by J. L. Beck
“Why did you slap me?” His voice is gruff, and he sounds like he might’ve been swallowing gravel all night and I would assume so as well if he didn’t smell like a distillery
“You were screaming. You had a nightmare. Do you usually have those?”
“That’s none of your fucking business,” his brash response surprises me. He’s never talked to me with so much anger in his voice. Without even looking at me he gets up from the bed.
“It’s okay to talk about it Ivan. I’m sorry if she hurt you…”
As fast as Ivan got up from the bed he’s storming right back toward me, his eyes blazing with emotions, he puts his finger in my face as he yells.
“You don’t fucking know anything. Nothing. You’re lucky you’ve weasled your way under my skin as far as you have, because otherwise you’d be just like the nine other women downstairs.”
I blink, his words are like a punch to the gut. Nine other women? A sudden surge of anger grips onto me refusing to let go. I’m angry because I’m here against my will. I’m angry for the other women almost being held against their will and I’m angry at this Mira for hurting Ivan even though I obviously shouldn't be. I’m angry at the world and before I even realize it, I’m yelling back at him.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t know, okay? I woke up and you were screaming in your sleep. I was scared. I didn't know what was happening and I don’t know who Mira is but...”
My words are cut off before they can even finish coming out. Ivan is on me in a flash, his hands gripping my arms so tightly I cry out in pain.
He starts to shake me, his face millimeters away from mine.
“Don’t even fucking say her name. You don’t fucking know anything!”
Tears fill my eyes. Why is he so angry?
I feel like I have whiplash when he releases my arms just to grip onto my waist with equal force. He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder, knocking the breath from my lungs in the process.
I just don’t understand… I don’t understand why he is so mad. Why is he suddenly treating me like this? Why did he even bring me up here? I don’t know anything and everything about this situation terrifies me. The only person I have is him, and he's angry with me, furious.
“Ivan.” I whisper his name needing him to tell me it’s going to be okay.
“Shut up and keep your eyes closed,” he orders as we walk out the front door and into the hall. I close my eyes and grip onto the fabric of his shirt hoping that I didn’t just make the biggest mistake ever. I should have kept my mouth shut. If I would have just stayed quiet I would be still in Ivan’s bed right now. I would be warm, and tucked into his side. This is my fault. All mine. We walk down a flight of stairs, before turning to walk down another when Ivan’s steps come to a sudden halt, his grip on me tightens and in turn my finger nails dig into the cotton of his t-shirt.
“Ivan.” An unfamiliar voice reaches my ears. Its belongs to a dark, sinister man. I know it even without seeing his face. Its merely his tone, and the reaction that Ivan has to his presence that tells me all I need to know about him.
“Yulie.” Ivan greets him.
“Is that one of the girls from downstairs?” Yulie’s voice grows closer, heavy footsteps bounce of the walls. He's walking over to us. My body starts to shake, and I want to go back in time to change what I did. I want to apologize and beg and plead.
“Yeah, I don't like to fuck them down there. It’s fucking filthy in those cells and I don’t want to catch some disease.” Hearing Ivan talk so vulgar about me only makes me more scared. I know he’s lying to protect me, but hearing him talk about me like I’m nothing more than something to fuck scares me, and saddens me all at once.
“I hear ya. She does have a nice ass...I suppose she’d be worthy of fucking.” I feel a hand grab my ass but I don’t know who’s it is. I squeeze my eyes shut wanting the moment to end as the same hand reaches between my legs. I feel him grip me there, between my legs, and I want to kick and scream, tell him to stop, but I know that would just make things worse.
It wouldn't just hurt me. It would hurt Ivan too. It would make him have to hurt me and even though I know he’s mad at me right now I don’t think that’s something he’d really want to do.
“Too bad I have an early meeting to attend or I would take her off your hands for a few hours.”
“She’ll be in the auction if you want to have her all to yourself.” Bile rises in my throat threatening to come out of my mouth if I don’t get it under control.
“I thought we only sell virgins at the auction?” The man isn’t asking, he stating.
“That’s why I only fuck them in the ass. Might as well use em them well they’re here. There isn’t any harm in preparing them for the world that’s to come.” The other man starts laughing and I have to concentrate on not throwing up.
I wonder if Ivan’s done this before? He’s either a really good liar or he’s done something like this before.
“I guess that’s one way to get around it. You take care now.” Yulie’s heavy footsteps move away from us and Ivan continues walking down the stairs. Once we’re back in the cell he walks right up to the mattress and drops me onto it. I look up at him but he’s already turned his back to me and is halfway across the cell.
“Ivan?” My voice comes out small and it trembles even though I try to stop it. He doesn’t stop walking, or turn around, and he doesn’t say anything either. He just walks out the door, slamming it shut behind him. The loud noise makes me flinch and a new set of tears make their way down my face. I feel sick and curl up into a tight ball in the center of the mattress wishing more than ever that I would have just kept my mouth shut.
“I’m sorry…” I whisper to no one in particular. My chest heaves as I sob into the dirty mattress. I want to go home. I want to see my sister, and go back to a normal life. I question what bad I’ve done in my life to deserve to be where I am right now.
I slam my fist into the mattress. I never should’ve gone to that club. I never should’ve listened to my friends. The tears keep coming and I know there’s no point in stopping them. My tears are the only thing I have left that are mine.
***
Two days pass before I see Ivan again. I spend most of that time crying in a fetal position. My hopes that he’s coming back to me were withering away with each passing hour.
The second meal of the day has already been served, so when I hear the door unlocking I perk up. When I see his large body appear in the door jamI almost jump up and run to him. Instead I just sit there frozen in place afraid to open my mouth. I don't know why he's here, hell he could be coming to get me to ship me away.
Without saying a word he crosses the room bends down and picks me up, throwing me over his shoulder like he did last time.
“Keep your eyes closed,” is all he says before walking out and slamming the heavy door shut behind us. He starts making his way upstair faster than normal like he is in a hurry or maybe he just doesn't want to run into someone else…then again neither do I.
He doesnt stop until we are in his apartment and the door is shut behind us. I open my eyes and see he is walking into the bedroom.
“Ivan?” I whisper, but he doesn’t answer. Instead he swings me from his shoulder onto his bed making me bounce on the soft mattress. I gaze up at him confused and a little scared but then I see his expression and I know he didn’t bring me up here to hurt me.
“I’m sorry,” he tells me and gets on the bed with me, positioning himself on top of me. He is holding himself up on his elbows and keen, his large body looming a over my small one.
“I didn't mean to hurt you the other night. I lost control. Sometimes I do that. But believe me...it was no intentional.” I know shouldn't trust him. Shouldn’t just accept his apology. He's a criminal, probably a murderer too, and he's selling me and other women for money... still, I believe him.
He moves over me until his face hovers directly above my own. Then without even an inklin
g of hesitation his lips are on mine. He tastes like mint, and he kisses like hes trying to remind me of the kind man he is.
I've kissed a couple guys, each occasion was sloppy and one I didn't want to revisit but none of them ever kissed me like this...like I was the air they needed to breathe. My breath hitches in my throat when his huge hand cups me by the cheek, his touch is tender, kind and I melt into it.
I feel his tongue slip across my bottom lip, begging for entry. I've never french kissed before. Thought excites me, and I part my lips, moaning when his tongue touches mine.
The kiss deepens and he strokes the inside of my mouth, leaving me feeling all warm and tingly inside. I lift my hands pulling him down on top of me. I can feel his huge erection pressing into my belly and panic shoots through me momentarily.
That panic quickly disappears when his warm body presses me into the soft mattress, making me feel safe and protected, as if he is guarding me from everything bad in the world with his body. I start to melt underneath his touch and I revel in the feeling of his heavy body against mine.
My body seems to move on its own, as if it knows what to do, and I let it, because I’ve never felt the way I do right now. My fingers dive into his hair, tugging on the strands. While he cradles my head, kissing me with every ounce of who he is. I lift my hips, and spread my legs wider, wanting more, needing more. Ivan grunts above me as if he’s in pain before pulling away, but only slightly.
His fingers roam down my body, his eyes remain on mine, pleading, questioning as he slips beneath the hem of the shirt I’m wearing. His thick fingers ghost over my skin and I shiver. He touches me as if I’m going to break, like I’m a fragile piece of porcelain.
“I… I want you.” I whisper giving him permission but instead of touching me, instead of giving us both what we want, he pulls away.
“I want you too, you don’t even know how much, it’d probably scare you… but we can’t.” He looks away as if he is trying to hide his face from me, as if he’s ashamed. “Do you want to take a shower? You can go by yourself.”
“What if I want you to come?” I ask my teeth sinking into my bottom lip. I don’t know what I’m doing or even what I’m asking for. All I know is that after being away from him for two days I need to show him how valuable he is to me, how important his presence is, because then maybe, maybe he won’t leave me all alone again.
“I don’t think you know what you want kitten. If you knew everything about me, about the things I’ve done you wouldn’t be wanting me to touch you, let along take a shower with you.”
His response hurts, and feels a lot like rejection but I’ve been hurt worse in my time here, and though I might be inexperienced and a bit naive, after the way he kissed me I know he wants me. He can deny it all he wants, but his body proves otherwise.
“You’re the reason I’m here Ivan, and I still want you, so I think I know what I am asking for.”
Nervous laughter spills from his throat, “No you haven’t the first clue what you’re asking for, and I might be a bastard, but I’m not taking that from you, especially before the checking.”
My brow furrows, “The checking?”
“Come take a shower, and I’ll take one with you.” I oblige, springing from the bed. I walk into the bathroom and pull off all of my clothes, tossing them to the floor. I am not as timid as I was last time when I got naked in front of him. Ivan does the same, though his movements are slower and just like last time I enjoy watching him strip. My eyes rake over the dark ink painted onto his skin. He’s tone, and tan and my mouth waters with every new inch of flesh I see.
“Are you still bleeding?” He turns the water on, and steps into the shower, extending a hand outward to me.
“No.” I take his hand and groan when the heated water lands against my back. When I look up at Ivan there’s a hunger reflecting in his gray eyes.
“I think you knew what you were doing when you asked me to take a shower with you kitten.” His tone is playful, and makes me smile.
I step closer and reach for his erection but he snatches my wrist, in an unbreakable hold.
“Not today kitten. I can’t have sex with you but I can give you pleasure.” He grins before spinning me around and pulls me flush to his chest, so my back is pushed against his front. I feel his penis press into my lower back, right above my ass cheeks and I wonder for a moment what he is doing. He said he can’t have sex with me, because of the checking, whatever that is, but knowing what the future holds, that some rich man is going to take it makes me want to give it to Ivan even more.
With that thought I lean forward and push my ass back against his raging erection.
“Violet.” He grits out, each finger on his hand wrapping around my hip, holding me in place. My name on his lips sounds strange, not to mention I didn’t even know he knew my name.
“I want you to be my first. If I’m going to be sold anyway why does it matter. If this is the only thing I have that’s mine to giveaway then I want to give it to you.” I peer at him over my shoulder...I can see the confliction in his eyes.
“No. I want you, fucking believe me, I do, but I can’t. If they find out you aren’t a virgin when the doctor checks you then it’s procedure to give you to the men. The higher ups, then the lowers. Eventually you’ll be sent to the whorehouse, that’s if you don’t die first, and I refuse to fucking subject you to that because I wanted to get my dick wet.”
I gulp at his confession, “Oh…” It’s the only thing I can say. I’m a whole lot of shocked. Shocked that he would tell me these things, shocked that they would do that to someone. Overall I’m just so fucking surprised at how cruel of a bitch the world is.
“But I can do other things to you. I can finger you..” He releases my hip and trails his fingers down my lower back, over my ass, and between my legs. “I can eat you out. Feast on your pussy.” I shiver at his brash words.
“I’ve never done either of those things.” My chest heaves at my admission.
“Don’t say shit like that kitten, not when I’m already barely hanging on by a shred.” I shivered, feeling every word he said down to my core. He nudged my thighs apart with his hand, and pressed me against the tiled wall. I turned my head placing my cheek against the cold surface.
My hardened nipples moved over the damp tile, sending sparks of pleasure between my legs.
“I’m going to finger you...then I’m going to taste you on my tongue. If you want me stop at any point in time just say so, but know I will not touch you again. Not even if you beg me, kitten.”
His body was big enough to loom over mine, and well I felt one of his hands between my thighs, the other gripped onto my hip, guiding me to where he wanted me. With my chest pressed against the wall and my ass jutted out, I feel exposed.
Our eyes connect, and I feel the heat of his body seeping into mine as he leans into me, all his hard edges touching my soft curves.
“Fuck you’re beautiful Violet, so fucking beautiful.” His breath fans against my ear, his teeth grazing the sensitive flesh.
“Please…” I whimper, unsure of what I am asking for. I feel his fingers spread my lips, and I gasp at the sensation. Another finger glides over my engorged clit and a shudder of pleasure moves through me.
“Have you ever played with yourself?” Every slip of his finger over my clit makes it harder to think, harder to breathe.
“Yes…” I admit.
“Did you ever come?” He asks, a small smile tugging at his lips. I remember the few times I made myself come with my clumsy fingers. I felt not even a fraction of what I’m feeling right now.
“Yes.” I confess again, the movements of his finger halt and I damn near scream in frustration.
“Please don’t stop…” I sound desperate and maybe I am. I want his touch, his kisses, the heat of his body on mine. I want to feel wanted, and cared for. He leans his head down and nibbles on my shoulder. I let my head fall to the side to give him better access to my neck and he takes
full advantage of it, kissing, licking and sucking on the sensitive flesh. My moans echoes throughout the small shower stall and right back into my ears.
“Touch yourself kitten. Tease your clit like you would if you were alone, pinch it, and rub it, and I’ll finger you.” I follow his command, wanting only the pleasure I know he can give me. Moving my hand towards my pussy, it shakes nervously. I lick my lips, and my eyes flutter closed as I touch myself there just as he was. It doesn’t feel the same... but then I feel him moving his fingers back towards my entrance. I spread my legs wider, giving myself to him completely.
“Mmm, I love that you’re so eager for my touch kitten.”
He circles my entrance with one thick finger, teasing it, massaging it, and then he dips in, just the fingertip, the feeling isn’t completely foreign, and in fact it’s enough to make me pant. He pulls out the tip of his finger and dips back inside, a little bit more than before. I don’t think he is all the way in yet but a delicious fullness fills my belly, when he moves his finger around inside me.
“I’m not going to go real deep, just in case. But I’m going to keep my finger inside you until you come on my hand.” His low raspy voice is right next to my ear and I feel like his voice has a direct line to my pussy. Pleasure starts to build deep in my belly, the pressure of his finger inside me radiates said pleasure outward.
“You stop touching yourself and I’ll take my finger out.” He warns. I want to tell him I couldn’t if I tried but the only thing leaving my mouth right now are moans and pants.
I rub my clit faster, pinching it between two fingers, while he moves his thick digit in and out of me. His movements are gentle, and precise, and a coil of pleasure starts to unravel inside of me at the rhythm. I can feel him splayed out over my backside, his firm penis pressing against my leg. He’s panting with need as much as I am, and all the sensations coupled together build deeper and deeper, pulling the typhon of pleasure right out of me.
“Ivan...I’m going to…” I can’t get anything else out because the pleasure flooding my veins takes my breath away. Every muscle in my body tightens, a euphoric fog clings to me and I end up on my tiptoes as the sensations overtake my body. Waves of pleasure float over me and I cling to the tile. I can barely hold myself up. Only then does Ivan slip his finger out of me. My eyes feel heavy, and I let him sling both of his arms around me carrying most of my weight. He gave me something I’ve never felt before...and I’ll never forget that.
