“She’s gone to the bathroom. I think if you want to speak to her you should do so quickly before she gets even more upset. I have control of the bar here for a moment, go and make things right.”
I turn, just about ready to burst into the women’s bathroom without even thinking about it, but before I get anywhere Serena runs past me to the outside area. She doesn’t even look at me as she goes which suggests that Marie has said something terrible. I just hope that it isn’t completely unfixable.
“Shit,” I mutter, almost under my breath. “Fucking Marie.”
“Go,” Tia insists behind me. “Go now and make things right.”
I do as Tia commands, knowing that she’s right. The longer I leave Marie’s words to stew in Serena’s brain the worse they’ll become. As I move I curse myself for ever giving in to the primal urges that she used to have coursing through me. If I just ignored Marie all the times she followed me around and tried to get into my pants, things would be so much easier now. I can’t believe I ever let myself get with her. What a damn idiot.
“Serena!” I call out as soon as I reach outside. She isn’t anywhere immediately in sight, which I hope means she hasn’t run off too far. I don’t quite know how upset she is, I don’t know what’s been said. “Serena, where are you?”
I glance everywhere in sight, even peering behind the walls either side of the building. Finally I spot Serena slumped against a wall in the dark alleyway behind the club, weeping miserably. My heart bleeds, I hate that this has happened, and I like it even less that it’s my fault.
“Serena, oh my God, what happened?” I move closer to her and try to put an arm on her. She shakes me off quickly. “Serena, whatever Marie said to you... don’t think anything of it. She’s just bitchy like that.”
“Then why did you hook up with her?” She turns her head and gives me a sorrowful look, one that makes me hate absolutely everything that came in my life before her. “Is she right? Have you been together for ages?”
“Not together,” I close my eyes in frustration. “It isn’t like that. She just... we hooked up once then she started following me to events and...”
“But why did you continue to hook up with her? Is it because she’s beautiful? It is because she’s sexy? Is because she isn’t as boring as I am?”
“Boring?” I pull Serena around to face me and stare at her with utter seriousness. “Serena, I don’t think you understand, you really do captivate me. I don’t think there’s anything boring about you at all. I think you’re amazing.” I can tell that I need to be honest if I’m ever going to get anywhere with Serena. “Yes, I hooked up with Marie a few times, but that was never anything. There was never anything emotional there at all. She knows nothing about me at all. What we have is an emotional bond, you know me, I’ve talked to you about stuff. I’ve opened up to you. You’ve changed me for the better. What I feel for you is nothing like that... I think... I think I might...”
I can see her eyes widen in expectation. I want to say those three little words, they’re there, burning in the back of my throat, but something is blocking them from coming out. Maybe it’s just scary to finally open up that much... I don’t think I’m ready for it.
Instead I go in for a kiss.
At first, Serena seems resistant. She stands there with her hands firmly planted by her sides. I know she’s disappointed, I’m sure she wanted me to say those three words but I just can’t do it. I will, but when I’m ready. Eventually her hands move up my body and she plants them on my waist. She leans in closer to me and deepens the kiss. Thank God she’s forgiven me for whatever Marie said to her. It seems that she said Serena was boring and that I’ll always want her. Serena is about to learn just how wrong that is.
“Oh, Ben,” she murmurs as my mouth goes to her neck. I run my hands slowly up her torso and cup her breasts between my fingers. I squeeze lightly which causes her breaths to become shorter and more ragged.
I need her to understand, really understand, that it’s only her I want.
I slide one hand down, pinching her hip as I go and soon I make it to the waistband of her leggings. She rolls her hips towards me, pressing against my groin, seemingly totally unaware that we’re outside her work anymore. I don’t care, the more she forgets about the real world the better I can make her feel. All I want to do in this moment is make her feel amazing.
My fingers dip into her underwear and I brush past the hairs there edging myself closer and closer to the heat I can already feel emanating from her. My heart races as I wonder how soaking she is for me, the serene expression on her face suggests that she’s so turned on she could scream. There are people around us everywhere, but we’re tucked into a nook meaning that no one can see us. The risk of being caught is there without the actual threat. It’s the perfect, hot as hell, scenario.
I reach around and slide my fingers into her, pushing into her wetness until she gasps and clings to me. I know her body well now, almost better than I know my own and I know just how to turn her on. While I’d much rather spend a lot of time exploring all of her flushed, beautiful skin, I know that she needs to be quick because she needs to get back to work. I’m going to have to use all of my best tricks.
I flick over her clit with my thumb while dipping my fingers in and out of her. Serena’s walls tighten around my fingers, she grips onto me, keeping me there, encouraging me to move faster and harder inside of her. While the passion overcomes her, I watch Serena’s face, admiring her beauty. She’s absolutely gorgeous, naturally so. She’s absolutely the most beautiful woman that I’ve ever been with. I want to keep her, I don’t want anything to get in our way, not even my own insecurities.
I need to say it, however terrifying it is I have to find the words somehow.
She grinds against me, her whole body shuddering as the pressure builds. I move my hand in the way I know that she likes and she stiffens just before the sensations claim her completely. As she shatters and falls apart in my arms I make sure to hold her upright. Her legs have jellified, she can barely hold herself upright, and the last thing I want is for that beautiful ass of hers to hit the dirty ground out here. She’s my princess, far too good for that.
“Oh God, Ben,” she gasps into my mouth once she’s done. “That was amazing. How the hell am I supposed to go back to work now, after that?”
I pull my hand away from her and allow her to adjust herself. My chest swells, the words fill me, I can feel them trying to burst free. I need to say it. I can’t keep it in anymore, it’s almost too much for me.
“I love you.” The fall out of my mouth rapidly.
Serena’s head snaps towards me, her eyes are wide and terrified. For a moment I fear I might have said the wrong thing completely. I don’t want to freak her out with my feelings. But then her lips part and she finally speaks.
“You... you love me?” she stammers. I nod, trying to look more confident than I really feel. Now that she doesn’t look sure, I’m not too sure myself. “You know that I love you too, right?” She hooks her hands around my neck and places a kiss on my lips. “I never thought that I would say those words to anyone, but I do love you.”
Relief floods me and the bond between me and Serena tightens. As I hold her, the love flows between us. We love each other now, we’ve survived Marie, the worst thing that could ever happen to us, and we’ve got through it.
It can only be up and up from here.
“I hate that you have to go back to work now,” I tell her sadly. “All I want to do is scoop you up into my arms and to hold you tight to me. But I know you have to, Tia needs you and of course you like your job. I suppose I’ll just have to wait until you finish until I can get you into bed.”
There are stars in Serena’s eyes, she looks happier than I’ve ever seen her before which makes me just as pleased. All I want is to make her happy. I don’t think that sensation will ever subside.
“You don’t have to stay, you know?” she says while swinging my hands. The
passion has transformed to romance in a heart beat which I surprisingly really like. “I don’t expect you to.”
“I know, but I’m going to. I like to watch you work. I love you.” I wonder if I’ll ever get tired of saying it. I don’t think I will.
“I love you too.” And hearing it is just as good. My ears want those words, all the damn time. I no longer have to worry that we’re moving to fast, it doesn’t matter what the rest of the world thinks now. Me and Serena are in love and we’re moving at exactly the right pace for us.
Chapter Eighteen – Serena
Are you okay?” Tia asks me cautiously for what feels like the hundredth time. “You don’t look great, Serena.”
“So you’ve told me,” I grumble back. My hand rubs my aching stomach and I gulp, trying to keep the sickness inside. “I don’t know really. I’m sort of okay. I mean, I don’t think I’m sick enough not to be at work, but I definitely don’t feel like myself.”
“You’re, like, nauseous?” Tia rubs my arm gently. “And a little dizzy? Your stomach hurts too?”
“Yeah I guess so.” I shrug. “Why is there something going around?”
“Go home,” she insists quickly. “I’ll get Brian to cover your shift. He’s been begging for overtime anyway. I think what you need to do is go home, rest, and think.”
“Why? What’s wrong with me?” Her urgent tone makes me panic. I suddenly fear that there’s some alien virus that’s racing through my body too fast for me to stop it. “Do I need to see a doctor?”
“Maybe.” She steps in closer to me and whispers into my ear so no one else can hear me. “But on your way home I think you might want to stop off at the drug store. You might need to pick up a pregnancy test... just to be sure.”
“No,” I shoot back immediately. Denial fills my body completely. “There’s no way I can be...” My words trail off when I realise that me and Ben have been stupid in a lot of ways. We haven’t always used protection, sometimes... okay, a lot of the time, in the heat of the moment we forget. I cringe, realising that I should have always insisted on it. What sort of woman doesn’t insist on protecting herself?
My hand falls away from my belly as I realise that I might just be holding a baby in there... one I didn’t recognise before. Is it possible that there might be an actual human life inside of me? How could I not know? Surely I should know?
“Oh my God, Tia,” I gasp. “What if I’m pregnant?”
“You might not be,” she retracts a little once she sees how freaked out I am. “But I think you should do a test, just to rule out the possibility.”
I give her a desperate look, wishing that she could just have all the answers for me. I don’t like this unknown, it’s utterly terrifying, my head is all over the place and I guess it will be until I get the truth. “Are you sure Brian will come in?”
Tia nods. “Just go, Serena. Go and find out for sure.”
As I head into the back room to grab my coat and bag I see that my hand is shaking. I’m so nervous, it’s probably a good thing that Ben isn’t here tonight. He had some big business meeting which I’m so grateful for. There’s no way I’d be able to deal with all of this with him here. It’d be too much.
Oh God, Ben... how will he take the news?
I shake my head, refusing to get stuck on that thought until I know for sure. There’s just no way I can get lost down that rabbit hole of thought until I’ve seen that positive pregnancy test. All of this worry could be for nothing. There’s a big chance that I’m just sick, that it’s nothing more.
But somehow, I feel like I know...
“Bye, Tia,” I gush as I leave. She’s on the phone, probably calling Brian. I hope he comes in, I don’t want her to be left by herself, but right now this isn’t my top priority. Right now, I need to get to the nearest late night drug store.
I race through the busy streets, refusing to look at anyone as I go. I’m sure there’s a place on the corner that I might be able to get something from. My mind is on the prize, I can’t even consider anything else. My heart is racing, my stomach is churning, there’s an aching in my womb which right now feels suspiciously like a baby. Not that I know what it feels like to have a baby inside me of course. I’ve never been in this position before.
Oh thank God. The store is open so I rush inside. I head straight for the family planning aisle where I grab a handful of pregnancy tests. I know myself well enough to know that one won’t be enough. I won’t trust it if it does turn out positive. I need to be on the safe side. My eyes flick up to the sweaty, spotty teenage boy behind the counter and wonder how much he’s going to judge me. He probably sees things like this all the time, but not from me... maybe I should grab a few extra things, just so I don’t look like I’m just here for this.
Oh screw it, I am only here for this.
I decide to forgo embarrassment and to just go for it. Who the hell cares what this kid thinks of me? It isn’t like I’m going to see him ever again, I certainly don’t intend to make a habit of this. If the test turns out negative then I will always insist on protection. I won’t get into this pickle again, if I intend to get pregnant, that’s the only moment I will have sex with nothing.
“Here,” I grumble, chucking the boxes on the counter. “Can I get these?”
The boy doesn’t even look at me, much to my relief. He rings the items up and gives me the price. He must be more used to this than I thought. Maybe I’m the least interesting desperate pregnant lady that he’s ever come across. If that’s the case, then I’m actually glad to be boring.
With my paper bag of shame clutched to my chest, I break free from the drug store and I jump into a cab. Usually I would walk or get Ben to call me a car to get to his home, but I need to get back quickly and discretely. It’s worth the money for the cab so I can do these tests in the privacy of Ben’s bathroom... God, this situation is fucked up.
I shake my knees nervously all the drive along. The guy driving the cab probably thinks I’m a real weirdo. I don’t care though, I feel weird myself. It’s almost like I’m having an out of body experience, like I’m looking down at myself wondering how I managed to get myself in such a total mess.
Once I arrive at Ben’s, I leap out of the car and hand the driver the cash to pay for the ride. Then I race to the front door and I push my way inside. I pause for a second, listening out for any signs that anyone else is in but there’s a silence ringing through the house that suggests I’m alone. Thank goodness.
As I run to the bathroom I pull my cell phone out and I call the only person in the world that I want to discuss this with. I haven’t told her anything yet, I haven’t managed to speak to her since Ben finally said the L word to me, so this will come as a surprise, but I still want to chat with her.
I just hope that she answers.
Ring, ring... Ring, ring... Ring, ring...
“Hello? Serena, everything okay? Why are you ringing me so late?”
“Shit.” I look at the clock, it’s just gone one in the morning, Jenny was probably asleep. “Sorry, I didn’t look at the time.”
“It’s okay, I wasn’t quite in bed yet, I’ve just finished performing. What’s going on with you? You sound all... panicked.”
I lock myself in the bathroom, then I whisper my next words. “I think I might be pregnant.”
“Pregnant?” she screams on the other end. It’s a good job Ben isn’t it. Even if he didn’t hear me, he would have heard that wherever he is in the house. “You’re pregnant? But how? I didn’t even know you were dating anyone? What happened?”
“I... I am dating someone. Sort of.” God this is hard to explain. How do I say it aloud? “There’s a guy who I met at the club, on my first night of work actually.”
“Ooh, a rich guy.” Of course Jenny’s impressed with that bit. I know Ben has a lot of money but I guess I don’t really see him that way. He’s just Ben to me, I would like him whatever his bank statement was. “Nice!”
“Well I moved i
n with him when you left...”
“Wait, what?” Jenny sounds much less pleased now. “You moved in with him? But you must have known him for less than a week.”
“I know, it’s a bit weird, but it’s good. Really good.” I smile to myself. “We’re in love now. I love him.”
Jenny pauses for a second and I brace myself for the lecture that I’m already sure is coming. “Serena, I don’t know if I like this. It sounds a bit... crazy to me.”
“I know, but...” I try to interject, but Jenny isn’t about to let me get my words in.
“Serena, I think you have a bit of a dreamy nature.” She means naïve, I just know it. “And I think that might make you fall a bit too fast. You can’t have known one another more than, what, two months now? In total. And you love each other? Do you even know this guy? What if he’s one of those that falls fast then gets bored?”
There it is, my big fear back to torment me some more. I’m boring, much too boring for a man like Ben. My heart sinks as Jenny says this to me. Her opinion means way more to me than that of some chick that I don’t even know. Marie had an agenda. Jenny only cares about my well being.
“Oh God, and now you’re pregnant.”
“Right.” The purpose of this phone call comes flooding back. “Yes, I mean I don’t know. But maybe. I have all these tests and, well I wanted to speak to you as I took them so I’m not alone. If you weren’t out on the ocean somewhere you would be doing this with me anyway, right?”
“Er, yeah sure.” She really doesn’t sound happy. Maybe this phone call was a bad idea. I don’t want to be dragged further down into this pit of terror. “I’m glad I can be here for you. How many tests did you buy?”
“You know me too well.” I count them all. “I have seven.”
“Well that’s a bit extreme, but let’s do this.”
“Hold on.” I open one of the boxes and pull out the endless stream of paper inside. “I just have to read the instructions first,”
The Most Eligible Bachelor Page 49
