“I’m sorry,” was all I could say.
He nodded, almost like he expected as much, and opened the trunk so I could take my luggage.
“Someone stole my phone and my bank cut off my funds. I didn’t mean to waste your time, sir.”
I took off my watch and offered it to him. He took the watch and gave me a pat on the shoulder.
“It’s worth six hundred dollars,” I said.
He got back inside the car and pulled away as I stood with five bags of luggage on some unknown street in downtown Manila at three in the morning. Things were not looking good for my survival.
Six
A couple of kids rushed over to grab my bags, hoping they were going to get a tip. They looked like good kids, too, and reminded me of Manny. I felt terrible telling them “no” but I had nothing on me except for some counterfeit bills that would probably get them thrown into jail. My eyes were heavy; I’d been awake for a very long time. So I loaded up my bags, using every appendage like a coat rack, and began walking. After a few blocks I found a concrete building carved out of an alleyway – that looked like some kind of hotel – and headed in that direction. I waddled through the door, catching it hard against my shoulder as it sprang back, and then dropped all of my luggage in the lobby. The thud probably woke up half the guests.
There was a dilapidated wooden desk with a flower pot on it. Below my feet was chipped hardwood and there was a mirror at the far end of the room, from which I caught my reflection. My hair was a mess, I was drenched in sweat, and my clothes were twisted in every possible direction.
A man in a yellow, collared shirt stepped out of a back room and smiled at me.
“Hello, sir. How many guest?”
I approached the desk, trying to remember how those Hollywood actors could create sympathy with just a look. I tried to mimic that look.
“I’m sorry to bother you but I lost my cell phone and I need to call my bank.”
“Is it local bank?”
“No,” I admitted. “It’s in the States.”
“I see. You can dial out and we charge the call to your room.”
I wasn’t sure how that was going to work out, but I gave it a shot. Of course, the number brought me to a menu of options, so I held 0. After twenty minutes of waiting, I heard a voice.
“Hello, and thank you for calling…”
“I need help!” I said in a panic. “You guys cut off my account and I told you I was going overseas. Can you please…”
“I’m sorry, sir – can you slow down? Did you say there was a fraud alert on your card?”
“Yes, but this call is costing me fifteen dollars a minute so you’ll excuse the rush. My name is Ted LaSalle and I need you to unfreeze my account.”
“Okay, sir – let me transfer you over to our fraud alert department.”
“Wait!” I exclaimed. “Don’t put me on…”
And I was once again on hold. This time they left me on hold for twenty-five minutes before I heard the sound of doom – a muted click followed by a dead dial tone.
“Would you like to call again?” the man asked me in a worried tone.
“I’m so, so sorry but – I can’t afford another call. In fact, I can’t afford that call.”
“Do you live close to here?” he asked.
I drew in a long breath and said, “I live off the coast of Cebu.”
“That’s… very far from here,” he nodded.
“I just need some help. Is there any way you can help me?”
There was a long pause and the man looked around, then suspiciously wrote something down in a register book. He quickly handed me a key.
“Go up stairs,” he said in a low voice. “Stay in room thirteen. If goes past noon I will have to charge you.”
I felt like reaching over the counter and giving him a big hug. I grabbed my bags and headed up a short staircase to a landing. The hallway led me to room thirteen and I stepped inside a tired, but thankful, man. I lay down without changing clothes and fell into a deep, coma-like sleep. I dreamed about Lanie.
We were in a dark room with no doors and couldn’t find our way out. I began kicking the walls as hard as I could until a pinpoint of light shone on the wall nearest her. She placed her hand on my shoulder and I became calm instantly. I reached out and put my fingers into the light and it slowly enveloped my whole body. At once I was free but I looked back through the tiny pinhole and saw Lanie still in the dark room with no doors. She was calling out for me but I couldn’t get to her. There was no way to get back inside. Then the pinhole closed and I lost sight of her.
I snapped awake, sweating and disoriented. Sitting up, I saw the bedside clock was showing 10:15. I took a quick shower and changed clothes before heading into the street with all of my luggage, thanking the clerk with a head-nod on my way out. I immediately flagged down a taxi and he pulled to the curb, got out and walked over to place my bags in the trunk.
I quickly stopped him and said, “Can you take me to the US embassy?”
He shook his head no. “Embassy closed for national holiday.”
I realized that it was also Friday here in the Philippines, which meant that the embassy would not re-open until Monday. I was now convinced that I would be sleeping on the streets for the next three nights. I was also convinced that I may not survive these streets.
The cabbie said, “Sorry,” and headed back to the driver’s side.
“Wait!” I hollered, thinking fast. “Can we make a deal?”
“Ano?” he said.
“Magpalatin,” I told him, trying to remember the right term. “Me and you… kalakalan.”
“You want a trade?”
“Yes!” I exclaimed. “Can you drive me? I need to find a way to Cebu.”
“You need boat to Cebu.”
“I know that. Can you drive me to the docks?”
I saw him eyeballing my luggage.
“I’ll give you two suitcases, including what’s inside, for bayad.”
He took a long moment, flipped a cigarette into his mouth and then unzipped the bags, picking the two that were filled with my newly purchased clothing.
“You give me these two?”
“Fine,” I sighed, running out of options.
“You don’t have money – how you pay for boat to Cebu?”
I shrugged, looking down at my remaining bags. He smiled and put my luggage into the trunk. I hopped onto the front seat of the cab and we were off. The temperature was rising into the upper 90s and my cabbie refused to turn on the air conditioner. To make matters worse, my window was jammed and wouldn’t roll down, so the long ride to the docks felt like being stuck in a sauna. I had no money for water and the cabbie was apparently used to long treks in the heat. To keep my spirits up my thoughts returned to Lanie and how great it was going to feel to see her again. I just wished it would happen sooner!
A couple of miles from the docks, the cabbie pulled onto the gravel shoulder; we had a flat tire. He jumped out, removed his shirt, and retrieved a spare tire from his trunk. It began to dawn on me that, in light of these recent events, God might not want me to make it back to the island. It was only a passing thought, but one that scared me terribly.
Twenty minutes later we arrived at the docks and I thanked the cabbie and bid him farewell. He happily drove away with two thousand dollars’ worth of clothes, the only apparel I had left. As always, the docks were bustling with activity, so I searched for a friendly face or anyone with a captain’s hat. Finding the latter, I rushed over with my remaining bags.
“Are you going to Cebu?”
He looked at the sweaty, panicked American in front of him and shook his head. He then pointed to the ticket booth.
“No, I need to find a vessel heading for Cebu. No ticket.”
He just stared at me so I lugged my bags to the next official-looking guy I saw.
“Excuse me… I’m trying to get to Cebu.”
He nodded, smiling.
“Ye
s, sir. Show your ticket to the man standing behind the ropes and he get you on.”
“I don’t have a ticket. I only have these bags.”
He looked at my remaining luggage.
“Can we make a deal – the two of us?”
He looked around suspiciously like the guy at the hotel had done, then nodded and grabbed my bags and instructed me to step over the rope. He then personally escorted me onto the bow of the ship and said he’d return with my ticket – which he did, five minutes later. I then stood on the boat and watched the man walk away with the only possessions I had left, except for a few counterfeit pesos and the sweaty clothes I had on. But it didn’t matter; I was another step closer to the island and that made it all worthwhile.
Seven
I wasn’t sure about the legitimacy of my ticket, so I slept on the deck of the boat with several other vagabonds in order to go unnoticed by security officers. I caught a few of the others smiling and staring at me as if to say, what on earth are you doing way out here? It would’ve been hard to explain, so I simply returned their smiles.
I missed the island. I missed my home. I missed Rene and his family. Most of all, I missed the girl. And this time, I knew I wouldn’t be facing rejection. I knew she loved me, so this would be a sure thing. I could finally pour my heart out to a woman and not have my soul ripped out in return. I entered into a deep sleep and dreamed about her. We were playing on the green lawn of the mansion with several small children of mixed ethnicity. They were our children, I supposed. She was so great around kids and it was enjoyable just watching her throw them into the air and catch them, smiling all the while. I was falling more and more in love with her by the minute, if that was possible.
I woke up when someone kicked me. It was bright daylight.
“Kano,” said an older man. “We here.”
I jumped to my feet and saw that we had, indeed, docked in Cebu. I felt a surge of energy knowing that the Island of Ted was only an hour away. I raced down the ramp, catching a lot of stares on the way, and blasted onto the landing. I had told Nako my approximate date of arrival and was surprisingly on schedule despite the recent hardships. I looked around the docks but didn’t see his boat; there were too many around. My heartbeat began to elevate as I heard the sweetest sound in the world – that of my friend’s voice.
“Hey there, boss.”
I turned and saw that smiling, Yoda-like, Japanese cargo boat captain.
“Nako!”
I grabbed him in a tight hug, which took him by surprise. I was entirely too sentimental these days.
“I’m glad you back, boss. No one to play baseball with. Rene doesn’t have the arm.”
I laughed. He began sniffing me.
“It’s a long story,” I said. “Let’s go grab something to eat and find a decent place to pick up an outfit.”
“You want to go shopping now?”
I pointed to my clothes and said, “This is all I have left. Besides, I need to find a place to freshen up.”
• • •
We hit the mall and I told Nako about the nightmarish trip to get there. I cleaned up in a hotel bathroom and changed into my new outfit, remembering to remove the tags first. I told Nako I’d pay him back once I got a chance to call the bank and straighten them out. Nako and I ducked into a seafood restaurant on the shore by the docks, to grab some food before heading out to the island. I needed some fuel in my system after a day of famine and I wanted to pull Lanie aside as soon as we got there so I could tell her everything.
Nako scanned his menu and shot a glance up toward me.
“So what bring you back after all this time? I thought you never come back.”
“Well,” I started. “It took being away for five months to realize where my home really was.”
“That’s great, boss. So you back for good?”
“Yep,” I said with a big grin. “For good.”
He nodded, glad to hear it.
“So what you miss the most?” he asked.
“Of course, Lanie,” I said.
Nako’s expression changed sharply. He stared into my eyes and then looked down at his hands.
“What? What is it?”
He took a long moment, his eyes avoiding mine.
“Ted, I don’t… I don’t know how to say this to you. But Lanie is not there.”
“Wait… what?” I said, my lips trembling.
“Ted, she leave three months ago.”
“She’s not on the island? Nako, I came back for her. Where is she? Can we go to her? You have a boat! We can….”
Nako continued looking down solemnly and said, “That’s not so possible, boss.”
“Why? Where is she?” I said in a panic.
“Rene told me she met a guy in Iloilo. I think they move in together. Ted, I’m very sorry to tell you this. But Lanie is not on the island and... I think she is also pregnant.”
The wind was sucked out of the room. I felt a knot in my throat and a sear of heat in my eyes. I took a breath to make sure I was still alive.
I looked down at my menu but couldn’t see anything. My vision was blurred.
“Boss, did you come back here for Lanie?”
My head swam and I wanted to puke.
“Yes. I did.”
I barely managed to get the words out. Nako then snapped his fingers to get my attention and I looked at him.
“You came all this way for a girl?”
“Yes. I was going to marry her.”
Deep sadness penetrated Nako’s face. His countenance was grave. It looked like he was feeling my pain. My heart was breaking in half.
“How could she do this?” I thought. I was angry with her. I was angry with Rene for letting her go. But then, slowly, I realized that it was all my fault. I had done this to us. I was the one who left her there with no hope of return. I told her I would write to her and I never did because of my terrible weakness. I was afraid of ruining her life and now I had ruined both of our lives. It was intolerable. My entire life flashed before my eyes in the span of a second and I felt my soul crumble. Of all the mistakes I’d made in my life, this is one from which I would not recover.
In utter sincerity, Nako looked at me with pitiful eyes and said, “It’s all right, boss. Cause I’m playing joke on you.”
“Holy hell!” I shrieked to myself. I wanted to kill him and hug him at the same time. What a bastard! I threw my fork at him and saw twisted delight reflecting in his eyes. With friends like this, who needed enemies?
Eight
A light mist hugged the island as Nako and I docked. He was like a giddy teenager and I, despite the arduous travel and emotional roller coaster, was much the same. Stepping onto the Island of Ted, I felt reborn. It had been a few months since I left and it took me exactly that long to realize where my home truly was.
As Pops used to say, “Home is here, and it goes with you.”
For most of my adult life I had fought to understand that veiled statement from Pops, but only at that moment did it become lucid. Home was Lanie, wherever she was. And right now, she was a hundred yards away. It was difficult to contain my excitement as Nako and I entered that familiar forest of palm trees and I smelled the beautiful, fresh night air that only seemed to exist here. As we hit the clearing and I saw the house glowing in the distance, I had to stop and take a deep breath. Nako, my first real friend on the planet, gave me a comforting pat on the back. He seemed to know what I was going through. It was a sobering moment. We then moved forward and approached the house.
Questions flooded my mind at lightning speed. What would I say to her? Would she react warmly? Would she be angry?
I suddenly found myself standing at the front door of the house. Nako saw that I wasn’t moving – I was stuck – so he rang the doorbell for me.
In my mind I laughed, once again, at the irony of a doorbell on the Island of Ted, something that seemed less ironic now.
Rene swung the door open with wide eyes and was a
bout to yell, when Nako and I both shot a finger to our lips: we wanted this to be a surprise. Rene smiled and led us inside. The house was warm and smelled of delicious food coming from the kitchen. I waved to the children as I walked past them, telling them to be careful not to say anything. Rene then led me to the kitchen.
And then I saw her.
Lanie was removing a roast from the oven when she looked up and saw me standing there. Lynette put her hand to her chest in surprise, and then grabbed the pan from Lanie, who continued to stare at me in a way that was hard to read. I had no idea what to say and the house had become very still and quiet. Every eye in the room was now fixed on the two of us.
“Hi,” I said clumsily.
She nodded with a half-smile that told me things had changed between us. She didn’t look angry, but she wasn’t going to leap into my arms either.
I looked into her eyes and said, “Can we talk in private? Please?”
She stared at me for a moment, then nodded and moved toward the back door. I looked at Rene, who offered me a friendly shrug, before following her outside.
When I stepped onto the bamboo deck and let the door close behind me, I saw Lanie standing near the edge, looking out into the dark forest. I felt as though that special thing that she and I had shared before was not present. Time had not worked in my favor.
Not having the nerve to face her, I spoke to her back. “I’m sorry that I left, Lanie. It wasn’t because of you or anything you did. It was my own insecurity.”
I saw that her arms were folded but I wished so badly to see her face. I wanted to know if she was angry, or sad, or frustrated.
I took a step closer and said, “I came back… and you’re the reason. I’m back because I never want to be away from you ever again, even for a moment.”
She stood at the edge of the deck with her back to me, arms folded, refusing to offer me the slightest reaction. I began to feel ashamed. It was the same feeling I’d had the day I expressed my love for Teresa. I only wished that Lanie would say something, even to curse at me or call me an idiot.
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