by Redding, Mae
“So what’s the plan then?” Trey asked.
“We need that shipment... I can’t put it off any longer. I have to go tomorrow… The guys can’t keep the Militia back much longer without it,” Kane said. “Right now just lay low. If I need to I can send her up to aunt Beverly’s with Emery if they start to put the pressure on.”
“Maybe she should just go up there now, don’t wait for things to get worse,” Trey said.
“I think it’s a good idea,” Gage added.
Blindsided over what I heard I dropped my fork and it clanked against my plate. I realized they were talking about me. “You're going to send me to Bev's? I just barely got home.”
“If I need to I will, Jade,” Kane said, with a slight raise of his voice. My chin dropped in surprise, then I clenched my jaw and pressed my lips firmly together as his glare dared me to challenge him.
“Whatever you say, Kane.” The sarcasm in my tone cut sharper than I intended and his chair slid back against the wall as he stood with his polished plate in hand. He walked over to me and with each bold, broadened step, muffled by the softness of the rug I slid deeper in my chair.
“I can make you go there.”
Speechless, I turned to Trey for some sort of back up and knew instantly, I wouldn't get any. With stoic faces, they all watched me. My anger turned to hurt as I forced my frustrations inward and swallowed at the lump in my throat. With receding selfishness, I looked at my brother and felt a twinge of sadness at the burden he carried.
“Kane, I-”
“I will have the final say!” He said, his voice edgy and sharp as he picked up my empty plate as well, and then walked over to the sink. My cheeks burned red with embarrassment. He was right, I knew he was right and was just about to tell him I thought so as he cut me off. As much as I hated the idea of leaving, I couldn't stay here. I was just stunned to hear it and wished he had said something to me about it beforehand.
“It really would be for the best, sweetie,” Marge added as she gathered the other plates and took them from the table. I forgot she was still here as she pulled me from my despondency.
The rest of their conversations flooded my mind in a lethargic mumble, as I felt completely misunderstood. I tuned them out the best I could as I stood and walked over to the sink and took over washing the dishes from Marge.
“I'm going home now, darling. Are you going to be okay?”
“I'll be fine,” I responded with a half-hearted smile as she gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Are you coming back tomorrow?”
“I'll be by in the morning.”
Marge left and as soon as I could sneak away, I headed for the barn. I found an empty stall and sat down in the soft straw. Trey must have followed me because shortly after he peeked around the corner.
“Hey.”
“Hey yourself,” I scowled at Trey as I wiped my eyes. He sat down next to me in the straw.
“You shouldn’t be out here.”
“I know… Damian might see me.”
“I meant you’re sick.”
“I need the fresh air,” I quickly answered then shrugged my shoulders. I felt the glare of his green eyes as he looked at me. Heat rushed to my cheeks as he silently interrogated me. He sighed, then picked up a strand of straw and tucked it into the corner of his mouth.
“Kane didn’t say he was going to send you away to Bev’s, he just said that he would if he needed to... There is a difference.”
“Not much! It’s easy for you to say… He’s not sending you away, but it's not even about that, really. I understand that I'm in danger and I am putting all of you in danger as well, but you all sit around and talk about what to do with me as if I’m not even there. I don’t even have a choice! I mean, he could have talked to me about it instead of springing it on me like that! How'd you expect me to react! I had no idea that was coming! Then when I was going to agree with him, he cut me off! He won't even hear what I have to say,” I said, then stood to leave. Trey grabbed my arm and pulled me back down into the straw. I fell back onto my elbows and shot him a glare but he ignored it.
“Okay, Jade. I’m sorry. I will talk to Kane, but try to remember, he’s not trying to be mean. That isn’t what he wants. But you need to know, I agree with him.”
“I know. I heard you.”
“I don’t want to see you get hurt,” he said, his grip on my wrist grew increasingly tight. “Right now, there is nothing Damian wants more right now, than to hurt you…his brother is dead and he has to blame someone. Don’t forget who the enemy is, Jade... It’s not Kane.”
“I know Kane isn’t the enemy,” I said, then snarled back at him. “Let go of me… that hurts.”
His eyes flicked to his hand and back to me as if his actions were an afterthought. He released his grip on me. “Sorry… what do you have against Bev anyway? Her and Jack want you to come.”
“Nothing,” I sighed out of frustration as I rubbed my wrist, “I love Aunt Bev and Uncle Jack, and I'll go if that's what you and Kane want.”
“Then why are you upset?”
“I’m just so tired of living in hiding!”
“There is a lot Kane is trying to do right now.”
“I know,” I paused, my voice squeaked as tears sprang to my eyes, unable to finish my thoughts I left them to hang in the air.
“Jade, what is wrong? This isn’t like you,” he asked, confusion laced through his tone.
“I don’t know.” My eyes burned and I brushed back the tears. “I feel powerless and dependent on everyone...I want to help and I can't because I'm the problem that no one knows what to do with. You and Kane are treating me differently... I cry at stupid things. And…” I let my voice trail off, unable to continue. Afraid that if I spoke my fears then they might come true.
“And what?”
“What if something happens to you guys?”
“You know I can't promise that nothing will happen to us.”
“That's not fair. I don't know anything else, Trey.” My eyes met his, the worry I felt matched the expression on his face, but for different reasons.
“We aren’t twelve anymore and life has changed drastically... You should be hanging out with your girlfriends, going to football games and to high school dances, driving the boys crazy... You know… the things girls do… you would have done all of it, you were just getting started. High school would have been good for us… But we won’t ever know that life.”
“I know…”
“Eventually, you were going to grow up and find your way… Different from me... That was how it was supposed to be… But you need to figure out who you are in a way that none of us were prepared for.”
“It’s so wrong what Morrison is doing.”
“We have some really tough decisions…This isn't a game,” he said. I let my gaze fall to the straw covered ground. I felt like I’d had this conversation before and wondered briefly what it was that wasn’t clicking in my mind. “Morrison started this and it's real. The losers don’t get a second place ribbon… You know Kane doesn’t take losing lightly, neither do I… But Morrison and Damian won’t either. It’s past the point of letting it slide. We’re trying to figure out how we are going to get to the end of this and come out on top.”
I sighed deeply as my expression grew vacant and gritted my teeth together with annoyance.
“You can be angry all you want, but this is our life now. You are my twin... I love you. I know it’s not something we say and might seem weird.”
My eyes shot up to meet his again. “It’s not weird, I feel the same way.”
“I don’t want anything to happen to you and I'm not about to sit around and let it happen, none of us are.”
His expression grew cold and sent a palpable shutter through me as icy as the arctic air. The idea of him, of any of them, Trey, Kane, and Gage, fighting against militia because of Damian’s sick obsession wrenched a knot into my stomach. A wave of nausea curdled my insides and I suddenly feared I would lose the
m all.
“Trey-”
“I hate how Damian has made you an object that he wants. Something he feels like he has to have. It’s personal, for me, for all of us. If he thinks he can get away with it, he has another thing coming… Damian isn’t going to know what hit him.”
***
The sleepless night moved slowly. I heard Kane up first thing in the morning in the kitchen, as he got ready to leave. The darkness faded as my door creaked open and the light from the kerosene lamp in the hall shone through.
“Are you awake?”
“Yeah.”
“I am sorry about yesterday, okay?”
“Me too.”
“We’ve got to stop doing this… Fighting with each other.”
“I know.”
“I should be gone about a week... Just lay low and I’ll be back... We’ll talk about it more… I promise to include you in any decisions about where you'll go, but try to get used to the idea of leaving because you can't stay here much longer. It's quiet for now, but that won't last.”
“I already told you, I will go to Aunt Bev's if that is what you want.”
A hesitant look crossed his face through an unexpected brooding silence. His large stature leaned against the frame of the door shifting him into the shadows created by the golden glow of the lantern behind him. I couldn't see his face anymore but I heard a heavy sigh escape him through the darkness.
Kane reached for the lantern outside my bedroom door, then carried it into my room, set it on my bedside table and sat on my bed. He held something back, I wasn't sure what, but my constant worry about what lie ahead started to eat a hole in my stomach. I pulled myself out of my covers and sat next to him as I wondered where this sudden change in him came from, and more importantly, why.
“Jade, I wouldn't have you leave if I thought we had another option. You just need to be as far away from here as possible.”
“I don't want you to keep things from me. I can deal with it much better if you just talk to me about it. Is it too much to ask to be included, or at the very least informed, when you are making decisions? You include Trey. Why can't you include me?”
“There are just some things I don't want you to be involved with, and the more you know, the more it forces you to become involved. You are just going to have to trust me, you and Em influence every decision I make.”
“I do trust you.” I looked at him with heaviness in my heart to see his eyes, full of concern.
“Then trust me to figure this out, okay? I wish you could stay, but you can't, too much is at stake.”
“I'm not asking to stay! All I am asking is for you to understand how I'm feeling. I'm going, I will leave. I don't want to be the one who puts all of you guys at risk.”
“That has nothing to do with it! I am not sending you away to protect myself. I am sending you away because I'm putting you in danger, and I can't live with myself if you get hurt,” he said, with notable sense of duty laced through his voice. Then the worry and concern slipped from his face, replaced with steely resolve under hardened eyes as if to control the anger he harbored. Though he hadn't directed it at me, I stiffened under his stare just the same. “None of this will change with Morrison and Damian when you go. It will only get worse, but I promise you, he will get back everything he throws at me, and more.”
“What exactly are you saying? You’re scaring me, Kane. This is why I feel like I need to stay. Is something going to happen?”
“It's going to get ugly and when it does, you can't, and won't be here.”
An involuntary shiver stole through me as goose bumpy chills ran over my skin. The torment inflicted by Damian's relentless pursuit was overpowering and I knew I wasn't the only one affected by him.
“That's what I'm afraid of,” I said, as I swallowed hard at the knot in my throat and with furrowed brows, I pleaded with Kane to find another way. “I'm afraid I won't have any brothers to come home to if I leave.”
“Someday, this will end and I can't promise you I will still be here when it does, but he's going to wish he never crossed me, him and Morrison, both.”
Chapter 22
I stood in the doorway of the storage room and wiped my sweaty forehead. Wisps of hair hung from my loose ponytail. A weary smile grew on my face, proud of our accomplishment and relived at the same time. I turned to Gage. A look of contentment grew on his face as well at the shelves of preserved food that would get us through the winter.
“Well, after five days, it looks like we’re half way done.”
“Yeah,” I sighed wearily, “but no more tonight.”
To can food over a hot fireplace was to say the least, miserably scorching hot. The portable camp stove worked nicely outside the back doorway until the propane ran out. Then we had no choice but to use the wood burning stove. Propane was hard to come by, but it was out there if you looked hard enough. Kane would have to try to find some the next time he left.
The once bare shelves were now more than half way full and we put a small dent stockpiling the freezer. Brown paper bags hung from the shelves filled with herbs to dry. In spite of the accomplishments, we still had a long way to go to get ready for winter.
“It’s dark outside. Do you want to sit on the swing?” Gage asked, as he moved behind me and slipped his arms around my waist. I leaned my body into his.
“Yeah.”
He took my hand and led me outside. We sat on the old wooden swing that hung in the front right corner of the porch, hidden by a trellis against the side of the porch that stretched from the ground to the roof. Dark green, leafy vines with contrasting bright orange trumpet-looking flowers weaved gently through it and clung to the rain gutter.
I tucked my bare feet underneath me and curled up next to him. The chair swayed slowly. I glanced through the darkness at the stars that illuminated the sky as a cool breeze blew softly through wisps my hair and cooled my sticky, sweaty skin. I sensed Gage was just as exhausted and I felt comfortable with the quietness between us as my eyes drifted close.
“You going to tell me what's bothering you?”
“I'm just tired.”
“Yeah, I know, but you've been stuck in your head since Kane left. You're more than just tired.”
I should have known, Gage would see right through me. I hoped my tiredness would mask the distraction I felt over the last week as I worried about Kane's plans and I knew that was why he wanted me gone so badly. I couldn't get our last conversation out of my mind since he left.
“Kane will be home sometime tomorrow. Do you know what he's planning? ”
“He was working on a few things so his plans are still up in the air, but he was talking like he wants you to go to your Aunt's.”
“I mean with Morrison. He's planning a strike, isn't he. Are you going to be involved?”
Gage sighed deeply, and then pulled me into his arms. He didn't have to say a word, I knew he would be involved as he placed a kiss at the side of my cheek. My eyes grew moist and I blinked to force it away. I felt his warm breath on the back of my neck as he pressed his head against mine and as he buried his face in my hair, he drew in a deep breath.
“Yeah…” he sighed.
“And I'll be gone and won't know if anything happens to you.”
“Yeah, you'll be gone… But far enough away he won't find you if something goes wrong.”
“I guess it depends on how you look at it... What is Kane planning?”
“He wants to move them out of town… the other side of the tracks isn't far enough away.”
“When?”
“It could be as early as next week if everything falls into place.”
“And there's no possible way to come to a civil agreement without resorting to fighting?” I knew the answer to my question before I said anything, but I needed to ask. The waver in my voice gave away my fear for them and I swallowed angrily at the knot in my throat.
“I can honestly say, Jade, Kane has tried every way possible to find mid
dle ground with Morrison, there is no reasoning with the man. He wants things his way and doesn't care who he takes down to get it. Morrison is coming after all of us, whether we’re prepared for it, or not. So, we are going to start this on our terms and hopefully we can get the jump on him and stay on top.”
“And Kane's heading it?”
“Prescott is calling the shots with Mike's assistance, but Kane and Joel might as well be, they're making sure we have what we need to get things done right.”
All reservations that I held for some sort of peaceful resolve evaporated in an instant as I realized how much the hatred from the two sides grew and continued to grow, partly due to me. I let the subject go. I couldn't talk about it anymore without the tightness in my chest cutting off my air all together.
“I miss being at the cabin.”
“Me too,” he paused, to give me a closer look as I gave him a half-hearted smile, “I was looking forward to another swim in the hot springs.”
I laughed a little under my breath at the afterthought of our day at the hot springs. The day Gage made known how he felt about me, and the day I let my feelings take me where they would. With such uncertainty all around us, it was comforting to know, what we shared together was real.
“Do you think the house has cooled off?” I asked.
“I opened every window in the house… I hope so… Do you want to go in now?”
“Yeah…”
Gage stood and held out his hand. I smiled at his chivalrous manners as he pulled me up and we walked inside. The house didn't feel too hot but as I took the stairs, the temperature rose at least three degrees with each step until I found myself in the unbearable heat of my room.
I tossed restlessly in bed as I waited for sleep to find me but it never came. Exhaustion was evident, but it was too warm in my muggy room to fall asleep in spite of the open window and it didn't help that worry consumed my mind.
I crept down the stairs through the dark and quiet house and found Gage on the couch. I didn’t know if he was asleep but he was lying there so I crawled onto the soft cool leather under his arm next to him. I felt his breath on the back of my neck and smiled when he kissed it. I closed my eyes and hugged his arm closer to my chest. The leather creaked underneath me as I turned over to face him.
