by T. K. Chapin
“He’s not working today?” She asked, surprised as she placed a sandwich into Todd’s lunch box.
“Nope…” I beamed. “John said he could take the day off since he had the part come in for his car.”
“Good morning dear,” my father interrupted our conversation as he came into the kitchen. Leaning across the island, he kissed my mom on the cheek. My dad loved my mom more than anything in the world. It didn’t matter if his friends wanted to hang out to watch football or if he had something important he needed to get done at work, whenever she needed him, he’d be there. It was the kind of love that you only read about in stories and see in the movies, but for them it was real. It was nauseating at times, but I was happy they got along. A lot of my friends came from split families so I knew how lucky I was.
“Good morning,” she replied, smiling warmly at him as she handed a cup of coffee to him. Turning back to me, my mother continued our conversation, “Well stay out of trouble. Jennie likes curfews, so you might need to get home at a decent time, like seven.”
“That’s lame… But I’ll try,” I replied. Hearing a honk come from out in the front of the house, I said, “That’s probably Nicole. I’ll see you guys when you get back. Love you.”
Quickly grabbing my backpack from the banister at the base of the stairs, I ran out the front door and out to Nicole’s car. Dodging patches of ice on the sidewalk up to her car, I made it in one piece; Nicole greeted me as I climbed into the car.
“Sup girl?” Nicole was my best friend; we did everything together. She enjoyed partying more than I did, but I was starting to like it more ever since the big bonfire at Fifer’s Point last summer up in Colville.
“My Mom was trying yet again to get me to stay home with Todd after school.”
“Ewwww... that would suck,” Nicole laughed. “Are you going to Mikey’s party tonight?” she asked as we pulled away from the curb in her brother’s eighty nine Buick. “It’s at Copper’s Cove this time… Since his parents were pissed how we put that hole in the deck out at the lake house.”
As we turned the corner, I responded, “Yeah, Matt and I planned on it.”
“Is Matt’s car working again? Or is he still using his Mom’s ride?”
“He just got the part in the mail he needs to fix it, so it should be working by tonight… If not, we probably won’t make it.”
“Yeah, his Mom’s kind of a stickler with it, right?”
“Yeah…”
“That’s so hot he works on cars…” Nicole said. I glanced over at her and saw her look as if she got lost in her thoughts for a moment.
Laughing, I smacked her arm. “Yeah… Stop fantasizing over my guy… but I don’t blame you. He’s gorgeous and I love him.”
Nicole laughed. “Oh yes, Claire! True love at two months…” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Shut it!” I replied playfully. Suddenly a deer jumped out into the road and about caused us both to have a heart attack. “Stop!” I shouted, grabbing onto the dash to brace myself.
Nicole slammed on the brakes, causing the car to slide off the road and into the ditch. But not before clipping the deer, sending him crashing to the pavement. After making sure Nicole was okay and gathering my thoughts, I sprinted from the car, dropped to my knees in the middle of the road and checked the deer for signs of life. My heart was racing as I searched for any indicator the helpless deer was still alive. Ever since I was younger than I could remember, I had a fondness for animals.
“Come on! Please be alive!” I pleaded with the deer that lay silent against the cold pavement. Glancing up for a moment, I saw a truck approaching with no signs of slowing down. “Come on!” I shouted, shaking the deer.
“My bumper is messed up… but don’t worry about the car Claire… worry about the deer!” Nicole shouted from the ditch. That Buick was nothing to admire, but it wasn’t hers, it was her brother that was out of town out in Kentucky. I was sure she was more concerned with her brother and parents' reaction than the actual ding in the bumper.
Peering over my shoulder at the oncoming truck, my heart was pounding as I became increasingly worried.
Suddenly the deer opened its eyes and leaped up and out of the road. I scrambled out of the road and fell into the ditch back over near the car. Climbing furiously back up the small incline from the ditch to the road, I tried to catch the plate numbers, but wasn’t able to do so. What I did see though was the driver sitting up in their seat.
“Did you see that?” I asked, turning back to Nicole as she kept fretting over the car’s damage.
“That stupid deer screw up my brother’s car? Yeah, I did.”
“No, that driver was fishing for something on his cab floor and nearly killed me!”
“I wouldn’t get too worked up about it; you were randomly in the middle of the road.... I’d worry more about what my brother is going to do when he sees his car!”
Coming over to the front of the car, I saw a dent in the bumper. “Your brother’s going to freak!” I laughed.
Smacking me, she said, “Don’t laugh! I give you rides to school.” I smiled at her as we got back into the car.
Nicole was able to back the car out of the ditch and soon enough we were at school. What a cluster morning, I thought to myself heading through the parking lot up to the school.
After school, I went out to the pick-up area for students and waited for Matt. Nicole was keeping me company and we were chatting more about Copper’s Cove and the party that was going on that night.
“I’m going to meet up with Blake here in a few,” Nicole said. “He’s letting me in on his stash of good stuff.”
“Nice,” I replied. Matt pulled up to the curb, interrupting our conversation. “There’s Matt, I’ll see you tonight most likely!”
Nicole gave me a hug. “Take care girl!”
“Hey lover,” Matt said as he reached over the passenger seat and opened the car door.
“Hey Matt!” Nicole said, leaning around the side of me.
“Nicole,” He said with a nod.
My smile couldn’t show how much he made me feel loved. He was the absolute perfect guy and the one I’d spend my forever with. I felt so lucky meeting him young, that way we’d have that many more years together. As I got into his mom’s SUV, I leaned over and kissed him. He grabbed the back of my head and pulled me in closer to make the kiss all the more intimate.
“I missed you like crazy baby,” I said as I looked into his blue eyes. Running my fingers through his hair, I kissed him again, but this time on his neck, causing him to squirm a little as he laughed.
“I missed you too babe…” He pulled back and glanced over my shoulder towards the high school. “Who’s that guy?”
Looking over to see who it was, it was Kenny from History lingering near a tree eyeballing the both of us. “Kenny… He’s from history.” I leaned in to kiss him again.
But he pulled back and looked me in the eyes. “Does he like you?”
“Um… No,” I laughed.
“He sure looks like he does.”
Looking again, I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
“What about that guy? He’s always at the parties we go to.”
Letting out a sigh, I turned and saw Joshua. “Nah, we’ve been in almost all the same classes since elementary and I’m pretty sure he’s not into me.”
“I don’t like these dudes you hang out with.”
Sitting up straight in my seat, I rested my head on my hand as I leaned an elbow against the door. “I go to school with them, I don’t hang out with them.”
“Well… if either of them becomes a problem, let me know,” Matt replied. He cleared his throat and shifted his focus. “I have something I need to tell you before we go back to my place…” His voice was choppy and sounded a tad upset.
“What is it?”
Looking down, he slowly shook his head, and then he looked up at me. “I love you.”
I laughed. “You’re such
a jerk! But I love you too!”
He smiled that smile that lit up my life like nothing else could. I’ve dated a few different guys throughout middle and high school, but no one hooked me like Matthew Ray Jensen. Ever since I met him back a couple months ago when I was peddling frozen yogurt at Slippery Treats, he’s captivated me. I can still see him now that first time we met. He came in wearing a pair of jeans and a white wife beater that showed off his muscles from working on cars all day. All the girls I work with wanted him, luckily I was the one to serve him that day and he asked for my number after I gave him a dollar off his order. Ever since that moment, I’ve been love struck.
Arriving back at his apartment on the west side Spokane, he dropped me off in the front of the apartment building. “Go ahead and go in and fix me some food to bring out, I’m going to work on my car. Don’t linger inside too long, I miss ya.”
“Sure babe… You know we have that party to go to tonight, right?”
“Absolutely, and I’ll have my girl up and running by then.” Matt grinned. “Love ya sugar.”
“Love ya too.” Getting out of the SUV, I glanced down the sidewalk at the apartments a few units down to see a few kids playing outside in the snow. They were making snow angels, and a couple other kids were building a snowman. I got a warm and cozy feeling deep inside of me as I watched the children. Someday that’s going to be our kids… I thought as I climbed the stairs up to his apartment.
“You were right about this car having some power!” I shouted as I clawed my nails into the seat. I had a mixture of fear and adrenaline surging through my veins as we flew down the freeway.
“Oh C’mon and relax,” he shouted over the sound of the car’s turbo as we turned onto the countryside road that led out to the party at Copper’s Cove. Matt grabbed under his seat for his bottle and took the last few swigs of the Bourbon he kept stashed there before tossing it out his window. “Woot!” He shouted as he floored the gas pedal. Matt was so full of life… His energy, his passion, and love were all too intoxicating and I loved the way he made every moment feel exciting.
As we arrived in the parking area just off the side of Old Thompson Road, I heard a buzz come from my phone in my pocket. Checking it, I saw that I missed a call from my aunt. Oh great, she’s already worried, it’s barely seven o’clock. Calling the voicemail on my phone, I listened to the message.
A broken voice came over the message, “Hey Claire, this is your Aunt Jennie…” Her voice paused for a moment, before she continued. “Give me a call when you get this… okay, honey?” Why’s she got to get so upset about me being out? Jeez… Not even my own mom cares that much!
“You aren’t going to call her back?” Matt asked as he saw me slip the phone back into my pocket.
Shaking my head, I replied, “Nah… I know she wants to tell me to get home, I’ll just text her.” Pulling my phone back out, I sent a quick text just letting the overprotective aunt know I’d be home late, that way I don’t have to worry about the police getting called on me. Jennie has always been the super paranoid type. One time when my cousin Nick was younger, she phoned the police when he wasn’t home by nine o’clock one summer night, his curfew. It had turned out his phone just got lost when he was riding bikes with some friends and he lost track of time. Thankfully, my parents never kept a leash on me like that, they were cool. I could freely live, how I wanted to live.
“Alright, cool, let’s go party!” Matt leaped out of the car and darted into the woods, hollering as he ran.
I love that man! I thought to myself as I watched him leap over a log. Getting out of the car, I began my trek through the sticks, but slowed my pace once I realized he wasn’t going to slow down.
“Hey stranger,” Nicole said coming up behind me. Catching up to my side, she handed me her pipe as she continued, “That’s stuff Blake hooked me up with… don’t hit it too hard it’ll kick your trash.” Drugs weren’t a necessity for me; it was just something to do and made me relax.
“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” I replied. I took a hit and then coughed as I handed it back to her. It burned, but it was worth it once the relaxation set in.
Patting me on the back, she laughed. “I told you dude!”
Arriving to the bonfire with the others, I felt the hit off the pipe coursing through my body. My vision shifted into what appeared to be like snapshots as I tried to process everything around me. Matt came up and put his arm around me. “You’re so baked!” He laughed handing me a glass of what I thought was water.
Taking a swig, I downed it before realizing it was vodka. Coughing, I asked, “Why’d you give me vodka? Jerk!”
Matt pointed over to Nicole. “She said to give it to you!”
“Thanks!” I laughed, looking over at her. “I need some water.” One thing I learned early on in my drinking days with Nicole was I needed an insane amount of water in order to prevent a hangover from coming the next day.
“There’s a gallon of water right over there,” Joshua said from nearby as he pointed over to the tree nearby.
“What are you even doing here?” I asked confused. Joshua wasn’t only in the majority of my classes growing up, he was a devout Christian. He led the monthly prayer circle outside of the school before classes started and also ran the Bible club. “This isn’t usually your scene.”
“I give people rides home so they don’t get in wrecks… We see each other all the time at these. Are you feeling okay, Claire?”
“Oh yeah,” I replied with a laugh. “Thanks for letting me know about the water.” Stumbling over to the tree, I grabbed onto it as I leaned down trying to get the gallon of water. It was too far from my clumsy reach. Bending over backwards while I held onto the tree, I reached for the gallon of water in an awkward way.
“What are you doing?” Nicole asked, coming over to me before she began laughing.
I fell backwards and onto my butt. Laughing, I pulled myself up to the tree and leaned against it. My head was spinning while everything continued to move in snapshots. Nicole walked away as I took a swig of the water. I wiped my mouth with the sleeve of my jacket and breathed a sigh of relief as my vision began to straighten itself out.
“Hello? Hello? Claire, are you there?” A faint voice said from beside me. Glancing around, I spotted my cell phone on top of a patch of ice. That must have fallen out of my pocket. Grabbing it, I brought it to my ear.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Claire? This is your aunt Jennie.”
Dang it… I was in a good spot and my aunt was about to kill it. I scrambled to get off the phone. “I’m super busy, can I call you later? I’ll be home later, I already texted you that.”
“I need you to come home Claire, I’m serious.”
“I need you to relax Jennie…” Glancing over to Matt, I saw him telling a group of people something and making them all laugh. He’s so cool, I thought to myself as I smiled.
“Claire!” My aunt shouted, breaking my concentration off of Matthew.
“What? I’m a big girl, I can handle it… I’m eighteen.”
“No, I don’t think you understand… I need to tell you something.” Her voice sounded shaky.
“Tell me right now, you’re talking to me.”
Her aunt was silent and then she sighed heavily before erupting into tears. “It’s about your parents Claire.”
“What about them?” I asked as I glanced back at Nicole to see her dancing with Vanessa. I began laughing and shouted over to them, “Shake that butt!”
“Your parents are gone.”
Oh my gosh? Seriously? This Jennie is a dumb broad. “I know that, that’s why you were at my house… Jeez. Nothing to get upset about Jennie.”
“No… They were in an accident, they died... I am so sorry…” barely choking out the words she fell silent.
Suddenly the drugs and alcohol seemed to not have an effect on my body and all that was left was a gnawing numbness that tore its way through my mind, body and heart. My mind f
lashed back to earlier that morning and when I had just seen them in the kitchen. It can’t be true… I feel nothing, and if my parents were dead, I would know it.
“I’m not buying it.”
Her aunt broke out crying, and then shouted through the phone, “Get home now Claire!” I knew in that moment it was true, Jennie was not one to ever raise her voice for any reason.
“Claire?” my aunt said as I dropped the phone away from my ear. I didn’t want to talk anymore; I wanted to fix this numbness that had invaded my existence. In that moment I wanted to cry about my mom and dad, but there were no tears, no heartache, and no emotion. What is wrong with me? Glancing over at the bottles near the cooler at Nicole’s feet, I crawled across the snow and ice scrambling over to them and to a fifth of vodka. There wasn’t much in it, so I downed the remainder. I felt the numbness move slightly inside of me, but it wasn’t going away. Leaping to my feet, I slipped a little on a patch of ice, but luckily, my love was there to catch me.
Lying in his arms as he stood me upright, I grabbed onto both sides of his head and looked him in the eyes. Make this all go away, I thought to myself as I kissed him.
“Hey babe… you alright?” He asked, pulling back from the kiss.
I felt nothing by his kiss. Those butterflies must have gone into hiding with the rest of the emotions, and I wasn’t able to feel an ounce of joy come from his sweet lips. I felt lost and I just wanted to feel something, anything. Looking at the palm of his hands as I rubbed them with my thumbs, I glanced up into his eyes. “My parents…” My words shook as I tried to continue, even though everything inside of me felt nothing. “They’re...”
“What?” He asked. “What about them?”
“They’re dead.”
The four letter word that made my world crumble into a million pieces and evaporated every sense of stability I had come to know in my life. This is the story of how I went through hell and almost didn’t make it through to the other side.
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