He hugged me even tighter. And then he helped me to my feet, put his arm around me, and supported me all the way back to the shelter of the car.
When the doors whumped shut and the howl of the wind was suddenly cut off, it was a shock. I sat there with my skin throbbing and my toes tingling from the warmth. As the car pulled away, I was still trying to come to terms with what I’d decided. I’m not going back. I’m not FBI anymore. I’ll never see Calahan or Carrie again….
“Tell me something about you,” said Konstantin.
I looked at him, startled. His expression was more open than I’d ever seen it. He’s…. My heart melted as I realized: he’s trying. He hadn’t had a real relationship in twenty years and he was trying to make it work, for me.
“Your father,” he said. “Tell me about him.”
I thought of my childhood. The three fathers I’d had: my real dad, the artist. The abusive step-dad who’d made my life a living hell. And the mentor who’d become like a father to me. I wasn’t sure if I could revisit all that: the wounds were too deep. But if things were going to work with Konstantin, I had to be honest with him, just like he’d been with me. I tried to start talking, but the memories welled up and the pain blocked my throat.
“He lives on the Upper East Side, yes?” said Konstantin gently.
I stared. What?!
“You visit him, every few weeks.”
And the pain turned vicious and sharp. Oh God: Christina’s father was still alive! She’d already told Konstantin about him, which meant now I could never tell him about my real childhood. Even if we were together until the day we died, I’d never be able to share what happened. Reality sank in and it was crushing. I wasn’t FBI anymore but I’d still have to lie to him, every single day.
“We get on well,” I said, trying not to choke.
* * *
When we got back to the mansion, I told him I was going out to the garden for a while, even though the cold made my tooth ache. I needed to think. I needed to figure out if I could really do this. Being with Konstantin meant living a lie for the rest of my life and turning my back on everyone I’d ever cared about. My stomach lurched as I realized: I’ll never see my mom again, except as a stranger.
And did we really have a future together? He wanted a family. If he kept going on his current course, taking over New York and triggering a gang war, our kids would grow up knowing nothing but violence.
I needed help. And there was only one person I could talk to.
I pulled out the earpiece the FBI agent had slipped into my pocket at the hospital. I’d gotten so used to wearing one, but now when I put it in, it felt alien and wrong. To my surprise, I could hear someone already talking on it as I pushed it into my ear. “—ailey? Hailey, are you there, please!” It was Calahan and he sounded frantic.
“I’m here,” I said.
He didn’t ask if I was okay, or ask where the hell I’d been, or demand to know why it had taken me hours to put in the new earpiece. That’s how I knew something was very wrong. “Christina!” he snapped. “She escaped!”
“What?!”
“Hailey, she’s on her way to you!”
51
Hailey
I SPRINTED through the overgrown garden, ducking low branches and crashing through bushes. If Konstantin saw her, if she told him I was an imposter…. “What happened?” I yelled.
Calahan sounded as breathless with panic as I was. “We had her at a safe house. Two guards. She seduced one of them, stole his car. We’re tracking its GPS. She’s only a few streets away from you.”
“Stop her!”
“We’re in pursuit, but we’re not going to get there in time!”
I reached the back door of the mansion... and realized I didn’t have a plan. I knew I had to intercept her before she talked to Konstantin but what the hell was I going to do with her?
“Hailey, she’s there! She’s outside the mansion!” yelled Calahan.
I cut through the staff area, dodging maids and cleaning staff as I raced to the front of the mansion. I stumbled to a stop by the front door and wrenched it open—
The guard outside turned and looked at me in surprise. I scanned the driveway: no sign of Christina.
The guard was still frowning at me. I looked up at him. “What?” I asked.
He shook his head in wonder. “How did you get changed so fast?”
My eyes widened. I missed her! I turned and bolted up the stairs. Burst into our bedroom. A dark-haired woman spun around and—
The room seemed to rock and tilt under my feet. That sickening shift in reality, again. I was looking at myself.
Christina’s eyes narrowed. “You!” She was panting: she must have raced up here just like I had.
I put my hands up defensively. I had no idea what to say or what to do. Why the hell has she come here? If she exposed me to Konstantin, the FBI would have to rush in to try to save me. Maybe he’d kill me before they got there, maybe he wouldn’t, but either way they’d recapture Christina and she was facing serious prison time for the drugs they’d found in her car in Italy. By coming here she’d pretty much guaranteed she’d be caught. Why hadn’t she just driven to Mexico and disappeared? With any other woman, I’d have thought it was for Konstantin, to get her man back. But I knew she didn’t love him. So why?
A creak from the stairs. My heart jumped up into my throat and Christina gave me a cat-like grin. “I could fucking kill you,” she told me savagely. “But I’d rather watch him do it.”
I wasn’t ready for the raw emotion in her voice. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she does love him?
And then, before I could say anything, Konstantin’s voice came from the landing. “Christina?”
My eyes went wide as I saw Christina’s mouth open. No no no—
“In here!” yelled Christina. “Come in, I’ve got something to show you!”
I heard Konstantin’s heavy footsteps coming down the hall. It was all over. He’d see the two of us and kill me. Unless—
“We’ll cut a deal with you,” I whispered frantically.
Christina frowned. “What?”
“Walk away,” I told her. “Walk away right now and don’t tell him and—and—we’ll drop all charges against you. You’ll be free!”
Carrie exploded on my earpiece. “What the hell are you doing?! You don’t have the authority to make that kind of a deal!”
“It’s the only chance we have!” I snapped.
Carrie muttered and cursed. Then, “Okay!”
I looked at Christina. “The FBI agrees.” I glanced at the door. I could hear Konstantin right outside. “Just walk away,” I hissed. “We won’t come after you. Please. Please!”
She glared at me suspiciously, unsure if it was a trap. Then she seemed to see something in my expression and she frowned in amazement.
I flushed. What does that mean? What did she see?
The doorknob twisted. It was too late for Christina to hide: she was right out in the middle of the room. But I was next to the closet. I darted inside and pulled the door shut.
And prayed that she’d take the deal.
52
Hailey
I STOOD THERE in the darkness of the closet, my nails digging into my palms. I heard the bedroom door open. Braced myself for Christina to tell him the truth—
“You changed clothes,” said Konstantin uncertainly. “Is that what you wanted to show me?”
“No,” I heard Christina say. “This is.”
Shit! I threw up my hands defensively, expecting her to pull the closet door open—
But nothing happened. The door wasn’t all the way closed and I peeked through the crack—
Christina was standing right in front of Konstantin, her t-shirt and bra pulled up to her neck, her breasts bared to him. She shook her shoulders, jiggling them at him. He grinned, looking confused but pleased. I felt a sudden stab of jealousy.
Then it got worse. She reached up, took his cheeks in her
hands and—no! Stop!—
She drew him down into a kiss.
The jealousy swelled and rose: I realized just in time that I was reaching for the closet door, about to throw it open, and had to force myself to stop. Christina’s kiss was nothing like one of mine. It was open-mouthed and lewd, and she moaned like a porn star as she did it, molding her body to Konstantin’s and grinding against him. She turned him so that she was looking towards the closet over his shoulder, then opened her eyes and stared right at me, her eyes gleaming with victory.
I felt ill.
She finally released him and he stared down at her, wiping his lips and frowning. “You seem...different,” he said.
“Why don’t you go and work,” she told him. “I’ll put on something sexy and come and find you, and we can go down to the dungeon.” She leaned close and whispered in his ear, just loud enough for me to hear. “I’ll let you do horrible things to me. In fact, I’d love it if you—” She lowered her voice even more, but I saw Konstantin’s eyes widen in shock. The bitch! She was setting me up!
She patted Konstantin’s arm and he left, still looking confused. I emerged from the closet and glared at her. She gave me a smug grin. “Don’t be so uptight,” she told me. “You might even enjoy it.”
I scowled, then glanced at the door. Just leave!
She walked right up to me, then leaned in close. I flinched back, but she was already pushing back my hair and peering into first one of my ears, then the other. The earpiece was discreet, but you could see it if you looked carefully. She found it and smiled, nodding to herself. Then she clamped her hand over that ear and whispered quietly in my other one, so that only I could hear.
“I know why you really made that deal,” she told me.
Then she drew back and stared into my eyes to see my reaction. And I felt myself flush and look away, confirming it: I was in love with him.
She grinned victoriously and strutted out of the room. I ran to a window at the rear of the mansion and watched. If I hadn’t known to look for her, I never would have seen her slink out of the back door and slip into the undergrowth. I followed her to the edge of the grounds… and then she was gone.
I let out a massive sigh of relief. It’s over. I had to sit down on the bed for a second: my legs were shaky with adrenaline. God, just ten minutes before, I’d been out in the garden soul-searching about whether I was doing the right thing. But having my new life nearly ripped away from me had woken me up. I nearly lost him!
I took a deep breath and stood up, then started hunting through the closet for some lingerie to put on. I found a pretty bra and panties set, black with silver thread along the edges. I stripped off and pulled it on and as I dressed, I pushed all my doubts down inside. I’d never see my mom, Calahan, Kate or Alison again. And Carrie! I’d be betraying all the trust she’d placed in me. She’d be heartbroken.
I’d never be able to talk to Konstantin about my real past. I’d have to lie to him every day.
But it was worth it, to be with him. My new life started now.
The bedroom door suddenly opened and Konstantin marched in. “I couldn’t wait,” he told me, his voice thick with lust. He put one hand under my ass and scooped me up, being careful of my injured leg. “I’m going to take you downstairs,” he muttered, “and I’m going to give you exactly what you asked for, you dirty little shlyukha.”
I flushed scarlet. I was distracted, half-worried and half-curious about what Christina had set me up for, and just so happy that we were finally together, I did what I always did when I was embarrassed. I pushed my glasses up my nose. And when my finger didn’t find any glasses, I realized what I’d done and froze... which made it way worse.
I stared at him, my finger still against the bridge of my nose.
He was staring right back at me and his face was turning pale.
No. No, he can’t remember. No! It’s such a small thing! No, NO! Not when we were so close! I finally managed to whip my finger away. But it was too late. That one tiny slip had opened a crack in the dam and behind it was the pressure of all his suspicions: every way I’d been different to her, since the very beginning. I watched his face fall, his happiness turning to shock and disbelief as the truth broke free.
He knew.
53
Hailey
THE FLOOR seemed to drop away from under me. This was the nightmare scenario I’d lived in fear of since day one, but the reality was so much worse than I’d imagined. I stood there staring up at him, my mouth moving but no words coming out. If he’d had any doubts, the guilt on my face ended them.
He grabbed me by the shoulders and twisted me, searching in my ears just as Christina had. But when he found the earpiece, he pulled it roughly out, flung it on the floor and—
His heel crushed my only link to the outside world, grinding it into plastic shards against the floorboards. I drew in a horrified, shuddering breath and then his hands were on my shoulders, slamming me up against the wall. “Hailey?!” he hissed.
I swallowed, panting in fear... and nodded.
He stared at me, stunned, looking at my face, my eyes. Shock made his Russian accent thicken. “How?! How do you look like her?”
“Pl—Plastic surgery,” I said. I felt as if I was drowning, had to choke the words up through thick, cold dread. But the fear of what he’d do to me wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was the horror in his eyes, the shattering of all the trust he’d put in me.
He was shaking his head, barely able to speak. I’d grabbed hold of his forearms and I could feel his muscles going rock hard with rage. “Is she—Is Christina dead?!”
“No! No, she’s fine. That was her, in the bedroom, a few minutes ago. We had her in custody, but she escaped. We let her go, she’s fine!”
“You’re... FBI?” He spat the letters.
I nodded. The horror, the disgust in his eyes made it feel as if my heart was crumpling in on itself, imploding into a tiny, icy little nugget of black.
He pushed away from me and staggered back across the room. He ran one hand through his hair, slowly shaking his head. “You—Jesus, since the accident! The shoes! That’s why the shoes didn’t fit. God, in my office. The pregnancy test.”
He opened the drawer of his bedside table and stared at something inside. His body blocked my view as he picked it up. Then he slowly turned around.
A handgun, blunt and angular, huge even in his big hand.
“Konstantin,” I said, my voice shaky, “Please—”
He looked at me and my words died in my throat, my legs going rubbery under me. His eyes were so cold, a cold without hope. I’d seen that look before, when he was going to throw Ralavich’s man off the roof. I reached out towards him, trying to calm him, but I didn’t get past the first letter of his name. “K—”
“I trusted you!” he roared. His voice shook the room and I flinched and went silent. He started to advance, the gun raised.
I backed away, unable to take my eyes off the gun’s gaping, inky-black muzzle. Konstantin never used a gun. I hadn’t even known he owned one. He always used his fists, like with Ralavich’s man on the rooftop. I tried to force words out of a throat gone sandpaper-dry. “K—Konstantin,” I managed. “Just let me—”
“Suka! Traitorous blyád'!”
“Please!” My back hit the wall and my stomach lurched. There was nowhere left to run. I threw up my hands as if that could stop him, my eyes welling with tears. “Please!”
He pressed one hand between my breasts and pinned me to the wall. He put the muzzle of the gun against my forehead, the metal shockingly cold. I could see my own terrified eyes reflected in the gun’s chrome. And suddenly, I knew why he was using a gun. He loved me. He couldn’t hurt me with his own hands, couldn’t bear to put them around my neck and squeeze the life out of me. He needed the gun to make it distant and emotionless.
His eyes were wet. “Izmennik.”
I didn’t need to speak Russian. The meaning was there in his expr
ession, in the disappointment in his voice: traitor.
I closed my eyes.
And heard him pull the trigger.
54
Konstantin
A BOOM like the end of the world. Then utter silence. She’s gone.
I’d closed my eyes as I did it, unable to watch. I couldn’t bear to open them again.
It was several seconds before I felt it: a finger tentatively brushed the hand that pinned her to the wall. Then her fingers closed around mine and squeezed tight.
We both opened our eyes at the same time.
We were staring at each other from six inches apart. A few inches to the left of her head, there was a smoking hole in the plaster.
Something inside me had rebelled, as I’d pulled the trigger. I’d jerked the gun aside at the last second.
“Damn you,” I whispered. “Goddamn you for making me weak.”
I dropped the gun and it fell to the floor with a dull thunk. A thousand different ways to kill her flooded my mind, but none of them would work. How can you kill the person you can’t do without?
“I love you,” she said.
“Shut up!” I snapped.
Three little words... they shouldn’t have done anything. I was shaking with rage, wrapped in ice a mile thick and as hard as diamonds. And yet the words breezed straight through, simple and innocent as the butterflies in her goddamn garden and hitting me right in the heart because—
I turned away. I couldn’t look at her. Because the words sounded true and if I looked into her eyes and they were true….
“I do,” she said, and sniffed back tears. “It’s true. I’d decided, I’d changed sides, I wasn’t going to go back to them, I was going to stay here with you!”
The Double Page 21
