by Leah Atwood
“And now?”
“It’s very real. It didn’t take long to realize that, but becoming a Christian didn’t magically make my life perfect. I was afraid once I told people, they’d watch me like a hawk, just waiting for me to slip and label me a hypocrite.”
“No one is perfect.” She twisted in her chair. “You can’t hide your faith for fear of messing up.”
“I realized that, which is why I’m not going to hide it anymore. I didn’t have enough faith in my own faith.”
Her eyes softened with compassion. “I can’t imagine being in your shoes. From the time I was young, I’ve been in church, learning about God. Sometimes people think kids who grow up in church accept Christ just because that’s what they’re told, but I did my own searching and asked my own questions before coming to my decision.
“That being said, my faith has never been tested like yours. No one knows how they’ll react in different situations.” She reached over and took his hand. “I’m sorry if I sounded judgmental. I think you’re pretty amazing for everything you’re trying to do. A lesser man would’ve bent under the pressure.”
“I’m no saint, sweetheart.”
A smile curled her lips. “Never said you were.”
“So…”
“So…” she echoed.
His heart hammered against his chest. Moment of truth time—no more discussing the future in abstract generalities. “It’s entirely selfish of me, but I want to be with you. It’s not fair to you because I’ll be away all the time and I can’t promise the media won’t find out and hound you. I can’t come to you whole, but I’m dedicated to living a pure life now. My past is ugly, my life complicated.” He was asking a lot of her—an involvement with him would be difficult. “A relationship between us won’t be easy and I know we have more reasons than not to pursue a relationship, but I can’t help thinking that the reasons to far outweigh the reasons not to.” He expelled the words all in a single breath.
“How do you know I’m not the selfish one? You said yourself you don’t need more complications, but I can’t help wanting to be one.” She looked at him in complete solemnness.
“I don’t think you understand what all being involved with me will encompass.” His voice dropped low and husky.
“No, I don’t, but I am willing to try because I do understand that if we ended this here and now, my heart would break.”
He stood and pulled Sophie up to him, clutching her hand to his chest. “We’ll talk every day. I’ll come down every chance I can. You can even come up to Nashville on occasions, or meet me on the road.” Man, he wanted to believe they could make their relationship successful. He reiterated words from their first date. “If it’s ever too much, tell me, Sophie. Don’t hold back until it’s too late.” He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. “Always be completely honest with me.”
She chuckled softly, the vibrations of her laugh rippling across his chest. “Aren’t you the one who pointed out I’m honest to a fault.”
“Yes, and don’t ever change.”
“It goes both ways, you know.”
“What does?” He tucked a strand of chestnut colored hair behind her ear.
“Honesty. Don’t be afraid of telling me anything. I’m a big girl—I can handle the truth.”
“Fair enough.” He brought his voice down to barely a whisper. “If you insist on complete honesty, then I must tell you I’m absolutely crazy about you.”
“The feeling is mutual.”
He held her close, memorizing the feel of her, the flowery scent of her hair, and wished life could be different so he didn’t have to leave. If he didn’t break away soon, he was going to do something he’d regret. “I have to go. I promised my aunt and uncle that Gracie and I’d be there for dinner.”
Sophie took a step back from him. “Of course. Go have fun, spend time together.”
He was tempted to stay, spend more time talking to her. “I’ll call you later tonight.”
“Okay.”
“Gram invited you to dinner Wednesday night. Will you come?”
“I’ll be there.”
He couldn’t move his feet, couldn’t make himself walk through the house and leave. “We eat at six.” Only extreme willpower made him release her hand, turn on his heel and walk away before he vowed to leave his career and everything he’d worked for over the last six years so he could stay in Oden Bridge.
Chapter 10
Wednesday night came too soon for Bryce.
“Do you have to leave tomorrow, Daddy?” Gracie’s small hands clung tightly around his neck.
“I’m sorry, Sweet Pea. Daddy has to get back to work.”
“Can I go with you?” she pleaded.
“That’s not possible right now. I wish it was, but it’s not.”
“Why not?” Crocodile tears rolled down her cheeks.
Because life isn’t fair. He hated this. Every tear she cried drilled another hole in his heart. “There isn’t anyone to watch you while Daddy works, and Gramps and Gram would miss you too much.”
“But what about me? I’ll miss you too much. I love you, Daddy. I don’t want you to leave.”
“I don’t either, but sometimes we have to do things we don’t want.” A harsh lesson to learn at such a tender age.
Gracie sniffled. “Like when I have to eat peas?”
He smiled a little. “Yeah, kind of.”
“Will you be here when I wake up?”
“Yes, ma’am. I wouldn’t leave without telling my best girl bye.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.” He unwound her arms from his neck, laying her down on the bed. Still sitting on the edge, he leaned over, tucking her into the blankets. “Good night, Baby Girl. I love you,” he told her, dusting a kiss against her cheek.
“Love you too, Daddy.”
He left the room, walking to the opposite end of the hall. His breath came short and ragged, full of anger. The temptation to drink hadn’t been this strong since he quit. Pent up anger and frustration pounded inside him, needing a release, and he slammed a fist against the wall. He leaned his head against the pale yellow paint and took a deep breath, trying to calm down.
A hand clutched his shoulder. “Are you okay?”
Slowly, he turned to face Sophie. “No.”
“Gram sent me to check on you when we finished the dishes. Want to talk?”
“No,” he answered through gritted teeth.
Hurt flashed in her eyes of jade, begging him not to do this. “Should I leave?”
His arms shot around her, enveloping her slight frame in a desperate hug. “No, please don’t. I need you here.”
For how long he held her, he didn’t know, but as the minutes ticked by the edge wore off, replaced by an urgent craving to make the most of the last hours he had now to spend with her. “Let’s go outside.”
He grabbed an old blanket from the linen closet. Downstairs, Gram and Gramps had discreetly made themselves scarce. They walked in silence as he led her to a spot which allowed for a clear view of the starry night sky. He spread the blanket over the dampened grass. Sitting down, he held out a hand and brought Sophie down to sit next to him. His legs extended straight out and he leaned backwards, his arms bracing him. Sophie positioned herself in a similar fashion, her right arm crossing over his, brushing against the hairs on his bare skin.
“I’m a failure as a father,” he said after a few minutes.
“That’s not true,” Sophie dissented. “You’re an adoring, loving dad placed in a tough predicament.”
“That’s just it. Fatherhood shouldn’t be a predicament or situation. It’s probably best if I quit everything and come be with her.”
Sophie looked at him in the moonlight. “I’m not a parent, so I can’t imagine your inner struggle, but I do know that God gave you a talent, and that’s not to be wasted. Somewhere there’s a compromise and I have faith you’ll find it.”
“A year’s p
assed and I still don’t have answers. When do I give in and accept that it’s over? Juggle long enough and eventually you’ll drop a ball. I can’t risk that ball being Gracie.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Leaving her rips me to shreds, Sophie. How can leave you too?”
“Tomorrow we can worry about the miles between us and the days ahead. Let tonight be tonight.” She straightened her spine and sat upright, resting a hand on his upper arm.
His eyes clenched shut, blocking out everything except the here and now. Sophie had his heart—there was no getting it back. She was his soft place to fall. Forgetting his resolve, he leaned forward, his lips only a caress away from hers. In a throaty whisper, he sang a few lines. “Come to me, come to me now. Let me love you, bring you alive. Yesterday’s Gone and Tomorrow’s not here. Don’t just live, let me awaken your soul.”
“I’m here,” she muttered, low and breathless.
Their lips met, gentle and tender. He inched closer, drawing her nearer, deepening the kiss. His hand cradled the rear of her head. A dazed feeling took over, but he’d never felt more alive. He didn’t want the kiss to end, but it had to. The old Bryce would have sought further temptation—the new Bryce, more than ever, wanted to prove himself worthy of a woman like Sophie. Breaking away, he left his forehead tipped to hers.
“Wow.” She sounded as dazed as he felt.
“This thing between us, following it is right. For all the questions I have about everything else in my life, I know that you and I are meant for each other.” He brushed another light kiss against her lips.
“I’m in over my head and scared out of mind,” Sophie admitted in breathless tones.
“Pray with me?”
She nodded, and he took hold of her hands. Together, they appealed to the highest power for wisdom and direction, patience and understanding, during the days ahead. He’d never prayed with anyone, save for Gramps. The act was more intimate than anything he’d ever experienced, drawing them into an irrevocable bond, deeper than the one which had initially drawn them together. He’d let Sophie into his heart, his innermost thoughts, a place no one, previously, had been allowed.
“There were easier ways to do it you know,” she said with a glimmer of amusement after several minutes of a comfortable silence.
“Do what?” He eyed her curiously.
“Meet me. For example, you could’ve acted like a normal guy and come up to introduce yourself instead of sending a duck chasing after me.”
He laughed, a deep, hearty sound from low in his stomach, and it felt good after the intense emotional day. “But I’m not normal, sweetheart.”
“What do I tell people?” She looked at him, waiting for an answer. A full moon gave him just enough light to see her features, a smile gracing her mouth but her eyes still full of questions.
“About us?”
“Yes. I wouldn’t feel right hiding it from my parents. I understand your need for privacy because of Gracie, but what’s the protocol here?”
He drew in a long breath, expelling it on a contemplative sigh. “I don’t want secrets, not between us, nor about us. I’ve protected Gracie from the press by hiding her, but look what it has cost me. It should be your choice who is told. Like it or not, your life will change the most from public acknowledgement of our relationship. I’ve had years to adapt to being in the spotlight, you haven’t.”
“Since we are being honest, I am scared of that part of a relationship with you. I like my privacy. I don’t even use social media.”
He stroked her palm with his thumb. “You’re one of a kind, Sophie. That’s why I…” The words caught on the tip of his tongue. He’d almost said the L word. It was too soon for that. “… like you so much,” he finished.
“I’d like to tell my parents and Kate. Do you mind?”
“I meant it when I said that it’s up to you—I want you to set the pace, be comfortable with us. I know what I’m asking of you, and I won’t take your trust for granted.”
“You’re not asking for anything I’m not willing to give.” Leaning her head against his shoulder, Sophie released a small sigh. “Since you have to leave, I’m glad our last night is this one. The perfect setting for an evening of memories. The stars are really shining bright tonight.”
“Yes, they are.” He wasn’t looking at the sky.
Sophie stood to her feet, extending a hand down. “Dance with me.”
His mouth opened in surprise. “Dance?”
“One dance under the stars. Then I’ll leave to go home with no goodbyes. You’ll call tomorrow and tell me you’re on your way to work, but absolutely no goodbyes.” Her chin trembled as she spoke.
He stood. Languorously, they swayed, pretending they had no other care in the world. Casting aside every fear and qualm, they took these final minutes to be—with each other, at peace, in the beginning stages of love.
She stood on her toes, raised her head, and placed a chaste kiss against his lips. She disengaged her arms and looked at him with a lone tear running down her cheek. Turning, she began to walk away.
He wasn’t ready for this.
Reaching out, he caught the inside of her wrist. Sophie stopped and looking at him, her eyes pleading. He swallowed the lump lodged in this throat, trapping air in his lungs. This was how she needed to say goodbye. For her, he had to let her leave without a word. His hand slid across hers, their palms connecting. One step back and their contact was broken.
His gaze never left her until she disappeared around the side of the house. He didn’t want to see her get in her little sedan and drive away. He didn’t want to think about the number of weeks until he’d see her again. Against his own desires, he followed her, staying back a distance, continuing to watch her until he knew she was safe in her car. He remained staring past the driveway, long after she’d left, as if willing her to return.
He leaned his head back, taking in the stars above. A dull ache remained in his heart, but still, a tiny smile appeared. Somewhere, beyond the galaxy, was Heaven and God, who’d brought Sophie into his life. With that knowledge, a peace settled over him and he knew, in time, everything would work out.
Chapter 11
Sophie opened her eyes and didn’t need a mirror to know they were red and puffy. Long into the night, she’d lain in bed crying. Not understanding how she could care so much for someone she’d known such a short time, all she knew was that she missed him already. On her nightstand, the picture of them riding the elephant was encased in a simple wood frame. She brought it down, hugging it close to her chest.
A few weeks, that’s all it would be until he came back for a day or two. That wasn’t so long in the grand scheme of things. Except when she considered that only a few weeks had passed since the first time she’d met him and that seemed a lifetime ago. She sat up and replaced the picture to the nightstand then rubbed her eyes.
Why hadn’t she said goodbye? Last night, walking away without a word had seemed a good idea. This morning, she wasn’t so sure. For once, she was glad she had no tutoring sessions on today’s schedule. Her heart wasn’t into it—rather—it was on its way to Nashville. She needed to get out of the house, even Oden Bridge, today.
A trip to see Mom would be nice. She picked up her phone.
“Good morning, honey. You’re up and about early.”
“It’s not that early,” Sophie responded automatically. She looked at the time. Six forty-five. “Sorry, I thought it was later. I didn’t wake you up, did I?”
“No, I’ve been up since five when your father left for work. Is everything okay?”
“I just needed a day away. Will you be home this afternoon?”
“What time? Aunt Linda and I were going to meet for lunch.”
“Oh. Maybe tomorrow then.” She choked back a sob.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” Her mom’s voice was now filled with concern.
“Nothing’s wrong. Not exactly. I don’t know. It’s complicated.”
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p; “I’ll reschedule with Aunt Linda. Come down whenever you’re ready and we’ll talk, or do whatever you need.”
Sophie pulled herself together. “That’s not necessary.”
“Sha baby. My girls come first. Call me when you leave Oden Bridge. Mia is staying at a friend’s house and I don’t expect her home until later so it will only be you and me.”
“Thanks, mom.” She disconnected the call, feeling better. Even though telling her mom about Bryce made her nervous, Lisa Thatcher was known for being a wise, compassionate woman. Sophie knew her mom could give her advice and offer a fresh perspective on this new relationship.
By the time she had taken a shower, dried her hair and dressed, she felt like a new woman. Until her phone rang, belting out Bryce’s voice. She’d have to change that. Hearing his voice every time her phone rang would serve as a torturous reminder.
Speaking of, his name flashed across the screen.
“Hi,” she answered, purposefully not asking if he was on the road yet.
“Hi,” he replied, almost shyly. A brief lull came between them. “Here’s the thing. I know last night was our unsaid goodbye, but please tell me it’s okay to stop and see you one more time.”
“That was a dumb idea. I’ve been watching too many movies. Ignore everything I said.” Relief pushed the words from her mouth in a frenzied rush.
“Good, because I’m outside.”
She peeked out the window. There he was, standing outside her door. She threw open the door and stood in the entry, staring at him, still surprised and happy to see him.
“I took a chance.” He shrugged, giving her an impish grin.
“I’m glad. Come in.” She moved from the doorway, allowing him to walk through. “Did you eat yet? Do you have time for breakfast?”
“I’ll make time.”
“Omelets or french toast?” She already stood at the refrigerator, its door open. Otherwise, she might grab his arm and beg him not to leave.
“Whatever’s easiest for you.”
