by SM Soto
Luke Caldwell: Just parked. Walking up.
Just then, there’s a knock at the door. I blow out a deep breath and pull the door open, letting Luke in.
“Let’s do this, babe,” he says as he walks past me, and his scent trails behind him. It smells like fresh pines and body wash. My favorite scent.
“Let me just get my stuff from my room, then we can get started.”
“Oh, no you don’t. Aren’t you going to give me a proper tour?”
“Seriously, Luke. There’s not much to see. Plus, you’ve already been here, a tour is off the table now.”
“Technically, the last time I was here we stayed in the living room, so I didn’t get a chance to see anything else. I want my tour, Textbook.”
I roll my eyes. “There really is nothing to see.”
“Bullshit,” he says, heading down the hallway toward my room. “Don’t deprive me of this. Show me the way, or I’ll just open up every door till I find your room.”
I roll my eyes and relent, leading him toward my room. I fling open the second door on the right.
“Welcome to my humble abode.” I gesture around at my simple bedroom. The last time Luke was here, he never saw my room, and I can’t help the fluttering in my belly at the sight of him in here. My private space.
“Oh God, this place looks almost as boring as you,” he says in mock horror, and I laugh, shoving him away playfully.
“Excuse me for not having posters of half-naked women plastered all over the walls.”
“Don’t underestimate the importance of a suggestive poster,” he says as he takes in my mostly bare walls. My room is as plain as they come. Plain, cream colored bed sheets. Two matching dressers against the far wall, and a colorful closet overflowing with clothes.
Shoving textbooks aside, I make room on my bed for us to work. Luke takes his time, looking around the entirety of my room before taking a seat. I swallow multiple times as I try to tamp down my nervousness. I don’t know why having him inside my personal space is so nerve wracking. Is this how he feels every time I come over and make myself comfortable at his place? Luke’s steps slow and stop in front of my vanity. Without caring, he lifts the photographs littered on my dresser, and my heart constricts painfully, cutting off my air supply. My body shakes as I slide off my bed and stand beside him. I stare down at the photograph in his hand and smile sadly.
“That was my mother.”
The photo is one of my favorites. I was no older than two or three years, smiling up at my mother as she smiles for the camera. Her long dark hair flowed down her back like a curtain, and her eyes, encased by long thick lashes, sparkled happily. She had the most beautiful smile. That’s one thing I’ll never forget.
“She’s…wow. She’s gorgeous, Natalia. You look just like her.” His eyes travel back up to mine and my stupid heart flutters in my chest because he just said I was beautiful in his own way. I dart my eyes away, feeling the heat creep up into my face. I busy myself with putting the old pictures of me and my mother back where they were before I clear my throat nervously.
“Ready to get started?” I gesture to the open textbook on the bed. He obliges with a nod, and I let out the breath I had been holding. We try to get as comfortable as anyone can on my bed.
“Do you miss her?”
I close my eyes at his sudden question. My stomach churns, and I blow out a shaky breath.
“Every day,” I whisper.
“I’m sorry.”
The sincerity in his voice prompts me to look up at him. The afternoon light from my window makes his normally light brown hair look copper. His eyes are a unique shade of whiskey, with a hint of turquoise at the edges. I force a small smile on my face, and silently nod my head, accepting his apology.
We make good progress on our project. Luke’s phone chimes, and he groans in exasperation.
“Fuck me,” he mumbles under his breath.
“Who is it?”
He looks up at me through his lashes. “My mom,” he says sheepishly.
I don’t bother hiding my smile. “Momma’s boy,” I taunt playfully, and he flips me off before answering.
“Hey, Mom…. Yeah. It’s good. Didn’t have practice today…. No, I sent the tickets to Dad already. You’ll have to check with him…. Not really…. Yeah, I’m actually in the middle of studying.” He looks at me out the corner of his eye, and I just know his mom is asking about me. Point for Natalia. “She’s here studying too.”
His mother mumbles over the line, but I can’t make out anything that’s being said. I turn away from Luke, giving him some privacy to talk freely. I also do it to hide the blush creeping over my face. I can’t believe his mother likes me enough to constantly ask her son about me.
I head down the hall to the kitchen and search through my cabinets for any snacks. All I’m able to find is a stale red licorice and a box of cheese crackers. Shrugging, I grab the box of crackers and two bottles of water from the fridge before heading back to the room. I’m sure by now he’s gotten off the phone with his mom.
“So, this is all I was able to find for us to snack on. Don’t judge me.” I hand a bottle of water to him and offer the box of snacks his way. He scrunches up his nose, and makes a face of disgust.
“What’s that look for? You don’t like these?” I say gesturing to the box of crackers.
“Hell no. Goldfish is where it’s at,” he says seriously.
I roll my eyes. “Whatever. More for me then.”
We get to work on our project, only talking when we need to ask each other important questions. So far, we’re making good progress with our assignment, which is quite surprising. I thought for sure he would fall behind due to football practice and games, but surprisingly, he’s kept up with his side of the work. I couldn’t be happier.
I’m so immersed in my work that when Luke’s phone vibrates on my bed, I jolt in surprise.
“Well, aren’t you popular today?” I say as I look down at the photo ID displayed on the screen. Huge breasts covered by a lacey hot pink bra fill the screen and I’m suddenly irritated. “She seems like a nice, God loving girl,” I say snarkily, gesturing to his phone. Luke snatches it off the bed and hits decline, surprising me.
“She’s not a nice girl, but she is one hell of a lay.”
I groan in disgust, nudging his muscular thigh with my foot, making him chuckle. “Stop, please.”
His chuckle is cut off by his phone ringing again. The same photo ID pops up, and he hits decline again.
“What? She’s not good enough to get an answer from you?”
He shrugs. “I’m just not interested.”
I narrow my eyes in question. “Why? She’s perfect for you. All boobs and no brains.” I tease.
“Nah, she’s nowhere near my type.”
His tone is deadly serious, and I frown up at him.
Huh. I definitely wasn’t expecting that.
“Well what is your type then Mr. I-get-everything-I-want? I thought as long as she had tits and a great ass you were sold?”
Luke chuckles and shakes his head, growing serious.
“Nah, not my type at all. Sometimes I fuck to block it all out—when I just need a release from all the expectation in my life. She’s gotta be hot, that’s a no brainer.” I laugh because well, I didn’t expect anything less from Luke. “But she’s also gotta be smart, loyal, funny, and she’s gotta be different. Every girl I meet is the same, they all look the same, dress the same, and act the same. It gets old. I want a girl who can keep up with me, and isn’t afraid to be herself.”
My heart is beating so loud, I can hear it pounding in my ears. Or maybe that’s all the blood rushing to my head?
Shit. I can’t even focus. Is it just me or is he referring to someone like me?
“So, you still want your regular sluts just mixed in with a little bit of the good girl. Sort of like me, because we all know that I’m the furthest thing from normal. You’d be interested in me as a person, but o
n the outside, you want someone who looks like Gina. We all know she’s the looker out of the two of us. You basically want to combine Gina and me together.”
That gets a laugh out of Luke. He looks me up and down making the heat rush to my neck and face again.
Jesus, Nat, get it together.
Luke stares at me in complete silence, until suddenly he jolts, realizing he hasn’t answered. He rakes a hand through his hair, then he shakes his head. “No, not someone like you. And definitely the fuck not her.” He shudders violently. “I don’t even know what I’m looking for to be honest. I guess I’ll know when I find her.”
My little invisible bubble of hope bursts right in my chest with a loud pop, and my heart twists with envy. Of course, he wouldn’t want someone like me. Like I said before, I never stood a chance here with Luke Caldwell. He’s everything I’m not, and quite frankly, everything I never want to be. He’s a friend. Not even a friend, a classmate, and that’s all he’ll ever be.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Natalia
I haven’t seen Luke since he was at my house a little over a week ago, when he made it abundantly clear that he’s not interested in me. I mean, seriously, I don’t know why I thought someone of his stature could ever be interested in someone like me. It doesn’t lessen the sting of it though. He’s been texting me like crazy, begging to FaceTime, but honestly, I just need a little break to get my head back on straight. Hanging around Luke for long amounts of time can fuck with anyone’s head. I’m no different. I’ve done my best to avoid him, and of course, he doesn’t suspect a thing. He just thinks I’m busy with school and work.
Typical man.
After the fifth missed call from Luke, I decide to ring him back to see what he wants. Placing the phone between my ear and shoulder, I pick up the framed picture of my mother and admire her beauty as I wait for the ringing to stop and him to pick up.
“Look who finally decided to answer her phone. Damn woman, you’re harder to get in touch with than God himself.”
I roll my eyes dramatically because seriously, God?
“Sorry. I guess I’ve just been busy,” I say, trying to skirt around the truth.
“Mhmm. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re avoiding me.” I’m about to open my mouth and argue with a well said lie, but he cuts me off. “It doesn’t matter. I’m on my way over. We’ve fallen behind, Baldoni.” The line abruptly goes dead, and I stare down at the phone in shock.
Did he seriously just hang up on me? And is he seriously reminding me we need to work on an assignment?
The world has got to be coming to an end.
I guess the jig is up. I won’t be avoiding Luke any longer. Shame really. I was actually beginning to think straight.
***
“Why don’t you ever ask me about football?” Luke questions suddenly. I lift my head up from the psych text I was immersed in. “I know you know I play, but you never bring it up like most other girls do.”
Not long after our conversation, Luke showed up at my place with his textbook in hand ready to work. It was surprising, to say the least. I wasn’t really in the mood for talking so I went straight to reading from the psyche textbook. I know most of these chapters by heart by now, but Luke doesn’t know that. It also doesn’t hurt to refresh your memory every once in a while. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself as I’ve been reading. I’m actually sort of glad Luke finally broke my trance and asked a question.
“Honestly.” I sigh. “I don’t know anything about sports. And I couldn’t really care less. The whole ESPN thing is stupid. Can’t stand any of it.” I shrug and watch humorously as Luke gasps. His mouth opens and closes like a gaping fish.
“I’m half tempted to kick you out, right now.”
I can’t help but laugh because it’s hilarious, and partly because it’s such a ridiculous statement. “You realize this is my place, right?”
“Doesn’t matter. You seriously don’t know anything about sports?” he asks incredulously. His hazel eyes are wide as he waits for my answer.
“Well I know a little bit about soccer,” I relent. “I used to play when I was younger. I loved it. That was the one sport I could actually see myself playing for a long period of time, but I missed signups one year because Gina wanted to try out dance class.” I scrunch my face up as I remember our dancing days. “I wanted to continue playing soccer and she wanted to dance. My dad said he couldn’t take us to two different practices, so I gave up soccer and tried out dance.” Luke’s brows furrow and his jaw clenches. I keep going, ignoring the frown lines forming on his face.
“Of course, it didn’t last long. After the first two weeks Gina quit and I would’ve kept going but my dad stopped taking us when she no longer wanted to go. I had already missed soccer signups too, so that ended that for me.” I roll my eyes, recalling how heartbroken I was.
“Did that happen a lot?” Luke asks quietly. I look up at him, seeing unfamiliar emotions flash in his eyes. The amber and gold flecks are a stark contrast to the green. Aqua blue lines the outer corner of his eyes and I find myself staring intently, never wanting to look away, almost forgetting his question. Luke Caldwell is gorgeous. But his eyes…God his eyes are something else entirely. I’ve always wanted colored eyes and he has almost every color you can think of in one set of eyes. It’s incredible. His brows are still furrowed, and I cock my head to the side.
Why is he so upset?
I nervously tuck strands of hair behind my ear.
“Did what happen a lot?”
“I mean, did your dad chose your sister over you all the time? Because that’s what it sounds like to me. That Gina was the priority most of your life.” I quickly dart my eyes away because he’s right. With only hearing one childhood story, he understands what I’ve gone through my whole life.
I blow out a deep breath. “Not really. No.” Lie. “Sometimes things just happened.” Lie. “My dad stepped up when my mom wasn’t here. I was never angry at my father nor did I ever blame Gina.” Lie. I feel like the biggest liar for everything that just came out of mouth, but how the hell do I voice how I really feel? That I blame my father for the way things turned out? That I hate Gina and her mother with a passion? I can’t be angry at anyone though because sometimes these things happen, and you just have to deal with it. That’s life.
“That’s seriously fucked up, Natalia,” Luke says with a scowl, and I push out of the chair, heading toward the refrigerator.
“Want any ice cream?” I offer, trying to change the subject.
“Sure.” His smooth voice rolls over me and I smile. I pull out Sam’s pint of Ben and Jerrys and hand it over to him, then get my own pint out.
Sorry, Sammy. I’ll get you another one.
Handing him a spoon, we both dig into the ice cream, mint chocolate cookie for me and Phish food for Luke. My lip twitches as I watch him devour the ice cream. He raises a brow at me when he catches me staring, and I can’t hold in my laughter anymore.
“What are you laughing at?” He pauses with the spoon of ice cream midair, inches from his mouth. I laugh harder. He scowls, dropping the scoop into the tub and I try to get my laughter under control.
“Don’t you think it’s funny that you’re sitting with a girl you can hardly stand, on a Friday night, eating ice cream?” I burst out laughing again when his scowl deepens as he looks down at the ice cream in front of him.
“Mother fucker.” He mumbles and shoots out of his chair. I cackle, nearly falling out of my seat. “I’m out of here.” He gathers his stuff, and I finally manage to stop laughing.
“See you around, Mr. Popular,” I joke and waggle my brows. Luke chuckles before flipping me off and leaving. I sit back down at the table and finish my pint of ice cream with a huge grin on my face.
As I crawl into bed, my good mood falls sour once again. I hate that I have feelings for Luke. I could lie and say it’s all sexual attraction, but it’s not. There’s so much more to Luke th
an meets the eye. He makes me laugh even when I’m trying to be serious, he even makes me feel safe, and that’s something I’ve never felt in my life. When he smiles at me, it twists my insides and liquefies my body all at once. He’s like a drug, and I can’t seem to get my fix no matter how much time we spend together.
I hate that I feel any of this for a guy like him. He’s just supposed to be my classmate. But over the last few months, he’s become so much more than that. He’s actually my friend. Someone who knows how to make me laugh and smile, even when I’m not feeling up to it. Just the thought of him sleeping his way around a campus party on a Friday night makes me irrationally angry. Not at him, but at myself. I toss and turn most of the night, hoping I’ll get my head back on straight sooner rather than later.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Natalia
I know my little reprieve from Sam is over the minute I pull into my parking space and see her car there. It was only a matter of time before she finally came home to give me a piece of her mind.
Awesome.
So, when I walk through the front door, I’m surprised to see she picked up Chinese takeout for us and has it set out on the kitchen table. I cautiously shut the door and look around for her.
“Hey.”
I twist, facing the living room where Sam is sprawled out on the couch. The expression on her face has me taking unsure steps toward her.
“Hey stranger,” I say, trying to lighten the mood. She doesn’t smile. Instead she points out the obvious, staring at me with an intense look on her face.
“I brought home some Chinese takeout for us. I know it’s your favorite.”
