“I’m certainly anxious to hear what you’re thinking,” Paul said. They discussed Gina’s progress and how near she was to finishing the program. They agreed on a tentative time schedule.
“Assuming that schedule holds up, in a couple weeks you’ll be having some free time during the day while she’s attending classes on her own. I’ve been working with the local school district, with a few students who are having some problems. It’s been going really well, but they have more students in need of help than I have available time. I’ve also hired three more men to be administrators, and I need to train them. Since I’m losing one of my best men in the field, I feel it’s important that I get them trained and ready. I could sure use some help, both with training the new men, and with the school. There’s no one I’d trust more than you for either of those jobs. Are you interested?”
“Are you talking about a temporary job, which would give me time to see if our relationship will work?”
“Only if you want it to be temporary. I’m actually hoping you’ll take it on permanently. The work at the school has been picking up. Seeing the success I’ve been having, they’d like me to work with more of them. I can’t do that and still run the program, which as you know, is my first priority. It’s doing so well that I’m going to have to plan on finding, hiring and training another group of men yearly. I also readily admit I’m going to lose some for the same reason you and I are no longer working in the field. You’ve got the experience and expertise to help me train them.”
Paul thought for a couple minutes. “I think I’d like that. I’m like you; I believe in this program and would love to still be able to play a part in it. The school project sounds challenging and rewarding, as well. The idea of being able to stay here, near Gina, sounds really good. I honestly don’t want her going back home after this semester is over. She’s doing really well, but I don’t want her around them on a full time basis yet. I’d be fine with her never moving back to that area, actually, but that’s her choice.”
“I understand, and for what it’s worth, I agree with you. John called me, irate. We ruined his daughter and have her thinking she needs to be a bum to fit into this world. I’d love to see her finish college on her own, and have a successful career in place before she goes back, even for just a several day visit.”
“Is he going to be a problem for you, or the program?”
“No, don’t worry about it. That’s his opinion. She’s of legal age, she entered the program with full knowledge, and most of all, she’s happier now. There’s nothing he can do. The more he keeps this up, though, the more distance he’s putting between himself and his daughter. I tried to explain that to him, but he didn’t exactly want to hear it.”
“Rude, was he?”
“Let’s just say I see where she got her temper and knowledge of the four letter language.”
“Thank you, Jason, for this opportunity. I sure appreciate it.”
“Like I said, there isn’t anyone I’d trust more. Besides, this is going to work out really well for the girls, too. Cheyenne really likes Gina, and as much as I’m afraid the two of them together may be a handful, I also think it’s good for both of them. There are times I know Cheyenne gets a little frustrated, and I know how much it would mean to her to have someone to talk to. Although our way of life is good for the girls overall, and both of our ladies thrive with it, it has to be trying for them at times, as well. I also think it’s important for both of them to have close friends, and if I could hand pick a friend for her, Gina would be right there at the top.”
“I agree with you there. They’re both good ladies, and I think they’ll be good for each other, as well. Well, most of the time, anyway,” he added with a bit of a laugh.
They talked a bit more, and Paul told him he would take the job, beginning part time when she started spending more time on her own. Both men were happy with the new plans, and Paul was pretty sure Gina would be, as well.
* * *
Gina was settled into her new home before her classes started. It was set up that Paul would accompany her and sit in with her during classes for the first week. If everything went well, she would then go to classes on her own, which would mark the beginning of the ending phase of the program. He would still be with her before she left for classes in the morning and when she got back home, but they would begin to spend less and less time together. If everything went well for two to four weeks of winding down, her program would be over.
She was excited when he explained all this to her, but he could tell she was obviously concerned, as well. “Tell me what your concerns are so we can talk about them, honey.”
She looked up at him, shaking her head. “I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to you always knowing when something’s on my mind. But in this case, I’m glad. I think I’ll feel better if we do talk.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear you say that. Now, what’s bothering you?”
“What happens after I finish? I know I’ll get my inheritance and I’ll be able to rent an apartment here so I can finish this semester, but what about us? Will you go back to Colorado, and then go out on another assignment?”
He quickly had her in his arms, rubbing her back. “No, I’m not going anywhere. Don’t worry about that, honey. I’ve talked to Jason, and I’m not going back out in the field.”
He told her about the new position he’d agreed to take with Jason, and she was extremely happy. “So you’ll move here?”
“I will. And you and Cheyenne can become good friends and drive Jason and me crazy.”
She laughed, but then wrapped her arms around his neck for a hug. “Now I’m happy here. I can relax and get to know my new home.”
“Are you all ready to start back to college next week?”
“Yes, I am,” she assured him. “And I’m going for an education this time.”
“That’s my girl.”
* * *
Jason did in fact accompany Gina to her classes the first week. He was very happy with the way she interacted with everyone, and also with the attitude she seemed to have toward the classes. At the end of the week he was convinced she was indeed taking college seriously this time around, and he saw no reason to continue escorting her. Cheyenne invited the couple over for a celebration dinner. Jason congratulated her on getting to the point in her program that her administrator spent less and less time with her, which showed she was about to graduate from the program.
The celebration did two things for Gina. She thought back to her feelings when she started the program, and was ashamed of how she acted then. She admitted to herself, and to Paul, that she was much happier and felt she could hold her head high now, thanks to him and the program. She gave credit to her grandfather, for seeing the change in her and arranging for the program.
She also felt a little concerned, though. Up until now Paul had been there, and if she started saying or doing something she shouldn’t, he would catch her and ask if she was sure she wanted to continue that. Now he wouldn’t be there. She’d come to the point where it wasn’t just the spanking she’d earned that bothered her when she messed up, but just as much or even more, she hated disappointing Paul, and she was worried she would be doing that more now that he wouldn’t be there with her to catch her and warn her.
That thought bothered her, but it was one thing she didn’t feel she could talk to him about. She knew he would encourage her. She knew pretty much the speech he would give her, and she gave it to herself. It helped, but the worry was still there.
Tuesday of the first week she went to classes alone, she got home early. Paul was helping Jason with his school project and hadn’t gotten home yet. She took a textbook outside on the little patio and was trying to study, but was having trouble concentrating. Cheyenne was working from home that day, as she occasionally did now, and saw her sitting outside. She thought she was studying, so decided she wouldn’t bother her. The more she glanced outside and saw her, though, the more she was convinced s
he wasn’t studying, but was troubled.
Cheyenne being Cheyenne, she went out to see what was on her mind, or if she could help. They had become close enough friends that she could quickly tell something wasn’t right, so she tried to help. “Gina, I know something’s wrong, and I’d love to help. The men will be home soon, though, so if you don’t tell me right away, we may not get a chance to talk before they get here. If it has anything to do with the program, I may know what you’re feeling.”
Gina studied her friend for several moments before nodding her head. “You know, you’re right. You have been through this exactly, so maybe you can help.”
She explained her concern, and Cheyenne assured her, “I know exactly what you’re saying. I fell in love with my handler, too, and I think that complicates the last stage of this program. Most ladies I’m sure are plain excited to have reached this point. They’re anxious to prove to themselves they can do this, and to prove it to their handler so they can graduate from the program and get on with their life. I mean, changing their life for the good is a wonderful thing, but having this guy with you everywhere you go has to be a bit restraining. I’m sure they want to move on and make a life for themselves.”
“Probably, yes.”
“But we’re different. Basically, we want to do the same thing, but the life we want to make is with our handler. So we’re not as anxious for it to end, or at least I wasn’t.”
“You’re right; I can see others wanting to move on, but I’m happy the way things are. The only thing that’s changing is kind of scary. I want to do really well to make him happy, but I’m going to miss having him there with me.”
Cheyenne was nodding her head. “I know. You miss him, but at the same time you want to do good to make him proud.”
“But there’s a part of me that says if I do good, will it make him proud, or will it tell him I don’t need him any more? I don’t want him to feel that way.”
“Oh, trust me, Gina, you don’t want to go there. If you mess up so he knows you still need him, it’s not a pretty sight. I did that, without consciously realizing I was doing it, and he spanked me harder than he’d ever spanked me before. He said that was called bratting, trying to get his attention, and he wouldn’t allow it at all. He said if I wanted attention from him all I had to do was go to him and tell him that. But doing something like that to get it would get me a good deal of negative attention. What hurt me more than the awful spanking, though, was how disappointed he was in me. He explained that he knows I’m going to make mistakes here and there through life; we all do. He even points out his mistakes to me so I know I’m not the only one who screws up now and then.”
“Paul does that, too. It means a lot to me, that he points out we all make mistakes.”
“I wonder if it’s part of their training,” Cheyenne wondered. “But it does help. He made it very clear that making a mistake—no, doing wrong, but on purpose, is like a slap in the face to him. It’s like I’m doing something wrong just to point it out to him and laugh at him. That’s not at all why I did it.”
“Did you explain that to him?”
“I tried, but honestly, I’m not really sure he understands. He tried, but I’m not sure from their perspective they can see what we’re thinking.”
“I never looked at it from his perspective,” Gina said.
“I hadn’t, either, until afterwards. The odd thing, though, is I really didn’t do it on purpose. I admit I should have known better and I can’t believe I didn’t think of it, but I honestly didn’t. Well, not consciously, anyway. The more I thought about it the more I believe he was right. I did it, knowing subconsciously what would happen. I was thinking a lot like what you’ve just described, so give that some thought.”
“I will, thank you. I really don’t want to do anything to earn another spanking, though, because I don’t want to disappoint him, and I’m scared that without him there to stop me, I will.”
“But think about it. How often have you earned one lately? Not very often; am I right?”
“The only ones lately are when I get tired and frustrated.”
“So you know what you need to avoid. If you get that way, you need to step back. Go home, or stop what you’re doing and rest before going back to try again.”
“I know. I keep telling myself that, but I’m still so afraid I’m going to disappoint him.”
“Gina, I’m telling you, that’s just how I felt about it. I’m no psychologist like they are, though, so I can’t explain it. All I can do is tell you I felt the same way, so be careful. Maybe you should talk to Paul about it.”
“Maybe. I’ve thought about it, but I don’t really know how to explain it so he could understand.”
“I know. I didn’t talk to Jason about it, either, for the same reason. I was also afraid he might say then maybe we shouldn’t be having a relationship. I really loved him and I was still having trouble believing that he wanted to be with me, the way I acted when we first met.”
“Oh, I know that feeling really well, too.”
“Paul loves you, Gina. Trust me, I know how you feel, but I’ve known Paul for several years, and his love for you is very clear to me.”
Jason came home then, with Paul right behind him, so Gina thanked Cheyenne quickly, and their talk ended.
Chapter Twenty
That night Cheyenne was still thinking about Gina’s concern. She wished she could help her friend, because she really had had the same feeling herself, and she knew how she had struggled with it. Jason, being Jason, picked up quickly on the fact that something was on her mind. When he asked what it was, she denied it.
So he did what he’d found out over the years worked the best with his wife. He picked her up and sat down in their rocking chair, with her on his lap. He laid her head on his shoulder and rocked slowly, talking to her softly in his quiet voice that always seemed to help her relax and open up to him. Slowly but surely he got her to admit she was thinking about something, but she assured him it wasn’t about her. He guessed it was about Gina, and he could tell by her reaction he was right.
He gradually was able to find out it wasn’t a physical problem, but something related to the program, a feeling she had. “Was it a feeling you had had, as well?” he asked.
Her sudden turn to look at him confirmed that for him. “How did you know?”
“You two I’m sure have had different feelings than the rest of the ladies who have gone through this program. I was concerned about that after you and I started seeing each other on a personal basis before the program ended. You insisted I could still finish the program, and I knew I didn’t want anyone else working that closely with you at that stage, so I did, but I’ve always been a little concerned about how us being in a personal relationship changes the dynamic of the program. Honey, if her concern has something to do with that, I really wish you’d tell me. One of us may be able to help her, which is the number one thing I want. This is my program, you know, and I want it to work, for everyone.”
“I know.”
“But I wish I knew how it changes the lady’s feelings, as well. I mean, this has happened twice, and I’m not naive. I know there’s a good chance it will happen again down the road with another administrator. I’ve given a lot of thought to this lately, since this is the second time now, because I want to be able to help the lady any way we can. Paul told me Gina’s been very good when it comes to talking to him about most things, so this concerns me. If she hasn’t talked to him about this there’s a reason, and that reason is what concerns me.”
Cheyenne looked at her husband and knew he was being totally sincere. He did want to help Gina, and so did she. But what he said about it could happen in the future made sense, too. Since she and Gina both felt the same thing, maybe he, being the very good psychologist and behavior modification specialist, could figure out the feelings and know how to deal with them.
“Jason, I’m torn. I really want to help her, but I admit I don’t know ho
w. I know you may be able to help, but I feel like I’m alienating my friend if I tell her what she told me in confidence.”
“I understand.” He kissed the top of her head, gave her a little hug, and continued rocking.
Five minutes later, she started thinking out loud. “If you could help her, though, she may not be too upset with me. But what if she is? I just can’t risk losing a friend.”
“I have an idea. Why don’t you talk to her tomorrow? Tell her pretty much what you’re telling me; that you think I may be able to help, but you don’t want to relay something she told you in confidence. Tell her Paul and I have talked about this very thing. He agrees, too, that a personal relationship changes the program, and we’ve said we’re sure there are things you ladies are probably thinking about that we as men don’t.”
“Do you think she’ll be upset that I said something to you?”
“I don’t think so, since you haven’t told me what her concern is. Assure her we will neither one be upset that she wasn’t more forthcoming with a concern. The personal relationship has to come into play here, and we understand that. But we want to help her. If she’s more comfortable with you explaining it to me, I’m happy to do that. If she wants to talk to Paul, that’s fine. If she wants to or thinks it would be easier, we can all four get together to talk. With two of you trying to explain to two of us how you felt, or she feels, we may have more luck.”
“Like if we tag team you guys maybe we can get our feelings through your thick heads?”
He reached around and gave her a mostly playful swat on her behind, but smiled. “Yeah, something like that.”
“Let me talk to her. I’d feel better that way.”
“I understand. You’re a good friend to her, Cheyenne, and I don’t want to risk that.”
The girls talked the next day, and Cheyenne was able to convince Gina to talk to the guys about it. They decided to talk with all four of them there. Paul was at Jason and Cheyenne’s house talking to Jason while the girls were at Cheyenne’s apartment talking, so they went next door to join the men. “She’s agreed to talk, all four of us together,” Cheyenne announced.
Gina and Paul (Last Chance Program Book 2) Page 25
