much.” His eyes dropped, staring at my mouth as he seemed to be in deep thought.
“But, I want to know, Justin. You still haven’t answered my question. Have you ever had a woman that way? Done something intimate and beautiful like the couple we watched?” I swallowed. Hard. My gut assuring me he’d done way more than what I’d just witnessed. He secured the space between us, once again wrapping his arm around my lower body and pressing gently against my back.
“Sweet thing … I was different before. My past isn’t the man I am with you. You don’t want to hear about this. My past is simply that – my past. I’ve changed. I’m nothing like I was before.” He brushed a soft kiss against my neck.
“What if I don’t want you to change? What if I want you to put me on that cross?”
My eyes dropped to the floor.
“Baby … look at me,” he said, lifting my chin with a long finger.
I stared into his blue gaze, this entire conversation terrifying in a sense. Not a hundred percent sure I knew what I wanted his response to be, his eyes gave me an answer before he even opened his mouth.
“I’m not sure you’re ready for this, Hartley. I’m not sure if either of us are.”
Chapter Eleven
Hartley
We needed coffee and creamer. The clinic consumed a shit ton of caffeine, Brandon being the only one who asked for decaf. And paper was running low for the printers. My cheeks almost ached from the small smile creeping up my face. I jotted down the three items on my growing supply list, my head buzzing with all I’d discovered last night at Venture. When Brandon tapped my shoulder, I nearly fell out of my chair.
“Shit, Hartley. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
My job here was way different than what I’d done before. So much easier and relaxing. Insurance didn’t pay most procedures done for cosmetic surgery and the normal things that did happen to be covered were all neatly typed up on two sheets of paper with the coding information beside the procedure explanation.
Child’s play. Piece of cake.
My other duties included payroll, and holy shit, these doctors raked it in. The other stuff I did was simple management tasks. Office supplies, accounting, and making damn sure there was plenty of strong special-order Kona coffee for Tyler when he was here. That’s what I was doing right this minute. Seemed the Hawaii Coffee Company had the best to offer, so I was adding that task to my monthly calendar so I didn’t forget. Tyler was pretty anal about his coffee selection. But hell. He was a millionaire. I guess he could pull that off without seeming like total asshole material. And I sure didn’t want him upset with me. He seemed nice enough … just demanding as hell.
My boss the Dom. Wowza!
“It’s okay, Brandon,” I smiled. “I was in another world. I didn’t hear you walk up.” Suppressing the bit of unease I still felt around him, I looked away for a second, my hands suddenly trembling. Something about him made me nervous. I’d caught him studying me a couple of times. It was probably nothing but silly paranoia.
“No problem. I was just going to ask you to add decaf K-cups to your list if you don’t mind. We’re low.”
Minutes later, I was right back to my mind wandering. Last night, I’d pretty much made a fool out of myself. Just the sight of that cross brought out unplanned weird feelings in me, making me imagine doing all kind of things I’d never considered. Questioning my past sex life and why I’d never been fully content. I looked Justin straight in the eye and offered to submit to him. Again, I was doing crazy shit I told myself I wouldn’t. Honestly, I guess it didn’t really matter though.
He had no problem turning me down. Meaning one thing. He didn’t want me that way. Asked to stay and hear him out further, I didn’t last long. His expression said everything, making it obvious what he was going to say in the end.
I think, Hartley, you’re not ready for something like this.
The last words he said before I left, his refusal was laced with dignity, his eyes a strange kind of cold I hadn’t seen before.
The strong Dom who I’d had mind-blowing sex with was sticking to his story.
One time.
No feelings.
No relationship.
Yet, I’d chirped like a bird, telling him how I felt and that I wanted more than once. Yet, instead of just simply saying no, he turned it on me by accusing me of not being ready.
So what if I was new to the Dominant/submissive scene.
Wasn’t everybody a rookie at one point?
“You ready to go, Hartley?” Luna was Brandon’s nurse. She was cool. We’d made instant friends my first day. Amazingly beautiful, she was one of those women who had a model figure regardless of the amount of sugar she consumed. Her skin was flawless, other than a small scar above her left eyebrow, her eyes a beautiful green. I was jealous every time I saw her, my eyes being such a drab shade of brown.
Fortunate bitch.
“Crap, I’d love to, but I really need to stay another hour or so. I want to make a few notes and file some things before I get out of here. You go ahead.” She held up her hand, sucking the tip of her index finger between her lips. Luna was a little dramatic about a lot of things. Much like my behavior last night.
“Damn paper cuts.”
“Oh yeah. Those suck.”
“Let’s plan a girl’s night out, Hartley. I want to show you around town and introduce you to Dallas’s best coconut margaritas. And the Metroplex’s finest men.” She winked.
If sh
e only knew the level of fine I’d recently had…
“Oh, yum. We’ll do that for sure.” I squirmed in my chair. Coconut anything sounded good. But Justin… Now that sounded delicious. I wanted more of him.
I wanted that damn cross.
Just the same, he felt differently. Neither of those things were going to happen. He made that perfectly clear. He wasn’t lying when he said once we fucked, it all ended.
It had. He didn’t touch me again after I offered my submission. Only acted like a cold fish and blatantly rejected me.
“Hartley?” A quick knock on the side of my open office door jolted me from my thoughts.
“Hi, Cat.”
“Hey. Some dude is here to see you. Bruce?” She shrugged. “He’s pretty hot.”
Dude? Are we in the sixties?
“Bruce from Kansas?” Luna asked.
“Only damn Bruce I know. I’ll come out front and talk to him. Thanks, Cat.” I tugged at the front of my shirt. Lucky to have the option of wearing scrubs or regular work clothes, today, I’d opted for normal and had on a white tunic top with cut-outs on the shoulders, and black ankle jeans with strappy wedges on my feet. Not exactly knowing why I cared, something made me glad I was dressed the way I was. My hair looked decent. All in all, I looked pretty damn good.
Why did I give three fucks?
“You two get out of here. It’s past quitting time.”
“You sure?” Luna’s eyes widened.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”
“Well, screw Bruce from Kansas. Maybe I’ll accidentally knee him in the balls on my way out.” We both smiled. “I can tell him to leave if you want.”
“No, it’s okay.”
In theory, I didn’t really want to see Bruce and kneeing him in the balls sounded perfect. But I did wonder why he’d come. It might be interesting to see if he had a new excuse. One different from all the others. My cell phone dinged with an incoming text. I’d go see what the hell Bruce was doing in Plano first.
He sat wide-legged in the chair closest to the front door, his eyes gazing at the empty bottle of water twirling between his fingers as his head hung low toward the floor of the empty reception area. His facial hair had grown out since I last saw him. He looked different. He stood up as I walked toward him.
“What are you doing here, Bruce?”
He dropped the empty water bottle in the chair and reached for me, cupping my cheeks and kissing my shoulder that was bare underneath the slit of my shirt. Just as I thought. He was going to act like he always did. Getting emotional and flashing his pretty face at me. Hoping I’d fall for his apologizes.
“You smell so fucking good, baby. Why do you think I’m here, Hartley? Because of you. I miss the hell out of you. And us. Please come home where you belong. I’ll never let you down again. I swear. I’m in counseling.”
“Counseling? What? For sex addiction?” The gaze in his eyes was filled with seriousness. Actually kidding when I asked that, I forced a fake smile, wondering how many times he’d dipped his dick since I’d been gone. How many nights he’d made love to me with some other woman’s juices still clinging to his less than average dick. That was plain nasty. And no longer forgivable.
“Yes. Sex addiction, Hartley. It’s a fucking illness. I just never realized how bad off I was. Every time I cheated, I always promised it was the last. I thought I could stop, but I was also convinced that it helped me in some fucked up way, to get through the day. I’m getting help now. I know I need it. But, I also need you. I love you so much, baby. I always have.”
He caressed my lips with his fingers, his eyes glazing over with emotion. His voice stabbed through my feelings, even though it was over between us. I took a step back only to have him cup my face between his palms again, compelling me to look at him.
“Every time, Bruce? Just how many times were there? Sex addiction? Really? You’re unbelievable,” I whispered, backing away from his hold. His jaw tensed as I willed away the sting in my eyes.
“Do you have to be so goddamned insensitive, Hartley? Can’t we at least sit down somewhere and have a mature conversation about this? Like actual adults?”
“Me insensitive? I think I was pretty much the opposite when I walked in on you with another woman. As a matter of fact, I think I was real damn considerate considering you didn’t even bother finding another bed to fuck in. How many times did you do that, Bruce?”
“I’m sorry, Hartley. I fucked up.”
I didn’t want to discuss this even if his problem was justifiable. I no longer cared if his sex addiction was what gave him the strength to get through his stressful days. That was a joke. No, it was complete bullshit at its very finest.
It was too late for us. This wasn’t fixable.
“I guess we can talk about it. Let me get my things.”
His breath against my neck was heavy as I reached for my purse, remembering I had an unread text. Only inches away, Bruce reached for my shoulders, spinning me around before crushing his lips over mine.
Confusion filled my chest as I stared into his heated eyes. I’d loved him for so long and his touch was just familiar. Plus, he had always been a great kisser and honestly, I was feeling a little let down from Justin’s behavior last night. But still, the sparks were gone. Nothing intimate was ever going to happen between us. I didn’t feel that way for him anymore.
His tongue slid through my lips, sweeping over my teeth and the thought to lose myself in his kiss threatened. His eyes were alert and open as he groaned into my mouth, kissing the complete hell out of me. In reality, he was no longer what I wanted, but nevertheless I opened up to him and kissed him back.
“Hartley?”
I pulled back from Bruce’s hold at the thrown-off-guard-sounding voice and huge blue eyes staring at me.
It was Justin.
“I sent you a text that I was coming by. I thought I owed you some answers. I guess I know why you didn’t respond. Enjoy your evening, Hartley.” Without anything further, he nodded and turned to leave.
I stared at his ass as he raked his hands through his hair, the muscles in his back and shoulders flexing through his shirt, while the sound of his boots were unusually loud as they clinked against the floor. I didn’t speak a single word. There really wasn’t anything to say. The odds of me explaining what he’d just seen were probably zilch. Then again, should I even care? After last night? He made it perfectly clear he didn’t want me for anything other than the one time, even though when I first got there I would have thought exactly the opposite.
But I did care. Way too much. Way too quickly. Once the clinic door shut and he was gone, I realized I needed to explain. More than anything, I wanted to know why he looked so upset seeing me with Bruce when he clearly didn’t want me for himself.
Why didn’t I check the text on my phone?
Why did I let Bruce kiss me?
Why did everything I did turn to shit?
“Who was the asshole, Hartley?”
“Just a friend.” My eyes were stinging with the onset of tears. All I wanted was Justin. The kiss just took me by surprise.
Bruce and I dated off and on all four years of high school. More off than on, I fell hard and fast for the handsome football jock the first day he pranced into study hall, taking a seat behind me and tugging at my long hair. Who knew it would come to all this?
With a heavy long sigh, Bruce reached for my hand. I pushed back, ignoring the gesture.
“He looked pretty fucking pissed to just be a friend, Hartley. Do you want to tell me who he really is?” The small vein throbbed on his forehead the way it always did when he was upset or anxious.
“He’s an old friend from Topeka. You wouldn’t have known him. Besides, it doesn’t matter. We’re done Bruce. I’m not coming back to Topeka.”
For the first time since I’d known Bruce, I watched what seemed to be tears building in his eyes.
“Goodbye, Bruce. Be happy.”
Chapter Twelve
Every single ounce of my strength is being tested.
How was I to know Hartley was going to pay an unexpected visit to Venture last night? Why, after all this time, was the old Master J demanding attention, doing his best to make an unwanted return?
The long-time couple, Jonathan and Julia, were playing out a scene on the x-cross, the tops of Hartley’s cheeks glowing a brilliant pink with each inhalation of her chest being a little swifter than the last. Every move she made turned my body hard, every single cell wanting to throw her over my shoulder, take her in my office, treasure every inch of her body before fucking her until she couldn’t breathe. I’d needed her wet pleasure covering me. Giving me what I wanted. What I craved. That being the root of the problem.
I couldn’t need her.
I wouldn’t.
She was bringing back cravings. The strong physical link a Dom shared with a submissive. That deep-rooted trust. The willingness to turn over absolute control with one objection – turning it into pleasure for her. That’s what I missed the most. But I’d been relentless in doing the right thing. Leaving Hartley upset and thinking I didn’t want her was the hardest thing I’d ever done. All her persuasion, the quiet moans, unsettled breathing, her glazing eyes when she offered her submission … it all made my mouth water. Brought back memories of some of the best times of my life. And I knew as surely as the sky was blue, I could have her thinking she’d entered the legendary twilight zone with my skill. Unconditional pleasure, nothing would cross her body other than complete, carnal satisfaction. Leaving her with an experience so unthinkable, she’d never entirely erase it from her thoughts. Never look at another man without remembering just how phenomenal I made her feel.
Right then and there was when I told myself to end it.
Cut off all the commotion cluttering my head.
Back away from the one place I promised myself I wouldn’t return.
The Dom left in me was dying to scoop her up in my arms, take her to a private room and start training her as fast as humanly possible. Show her just how turned on I could get her by simply touching. Sliding my fingers inside her moist pussy and tight little ass all at the same time, or strapping her to the x-cross she wanted so badly. Taking her to the very utmost edge before letting her come. Jesus, I wanted it all with Hartley.
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