****
When I stormed through the door of the Women’s Center, I practically sprinted to the check-in window. Jesus H. Christ. I needed to get my shit together.
She was with the doctor. I’d be a sorry weak sack of horse shit if I wasn’t here for this. Thank fuck Jackson told me she was having her first prenatal check-up. Maybe he wasn’t quite the prick I once thought he was.
Get off your oh-woe-is-me sorry ass and go see your baby’s fucking heart beat for the first time. She’s alone. You promised me, motherfucker.
The arrogant man I generally didn’t like was spot on. This was it. It was now or never. I had to have her back. She was the mother of my baby. I wasn’t walking away. If I had to strap her back to the x-frame and make her fuck me back into her heart, that’s what I’d do. I’d show her the real Master J. Erase the no-good slack she was back with out of her once and for all.
“May I help you?” The young brunette smiled, batting her overly long eyelashes, pushing out her nicely formed cleavage. I’m not fucking interested. I raked my hands through my hair. I’d driven like a crazy lunatic from the airport to the clinic. I was still out of breath after running like hell to the front door of Brookside Women’s Center.
“Hartley Shipman. She’s here somewhere. She’s having a baby … my baby.” Get your shit together, Wisely. She pecked at her computer screen.
“She’s having an ultrasound right now, sir. If you could have a seat, she should be done in just a few minutes.” The love of my life, carrying my baby, was having a sonogram. Watching a new heart beat. Maybe even learning the sex. Was she fucking okay? Was my child healthy? Taking a seat was the last thing I planned on doing. I’d kick down the motherfucking door if I needed to.
“I’m the father. I need to be in there with her.” The young girl looked confused, opening up the blue file folder.
“Sir, the records indicate Ms. Shipman is single. I can’t allow you in the exam room.”
Fuck this!
Chapter Forty-Seven
Hartley
The grumbling deep in my stomach reminded me I needed to eat, even though thoughts of food in general sounded nauseating. What I really wanted was a damn bathroom. I needed to pee. This much water in one small bladder just wasn’t natural.
“We can do a sonogram this soon? Will you be able to tell the sex?” I was anxious, my heart racing. I was going to see my baby for the first time.
“Yes, and maybe. We can do the exam but seeing the sex will be iffy, depending on how far along you actually are.”
The gel was cold against my stomach, the sensation adding to the discomfort of being so full of water. The doctor moved the transducer over my belly and back again, spreading gel over my abdominal area. Jesus God, I needed to pee. It seemed like with all the medical miracles offered, there should be an easier way to get through an ultrasound without gorging on ridiculous amounts of water. He quietly continued moving the wand.
“My baby? Is it okay?” My words sounded panicked. He was taking too long.
He moved the wand back over the cold jelly once again, stopping.
“Ahh. Here we go. I can absolutely confirm your pregnancy, Hartley. Heartbeat sounds good and strong.”
The beating sound was loud. And fast.
“Here he or she is,” Dr. Christianson said, stopping on what looked like a small blur of something.
My baby? Was that my Baby It?
“Your baby looks absolutely perfect. The heartbeat sounds good and healthy. Young lady, it looks like this new life is going to make its entry into the world somewhere in the range of August 12.
“Oh, my God … I’m really having a baby.”
The tiny movement and sound of the beating heart was nothing but amazing. I blinked back the sudden emotion. Already, I was in love.
“I’m having a baby,” I whispered for the second time.
“You certainly…” The door to the exam room was being pushed open. What the hell? Dr. Christianson turned around.
Justin stormed through the door. His hair a crazy messy, he looked like he’d been through the legendary wringer at least once.
But he was here.
My God!
He’s here!
“Justin?” I turned toward him.
“Sir, you can’t be in here.” Dr. Christianson set down the transducer and turned toward Justin.
“I’m the father. I will be here.” He walked toward the exam table, leaning over and kissing my mouth.
“He’s the father… He’s my Baby It’s father.” I was sobbing … again.
“Justin Wisely.” Justin reached to shake the doctor’s hand.
“Well, very well then. Nice to meet you, Justin.”
For minutes, the doctor and Justin talked. I didn’t know exactly when that had happened or even what they were saying. I couldn’t have cared less. All I knew was that he’d come. He was here beside me seeing the first glimpse of our baby, while I quickly did the math. We’d definitely created this baby in the Mystery Room. I’d felt it that night. Maybe even the exact second.
“Our baby is healthy.” Justin’s eyes glowed as he whispered against my ear. Pictures shot out of the side of the sonogram machine and Dr. Christianson handed them to me. We both looked at the images and then at each other.
Clearing his throat, “You can get dressed now, Hartley. Next go-around, we should be able to get a clearer shot. Maybe even the sex.” The doctor brushed a towel over the top of my stomach, removing what was left of the gel.
“Justin, why don’t we step outside and let Hartley dress?”
Justin didn’t move.
“I’m staying.”
He reached for my hand, helping me step down from the examination table as the doctor smiled and left the room.
“I’m going to explode. I have to pee so bad.” Close to sprinting, I finally made it to the adjoining bathroom, Justin following.
“Justin,” I shrugged. “Please. I have to pee.”
“Like a monster. I know.” With a smile, he brushed his hand over my belly.
“There’s really a baby in here. We made a life, Hartley.”
Chapter Forty-Eight
Hartley
I’d stirred the same teaspoon of sugar for the tenth, or twelfth time, staring into my coffee mug and remembering Justin’s reaction to the sonogram. I’d retraced the conversation we had in Starbucks afterwards a million times, and the way he wrestled through an apology while picking a banana nut muffin half to death. The reality of everything was in the two pictures the doctor gave me. I had a baby inside me. I was going to raise a child with or without a daddy.
I can’t believe you’re gone, JT. You left me all alone.
I knew he was confused. First, just the crazy whirlwind of our lack of even a short relationship. Then the whole shit storm with James … and his death. Plus, I knew he was still running from his past and worrying about the future. And Venture? A married father running a BDSM club? I didn’t know how that could work either.
Disheartened, no matter what the outcome of my relationship was with Justin, I’d always have this part of him. I knew deep down he loved me and now I knew he loved this baby. This just wasn’t something he was ready for. I’d never be the same.
I still love you, baby.
He’d cupped my cheeks between shaky fingers and professed his love for me before returning to Dallas, pleading with me to come back with him so he could take care of me.
It’s my responsibility, Hartley. Let me take care of you.
I lied, leaving him to think I was back with Bruce. And now I was struggling more than ever. Missing every single thing about him, I wouldn’t go back just because he felt an obligation to pay the medical expenses. What I hated the most was the fact that we wouldn’t have any more fun times together. Our baby would probably never know its daddy’s wacky sense of humor. His fear of horror movies. His love of country music. Wouldn’t see me laughing over the crazy things he always pointed o
ut, like my addiction for sugary cinnamon roll icing. My term ‘full as a tick’ that he claimed he’d never heard. Baby I would miss all that. Along with all the good their daddy possessed, even though he didn’t realize it. Most of all, I’d never forget the sound of his laugh. Our heart-to-heart conversations. How strong a person he was, considering his lack of a real childhood. The fact that even though he didn’t visit his mother, his love was still unconditional. There were so many things to love about Justin.
I’d never stop wanting him. He would always be that one true love of my life. But he didn’t return my feelings. The love was there. That was a given. Still, it wasn’t enough for him. Love or not, he didn’t want a family and I had to respect that.
My head hurt as I stared with blurred eyes into the untouched cup of decaf. We’d had coffee together dozens of times at his kitchen table. Usually ending up with me underneath him having earth-shattering sex, sometimes on the table and other times my legs around his hard ass as he took me against the wall. He’d ruined my perception of other men. Nothing would ever compare to the times we shared.
My eyes filled. I’d cried so many times since the sonogram thirteen days ago.
I was sick of tears.
Sick of feeling hopeless.
Sick of being without my man.
All the sickness in the world couldn’t change anything, though. Couldn’t take away the fact I was going to primarily raise a child alone.
Couldn’t cough up a new companion to attend childbirth classes with.
Couldn’t send me a prince charming to rush me to the hospital when my water broke.
Couldn’t make someone magically appear to hold my hand as I struggled through hours of agonizing labor pains.
Couldn’t give me a genie in a bottle to help me make decisions when he or she was going through a rough time.
There was just me.
I carried my mug to the kitchen sink and dumped the untouched liquid. Tears festered in the corners of my eyes again.
Go to hell, fucking tears.
My phone dinged with a text. I didn’t even want to look. Really, there wasn’t anyone I cared to hear from right now, other than the one person I knew wouldn’t be texting. Not after seeing the hurt in his eyes as I told him I still loved Bruce.
Call him, Coco. The man is fucking miserable.
Jacks saw Justin? I didn’t even want to think about where and why. Either of them at Venture only brought up unwanted memories, yet I did wonder if Jacks was still seeing his sub with the platinum pussy.
I answered his text with only one word.
Maybe.
In only seconds, my phone was ringing.
“Jacks. Hi.”
“Maybe you’ll call him? Come on, Coco. Cut the man a little slack. Get in your damn car or better yet, go to the airport and get a flight to Dallas. Go make things right for you and the father of your child.” Was this my brother speaking or was it an alien from Mars only pretending to be my brother?
“Wow. You don’t even like Justin and now you’re telling me to ease up? Hello. Where is my brother? What’s happened to the hard-ass Jackson Shipman I know, because this can’t possibly be him?” His breath was heavy. He was getting frustrated. Personally, I didn’t think what I was saying was funny either. Just a bunch of stupid immature words. Something to say when in fact, I didn’t have a clue how to answer my brother.
“Other than offering financial support, he doesn’t want this baby, Jacks. What is there to say?” Tears rolled off the tip of my nose as I stared down the drain of the sink.
“Fuck, the two of you are hard-headed. No wonder you love each other. Do I need to make your plane reservation, Hartley?”
****
Through the Dallas traffic from hell, I sat perfectly idle in my rented Camry, waiting forty-five long minutes for an accident to clear up. All I had was time. Sitting. Thinking of the baby inside me not being a part of Justin’s life. I couldn’t give up on him. Not yet. The need I had for him was so deep-rooted and extreme that it ached.
Life without Justin was unimaginable.
It was 4:00 PM. when, at last, I eased into Venture’s parking lot. The Porsche was parked in his private spot. For a few seconds, I stood outside the car door, only staring at the Venture sign. Watching the slight movement of trees across the street. The billowy clouds. A jet streaking through the sky. Finally, I took one long breath and started walking.
It was now or never.
One step. Two. Three. Thirty-seven steps later, I was at the front door, the man with the stiff face actually attempting a smile. He quickly slid his feet away from me as I got closer. That made me grin just a little. He was so much more attractive when he didn’t try to be all hard-ass.
“Is he here?” I asked, knowing very well he was.
“Yep. He’s in his office. It’s really good to see you back, Miss Shipman.” The stressing of ‘really’ surprised me. Did Josh know what was going on? Shit, did everybody?
For the first time, I smiled at the man I’d somehow convinced myself I didn’t like, as he politely held the door open for me. I willed my heart to stay in one piece. Uttered a silent prayer that I wouldn’t shatter if he shrugged me off and said it was truly over. The next fifteen minutes were the next step to my future.
Justin had been honest from day one, never denying who he was or what he wanted. I was the one who’d made the mistake of not being responsible. The one who’d blown off something as crucial as birth control. So, who was the real idiot here? All that aside, we were simply two adults with differences that may very well be impossible to deal with. Maybe opposites really didn’t attract.
Maybe that was nothing but hogwash.
Maybe I was simply delusional.
The door to his office was open. With a deep, nervous breath, I stepped inside. He looked up from the couch, his eyes widening with surprise as he set down his laptop. Decked out in western wear, he looked like he belonged on the cover of a Cavender’s Western Wear ad in his tight jeans and button-down shirt. His eyes were their normal bright blue. They were also lined with dark swollen circles. Maybe due to a migraine, lack of sleep, or both, I hoped it wasn’t another painful headache. Yet, I couldn’t really make myself feel too sorry for him if he hadn’t been sleeping. Neither had I.
“Hartley. Are you okay? The baby?”
Sam was sitting beside him. She didn’t move. Was he sleeping with her again? This soon?
She acted like I wasn’t even there. Like she belonged. And I didn’t.
Shit, I really couldn’t stand her. Her hair was long and still blonde with purple highlights covering the tips. Her dress was short and tight, pulled up nearly to the point of being able to see her crotch. She placed one of her hands on the side of Justin’s leg, my immediate thought being how much I’d like to snap that hand in half.
Oh, no you don’t!
“Do you want me to stay?” she asked, her hand still pressing against Justin’s thigh.
“No, he doesn’t,” I answered in my biggest, baddest ever bitch voice.
Her back stiffened at my bold response.
“Can I ask you one question before you leave?” Sam’s eyes shot up, looking at me then back toward Justin. He shrugged. He was enjoying this.
Cocky bastard.
“Sure, Hartley.” God, I literally hated her and to think in the beginning, I actually thought we could be friends.
“It’s a simple question really.” I looked straight in her eyes. “Why is it that every time I walk through this office door and you’re in here, your hands are on Justin? Is there any particular reason behind that? Are you fucking him? And if you are, have you noticed his issues with premature ejaculation? Is it as frustrating for you as it was for me?” The look on her face was priceless. Shocked, she didn’t even try answering.
“Well,” I shrugged. “Either way, I’d just like to make something perfectly clear. I don’t like your hands on my man!” Justin’s lip was curling into a small smile,
amused as hell by what I was doing. Holy crap, I didn’t know what I was doing.
Premature ejaculation? Dear God.
“Forgive me, Hartley. I apologize if I offended you.” She looked back at Justin with question covering her face.
“I’ll be fine, Sam.”
“Yes, Sam. He’s going to be absolutely fine. You can go now.”
Surprised with my unusually forward attitude, she stood awkwardly and walked to the door. I probably should have been embarrassed by my sudden bitch face explosion. I didn’t do stuff like that. Hell, I was shy. But right now, none of that mattered a damn. The only thing I cared about was the man staring blue daggers through my eyes with the swelling behind his jeans.
My baby’s daddy.
The love of my life.
“Bitch,” I whispered.
“Are you finished?” Justin asked. “Or do you want to talk about my erectile dysfunction?” He was grinning. “That was quite entertaining. In fact, I enjoyed the hell out of it. It was hot.”
“Not really,” I whispered, trying to figure out if I was still mad as hell or just downright embarrassed by what I’d just done. What possessed me to say that? Were hormones turning me into a mad woman?
“Just need her to realize she will be keeping her damn paws off my man and baby daddy from here on out.” Justin ran a finger across his jaw.
“I suspect that won’t be a problem, sweet thing.”
I reached for his cheeks, forcing myself from taking his lips. Giving my best shot at keeping my hands off his fabulous ass. Dressed in dark gray jeans with a black button-down, his boots were some kind of black exotic skin. His shadowed jaw was a little heavier than it usually was and even his hair had grown out just a little. Lord Jesus, he turned me on. Was he growing a full-on beard now? Shit, who cared? I rubbed my fingers over his sexy scruff and then lifted them to his eyes that were filling with emotion.
“Fuck, Hartley. I’ve made so many mistakes.” I kissed him, letting my lips linger for long seconds.
“So have I, JT.” I didn’t want to stop kissing him. I wanted all of him right here. Right now. But Baby It had different ideas. My stomach rolled with loud, obnoxious-sounding hunger pains.
Crimson Sunsets Page 26
