“Fuck,” he breathed. “See what you do to me?”
He slammed into her roughly and lay over her, pinning Taylor between his hard body and the harder table as his climax took over. He stared down at Taylor, a beautiful, angry kind of frown gracing his lips. One hand slid beneath her hair and gripped the base of her neck while the other fist beat against the table. Levi bit down on his lip as a strangled moan escaped and water dripped from his hair onto her face. She was overwhelmed, the entire experience burned into her memory—every sight, touch, taste, scent, and sound.
Their chests pressed together, each fighting for breath against the other. All this time Taylor wanted him, wanted to have him. She thought once she did, it would be out of her system and she could move on. But this felt too right, too wild and comforting at the same time. She knew she would need more.
Levi pulled out of her and Taylor sat up, her feet finding their place on the wet ground. He didn’t look at her as he pulled his pants back up over his thighs and buckled his belt. There was a looming finality to this dance of redressing, something that Taylor already dreaded.
She struggled into her wet jeans as Levi searched for the rest of their clothes. He pulled on his T-shirt and handed her his green uniform shirt.
“I tore your shirt. You’ll need something to wear,” he said, his eyes not meeting hers.
She nodded and slid it over her freezing skin. Even through the perfume of rain and sex, she could smell him on the shirt.
Levi retrieved his hat, slicked back his wet hair, and placed it on his head. A sinking feeling kicked her in the gut, a desperation that she didn’t want to own up to.
“Levi…” Taylor started, but she stopped when she didn’t know how to finish.
She watched him turn and walk through the drizzling rain toward the house. She regretted how they got there, but she wasn’t sorry about what happened. When he was gone, Taylor recognized the feeling haunting her, the sick nervousness that ignited. She wanted him to hold her and whisper sweet words against her mouth. She wanted to make him smile and watch him pluck at the strings of a guitar. She wanted something she’d never wanted before. She wanted him to stay.
9. radiohead and hurricanes
Levi turned out of the driveway and hit the accelerator, trying to put as much distance as possible between him and Taylor Hudson. At the stop sign at the end of the street, he slammed his hand on the dusty dashboard until it cracked beneath his fist.
“Fuck!”
He was disgusted with himself, disappointed in his weakness. In this game of cat and mouse, no one was declared the winner. When he waved the white flag and finally took her, Levi felt more alive than he had in years. All of their flirting, foreplay, and fighting came together and erupted in the most satisfying and sadistic experience he’d ever had. Levi didn’t want to want Taylor, but the more he touched her, the more evident it became that he would always lose this battle.
A horn honked from behind him and Levi gave an apologetic wave before proceeding through the intersection. Kyle called on his way home, concerned when they’d lost visual and audio over an hour ago. So Levi confessed his crime and waited for the worst.
“This changes nothing, man. You’ve still got a job to do and it’s still yours. You’ve got to get back in there. The house, I mean. Not Taylor,” Kyle said. Levi gave a hollow laugh. “Too soon?”
“Too soon.”
“Well, no one could have held out forever. She was throwing herself at you. I am kind of disappointed, though.”
“Why?” Levi asked, pulling onto the highway.
“I owe Crystal fifty dollars now.”
“You guys were betting on whether I would sleep with her? Assholes.” Levi hung up and concentrated on getting home.
Inside his apartment, he let the door seal him off from the rest of the world. His first inclination was to go out and pick a fight with someone. He needed to get rid of this hostile energy. But he couldn’t take that risk. Instead, Levi took a scalding hot shower before sliding into bed with his guitar and a bottle of whiskey. He ignored his phone and let the strumming hum of steel strings drown out the feelings of panic hurtling around his head. The whiskey kicked in and Levi welcomed the numbness with a satisfied grin.
The next morning, he woke with a killer hangover and an empty bottle as a bedmate. Levi placed a call to Mandy, letting her know that he would be out sick for the day. She gushed over him, offering to deliver soup or anything he needed. He politely refused.
Levi spent his entire day trying to deny his desire for Taylor. He told himself over and over that she was just a kid, a manipulative, beautiful kid. But he knew better. Her fierce words and the way she clawed at his skin represented all the want and pain of a woman. That afternoon, when the buzzing frustration beneath his skin became too much, he headed to the nearest YMCA. Levi tucked himself into the back corner of the gym and beat a punching bag into submission. He swung and connected with the leather over and over, letting this inanimate object bear his irritation. When his shirt was sweat soaked and his arms shook from his effort, he finally gave up.
Back at his apartment, Levi showered and ate a sandwich while flipping through television channels. Nothing appealed to him. He felt suffocated and too alone here. He grabbed his father’s guitar and headed out to Mavericks.
He added his name to the lineup for open mic night and took a seat at the bar.
“Hey, man. Where you been?” Gregory asked.
“That new job keeps me busy,” Levi replied.
“You all right? You look like shit.”
“Fine.” Levi shook his head and looked up at the stage.
“Let me guess. Female troubles?”
“Am I that obvious?”
“I been around the block with enough shorties to recognize girl troubles. How ’bout a drink? On the house,” Gregory offered.
“Nah, I’m still recovering from last night.”
Gregory tucked his dish towel into his back pocket and leaned over the bar top.
“I don’t know if you’re trying to get rid of one or trying to keep one. Either way, use it, man.”
“Use what?” Levi asked.
“That feeling. Forget the excuses and bullshit. Use it onstage.”
Levi nodded. When it was time, he took his place on the single barstool set beneath a white-hot spotlight. The mic stood before him, ready to serve. Levi flipped the switch to power it on and cleared his throat. His pick slid across the strings, and the crowd’s roaring conversations dropped down to a whisper.
His random plucking turned into the sounds of Radiohead’s “Talk Show Host.” The eerie notes lulled Levi as he closed his eyes and pictured Taylor. His voice was strained but hard as he played the melody between lines. He heard no clinking of glass, no murmured conversations, only his song.
You want me, fucking come on and break the door down
Levi dropped his head and opened his eyes. They stayed trained on his fingers working the new strings of the old guitar. He wondered how many times this guitar expressed things his father couldn’t. He wondered if he sang now for Taylor … or for himself.
One more chord and the last notes faded out of the speakers. There was a sobering moment of stillness and silence. Levi lifted his eyes to a muted crowd. Gregory gave a whistle from behind the bar and everyone broke into applause. They clapped and cheered until he was uncomfortable up there, until he had no choice but to start a new song.
After a few more, Levi gave a quick nod and exited the stage. As soon as he was out of the spotlight, he felt lighter, freer. He slid his guitar onto the bar and signaled to Gregory.
“I’ll take that drink now.”
The bartender smiled and grabbed a beer for him, sliding it down the bar into his waiting hand.
“Good job up there, man. You got real talent. Not that auto tune bullshit,” Gregory said. Levi grinned and took a long pull from the ice-cold bottle. The liquid cooled his insides. “Every girl in this place wants t
o fuck you or marry you. Want me to be your wingman? I spotted a pair of hotties drooling near the stage.”
“Ha. What I don’t need is any more women in my life, but thanks.”
Gregory let out a giant cackling laugh and headed down the bar to serve someone else. Levi finished his beer and left a tip for the free drink.
Twenty minutes later, he lay in bed and mentally prepared himself for work tomorrow. When his phone rang a little before midnight, he knew exactly who it was.
“Boss,” he greeted.
“Levi, I hear you didn’t go to work today.”
“I wasn’t feeling well.” His voice went up at the end like he was asking a question. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Stayed in bed all day.”
“I don’t suppose this has anything to do with the fact that you fucked the Hudson girl, does it?”
He slammed his fist down onto his mattress and mouthed the word “shit.”
“No,” was all he said.
“Good. Frankly, I don’t care who you stick your dick in, Levi. But if you jeopardize this operation, I will not hesitate to end you. You fuck with my money, I’ll fuck with your life. Do you understand?”
“Loud and clear, Boss.”
The call ended and Levi stared at the glow of his phone screen. As much as he tried to deny Taylor Hudson, she’d found a weakness in his armor and went in for the kill. He’d taken her in anger and frustration, but there were no words to describe the feel of them finally coming together. It was like being connected to something bigger than himself, something out of his control, something completely terrifying but also exhilarating.
* * *
Adrienne picked up Taylor around one o’clock. The drive to Santa Ana was quiet. Taylor fidgeted in her seat and adjusted the air vents a few times before Adrienne spoke up.
“You don’t have to be nervous,” she said.
Taylor dropped her hands to her lap and pasted on an easy smile. “I’m not nervous.”
“These kids are not much younger than us, you know? We should be able to relate to them better than an adult.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Taylor answered. “I’m just distracted. I thought this summer would be really chill, and it’s turning out to be … well, a little crazy.”
“Does this have anything to do with your handyman crush?”
Taylor leaned her head back and kept her eyes on the road ahead of them. “Maybe.”
“Well,” Adrienne said, pulling up to the youth center, “I’m here if you want to talk. I know we haven’t been super close in the past few years, but I’m still your friend, Taylor.”
“I know, Ade. Thanks.”
The girls hopped out of the car and made their way inside. Adrienne led Taylor around the basketball courts to the back side of the gym. They entered a set of double doors that led to an open room with tables and chairs.
“We have to go to the director’s office first,” Adrienne said, pointing toward a long hall.
Taylor nodded and followed. There were lots of framed awards and certificates on the wall, and Taylor found herself reading over each one.
“Whoa,” she said, when someone bumped into shoulder. Taylor turned to face the offender and saw a tall redheaded girl standing there, gawking at her. She rubbed her shoulder and frowned.
“Sorry,” the redhead offered. Her eyes widened and she let out a choking kind of cough. “I didn’t see you there.”
“Oh, hey, Crystal,” Adrienne piped up. “This is my friend Taylor.”
Crystal gave a tight, forced smile showing too many teeth. “Taylor, nice to meet you. For the first time. Ever.” She gave a small wave and pointed over her shoulder. “I’ve, uh, I’ve got to go. See you around.”
“Bye,” Adrienne sang.
“Do I have something on my face?” Taylor asked, continuing down the hall.
“No, why?”
“She was just staring at me. It was weird.”
“Well, Taylor. You are incredibly beautiful. Maybe she’s a lesbian.”
“Ha ha. So funny. How do you know her?”
“Just through volunteering. I participated in a program last summer and she was a volunteer with me.”
Taylor nodded and followed Adrienne into the office. They were introduced to the director of the reading program and sat through a short training video.
“Since you girls have some experience with this, I think you’ll do just fine. These kids have somehow slipped through the cracks. Most of them are between twelve and sixteen but aren’t reading beyond a third-grade level. They all have assignments from us, so you won’t be going in completely blind. You’ll work to help them complete at least one section of the assigned work each time you’re here. We appreciate your volunteering to help give them a shot.”
Both girls nodded and were led into the reading room. Adrienne was assigned to a boy named David, while Taylor was introduced to a teenage girl named Dee.
“Hi, Dee. I’m Taylor.”
“Hey.” Dee seemed shy, keeping her eyes on the table while doodling around the edge of her assignment.
“Tell me about yourself,” Taylor said, trying to get a conversation started.
“Not much to tell. Got two older brothers locked up and a baby sister. My mom works two jobs, so I take care of the little one a lot. Just moved from Florida.”
“Do you like it here?”
“It’s different. The weather’s nice, I guess. No hurricanes.”
“Nah, just earthquakes.” Dee’s eyes widened and Taylor couldn’t help but smile. “Well, I’ve lived here my whole life. I think you’ll love it.”
Dee stuck a finger through a hole in the sleeve of her T-shirt and nodded.
“Let’s get started on your assignment.”
“I really don’t think it’s gonna help. I just don’t get it,” Dee murmured.
“Well, that’s why I’m here, right? To help you get it?”
Dee shrugged and slid the paper toward Taylor. After reading the instructions, Taylor worked hard to engage Dee and get her to complete the assignment. The girl’s heart just wasn’t in it. The entire two hours were a struggle, but Taylor remained cool and persistent. By the end of their time together, she wasn’t sure if she’d made any headway at all.
“That was fun,” Adrienne said excitedly as they headed home.
“I’m not sure I’d use the word ‘fun.’ My kid doesn’t want to learn the material. It was like she would rather be anywhere but with me learning that stuff.”
“She’ll come around, I’m sure. Why did you enjoy it so much last time?”
“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t take it so seriously. The kid I worked with was the same age as me and we mostly talked about music.”
“There you go,” Adrienne said. “Find something you have in common or something she’s passionate about.”
“Right,” Taylor said, thinking it over and having no idea where to find common ground with Dee.
“Just don’t give up on her, Tay. She’s where she’s at now because people gave up on her.”
Taylor nodded. Those words sank in and stayed with her. She would show up again next week and the week after that, until Dee understood that she could depend on Taylor. She would be an advocate for that girl. She would help her to grow and learn so that she had a fighting chance in this world. She would convey how important an education was, and she would be an example for Dee.
When Taylor crawled in bed that night, she lay in the dark and, for the first time in hours, thought about Levi. For some reason, after the day’s events, she felt closer to him. She felt like she understood him a little more. With him missing work today, she didn’t know if she’d ever see him again. Taylor vowed to make sure he knew how sorry she was for the terrible things she’d said to him, to make sure he knew that she wasn’t the person he assumed her to be. She was something new every day, changing and evolving, seeing the world through different eyes. Taylor fell asleep with her head full of thoughts
and her heart full of good intentions.
10. carnal desires and plan b
Taylor woke early, full of nervous energy. She threw on a sports bra and running shorts, and headed straight to the gym in her basement. Willing the physical exertion to numb her thoughts of Levi and feelings of guilt, Taylor pushed herself until her legs felt like jelly and her lungs burned. When she was exhausted, she turned off the treadmill and headed upstairs. With her earbuds still in place, she pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator and gulped it down in three long swallows. Her hips swayed back and forth, still moving to the music in her ears. Beads of sweat ran down her back and soaked into the band of her shorts.
“Ugh, I need a shower,” she said to herself.
She threw her bottle into the recycling bin and crossed the kitchen. When she passed the pantry, two strong arms wrapped around her, one at the waist and the other over her mouth. She screamed but soon recognized the calloused fingers on her lips and the hard body pressed against her back.
“Shhh,” Levi whispered. “It’s just me.”
She let out a breath and relaxed against his chest. Levi removed his hand from her mouth and slid it down her neck and shoulder. Taylor spun in his arms, looking into eyes she never thought she’d see again.
“Levi,” she said. “Thank God.” Her hands grabbed on to his shoulders, her fingers digging into the muscles there. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry about the things I said to you. I didn’t mean them. When you didn’t show up yesterday, I thought you weren’t coming back.”
“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered.
Taylor gave a tiny smile and stretched up on her tiptoes to reach his lips. Their kiss started off slow and hesitant, a question of forgiveness. It quickly escalated to something heavier and pleading.
“Meet me in my shower in five minutes.”
She pressed a kiss to his hard jaw and made an escape before he could deny her. Taylor practically sprinted up the stairs. She took off her sweaty gym clothes in the bathroom and tossed them into the laundry chute.
Perfect Betrayal Page 11
