by Redding, Mae
Gage shifted slightly in the saddle as he gave me a sideways glance over his shoulder. I watched his smile grow and it infuriated me to know that I couldn’t provoke the same aggravation in him that he provoked in me. I shifted back onto Fire's rump and made sure to keep my distance from him, untouched as he set out to take me home on my horse.
“Did you get a hold of your temper?” He chuckled as we crossed the street. He glanced in the direction of Marge's, and then led us down the trail once again, into the shelter of the trees.
“I'm working on it.”
Gage spurred Fire with his heels and she jumped forward suddenly into a lope. I squealed loudly as I tipped backwards and had no choice but to grab his tantalizing shoulders in a desperate attempt to stay upright on the back of my horse, all while he grabbed my thigh to steady me.
“Hold on,” he teased. The deepness of his voice sent chills over me. I felt the sting in my fingertips as I half-heartedly slapped his arm causing him to laugh under his breath. He knew my disadvantage sitting behind the cantle of the saddle and he kept Fire at a steady lope. I had no choice but to hold onto something, so I slipped my hands under his arms, lightly around his chiseled waist and gripped ahold of him, despite the torment it caused.
We rode to the edge of my property in silence with only the rhythmic pounding of Fire's hooves in tune with her exertion forced breaths. The heaviness in my heart drained my anger and left me feeling dejected and despondent. My once mid-high ponytail shook loose from the ride and slipped down, draping my shoulder. My weight shifted against him with forward momentum as Gage pulled Fire to a stop. Wisps of my tousled hair fell around my face and I blew with a puff of breath at a piece that fell into my eyes. He barely glanced at me as I jumped off Fire, which relieved me since I wasn’t sure how well I wiped the hurt off my face.
As he stepped off Fire, I couldn’t help but feel like he reveled in my annoyance and frustration of him taking me home. I realized my teenage infatuation was just that and Gage, most likely, saw me as an immature teenage girl. I felt stupid. After all, our three-year age difference and his evident experience in turning heads, no match for my lack thereof. I knew nothing about relationships or what it took for a girl like me to get a guy like Gage to look at me, really look at me. A two-year-old colt wouldn't be greener, an obvious observation that anyone could see and feeling beaten, I turned to step into the saddle.
“Jade, wait…” Gage said softly, and then paused as he left his thoughts to hang in the air. My breath hitched as I turned towards him, I couldn't bring myself to meet his gaze. He took a step closer, engulfing the space between us. His fingers brushed my disarrayed hair out of my eyes. As if his touch wasn't enough to send my mind reeling, his fingers gently traced my jaw line down to my chin. Goose bumps traveled swiftly up my neck and through my hair as he gingerly directed me to look at him. I couldn't stand the torture as his soft blue eyes looked into mine, full of worry and concern. “You don't belong there… Not you.”
His glance shifted slightly to my tousled hair, and a soft smile emerged as his eyes moved down the length of it. His hand followed and grasped the cloth-covered elastic that barely bound it together. With a gentle tug, he pulled it from my hair and as he did, my waves fell and hung over my shoulder.
My mind whirled dizzily as he left me baffled and I had no idea what to think. With as much as my heart cried to stay, my oversensitive pride urged me to run. On the verge of tears, due to the sexual tension and emotional frustration thick in the air, I turned away from him. My foot found the stirrup and I adjusted myself into the saddle. I found it difficult to breathe as my heart pounded angrily. Gage reached up, placed his hand on the horn of the saddle and leaned against Fire. His arm inadvertently rested on my leg and drew my attention. His blue eyes intently absorbed in mine.
“I hope you never do, Jade.”
I swallowed at the dryness in my throat and barely managed a, “never do what?” I looked at him puzzled. With my jaw clenched tight, my brows tensed. I hoped the pain in my chest wasn’t visible in my expression, but by the way he looked at me with softened eyes I had a feeling it was.
“Never change the way you are,” Gage said. His voice, low and raspy, but heartfelt.
My heart twisted in anguish at the confusion in my mind. I didn’t respond, I couldn’t, unable to speak I desperately needed to get away. I felt vulnerable, exposed, and if he said another word, I knew I would break down in tears.
Gage took a step back and as I lead Fire off the trail towards the back of our property. I glanced back only to find him watching me still. With his hands loosely in his front Levi pockets, his muscled arms relaxed, but his cotton sleeves still taut against the natural swell of his biceps. He held my heavy gaze with his. My breath hitched as the knot in my throat became too much to swallow. I felt the burn behind my eyes and the light breeze did not fare in my favor causing them to tear. I blinked, making it worse.
In an effort to regain the last ounce of my independence, I spun Fire on her haunches. I flanked her harder than I meant but I got the effect I wanted and tore my eyes from him as he stood in the center of the trail. I left him in a dusty cloud as Fire’s swift thunderous hooves bolted up the trail and headed to the lake.
CHAPTER 11
The house looked dark, without a single light on when I got home. I arrived later than I ever planned and I hoped to sneak in with my puffy bloodshot eyes and blotchy red face unnoticed. The barn seemed quiet as I put Fire up for the night, relieved no one was around. I absently moved across the yard, the darkening sky cast a grayish blue hue across everything it touched as if to exponentially resonate what I felt.
I rubbed my thumb and forefinger across my brows to relieve my tear-induced headache as I reached the deck stairs. I sighed as I looked up into the dark shadows of the deck that ran across the length of the house and curled up the side towards the front. I took the stairs slowly to the back door as I pulled my fingers through tangles in my unkempt hair. I lost the ponytail a while ago. Oddly, I vaguely remembered Gage ended up with it.
“Where have you been?”
I whirled around to see Kane in a chair on the back porch as I went for the door. He startled me. I expected him to be mad but didn’t think he’d be waiting by the door. Suddenly, I remembered he needed to leave hours ago and told me not to be gone long. I’d forgotten all about him. I stood frozen with my hand on the half-opened door.
“I was at the lake.” My voice wouldn’t work, my response barely above a timid whisper. It wasn’t my intention to be gone so long, it just happened. I needed to be in the mountains, at the lake. I needed to clear my mind, which I planned on doing when I went for the long trail ride, but I came away feeling more upset and confused. “I’m sorry, Kane. I didn’t mean…”
He walked briskly towards me, the ever-growing anger in his eyes more apparent as he neared me from the shadows of the house. His size towered over me as I looked up at him.
“You’re sorry!”
“Yeah, I’m sorry.” My voice wavered and my tears resurfaced as Kane looked at me closer. His anger changed suddenly to panic and worry as my eyes flooded. I blinked them away.
“Jade, what’s wrong?” His voice softened, concerned. I moved through the door with him right behind me as I passed through the kitchen and up the stairs.
“Nothing.”
“Obviously, Jade… why are you so upset?” Kane grabbed my arm and turned me to look at him. I stopped at the second stair with him barely below me at the landing as his eyes searched mine for an answer. The flicker of the kerosene lantern cast dark dancing shadows over half of his face making the intensity in his eyes more pronounced. The tone in his voice turned angry, as his eyes grew heated again. “Did Damian hurt you?”
“No! It’s nothing. I don’t want to talk about it with you.”
“Will you talk to Trey? He’ll be home soon.”
“No, I don’t want to talk to you or Trey. I want…” I paused for a moment, unsur
e of what I wanted. What I wanted didn’t matter, it couldn’t be. Why was I so upset? Was it Gage? Yes, but not him alone. Maybe, because I saw my childhood friend, unhealthy, pregnant and alone except for the young brother she had to take care of. Maybe the Militia, or all the rules Morrison placed, the death of so many that I loved. Maybe I needed to see, to touch, and to hear my mom. Upset by all of it, everything.
The tumultuous world, so cruel and unforgiving, swallowed up the weak and broke those that tried to be strong. I suddenly felt bad that Kane continued to try to fix something that couldn’t be fixed, something that reached far beyond his power and stretched far beyond the boundaries of Little Creek.
My heart ached, I wanted to go curl up in a ball next to my mom and have her make everything right again. “I can’t have what I want, just forget about it!”
“What do you want?”
“I want,” I hesitated, “all of this to stop! I want everything like it was! I want Mom! Okay? I want to talk to mom and I can’t. You aren’t her, so stop trying to fix everything!”
Kane stood before me, dumbfounded. His eyes filled with hurt, which caused my heart to ache more. I couldn’t tell him the real, palpable reasons why I was upset. I couldn’t go through the humiliation. I couldn’t not see the things I saw or explain to him what I felt for Gage, or tell him how my heart ached after determining he didn’t feel the same. He left me confused. My tears welled up, constricting my throat. A muffled sob escaped me. I couldn’t hold it in as I turned and ran up the stairs to my room.
As I lay on my bed and stared up into the darkness, my door creaked open slowly. The dim light from the kerosene lamp at the end of the hallway filtered in warmly as Emery peeked her head in my room. I looked at her darkened silhouette and sighed.
“Can I come in, Jade?” Her trembling fragile voice wavered from the obvious tears she’d been crying.
“Yeah.”
“I want mom, too,” she said, and burst into tears as she ran to my bed and jumped at my side, clinging to me with all the strength her arms could expel.
“Oh, Em… I’m sorry. Did I upset you?” I asked. Still upset myself. I wrapped my arms around her petite body and squeezed her tightly to me. Her muffled sobs quieted against my chest as her trembling slowed. Finally, the tears stopped, she took in a deep breath sharply and exhaled. “What did you do today?”
Her breaths hitched as she tried to calm herself. “I helped Kane with the orphaned calves,” Emery smiled. The dim lantern light from the hallway rested on her face causing the gold flecks in her moistened hazel eyes to sparkle. The sadness in them disappeared as excitement grew through her dimpled cheeks. “He brought them here to the barn and said I can help with the bottle feedings.”
“Really?”
“Want to help me?”
“Yeah, I would love to, Em.” I pulled her close again as the warmth from her sweet, innocent heart comforted me. My selfish feelings faded. For her to be without our mom was so wrong and I suddenly felt guilty that I spent four more years with her than Emery did. I stroked her hair and hummed a tune I remembered from when I was young, trying to do as my mom would do. I remembered my mom’s gentle hands as they soothed the pain away, her reassuring smile that everything would be fine, the softness in her voice, comforting me as she always did. If anyone still needed the love from our mom, it was my sister.
I glanced from my darkened room out into the glowing ribbon of light in the hallway and saw Kane. His foot propped against the base of the wall, and his shoulders slumped with one leg slightly bent. He rested his head against the wall with his face upward to the ceiling, but his eyes had closed. “Em… it looks like what I really needed was you. Thanks for helping me feel better.” As I talked to her, Kane’s head dropped as if he felt relieved. I felt terrible I’d taken my frustrations out on him.
“You’re welcome,” she said with heavy eyes. “I’m tired.”
“Go to sleep. I’ll be right here.”
She found sleep quickly. Her slow steady breaths, relaxed and even, and the stress in her face softened. It wasn’t until we both calmed down that Kane left the hallway.
Later that night, Trey walked into my room after darkness settled. I still held a sleeping Emery as we lay on the bed but I wasn’t asleep. Tears took my energy earlier and I found myself in a dull numbing fog. He didn’t say anything as our eyes met, he didn’t need to. I felt better with him near. I heard his sigh as he sat in my window seat. Burn irritated my eyes, not from tears anymore but from weariness and I let my heavy eyelids close as I fell into a restless sleep.
***
“Jade! Come here! Hurry!” Emery screamed as she ran through the house.
“What?”
I ran from my room into the hallway. As I attempted the stairs, I missed a step and practically slid down to the bottom of the stairs as I grabbed the railing. I landed with a loud thud. “What’s wrong?”
Trey stood in the kitchen as he got a drink. Water sprayed like a fountain as he busted up laughing, while I hung onto the railing and tried to stand. “It’s a good thing Gage wasn’t here to see that,” he laughed as he wiped his chin with his shirt.
“WH…what?” I glared at him, suddenly irritated. I hadn’t told him about my latest incident with Gage and even though over a week had passed and I hadn’t seen him since, reliving the event was still painful. I didn’t like how Trey reminded me of him and the sudden mention of Gage’s name left me feeling heartbroken all over again. “What, Emery?” I tried to remember why I ran down the stairs so quickly.
“Come outside with me! I have to show you something!” Emery said, excited as she still laughed hysterically at my less than graceful entrance. “The bunnies had babies.”
“Really! You were screaming bloody murder through the house, only to tell me your bunnies had babies!”
“Yeah, come on.”
Trey clutched his stomach as he rolled in laughter. She grabbed my hand and pulled me outside so I glared at him to rescue me. I needed to go to Marge’s, unnoticed, to pick up Emery's birthday present. He gave me a nod to say he got the hint, his green eyes still lit in amusement.
I walked over to the cages so she could show me her bunnies. She lifted up the top of the cage so we could see inside.
“Cute! There’s a bunch of pink rat looking things!” I said sarcastically. I loved the newness spring brought, but I felt a little irritated still that I fell down the stairs.
“Jade!” She gave me a frown.
“All right, they’re cute. They’ll be cuter when they grow hair.”
“How many this time?”
“Twelve,” she said, smiling. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, in twelve weeks we’d have all twelve of them skinned and stuffed in the freezer.
“Twelve!” Trey said, suddenly appearing from around the corner of the barn. He provided me with an escape as he walked up next to us and peered inside. We exchanged glances, and then I headed for Marge’s along the trail.
***
Specks of daylight and dark shadows lurched between the swaying trees and left me with the menacing feeling that peering eyes watched me, waiting as I rode alone through the trees. I looked above at the canopy of branches as the trees rustled overhead in short bursts of whispering wind. A shudder moved through me.
I pushed Fire along the trail and made it to Marge’s, safely, without any of the potential problems that consumed my over-active imagination. As I tied Fire up to the hitching post, I chided myself for allowing fear to come so easily.
I glanced at Marge’s front entryway. The Militia’s murky shadow loomed ominously around town like a threatening thundercloud gathering its charge since they arrived almost a month ago. Today, in front of Marge’s, was no different. Morrison insisted they were around to maintain order and I was somewhat used to them. They were robot-like in their actions and all looked the same with their buzzed haircuts under black hats, black Militia uniform and heavy black boots. They stood stiff and stone cold wi
th their army assault rifles and the two out front of Marge’s barely gave me a first glance as I walked through the door.
I carried the canvas saddlebags inside. Marge stood in her usual spot behind the counter. The shelves in the store were practically empty. Shocked by the empty shelves, barren compared to two days ago. I gingerly pulled some eggs out of the bag and set them on the counter.
“Marge! Your store… I can’t believe what they did!”
“I know, it’s terrible, they came by again this morning and left me with next to nothing… Leave everything in the bags, Jade. I’m going to take it to the ones who need it right away, but, wait a minute… I still have Emery’s present.” She ran to the back and quickly returned with a present about the size of a shoebox. She pulled out a little box and opened it for me to see.
Marge found a cute little jewelry box that played some kind of melody when you opened the lid and she filled it with different kinds of necklaces and rings that a little girl would love. She also put a few things of lip-gloss and different shades of pink fingernail polish in with it.
“This stuff is brand new. It’s still in the packages.”
“I know. I dug up a few things in the back that the Militia overlooked.”
“It’s perfect.” I hugged her, her body plump and squishy, her scent the perfect mixture of perfume and powder. “She’s going to love it!”
Emery was different from me and liked girly things like that. I caught her rummaging through my mom’s make up and jewelry the other day and thought it would be perfect to get her something more her age.
Marge arranged the little gifts in the box and stuffed newspaper around them to keep everything from sliding. She pulled out some white tissue paper from under the counter and a soft pink bow. She took her time as she wrapped it and made it look perfect.
