by Niles, Abby
“It’s a tether that connects us in life and reunites us in death.”
“Are you saying that after we die we’ll still be together?” She glanced at the symbol and what it represented was suddenly clear. “For eternity?”
There was a moment of silence before his arms banded around her, bringing her tight against his body. He rested his chin on top of her head. The beat of his heart thumped against her cheek, while a deep hum vibrated her face. “This was supposed to be the way I told you about what I am. With you in my arms. Not yelling and making demands.”
“I didn’t really give you much choice.”
“I could’ve handled it better than I did. Maybe then…”
When his words halted, she tilted her head back, shocked to see the regret etched deeply on his face. “What?”
A strained smile came to his mouth and he shook his head. “Nothing. It worked out the way it was supposed to.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just that.”
His words confused her, but he didn’t seem keen on elaborating, so she said, “Jaylin mentioned something about me not marking you.”
“Did she, now?”
The slow, cautious way he asked the question led her to believe he’d had no intention of telling her this part, hadn’t wanted her to know, and she realized then that Liam still wasn’t going to give all the answers freely.
If what he’d hidden in the past was any indication, there was a darker reason for his silence than just wanting to keep her uninformed, and she needed to find out what it was. “She said the reason you had those episodes was because I hadn’t marked you, and instead left you.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“One half is not whole until combined with the other half.”
She frowned at his evasive declaration, but she knew enough now to snap the pieces together. “Cryptically saying you are not whole until I mark you?”
If you die, Liam might as well be dead too.
If you die, I’ll be ruined.
A muscle jumped in his cheek. “Yes.”
Dread compressed her chest at the one word answers he was now reluctantly feeding her. She pushed away from him. He let her go without a fight, and she felt the distance between them opening again. She refused to allow that to happen. Not this time. He was holding something back and he would tell her. “You said this bond lasts even after death, it’s a tether that brings us together.”
“Yes.”
“But I’m not bonded to you.” The muscle in his cheek started to pulsate. Whatever he was hiding, she was headed in the right direction. “You’re not whole yet. How does that affect the eternity thing? What would happen if I were to die today without marking you?”
Liam spun away from her. “Nothing would change. It would be as it is.”
Clearly. But again, not an answer.
He didn’t want her to know, just as he hadn’t wanted her to know what happened to him after she’d left him. She hated the tactic she was about to pull, but she had no choice. “You can tell me yourself, Liam, or I will call Dr. Avgar and get the answer.” She stepped toward him. “But I would rather hear it from you.”
He gazed at her from over his shoulder. “You’d do that, wouldn’t you?”
“I’m tired of being in the dark. If you won’t tell me, I’ll find the answers elsewhere.”
Resignation slumped his shoulders. “The answers won’t give you the peace you want, Ava. Nothing will change once I tell you. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, because the truth can be ugly.”
“You don’t think I already know I’m going to be horrified by what I hear? That I wasn’t already when I learned what Dserted meant?” She took another step toward him. “Tell me, Liam. What would happen if I die today?”
His expression shattered as he quietly said, “I would die, too.”
That couldn’t be right; he had to be wrong. “But…but when you thought I died before, that didn’t happen.”
I’d be ruined.
“Not literally. Figuratively. I’d live, but spend the remainder of my life dead inside, feeling only emptiness where you used to thrive inside me.”
Ruined...
Unnerved, she took a shaky breath. “And when you die?”
“I don’t know what kind of eternity I’d have waiting for me. I don’t know if I will find peace or if I will live in infinity knowing my mate is lost to me.”
She covered her mouth with her hand in pure horror, realizing the enormity of what that terrible man had planned for Liam. If they had not escaped his sick prison, he would’ve eventually killed her, and Liam would have been left like that, ruined, possibly for eternity. Her throat closed at the thought, panic squeezed her chest. She latched onto his forearm and held it in a death grip, as if that alone would keep him safe.
“But if I bond to you, we’re connected for eternity, right?”
“Ah, Ava, let’s not go down that road.”
“Liam,” she said. “We’d be connected. You wouldn’t live dead inside in this horrible way you describe, right?”
He looked down at her, cheerless. “No. I’ll grieve, but eventually the connection will hum in peace and I’ll know you’re waiting for me on the other side.”
All she had to do was mark Liam to make everything right? She loved him, had wanted to spend her life with him—still wanted to spend her life with him. “Tell me how, and I will. Right now.”
Liam shook his head.
He might as well have slapped her. Her anger blossomed. At him. For being so damn stubborn. “Jesus Christ, Liam, why not? It would fix everything!”
“Everything but one—Emma.”
She jerked back, unprepared for that. “What does Emma have to do with me bonding to you?”
“If you bond to me, Emma will be the one to suffer. Not you. Not me. Emma. You told me yourself, he’ll make her pay. He’ll kill her. Slowly. Agonizingly. And he’ll taunt us with it.”
Oh, God. “But—”
“Once you bond to me, his hold on my life is gone. Even your death would no longer be enough because we’d still have infinity together.” He touched her cheek. “He wants my eternal suffering, Ava. If we take that away from him, the only way he can make me—make us—suffer is to make Emma suffer. You would never forgive me for that. Make no mistake, he’ll take her down if it’s the only option left for him.”
“We can do it in secret. Stay away from each other then, until he’s caught. He’ll never know.”
“He’ll know. We all know. We have a different scent once our mate has bonded to us. You’re scent was altered as soon as I placed those marks on your thighs. We know you are safe. Bonded.”
“Why didn’t he just kill me then?” she asked, searching for a loophole, anything that could make the outcome different. “He could’ve. At any time. Why didn’t he?”
“He didn’t want to just kill you, Ava, otherwise you’d already be dead. He wanted to fuck with me before he killed you. Make me fear your death even more than I already did, because I could see it coming.”
“B-but I could’ve bonded to you anytime over the six months we were together. Why would he gamble with that if he wanted to get to you so badly?”
“You’re human, Ava. He would’ve known when we had the talk, seen the subtle change in you that all of our human mates get after they learn they’re not the only humanoid species. You’re told something that goes against everything you grew up believing, and the residual effect of that can be seen by us. He would’ve put his plan into action immediately. There wouldn’t have been threats, or Dsershon. You would’ve just been dead.”
She gazed at him for a long moment. Swallowed. “What if I’d been honest with you that night?”
Liam strode over and yanked her to him, crushing her against his chest, his arms like steel around her. “I know what you’re doing, baby. I know you’re just trying to understand, but you have to stop, and trust I know my world. He would never
have given you the chance to bond to me. This is not a stupid shifter we’re dealing with. He’s smart, calculating. He was always watching, waiting, just hoping I wouldn’t have the talk with you before he was ready for me. He used a shifter’s one weakness against us: We’re terrified of revealing ourselves to our human mates, terrified of being rejected. We say nothing until we are positive we will be accepted.”
“And I rejected you, anyway.” She buried her face against him. “Oh, God. I helped him.”
“No, Ava. You were protecting your teenaged sister. Stop blaming yourself.”
They rocked in each other’s arms for long moments. Then she whispered, “What if he succeeds in killing me?”
“I’ll die before I allow that to happen.”
Tears burned her eyes. “But then you will be lost to me. How is that any more fair than what I did to you?”
He latched on to her upper arms and pushed her back until he could look her in the eyes, and she saw how serious he was. “If I lose you, I lose everything. I will never recover. But you are unbonded. I can’t promise an eternity with me, Ava, but I can at least ensure you’ll love again, have children, have a life if this ends badly.”
“I-I want all that with you. I’ve only ever wanted that with you. I want to fill that hope chest with memories, so many you have to make me another one.”
His throat worked as he swallowed. A wet brightness shone in his eyes that hadn’t been there a moment before. He pulled her to him again, pressing his lips against her forehead. “All we have is right now. I can’t promise more.”
He wasn’t going to tell her how to mark him…to save him. He’d made up his mind. If he had to, he’d sacrifice his eternity to save her sister, to allow Ava a life after his death.
“Then let’s grab right now.” She cupped his cheek. “Make love to me.”
She’d barely gotten the words out of her mouth before he took her head between his hands and kissed her. Melting against him, she no longer held anything back, giving him everything she had…her love, devotion, and determination that one day they’d never be separated again.
As she opened her mouth to him, she wrapped her arms around his neck . He slipped his tongue between her teeth, stroking against hers, softly, lovingly. The way he used to on the nights he was simply loving her, completely content to just kiss and touch her for hours.
He lifted her up into his arms, never once taking his lips from hers as he carried her across the garage. After setting her on her feet, he grabbed the folded quilt she’d given him last night and spread it on the cement floor, then placed the lone pillow on top. An apologetic expression crossed his face. “It’s not very comfortable. But I don’t want to chance going into the house.”
She lifted a brow. “Since when have we ever kept things strictly to a bed? Do you remember the time you took me at the café? That wasn’t a very soft floor, either.”
He stoked her hair as his eyes caressed her with such tenderness her chest tightened.
“I’m not taking you this time, Ava.” He curled his hand around the back of her neck and drew her close. “I’m making love to you.”
Then his mouth recaptured hers. Just as sweetly and gently as before, his lips brushing, lingering, then brushing some more, as one of his hands slid around to lie lightly against her cheek. Emotions squeezed her throat from the loving way he touched her.
Breaking the kiss, she sat down on the blanket. He gazed down at her with such sadness, such regret…as if he’d already left her. She held out her hand, beckoning him to join her, silently begging him never to leave. They would have everything that had been denied them. They would make up for every second they’d lost over the last eight months, and might never have again.
Finally he her took her hand and settled beside her. Trembling fingers fumbled at the first button on her shirt before she curled her hand on top of his, stopping him.
“Let me,” she whispered. When he nodded and withdrew his hand, she quickly unbuttoned the top. For once, he allowed her to be strong when he wasn’t able to be. She had no clue what was going on in his mind right now, what thoughts were torturing him, but she wanted to banish them, erase the sorrow that never left his gaze.
As he’d done earlier today, she lifted his hand and placed it against her breast. “Touch me.”
“I never want to stop touching you, Ava.” He brushed her shirt open and down her arms as he kissed along her shoulder.
Warmth spread until it pooled between her legs, and she heard the growl from deep within him. She closed her eyes, embracing everything he was, accepting his beast, accepting him as she would have if he’d shared how to bond to him.
One day she would complete this man…the way only she could.
Somehow.
…
Heart squeezing, Liam gently pressed Ava back against the pillow as he propped himself up on an elbow. He gazed down at her, fanning her hair out across the pillow. “You’re so beautiful.” He barely got the words past the tightness in his throat.
This woman had been born to make him whole. He was supposed to spend eternity with her by his side. He ran the back of his hand down her cheek. Right now, this was all they could have…maybe all they would ever have.
And it was enough…at least for his beast. As it always had, the animal was content in just having her in his arms, a whirring vibrated through his flesh as it pressed its feline body against his ribs. But the human side of him wasn’t satisfied. Would never be satisfied with just this.
He wanted it all. Everything he was entitled to as a shifter…all of it.
Two quick bites on his shoulders at the perfect moment, and he would have it. He was so tempted to ask. And she would do it. But what then?
When everything he’d warned her about came true, when her sister started to suffer, she would grow to hate him. Then she’d be bonded to a man she could never escape.
He wouldn’t cloud their eternal union with those unthinkable possibilities.
He traced her bottom lip with a finger, then trailed it over her chin, down her neck to the valley between her breasts. Memorizing her. Locking it away, while praying it wouldn’t be the last time he’d be with her like this.
She loved him…had never stopped loving him. She wanted his hope chest, wanted him to make more chests filled with memories of the children she wanted to have with him. She was ready to accept him, to Fewse her soul to his.
And as much as that knowledge should have brought him happiness, bitterness overshadowed the joy. Instead of leading her through the bonding ritual, he was forced to accept the possibility that he’d go to the other side without her, that they would never be reunited, and he would spend his eternity mourning his lost love.
Even so, he’d still die for her, without hesitation.
“Liam?”
A warm touch to his cheek brought him out of his turmoil, and he realized he was still staring down at her, probably every emotion he just felt showcased for her to see. He grabbed her hand and kissed the middle of her palm. “I’m okay.”
“We don’t—”
He shook his head. “I have to be with you, Ava.”
Leaving the “one more time” unsaid. But it was there, beating at him, reminding him that everything would end with the stop of a heartbeat.
Cupping the back of her neck, he lifted her head to meet his lips. He put every bit of his heart, every bit of love, into his kiss as he covered one of her breasts with his palm. She arched toward him, her arms wrapping around him again, urging him down to the blanket. As he lowered her head to the pillow, he grazed his mouth down her neck as he removed her jeans and panties. Seconds later, his clothes joined hers.
He didn’t want this to be fast, but he needed to be inside her and believe in that moment, while her body was joined with his, that they were inseparable.
He rolled and pinned her beneath him. Closing his eyes, he enjoyed the feel of her naked body under his, enjoyed the way her fingers ran up and down
his back. He opened his eyes, and his breath caught at the soft smile on her lips. And he was granted what he’d wished for.
It was as though they hadn’t been separated for the past eight months. It was as it had always been like this.
Them. Together. Deeply in love.
Words of love…of a future…pushed at the back of his teeth, but that would be unfair to both of them, so he settled for saying it in his mind.
I love you, Ava Michaels. From now, for eternity, you are mine, even if I can’t be yours.
The last part caused excruciating thoughts of her finding love again, with someone else, of her belly swollen with child as another man wrapped his arms around her waist, both with joy on their faces as they caressed her protruding stomach. He forced the unwelcome visions away, refusing to dwell on them.
He’d made the choice to save Emma, instead of allowing Ava to bond to him. He would lay down his life for her. As much as it pained him to think of her loving another, he wanted her to have that, if eternity was not possible for them.
But the future wasn’t set in stone. That vision could still be of him feeling his unborn child move within the body of the woman he loved. They could still have a family. Have it all.
And he would fight for it until he took his last breath.
Her brows furrowed and she shifted until his body was embraced firmly between her legs. “I need you inside me, Liam. Please.”
And he needed the same. He held her gaze as he slowly entered her, didn’t allow the ecstasy of having her body wrapped around him again force his eyes to close. He didn’t want to miss a single moment.
As he slowly thrust, she cupped his face, tears forming in her eyes. And he realized she had read every thought on his face. She’d seen the sorrow that shadowed their reunion.
“No, Ava,” he muttered. “No tears. Just feel me.”
She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, and gave a jerky nod. Without a doubt, she knew he would kill for her, and give his own life if he had to. And that there was nothing she could do to stop him, since her death would sentence him to hell, anyway. He hated that she’d had this realization, had wanted to save her from it, but she wouldn’t have been the woman he loved if she hadn’t pushed for answers. Demanded he gave them.
