Surprisingly, our first Christmas together with Jacks and my mom had gone pretty much the way I thought it would, with one huge exception. It rocked. I was my normal paranoid bundle of nerves, tip-toeing around just waiting for a disaster to happen. Justin, on the other hand, was his normal charming self, standing in my brother’s kitchen refusing to wear the apron I bought until my mother convinced him otherwise, while cooking tenderloin and charming the pants off her. I didn’t know how he did it, but he even managed a slight smile from Jackson. Very modest, but just the same, it was a rare moment between the two men in my life.
Amazingly, Justin acted calm and unaffected by everything. He went through Christmas Day acting happy and normal. Jovial Justin—he’d threatened to redden my butt if I called him that again, knowing very well how much that turned me on.
Why did I have to be pregnant now? So soon? Holy shit, I wasn’t sure I wanted this, either. Not today. Maybe not even next year. Could the test be wrong? A lifetime of female problems could maybe set off a false result. Couldn’t they?
Prenatal vitamins. Shit!
Pregnancy clothes. Shit!
Baby! Double Shit!
This wasn’t happening. Not now. The timing was a major fuck-up. But then, nothing ever went as planned in my life. Just like everything with Justin and me, it happened at bullet speed. No planning. No anticipation. Nothing positive was going to come from this pregnancy. Too soon. It was too damn soon.
I can’t do this on my own.
I ignored the dinging of a text as I reclined in my bed. Two and three times later, I still tried drowning the sound from my ears. I couldn’t talk. Not yet.
The ding only seemed louder this time. Oceans of tears rushed my eyes.
I can’t do this on my own.
It was too early.
We weren’t married.
We were barely even a couple.
We were still learning.
It. Was. Too. Fucking. Early.
Too. Fucking. Much.
Too. Fucking. Quick.
Would I end up a single mother?
Would my unborn baby have no father?
My phone was dinging again.
Shut the hell up!
Mr. One Fine Ass streamed across the screen. Today, that didn’t make me smile.
“HI.” My answer was barely a whimper.
“Sweet thing. I was worried as fuck. Why weren’t you answering your phone?”
His tone was worried. Frantic.
Would he ever call me sweet thing again?
“I’m sorry, JT. I was taking a bubble bath. My phone was on the charger.”
I hated lying.
He hated it just as much.
The ache in my stomach rose into my mouth as I fought the sudden urge to throw up.
“I was gonna come by and see you at the club later. Is that okay?”
“Of course, baby. Maybe we can sneak away for dinner.”
Food was the last thing I wanted. I couldn’t imagine trying to keep anything in my stomach right now.
He sounded happy.
He wouldn’t this time tomorrow.
I can’t do this on my own.
****
Justin was on the phone, motioning me to sit down with a nod of his head as he frustratingly slid his free hand through his hair.
“I appreciate it, Jonathan. Figure this shit out. Like yesterfuckingday.”
“Hi,” I whispered as he hung up the phone. My eyes were immediately swallowed in tears.
“Hey. Hey. What’s wrong, baby?”
He stood up and pulled me against his body, his fingers softly raking through my hair before sliding his thumbs underneath my leaky eyes.
“What’s happened, Hartley?”
I fought the huge strain of nerves rising up into my chest as my hand inadvertently dropped to my stomach.
The partially-open office door burst open just as I was about to spill my guts.
“Justin, I’m sorry. This gentleman swears he’s an old friend from Kansas. He wouldn’t take no for an answer.” Sam stood in the open doorway looking exasperated. Beside her was Bruce.
What? Why? How?
“Bruce? What are you doing here?” I backed away from Justin, his protective grasp around my back tightening.
“It’s okay, Sam,” Justin said. She nodded, shutting the door.
“You! You think I wouldn’t remember you, motherfucker? The poor little mistreated kid who begged for money? I knew that face when I first saw you with my woman.” Bruce looked livid. His eyes were heavy and dark, a light mist of sweat above his brows. He pushed a hand at Justin’s chest, my feet stumbling back.
“Bruce! Stop!” I screamed.
“Hartley, why don’t you go outside, baby?” He stepped in front of a red-faced Bruce.
“Baby? Is that what you call her you sick twisted fuck? What does she call you? Master J?”
“Hartley, I said go,” Justin said, his voice stern, his eyes flashing a warning. I ignored him. I wasn’t walking away. Not this time.
“What the fuck is your problem, Bruce? You had years to make things right with Hartley. You couldn’t keep your dick in your pants. She’s done with you. Now get the fuck out of my office and my club before I have you removed.”
Bruce sneered. “I couldn’t keep my dick covered? What about you Master J? I know all about you and your fetish club. All your money. Your life of fucked-up kink. I’ve been studying you for weeks, you stupid dumb fuck.”
“And what exactly did you find in all your studies, Bruce?”
“Don’t you know I was the first man to pop that tight little cherry of Hartley’s? The first to get a good long taste of her amazing sweet pussy? The first dick she ever rode? I’ll be the last, too, you worthless piece of shit.”
Oh, God.
Justin smashed the side of Bruce’s nose. Blood flew everywhere. Bruce staggered back, but before he could raise a hand to defend himself, Justin drove his fist into his gut, slamming him into the wall and landing punch after brutal punch. Bruce slid down the wall, clutching his mid-section.
“Fuck you, Wisely. You’ll never be good enough for Hartley. She’s better than all this kinked-up shit.” He swiped at the blood flowing from his nose. I’ll have her back in my bed, covering my dick within the week. She always comes back.”
A brutal, animalistic glare covered Justin’s face, the toe of his boot kicking Bruce’s kidney, before raising up and kicking him in the face.
“God, please stop before you kill him. I’m pregnant. Our baby needs a father.”
Justin’s hands dropped to his sides. For a moment he was still, an indecipherable expression behind his eyes. He backed away as the color faded from his cheeks, his gaze turning to stone as his jaw clenched. Bruce slowly stood up, wiping a hand across his bleeding face.
“Pregnant? Please, Hartley. Tell me you’ve been on preventatives all this time. Tell me this is a sick joke.” The look in his eye was proof that this pregnancy was clearly a painful thorn in his side, a huge dose of dreaded reality for me.
Impossible to answer his question, the huge lump rose even higher in my throat. Justin’s eyes widened with anger as I gave my head a small shake, watching the shimmering blue fade from his glare.
“Fuck!” He walked to his desk, stopping for a few quick seconds before shoving his chair into the wall with his foot. I turned toward Bruce, who was in his own state of shock.
“You’re fucking full of this low life’s baby?” Bruce walked toward Justin, the vein in his neck bulging with anger.
“Bruce, stop. If you love me… If you ever loved me one single day, please walk away from all this. You’re better than this and it’s over between us.” Sobbing, I stood with my arms clutching my middle, shaking, my life fucked.
No expectations.
“Hartley, you belong with me. You always have. Why would you settle with something like this?” He looked at a shell-shocked Justin as blood trickled from his nose.
&nbs
p; “Please, Bruce. I’m begging you to walk away. You’re a good man. You have so much to offer. Don’t let all this turn you ugly.” Justin glared at me, his hands pushing through his hair.
“I don’t need you fighting my fucking battles, Hartley. And you!” He looked toward Bruce. “Get out of my goddamn club!”
“Please,” I whispered. “Please…”
“Fuuuuck!” Bruce yelled, glaring at me as he turned to leave, bleeding and hurt. “You’re fucking up, Hartley. You’re giving up everything we ever had for this sick twisted bastard. One day, you’ll come back, begging, and it will all be too late.” I ran to Justin as the door closed.
“I’m sorry, JT. I know it’s too soon. I just assumed it wouldn’t happen. I’ve never been regular. I’ve had female issues since I was a teenager.” I wiped at my burning eyes.
“You’ve never been regular … so you didn’t think it would ever happen? How fucking genius. I guess you assumed I was shooting blanks, too.”
The glare in his frigid gaze was nothing but fury as he squeezed his eyes shut, gritting his teeth. His words were exaggerated and overstated.
“How fucking old are you Hartley?” he yelled.
“I’m sorry, Justin. I made a huge mistake. Please don’t yell at me.”
Hot tears slid down my face and off the tip of my nose. He was standing behind his desk, just as far away as he could possibly be, a cold icy rage covering the blue of his eyes that I’d always deemed so soft and gentle. His head was shaking, while his fingers tugged at his hair then squeezed his head. Anger brewed behind his eyes, his temper amplifying by each second. Any semblance of a sensible conversation at this point was out of the question. His expression said everything. I’d let him down one more time. My loyalty had given him a good swift kick in the teeth.
Fuck my miserable life.
“I can’t be a goddamn father, Hartley. I run a fucking BDSM club! This is another reason I never wanted a relationship. Jesus. Fuck!”
His office phone rang, causing me to jump.
“Take a fucking message,” he yelled, slamming the phone back down.
“This is just great! Fucking fantastic, Hartley.” His hands tugged at his hair.
“I know you’re not ready for this. Neither of us are.” I brushed a hand underneath my leaky nose. “Everything between us has happened fast. I don’t understand it either. Maybe it was just meant to be,” I whispered.
“Meant to be? For who? For you, Hartley? I thought I could count on you.”
“So you don’t trust me now?” I uttered.
“I never said I didn’t trust you, Hartley.”
“Could have fooled me,” I whispered, sobs wracking my body, barely permitting me to draw a breath.
He kicked the chair again, this time knocking it over on its side, and opened the office door so hard, it banged the wall.
Furious, he walked out, leaving me alone. I was shaking. Sobbing. Frozen with fear. I slid down on the couch, hearing what sounded like a loud crash somewhere close.
He left me. Another man shitting on me.
The sudden sick feeling in the pit of my stomach rose up into my mouth. I darted for Justin’s bathroom, purging up what little food I had in my stomach until nothing was left. I splashed cold water against my face and rinsed my mouth.
The sound of the door opening back up gave me a small split second of relief. Thank God, he was coming back.
“Hartley?”
The sound of Sam’s voice rubbed me the wrong way.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
I didn’t want to see her. She was the last person I wanted knowing anything about this.
“Is everything okay? Justin just demolished an $800 new set of shot glasses.”
“Everything is fine. Just fucking excellent.”
Sick to my stomach, I headed for door. All I wanted was anything but this. And her.
“Wait, Hartley,” Sam snapped.
I looked up, brazen resentment ripping through my body.
“What is it, Sam?” Through sympathetic eyes, she stared with candid concern, acting like she gave a shit. She didn’t. She wanted Justin. And I wanted to claw the so-called gracious expression right off her perfect blemish-free face.
“Hartley, I want to be your friend. Not your enemy. Why won’t you let me?” She reached for my arm. “Please. Let’s sit for a minute.”
“I don’t want to sit,” I whimpered. “I need out of here.” I reached for the door. “He’s all yours. I’m so fucking done.”
With a quick angry wave, I headed down the side of the bar, turning toward the entry and never looking back. The exit was all I needed so I could get the hell out of here.
I suddenly wondered just how many times Sam had been in that office. All the nights Justin had her across his desk. Or on the plush leather sofa I’d just been sitting on. Or in the Mystery Room.
Fuck it. Fuck everything. Right now, it was too much to think about.
I was delusional in thinking he loved me enough to raise a child with me. Once again, I was being screwed. Bruce. My mother. James McDonald. And now … Justin. To hell with them. Just … to hell with them all. I felt like such a fool. Fucking shit! Why did I even move here? It was too damn hot in this town anyway.
I can’t do this on my own.
One day. One day I’d learn. I’d teach myself the look of an absolute asshole so I could weed them from my life before they turned and ripped it to shreds.
Chapter Forty-Four
Hartley
Absolutely no expectations. This was my new motto.
An hour had passed. Maybe more. I’d driven the block a dozen times, finally pulling into a Target parking lot. The first thing I needed to do was return the Land Rover to Justin. Maybe I’d just drive it over to his condo and leave the keys with the deplorable concierge who clearly hated my guts. She’d probably been in his bed, too.
I sat. And sat some more. Dying for somebody to talk to. But who? Mandy? I wasn’t ready for one of her sweet positive sermons assuring me all was right with the world. It wasn’t. It fucking wasn’t! And Luna? She was never home in the evenings. Besides, I couldn’t risk Brandon or Tyler finding out. Not yet. And Jackson? No way. I told you, Coco. I couldn’t stand the thought of him saying that to me. Rubbing at my wound like burning acid. Of course, there was always my mother. No! Just no! We weren’t even close.
Like always, I was on my own. Shit on by another man I allowed myself to love.
Maybe I was just freaking doomed. Every single thing in my life had gone disastrously wrong. The man I’d loved for years screwed every vagina he could, not even respecting me enough to fuck in a different bed than the one we shared. And now this. I didn’t want to be pregnant! Unfortunately, I’d been an idiot and let my shot lapse. I’d been late multiple times. With irregular periods, I stupidly assumed I’d have trouble getting pregnant. So I’d chosen to be fucking irresponsible … and knew it. I’d reminded myself to make the appointment more than once, but life just kept getting in the way. Nothing but an impetuous idiot, now I’d lost Justin before we even really had a chance.
I’d give notice to Brandon tomorrow.
Hopefully be back in Kansas within the week.
Two hours had passed since I left Venture. With a quick turn of the ignition, I headed back. Probably there by now, I had to at least try talking to Justin one more time. But … say what? Was I just begging for more heartbreak? Putting myself out there to look like the careless, weak fool I was? What the hell was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just walk away? Why hadn’t I acted like an adult and protected myself from pregnancy? I rubbed my belly.
It’s just you and me now, Baby It. Maybe one day your daddy will see the light.
The asshole prick from hell was standing guard. Did he ever crack a grin?
“Ms. Shipman.” He opened the door.
“Smile. I promise your face won’t break.” I didn’t bother looking at his reaction to what I’d said. Probably my last trip he
re, I doubted I’d ever lay eyes on the steroid-ridden dickhead again. Jesus, I didn’t even know the man. Why was I being a bitch to a stranger? That wasn’t the way I’d been brought up.
I walked toward Justin’s office, avoiding eye contact with each and every stare coming my way. The door was open.
Well, this was another godforsaken travesty.
Go ahead. Kick me in the teeth. Throw pie in my face.
Justin sat on the couch, his eyes red, while his hair was sticking up in every direction. If looks could only kill, Sam would be well on her way to six feet under with the glare I was giving her. She looked like the Barbie doll clone she was, sitting way too close to Justin. Her hair blonde this week, it was laced with purple highlights and pulled back in a low pony tail with the crown teased up in absolute perfection. A small shimmering headband with black and silver beads rested on top of her head, bringing out her hair and also accentuating her perfectly curved figure and form-fighting black dress. Everything about her appearance was impeccable, just like it always was.
Bitch.
My eyes connected with Justin’s. I was chewing on my trembling bottom lip to keep from crying again as I watched Sam’s head resting against my man’s shoulder, while her hand gently caressed his thigh. Are you kidding me? His legs were an extremely sensual spot, but then I guess she knew that way before I ever did. Of course she did.
Detestable bitch!
Justin’s back tensed and he stood quickly, urging Sam away, my breath holding up inside my chest.
“Oh, don’t mind me. Carry on, Justin. I was just leaving this.”
I tossed the card key toward him and walked out of the office, almost sprinting to the front door. Talking be damned. I wanted out of here for good.
“Hartley!” Justin’s voice was loud over the club music.
I reached for the front door and pushed it open, ignoring the sound of his voice only feet behind me. Josh grimaced as I walked beside him, purposely catching the side of his foot with the pointed heel of my shoe.
“Everything okay, Boss?” the man asked Justin. Shit, I didn’t like that asshole.
Crimson Sunsets Page 24
