by Redding, Mae
“Hector, they’re home,” I hollered in passing. I didn’t wait for a response and was on the front porch in no time. I stopped at the top of the stairs and waited for their reactions, to see if any of them would give me look, a comment, a feeling that would say Damian was gone, taken care of, but none of them did.
Gage unzipped his bulletproof vest as he walked to the bottom of the stairs while I made my way down. My eyes scanned over him quickly to search for any sign of blood. His skin, covered in dirt and black ash mixed with his own sweat had a few scrapes and a gash under a slightly bruised right eye but no significant amount of red stains that I could see. He looked worn, they all did, as if they hadn’t slept in days and I felt bad that my observation was probably accurate.
I slipped my arms through his and let him surround me as I pressed my cheek into his chest and closed my eyes. His chin rested on my head, the slow steady drum of his heart, beat strong and full of life against my ear through the welcomed somber silence.
***
I watched Kane as he finished boarding up the window. He arranged for me to leave the state and a numbness hung over me like a dark storm cloud. I had to ask again, to hear it the first time wasn’t enough. His words sucked the life right out of me when he told me earlier and two hours later, my chest still felt empty.
“Do I really have to go to Mississippi? You got them out of Little Creek.”
“Yeah, Jade. Morrison will be furious, there is no way to keep them out completely without fencing off the whole town and that just isn’t possible right now… And they’re not out of Little Creek. They’ve just been forced to the other side of the tracks. They’ve held up there pretty well and it's going to be tough to get them out completely.”
“But Mississippi! Why so far?” It was all I could do to hold back the tears when Kane said I still had to go and as the shock wore off and the realization grew, the tears fell like rain from the skies. I couldn't bear to look at Gage as the thought of being so far away from him was too painful to swallow and ripped my heart in two.
“I cannot risk him finding you at Aunt Bev's. I need to think of Emery too and it’s not safe for her to be with you. I’m sorry. It’s just for a little while,” he said. He paced over the worn rug on the floor, his fingers laced together at the back of his neck as he strained to relieve tension.
“But why Mississippi? Why am I going there?”
“I know someone you could stay with there.”
“Who? Who could you possibly know in Mississippi that you trust enough to send me to?” It just didn’t make sense to me why I had to go so far.
“His name is Ken Richards, one of my main contacts.”
“What about Mexico with Isabella?”
“No, I thought about it, but no.”
The thought depressed me into a numbing fog as I reluctantly agreed to go. I could tell by the heaviness in Kane’s eyes that my apprehension bothered him, as he turned and walked out the front door, I realized Kane didn't have much of a choice either.
I caught the screen door from slamming as I followed him out onto the front patio, with hands pressed into railing as he stared out at the black openness around us. The dark sky, filled with stars without a cloud to hinder their luster. The night seemed so peaceful it was hard to accept the seriousness of what lie ahead.
“I’m waiting for the final confirmation so I will be leaving tomorrow evening and will be back by morning. I’m guessing you will go in a few days but I need to get the confirmation first. Once I get the word go, you will be leaving the next day,” he said. He wouldn’t look at me.
“Sure,” I said. The tackiness of drying tears tightened my cheeks as the breeze blew gently against my face.
The sounds of a vehicle grew near and pulled my attention from Kane. I turned to the darkness to face the road as a jeep drove by. I drew in a quick breath and panic rose in my chest as I stepped closer to Kane. The thought of me, outside and Damian driving by again to assault my home with another spray of bullets was more than a possibility. It was a very real threat, even more so now he done it already once. It wasn’t until the jeep was right in front of our house that I saw it was the patrol and I allowed myself to breathe. As tears streamed down my cheeks, I felt slightly relieved then turned back to face Kane who paid no attention to the passing vehicle as he watched my reaction. I wiped my cheeks.
“Jade, don’t cry. I don’t know what else to do, but being afraid to stand on your own front porch because you might get shot at isn’t an option either. It won’t be like this there. You will be out of Militia territory. No one will know you,” Kane’s eyes pleaded with me to understand before he led me inside and turned to walk away.
“No one will know me? Why don't you try, I won't know anyone and I will be by myself! How do I know whom to trust? I don't feel good about this at all and it's not because I don't want to go. There is a huge difference in going to Bev's and going across the country to live with some stranger! You said we would talk about it and you would include me in this decision. That was all I wanted from you, to let me have a say in something.”
“I'm sorry, I didn't want it to be like that.”
I knew he felt bad about it. I’ve never been away from home before, away from Trey and Kane. At the very least, they were always close by. Growing up with them, I felt unstoppable whenever I was with them and now I felt little, insecure and had to leave alone, but that wasn't the only reason why I was so upset. I didn't realize how much I depended on my brothers' approval and my need for them to value my opinion. As I tried to hold onto what little connection I still felt with them, I realized I needed to let it go because this was just as hard for them.
Chapter 23
The turmoil in my mind caused for a restless night and I woke late morning. With a gloomy heart, I walked through the kitchen to the back porch in a seemingly hypnotic trance. I silently inquired on Gage's absence as I reclined in a patio chair and closed my eyes. The sun was out in full force without a cloud in the sky and made its presence known with an orange glow through the backs of my semi-translucent eyelids. I knew the day would be a scorcher. It felt like ninety degrees already as the radiant heat soaked into my skin.
Usually on a day like today, Isabella and I, along with Trey and his friends and sometimes Emery would have been up to the lake by now, but not this year. A sigh escaped me as I longed for the excitement of past summers.
“Hey Jade, do you want to go up to the lake?” Kane asked. With the sudden awareness of his presence behind me, I stowed my thoughts as I shielded my eyes with my hand and glanced at him. I shrugged my shoulders. “We could go and spend the day up there before you go. I don’t have to leave until later tonight.”
“You sure the men on the front line can live without you?” My bitterness was uncalled for and even I knew it. I immediately felt bad. He moved around, shielding the sun and I looked up at him while he stood over me, the expression on his face unreadable. The sadness in my eyes must have spared me a harsh remark back, because he didn’t say anything. I wished he would have because I knew I deserved it. “I’m sorry, Kane… I didn’t mean that.”
“It’s okay... Mike’s there and they think I left this morning,” he paused for a moment as he took a deep breath and sighed, then moved to a chair next to me. The sudden brightness blinded me and I shielded my eyes again. “I don’t know, Jade… I just need a day, you know…”
“Yeah, I guess,” I turned to look at him. His brow tense as his eyes squinted against the bright sun directly overhead and looked past our backyard to somewhere distant in the trees. I suddenly realized that Kane needed to take a trip to the lake more than I did. The burdens he and others placed on him were taxing to say the least, but he never complained. I really didn’t know how he did it, day in and day out. I wasn’t even sure if he ever slept. His comment was the first time I heard him come close to saying he needed life to give us a break, even if it was only for a day.
The truth was I would love to
go and I couldn’t remember the last time Kane went with Trey and me to the lake. I knew my depressed mood wasn’t fair to him. This was the last day I would have with my brothers before I left, and I needed to make the best of it.
I stood to go back into the house to make sandwiches, then paused and looked back. “Where’s Gage? Did he get put on the guard rotation?”
“No, he left early with Joel to pack his bags,” Kane said, through a yawn as he stood and stretched his arms over his head. “We’ll go to the lake as soon as they get back.”
“Okay,” I said, only half hearing what he said. “Wait, what? Why is Gage packing?”
“He's going with you.”
“What?” My knees almost buckled underneath me and I held the back of my chair for support as Kane's words hit me like a ton of bricks. I could barely breathe from the painful, constricting spasms in my chest inflicted by the constant rollercoaster ride of emotions that consumed me. I didn't dare believe that I heard him correctly as I looked at him for conformation.
“Gage told me this morning, he's going with you. I wasn't about to stop him or change his mind, not that I wanted to. I'm glad he's going.”
“Really!” Before Kane knew what was coming, I suddenly wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a big hug. “Thank you! Are you sure this was what he wanted?”
“It was his idea, but you can ask him yourself.”
“Of course I want to go,” Gage said. Startled, I whirled around quickly to see him walk up the back deck stairs. I met him at the top stair and jumped into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist as his hands palmed my thighs to hold me in place. “You're not going to Mississippi without me.”
“Thank you.”
***
Kane and Trey had the horses saddled and Gage and Joel waited outside with them. I walked out in a tank top over my swimming top and shorts ready for the lake. I sat on the bottom stair and slipped on my boots. I suddenly felt a little odd. I looked up at the four of them as they watched and waited patiently for me. I never felt funny about my clothes before, but now I suddenly worried about how silly I must look with my shorts and boots. Gage gave me a crooked smile.
We found our usual spot, a nice shallow cove that maybe got fifteen feet deep at the deepest point. Perfect for swimming with a small sandy beach with big trees and branches perfect for climbing. A rope swing hung from one of them and swung far out over the water.
When you walked out into the cool water, the soft silky bottom squished under your feet. To the right from where we sat there were outcroppings of rocks and giant boulders that rose out of the water with a steep drop off, a perfect platform for jumping in.
I enjoyed the light breeze as I sat on the bank above the water. It was just enough to keep the heat off. I scanned over the pristine cove with glistening sand. I noticed the rifles, leaned up against a fallen log underneath a large shade tree next to the rocks, and it dampened my already fragile mood.
I didn't know why, but it didn’t feel like old times as I hoped. I felt out of place. I didn’t feel like one of them anymore. For the first time it was strange to me to be the only girl. When Chale and Elias showed up, I shifted under my skin as I wished for Isabella to be here with me. We came to the lake for years and never until now did I feel like such an outsider.
I watched quietly as my brothers took turns on the rope swing. I couldn’t help but laugh as they attempted to outdo each other with their flips and dives into the water. Chale and Elias, plain crazy, like always. They started a competition to see who could get out the farthest and before long Gage and Joel put the pressure on as they all tried to one up each other. It was good to see them forget about everything and have fun, even if it was only for a little while.
“Aren’t you getting in, Jade?” Trey hollered at me as he stood, knee deep at the edge of the bank, water trickled off his skin that glistened in the sun.
“I will in a minute,” I said, as I smiled at him, and then laughed, unable to contain it. “I’m having too much fun watching you bozos make fools of yourselves!”
Trey made his way out of the water, as Gage got ready to launch one of his daring dismounts. “Oh, no! Gage, I think Jade needs to be thrown in,” Trey said, as he grinned.
Gage looked over at me as I sat comfortably on the rocks and gave me a big mischievous smile. He walked over as I tried to scoot away. I started to laugh as he grabbed me and picked me up. I squealed and held tightly onto his neck as he pretended to throw me over the edge. His body dripped with water and was cool against my sun-warmed skin.
“If I’m going in, so are you.”
“Oh yeah, I’ve been in, you are the only one who is still dry. You’re getting wet whether you like it or not,” he joked. “Either you are next for the rope swing, or I am throwing you in.”
“Fine, I’ll go off the swing,” I said, as he carried me to the edge. I grabbed one of the knots in the rope as he put me down and reached for the knot just above mine. “Ready?”
“Yep.”
With him right behind me, I squealed with anticipation as we swung out over the water together. I let myself fall into the cool water. I felt refreshed as I swam back up to the surface. He wasn’t far from me and splashed water all over. I laughed and I started to swim away from him. He grabbed my leg and pulled me under. I surfaced and grabbed on to him.
“So, I thought you said you could swim?” I laughed as I jumped on his shoulders and dunked him under. As he surfaced, he slipped an arm around my waist and pulled me tightly against him. My breath caught slightly as the feel of his taut rippled muscles against my belly sent a tingling sensation throughout my body.
“I can keep you above water,” he said, as my fingers gingerly brushed over his skin, meeting at the back of his neck. I wrapped my legs around his waist and gave him a little kiss.
“You are touching the bottom, aren’t you?” I asked, and started to laugh. He laughed too as he dunked me under the water again, refusing to admit defeat.
We trudged up to the soft sandy beach and I turned just in time to watch Kane do a flawless double front flip ending with a seamless dive into the water. I sat by Joel as Gage went to the cliffs with Trey see if they could do better.
“You ready?” Joel asked, as we warmed in the sun.
“I guess,” I sighed. I knew he referred to Mississippi. I watched Gage closely. Thankful he would make the trip with me. “Gage wouldn’t be going to Mississippi if I didn’t have to. Does he really want to go?”
“Wherever you go, he will want to go... It doesn’t matter if it’s Mississippi or Mexico, if you will let him, he’ll be there,” Joel said, as I watched Gage dive off the cliffs.
“I shouldn't have made such a big deal about going.”
“This is what he wants. He loves you, Jade,” Joel smiled at me. We sat in silence as we watched him swim to the shallow end of shore. As he stood, water dripped from his shorts and left a trail of tiny ripples in the water as he walked over to us.
“Are you two talking about me?” He asked, as he shook water on me and then sat down.
“Yes,” I said as I smiled. Kane and Trey walked over and pulled out the sandwiches. Chale and Elias followed.
“Whatever Joel said, it’s not true.”
“I was telling her how lovesick you are,” Joel harrassed. Gage faked a punch and Joel flinched.
“He said you loved me.”
“Oh… Well, in that case,” he moved over me with a crooked bashful smile and gave me a gentle kiss, “he’s telling the truth.”
“So, Gage, has Jade beat you in an arm wrestle yet?” Kane asked.
“Kane!” I said, surprised at his sudden attempt to embarrass me, to reveal my secret.
He looked at him and chuckled. “No, why?” He smiled, and then looked at me curiously.
“Just wondering,” Kane said, through a mischievous smile of his own. Trey started to laugh as he remembered what I used to say about never having a boyfriend.
“She used to say…”
“Trey! What are you doing? Both of you stop talking!” I said as I practically jumped on Trey and covered his mouth. I laughed as I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment.
“She didn’t think a boy would ever like her because she could beat them all in an arm wrestle,” Kane said, and laughed.
“I was only eleven, Kane! I can’t believe you,” I said, unable to remove the smile from my face. I looked at Gage and started to laugh when he offered me his hand.
“Here, I’ll use my left hand,” he joked.
“No! If you use your left hand then I’ll have to use my left hand too.”
“You caught me,” he laughed again as he gently squeezed my meager bicep compared to his with notable size. He acted impressed. “You can use two hands… Come on, it looks like I need to prove myself.”
“You better be careful, she might show you up,” Joel said.
“I am not going to arm wrestle you! Obviously, you will win.”
“Okay, I’ll let you off this time. But you owe me an arm wrestle.”
“Tomboy or drama queen… One minute she’s angry and wants to arm wrestle, the next she’s crying and wants a hug. Good luck, Gage, figuring her out,” Kane chuckled as he tipped his head back and took a drink from his waterbottle. My jaw dropped.
“Kane! I can’t believe you!”
Trey laughed.
Gage glanced up, our eyes met. He didn’t take his eyes off me and said, “I know who she is.”
My cheeks flushed red as I stood. I gave Kane an unexpected shove and he stumbled back as I walked away. “I’m going to go jump in the lake now and you guys just stay right here and continue to humiliate me.”
“Hey, you can't leave. I thought you wanted to be included in on all our conversations about you?” Kane hollered.
