Then Paul remembered who else would be at the Tanner’s. He’d opened his mouth to say yes and ended up shaking his head. “No, I’m sorry you can’t.”
Danny’s eyes widened in shock before his slave training kicked in. Averting his gaze, he said. “Yes, Master.”
Paul felt lower than a snake. He reached out and touched Danny without thought, placing his hand on the boy’s arm. At least he didn’t flinch or try to pull away. “It’s not that I don’t want you seeing your parents. I just don’t want you spending the night there. I’ll ask Ben if it’s okay for me to come over. Maybe I can hang out with Ben or just by the pool or something. You can stay as long as you like and then we’ll come home.”
It sounded stupid to his own ears, yet he didn’t want to remind Danny of what his old master had done. Or point out the fact that even if his parents watched over him, what could they do if Tanner demanded service from Danny? It might end up being like the Fahey debacle all over again, Big John being punished for protecting his son and likely failing to anyway. Seeing that his suggestion only lightened the boy’s mood slightly, he was struck by another idea.
“Perhaps they can then come over here on Sunday. You could cook brunch for them and I should visit with my parents anyway. You and your folks could have the place to yourselves for the whole day.”
That idea, thank fuck, earned him a genuine smile. “Do you think Master Tanner would allow that?”
Paul would fix it with Ben. He winked. “Leave it to me.” Something changed. A look of sadness came over Danny. Paul leaned in. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing, Master.”
“Danny, please. I can’t help you if you don’t level with me. Do you not like the idea of your parents coming over here?”
“No. I mean, I do, it’s just.” The boy took a deep, heaving breath. “He winked at me.”
Danny didn’t have to explain who “he” was. Fahey, the stupendous asshole.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I won’t do it again,” Paul vowed, leaning back in his chair.
“Please, no, Master. I don’t want him to take everything away from us.” Misery coated each word.
That simple plea rubbed Paul’s feelings raw, and it confirmed his suspicions that the memories of his time with Fahey had robbed Danny of the pleasure he’d found with Paul. He wanted to howl at the injustice of it. More, he wanted to march down to the jail cell the shithead sat in and pound his skull into the floor. He would wish that the man were already dead, except he didn’t want Danny to have to deal with the emotional fallout from something like that.
“Don’t worry.” A useless order, but he couldn’t think of anything else to say. “I’ll square away this weekend with the Tanners. Let’s just finish dinner and get to bed.”
Danny accepted Paul’s direction without hesitation, finishing his meal and clearing the table with his usual efficiency. Paul didn’t even bother to help, sensing the normalcy of service would ease Danny’s mind. Instead, Paul grabbed another beer and prepared for another long, lonely night with his boy in his bed, yet miles away from him—physically and emotionally.
Chapter Nineteen
“Everything is delicious, sweetheart.”
Danny blushed a bit from the compliment even though it came from his mother. Maybe especially so. He knew his mother set an exacting standard when it came to food. The old mistress had received lots of offers from friends to buy Mary. He’d even overheard one once and had run crying to his mother, scared to death that they’d be separated from Big John. His mother had laughed, patted his cheek and given him a cookie, assuring him the Tanners would never let her go.
He swallowed his mouthful. “Thanks, but these cinnamon rolls you brought are the best part of the meal.”
His mother waved away the compliment, but he could tell he’d pleased her. “This is such a lovely home.”
They sat at Paul’s dining table with the curtains opened wide to the backyard. The day was perfect, warm and sunny. The previous day at the Tanner house had been the same and Danny had spent it working outside with his father and Freddy before joining the other slaves for dinner in the kitchen. He’d even been allowed in the pool when Oliver came over to join them. The old master had spent the day at his friend’s funeral, so Master Ben had been in charge.
“I still can’t believe Mr. McGill just up and died like that. Weird.”
“Some free people eat too much and work too little,” his father commented. “Not healthy. Still, I know what you mean. Imagine finding such success to only enjoy it for a few months?”
His mother huffed. “I’m not one to speak ill of anyone, let alone the dead, but Mr. McGill was not a nice man. I hope that poor boy, Diego, has a better time of it whatever happens to him now. Anyway,” she continued with a bright smile. “What are Master Graham’s plans with the backyard? Looks like you could plant at least an herb garden in the far left corner.”
Danny had thought the same not long ago. Not now. “I don’t know. So far he’s just been letting me clean it up and spread some grass seed.” He forced indifference into his tone. “Besides, I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be here.”
His father pulled the forkful of food away from his mouth. “Why do you say that?” Danny shrugged, not wanting to get into it and regretting having said anything at all. “He’s obviously very fond of you. He spent the whole day at the Tanners, and I could tell he kept tabs on you.”
Okay, so he’d opened the can of worms. May as well dive in. “Paul’s worried about me, is all. He takes his responsibilities seriously.” Ignoring his mother’s frown of disapproval over his use of his master’s first name no doubt, he pressed forward. “I think he feels guilty about what happened to me. He’s just being overly protective.”
“I think you’re misreading the situation, son, although I agree he probably feels responsible for your safety.”
His mother patted his arm. “Well, it was very nice of him to let us spend the day here with you. How about we show our appreciation by tackling that yard?”
Danny frowned. “Are you sure? It’s supposed to be a day off for you.”
She sighed. “What would I do with a whole day of nothing?”
Yeah, she had a point. Danny couldn’t picture the three of them lounging around the living room, watching television for hours on end. Paul had said he’d be gone until six or so. He’d seemed so determined that Danny have a fun day with his parents. He probably wouldn’t think a day of gardening constituted fun, but then again, free people had different expectations. Slaves rarely had an entire day off.
“You’re right,” he said with a forced cheer that he intended to become the real thing. “Let’s do that.” He stuffed the last of his roll into his mouth and gave his parents an icing-laden smile.
He would not let his fears and sadness ruin a rare chance to spend a whole private day with the people who’d brought him into the world. There’d be plenty of time later to worry about his relationship with Paul. One thing was clearer, though. Being the kind of man Danny had described meant Paul would never cut Danny loose. He’d stick to his responsibilities under the lease no matter how the rape had affected his feelings for Danny. Danny would have to be the one to end it. It didn’t matter how much the thought of losing Paul crushed his spirit. If Paul really didn’t want him anymore, then Danny had to do the right thing by Paul.
It was the least he could do for the man he loved.
****
Later that day, when Paul pulled up to the Tanner Lumber slave barracks, Danny’s path was clear and it broke his heart.
Big John opened the door to the truck. “Thank you, sir, for bringing me back.”
Paul gave the slave a tired smile. “No problem. It was nice of your master to allow the weekend visit, so this is the least I could do. Have a good night, John.”
“Thank you, sir, you, too.” Big John moved to hug Danny good-bye, but before he got his arm around him, Paul spoke again.
> “Hey, Danny, why don’t you stay? I mean we’re here, right? It saves me the trouble of coming all the way back here tomorrow morning. Not that I mind,” he rushed to reassure Danny. “But if you stay now, it will give us both some extra time to sleep.”
Danny fought to keep his breathing even as he turned toward his master. He kept his expression neutral and his tone light and respectful. “Yes, sir. It makes perfect sense.”
Paul’s face also held no expression, like there was nothing important going on. He raised his hand from the steering wheel and just for a second, Danny thought he might pull him in for a good-bye kiss. Instead, he ruffled Danny’s hair.
“Great. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
Danny nodded in agreement and slid over to get out. “Good night, Master,” he said quietly before shutting the door behind him.
He kept his shit together until the truck left his sight. Then he turned and launched himself into his father’s arms. The tears came, unbidden yet undeniable. He kept the noise down, so as not to call attention to himself, muffling his sobs in his father’s shirt. Big John held him tight, rubbing his palm up and down Danny’s back until the shudders slowed to a trickle.
“He doesn’t want me anymore,” Danny finally said, his voice breaking as much as his heart.
“You don’t know that, son.”
Pulling away, Danny sniffled up at his father’s placid face. “How can you say that? He just dumped me off here instead of taking me home.” God, he’d have to stop thinking of that nice, little house as home.
“He was being practical.” When Danny just glared back at his father, he blew out a breath. “Okay, that was lame.” He paused a few seconds. “I think maybe he’s worried you don’t want him anymore after what Fahey did to you.”
Danny swiped away the remaining tears before rolling his eyes. “No. He saved me. You’ll never know what amazing thing he did for me.”
His father looked away. “I expect I won’t and frankly I’m not sure I could handle knowing the details of what happened. I know your mother can’t.” He shook his head. “Sometimes I hate myself for being selfish enough to bring a slave child into this world.” He looked at Danny with grief-filled eyes. “Not that I don’t love you or would wish you away. It’s just I knew what kind of life you’d have, and I’m sorry.”
“Jeez, Dad.” Danny wrapped his arms around his father, the tables turning as to who comforted whom. “I’ve had a good life so far.”
“I know, but I really had hopes that Master Graham would give you an even better one. He seemed so—taken with you, I guess. I thought he liked you, not just used you.”
“He did like me. Maybe he still does. I don’t think he can forget what Fahey did, though, and I don’t want him keeping me out of obligation. I couldn’t bear that because….” A shudder ran through him. “I love him.”
“Oh, son!” Big John sighed deeply and he held Danny even tighter for a long time. Eventually, he broke their embrace. “It’s getting late. There’s probably a poker game going on, and I bet someone scored cookies somewhere. Let’s go see. Your bunk is waiting for you. I wouldn’t let anyone else claim it even though I didn’t expect you to come back. I told everyone, ‘that’s for my boy’.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Danny didn’t need to dry any more tears. He was done with crying and feeling sorry for himself. He’d made his decision. Tomorrow, he’d ask Master Ben to terminate the lease. Life would go back to normal and he’d get to keep the memories of a life that almost was, forever.
****
Danny clutched at his stomach for a second in a futile effort to quell the butterflies. He could do this thing. He’d been practicing what he’d say to Master Ben all morning and if he didn’t do it now during his lunch break, Paul would make a useless trip to the lumberyard later. The least he could do for the man was make the break easy for him, convenient. He wondered briefly what might happen to the stuff he had at Paul’s house, then figured Paul would either get rid of them, or more likely, send them to Danny somehow. It didn’t seem probable that Paul would end up with another slave Danny’s size, although the thought of another boy in Paul’s bed only served to increase Danny’s torment level. He took a deep breath to steady his nerves and knocked on Master Ben’s partially open door.
“Come in.”
Tipping the door all the way open, Danny stuck his head inside. “I’m sorry to disturb you, sir. May I speak with you?”
“Of course, Danny. Come in and sit down.”
Danny entered with hesitant steps, the enormity of what he was about to do weighing him down. He didn’t take his master up on the offer to sit, afraid that if he did, he might not have the strength to get up again.
“What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
Wanting to wipe the look of concern off the man’s face, Danny blurted out what he wanted. “Sir, would you please end the lease with Master Graham?”
Master Ben’s eyes popped open. “What? Danny, sit.” This time, Danny did as told, hearing the command. “What are you talking about? Why would you want to end the lease? I thought everything was going so well.”
Danny swallowed hard and fixed his gaze past the man’s shoulder. “It was fine, sir, for a while. But not anymore. I’m no longer comfortable being Master Graham’s slave.”
The freeman sat back in his chair on a heavy sigh. “Is this because of what happened with Fahey?”
Knowing he couldn’t ignore the question, yet not wanting to drag his master into the murky mess of his feelings, he hedged. “In part, sir. I mean what happened might have pushed me in this direction, but does it really matter? You said I could end it any time I wanted.” Holy shit, where did he get the balls to speak to his master that way? He put it down to nerves and desperation. Maybe a good beating would settle him down, give him something physical to dwell on instead of the raw emotions eating away at him.
“Yes, I did say that.” Master Ben’s tone held more weariness than anger. “Okay, I’ll let Graham know. You go eat your lunch and don’t worry about it.”
Danny stood up. “Thank you, sir.” He hurried out of the office, not feeling one bit better.
****
Paul’s gut registered that something was wrong before his head caught up. Instead of Danny waiting for him in his usual spot, Ben stood with his arms folded and a frown marring his face. Holding back a sudden surge of panic, Paul slid up beside the man, hit the brakes and shut off the truck. He hopped out and charged up into Ben’s face.
“What’s wrong? Is Danny all right?”
Holding up his hands, Ben backed away. “Whoa! He’s fine. Nothing’s wrong with him, but you and I have to talk.”
Paul’s body vibrated with worry despite Ben’s reassuring words. Something bad was up. He shoved his hands into his front pockets. “Spit it out, Ben.”
“Not here.” Ben grabbed Paul’s arm and steered him toward the door of the warehouse. “Let’s talk in my office.”
Paul fussed and fumed inwardly during the interminable walk. What the fuck was going on? Ben pulled him into the room, kicking the door shut behind them. Then he shoved a resistant Paul into a visitor’s chair. He hitched his ass on the corner of his desk and stared at Paul. Before Paul had the chance to open his mouth and scream out his frustration, Ben dropped a bomb.
“Danny asked me to end the lease.”
Just like that, the wind got knocked out of Paul’s sails. “What?” He hated how pathetic he sounded, but his heart was breaking with the news. Shit! “Did he say why?”
“Not exactly. He admitted that Fahey’s assholery played a part, although he didn’t elaborate.”
Paul shook his head. “I should have bashed that fucker’s brains into mush when I had the chance. He’s made Danny afraid of me, of my touch.”
“You think so?”
Paul didn’t need a mirror to know he looked at Ben with a stricken expression. “You didn’t see him that night, after. The condition he was in, the way
he sobbed, as if he were going to scatter into a million pieces.” The memory of it threatened to bring tears to his eyes, and fuck it all, he didn’t care if he cried in front of another man. He was losing his boy.
“You think he doesn’t want you to touch him?”
“Well, yeah. Fahey hurt him. And….” He hesitated to say this next bit, but damn, it needed to be said. “And Fahey wasn’t the only man to hurt Danny in that way. The effect of the first incident nearly derailed our life together from the start and it wasn’t as extreme as what Fahey did.” There, the truth was out. Sort of. He didn’t need to add details to make his point. He’d kept his promise to Danny, more or less.
The look that crept into Ben’s face, however, told Paul that he wasn’t telling Ben anything he didn’t already know. The man’s jaw hardened in an obvious clench. “I’d been worried about that from the beginning. I wasn’t sure you knew until you asked to spend Saturday at my father’s house. You were worried about Danny in a specific way.”
“Yeah. McGill’s death turned out to be timely.”
“Yup, it did. Can’t say I’m sorry the shithead’s gone.” Ben shook himself. “Anyway, I want you to know I found out what my father did long after the fact, and I’m not about to allow it to happen ever again, no matter what.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it.” He rubbed his palm against his forehead, suddenly dead tired and achy all over. “Damn, I don’t want to lose him.”
“He really is more than just a fuck toy to you, isn’t he?” Paul shot out of his seat and had his arm swung back before he realized what he was doing. Ben actually laughed as he leaned out of reach. “Whoa, no need to clean my clock. Just gauging your feelings.”
Paul forced his anger to dial back. “I told you once I didn’t think of him that way. What’s your point, Tanner?”
Slave For Rent Page 24
