by Vivien Vale
“Yeah, I am. I fuck up everything I touch,” I admit coldly, glancing at the bonfire.
I don’t know what it is about fire, but it mesmerizes me. It helps me relax and feel at peace with myself. The fire does that right at this moment.
Especially when I have something to say to Ruby.
“Hey, I want to apologize for the canoe,” I start. I peer over at her again.
“What about it?” she asks so innocently. “It wasn’t your fault it tipped over. And besides, you saved me. You know I can’t swim.”
“Yeah, I remember, Rubes.”
“So, around me, you’re pretty good luck. You’ve saved me from that lake twice now,” she says smiling.
I guess she’s right when I think about it. As my mind lets go of the thought, another creeps into my head. This one a lot less innocent.
I want to ask her something personal, but I don’t want to offend her or weird her out. I don’t know that she’s been with a guy, at least from what little bit Jake had told me and from what I read in her journal the other night.
“I actually didn’t mean that at first. I mean, I’m sorry for overstepping. I shouldn’t have made you kiss me,” I admit.
She stares at me like she doesn’t know what I’m fucking talking about.
Ruby stares at me, waiting for me to say something else.
And I think of the words, afraid I’ve fucked this up. “You know, when I pushed you to the floor of the canoe, kissed you, and rubbed my hands up and down your amazing body?”
Her stare turns to a grin. No words. I am pretty sure she fucking liked it.
She’s even blushing, I think. The fire does kind of distort color, but if I had to guess, she’s pinker than usual.
But even if she did like it, I still shouldn’t have done it. I should have let her make the first move. If she wanted to, she would have. At least in my mind.
I stir the bonfire a little to keep the fire going so we can cook the fish Jake will hopefully catch. I’m fucking starving.
Ruby glances over at the fire. Her eyes glue themselves to the fire, like she’s avoiding what I’m going to say next. If she doesn’t look at me, then I’m not there.
I bring her back to the conversation. “What happened on the lake won’t happen again. I promise. Unless you want it to.”
She peers at me. She opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.
I’m about to continue what I was saying, but on second thought, I move my folding chair over closer to Ruby. I want to make sure she hears every word that comes out of mouth.
“Ruby, I fucking like you. Since the first time Jake brought me to your house, I’ve always been so attracted to you that it hurts,” I confess, pouring my heart out to her.
I take her left hand in my right one and squeeze it. I let go about as quick.
Shit. I realize I probably shouldn’t have done that. Hell, I’m apologizing for nearly fucking her against a tree in the woods.
Ruby gives me this gawky teenage stare, just like she did back when we were kids. Shit, I loved that look back then, and I still love it today. She hasn’t changed a bit in that aspect.
She snaps out of her stare and grabs my hand. “Wyatt—”
“Let me finish. When I liked you years ago, I was afraid things would be weird between Jake and me. I didn’t want to fuck up my friendship with him.”
I put a little bit of distance between us. “But it cost me something greater. I didn’t pursue a relationship that might have been a great one.”
“People date best friend’s siblings all the time. Things wouldn’t have been weird unless you allowed it. Love happens whether we want it to or not,” she responds.
Fuck, she does have a point.
I start to say something, but she puts her finger on my lips. I want to fucking kiss it so badly. I want to wrap my arms around her and fuck her here right now.
But I won’t.
I can’t.
I just told her I was sorry for trying to do it earlier. I’m done. I have to resist, as hard as that might be.
And it’s fucking hard. Trust me.
Ruby’s looking at me. “We don’t get to pick who we love. I believe it happens when we find the one we’re supposed to be with. Don’t you?”
I don’t have an answer for her right away. This relationship shit isn’t really my thing. After all, I consider her family my family; I didn’t have much of one growing up.
She stares back at the bonfire. It’s died down a little bit from when I stirred it a little bit ago.
“You’re right. I shouldn’t have thought that way. I was fucking stupid for thinking that we couldn’t date back then.” I look at the fire, too.
Ruby scoots her chair closer to me and grabs my hand. “You’re not stupid. You’re one of the kindest men I’ve had the privilege to know. I’m glad you and Jake are friends. I would have never met you if you hadn’t been.”
“You’re right.”
She grins at me, and I smile back at her.
Our gazes return to the fire.
We don’t say anything for a couple of minutes. Instead, we bask in the silence and allow the fire to hypnotize us with its tantalizing flames.
I loop my arm around her and hug her tight. She’s not telling me to back off.
Her journal said it all when I snuck into her room and read what I did. She wanted to be with me back in our younger days. Her actions right now tell me she still feels the same way.
How fucking stupid of me. How could I have let something like being friends with Jake come between the girl I liked and a relationship that could have happened years ago?
I keep beating myself up for being so fucking dumb. I should have gone for it anyway, followed my heart the way I really wanted to do. And not let my best friend get in the way—even if she is his sister.
An idea dawns on me, and I break the silence. “I want to make this up to you.”
“Make up what?” she asks.
We look at each other, still holding hands.
“For the lost time. I want us to go on a real first date. When we get back to reality after this trip, I want to take you to dinner at a nice place so we can talk and really get to know each other,” I divulge. I don’t take my eyes off of her.
“I would like that very much,” she says, accepting my offer. My heart jumps. Her brown eyes are unwavering.
“I mean, I know we’ve been around each other growing up, but I’m sure I don’t know everything about you. And most especially these last few years. I haven’t seen any of you very much.”
She’s taking in every word I say. Like a child seeing Santa for the first time.
“That’s true. We have a lot of shit to catch up on.”
I glance down at our hands, still together.
Off in the distance, we hear Jake holler. I’m guessing he’s catching fish—even in the fucking dark.
Ruby breaks our silence this time. “It doesn’t matter what Jake or my parents, for that matter, think. I want to see what will happen next.”
“Should we set a date then?” I propose, coyly.
“Why don’t we wait to decide on the day until we get back home?” she asks. “I have a really needy boss to have to plan around.”
“Fair enough,” I reply. I have a lot to say about that fucking boss of hers, but now isn’t the time. “And another thing…”
“What’s that?”
“I’m sorry for not asking you out on a date back then.”
“I accept,” she says quickly. “But what I won’t accept is your apology for what happened on the lake.” She grins at me again.
Shit. That smile gets me every time.
Chapter 24
Ruby
I sit as quietly as I possibly can, my grin getting wider as I try not to react. Inside, I’m screaming.
It’s like fireworks are going off inside my head, champagne is being popped, and whistles blow. My cheeks hurt from trying to hold in my gri
n.
He likes me, he likes me, he really likes me!
My girlhood crush is crushing on me. It’s such a perfect moment. The light of the fire flickers warmly, painting us with shadows that dance across our faces.
He’s grinning right back at me, like he knows exactly how I feel. In the changing light, we could be teenagers again. Just starting out. Not understanding what love is, or how intimacy works, only that we want it.
With each other.
I want to hug him. I want to wrap my arms around him and press my body against that amazing pillar of hard manhood. I want to feel how his firm flesh presses against my soft curves.
How deep his scent would be, rising between us and teasing me as it crept across my skin. How his hard muscles would feel under the soft fabric, pressed by my hands.
As much as I want to do this, to just suddenly leap up and throw myself at him, I don’t. He’s like some kind of wild thing, something forged by shadows and pain. Sharp events and hard tasks chiseled this body, this will.
He’s not the young boy I once knew—who was, even then, quiet and far too thoughtful.
I can sense a deep hidden darkness in him. My instincts tell me sudden moves are not a good idea.
I reach out with one hand, raising it slowly and moving it towards him lightly. He notices my movement and I see him stiffen all over as soon as he realizes what I’m doing. As my hand falls gently on his forearm, I rub him gently with my fingers.
He smiles, softening. Sure, we’ve touched before. It’s not the touch that is the problem. It’s the fact that he’s reserved, emotionally. He’s been hurt. So, I have to take that into account, and try to be aware of his needs.
I don’t think he’d object to me throwing myself on him for a full body hug. However, he might get startled. I feel, very keenly, startling is not something I want to do.
He wriggles a bit closer to me and my grin gets wider, if that’s even possible. We press our bodies together, and I run my hand up his arm to clasp our fingers together.
“We wasted so much time,” I whisper, looking up into his eyes, the light from the fire basking his blonde hair in a bright glow. The shadows move across his face, painting one eye in light, the other in darkness.
“It certainly could have been better used.” He grins at me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Oh, because you were my brother’s best friend, of course. You guys were older than me and so very cool, you know. So, I just thought you would never be interested.”
“Oh, I’m cool, am I?”
“Way cool. Super cool. Totally cool,” I ramble, again like I’m fifteen fucking years old. Christ Ruby, get a grip.
“Damn, that’s a relief. I thought I was a geek.”
I burst out laughing, “You were always a jock as if you even think that!”
He laughs too, leaning back as I give him a hard elbow in the ribs.
“Okay! Okay, I never thought I was a geek. Not good enough for you though, maybe.”
I watch his face change. He keeps the softness and the humor, but there’s something serious behind his eyes now.
“Not good enough?”
He raises our joined hands, moving his fingers against mine.
“I always thought you would end up with one of those really professional guys. You know, like a lawyer or something? A nice, well-dressed type of guy who can take you out all kinds of glamorous places.”
He looks up at the trees, lightly tossing in a breeze. He seems to mentally slip away from me, becoming a part of that savage balance in the wilderness. “I don’t like cities,” he whispers, letting our hands drop down as he looks into the trees.
“I like it out here. Everything’s honest. I don’t get enjoyment from going out and doing things in crowded places. It’s much safer if I just keep to myself.” His eyes fall back down to the ground between his feet.
I squeeze his hand, trying to bring him back to me. “What makes you think I need busy days at museums or live shows to be happy?”
He looks up into my eyes. He shakes his head lightly. I’m not sure what he’s denying. I know him so well, and yet, I know nothing at all.
I smile, pulling his hand towards me, reminding him that we are touching.
“I’d be happy with the right person. It doesn’t matter where, or what we do.”
“I’m not sure I am the right person.” He looks at the ground again.
“Right person for what?” I stare steadily at him, waiting for him to bring his gaze up to me. He does, looking confused.
“I’m not sure.”
I shuffle a bit closer, squeezing his hand and looking into his eyes. I want him to feel me, the heat rising in me, making my nipples get tingly and hard and my clit start throbbing. I put that heat into my eyes.
“I can think of one thing you’re the right person for.” I let my eyes slide down, looking over him and grinning as I come back to his face. I see the surprise and a kind of relief wash over him. He looks me over too, grinning wider when I blush.
“Oh, Ruby. I’m sure you’ve had plenty of other guys that are nice, gentle and caring—”
“You mean, you’re not any of those things?” I’m kidding, but he gives me a sharp look.
“I am. I mean, I’m not. It’s complicated.”
I press our joined hands to my chest, looking into his eyes. Begging him to understand.
“Maybe I don’t give a fuck how complicated it is. Maybe I just want you.”
“I want you too, Ruby. Of course, I do.”
“Then what the hell are we doing, sitting here, looking into each other’s eyes and hardly touching each other?”
He sighs and tugs, trying to get his hand back. I grin mischievously, gripping his hand tighter and burying it further into my chest. He grins back.
“Maybe I should just keep doing what I’m doing, and not think so hard.” I take on a formal tone. He laughs.
“Might be the best bet. I really…don’t like thinking. Not these days.”
“That’s fine. Maybe we shouldn’t think.” I’m letting my eyes linger over him, over all of him, burning between my legs and in hot points where my nipples stick out against my blouse. I pull myself over a bit closer.
“Did you think about me, that last vacation?”
“Of course, I did.”
“No. I mean, did you lay in your blankets at night, hoping to dream of me?”
He looks up and our faces are very close. Almost close enough to kiss, but I don’t. I’m so close to doing what I want to do, pressing my body against his and our mouths together. Something stops me. Maybe it’s the sadness lurking right behind the joy in his eyes.
“I did dream of you. All the time. And yes, I was a teenage boy. I laid in my blankets fantasizing about everything in a skirt.”
“I think you may have missed my point.” I grin, stroking his hair back from his face. “I was giving you an opening to say how special I was to you.”
He laughs lightly. “Sorry I missed my cue. Yes, Ruby. I thought about you far more intensely than the others.”
I give his hand another squeeze, but I don’t lean in for this kiss I so badly desire. Instead, I get up, letting him go. I want to distance myself just a bit, hoping that he’ll miss my touch. Hoping that when I sit down again, he’ll be ready to do more than hold hands.
I’m not sure why he’s holding back. I can’t think of a single reason why he would. If we both want each other, why would he stop himself? He really is like a wild thing. He always had that air about him, something different. Harder. Stronger.
I think my panties might be stuck to me. As I walk around the fire, I have a little wriggle. My clit rubs against my tight jeans and just makes the whole panty situation a whole lot worse.
I put a few small branches on the fire and grab a big one. I throw it down across a couple of rocks, holding on to one end and slamming my heel hard against the middle as I jerk the end towards me. The crack is loud, sudden. The wood exp
lodes, shattering where my heel hits it.
I look over at Wyatt with a grin, waiting to hear a compliment about how bad ass I am. Instead, his hands are up over his ears. He’s rocking forward, crumpling on to the ground.
“Wyatt! Wyatt! What’s wrong?” I rush around the fire, touching him on the shoulder. He moans, body stiff and shaking.
“Talk to me, Wyatt! What’s happening?” I manage to pick him up by the shoulder and look at his face. His eyes are rolled back, and his eyelids are flickering. His body jerks, trembling all over. He moans roughly, completely out of touch.
It’s some kind of mental episode, and I have no fucking idea what to do.
Chapter 25
Wyatt
I’m back on the ship. I’m always back on the fucking ship. Behind my eyes, in my mind, it’s there, just waiting. I never left. This is my Hell, and I don’t have to wait until I’m dead to see it.
It lives with me, in my blood and in my breath. My own personal Hell, always reaching out to grab me and drag me back in.
Maybe death would free me from it. I still don’t understand how I’ve survived, or why. Most days, I wish I hadn’t.
I can hear the far off, dull booms. Getting closer all the time. Shouts break out all around me. There’s black smoke everywhere. My eyes are stinging, and I can’t see a fucking thing.
I know I acted quickly. Almost before anyone else did. I know I got a gun and some supplies. The explosions began to rock the boat soon after, making the air like razors to breathe. My throat rips raw every time I draw breath. My eyes are running, making tracks down my face in the soot.
Not much time has gone by, but I know the situation is desperate. We’ve been boarded, and they are moving. They don’t just want to blow us up. Not till they get what they came for. Fuck knows what that might be. I’m a grunt, I don’t get detailed descriptions of everything that we carry.
They are coming.
We’ve been overrun. I know that much. We have to get to the lifeboats. There is nothing but enemy, all around. I see the guys charging at me from in front and raise my gun, pressing my finger on the trigger.
It clicks dully. It’s empty. I’m out. I’m fucked.
