Mitch swoops in and scoots next to me, drops a hot kiss on the top of my head.
“It’ll all be over soon, I can feel it,” he whispers. He pulls back and looks me in the eye. “We’ll get through this. But it’s entirely up to you how quick we get to the other side.” He sinks into the booth as he takes me in. “Lee, I’d walk through fire for you. I’d jump over the moon, but I can’t have Max warring over you for the next fifty years. It’ll be the last nail in my coffin.”
It’s all coming to a head. I can feel the dam about to break. It’ll sweep us all away in the current and in the end it’ll be my fault.
I can’t choose Mitch or Max—one over the other.
Something tells me walking through fire—jumping over the moon would be a hell of a lot easier.
Mitch
We’re going old school tonight at Dr. Van Guard’s office. Max and Lee are in there first, then Lee and me—then the grand finale—the smearing of Max Shepherd’s heart over the walls.
I thump my fists over one another—stare across at the maroon walls trying to imagine what they could possibly be discussing. I don’t like this. It feels like Lee is full of secrets all of a sudden. We shared everything before I left. Then again, she wasn’t married to anyone else at the time. There were no privacy issues, not one ounce of intimacy she experienced outside of me.
Colton said Max came to my funeral. We hadn’t talked in years, and he showed up with bells on. I bet. I’m sure he was gunning for Lee even then. I’m not sure why, but even with Lee’s reassurance I can’t lose this sickening feeling.
Max and Lee aren’t sleeping in the same bed anymore, and yet that doesn’t bring me all that much comfort. Although he did hint at the fact they didn’t need a bedroom, that broad daylight sufficed as evidenced by their date a few weeks back. It feels like both Lee and Max are taking turns strangling me. That pretty much sums up how if feels when I open my eyes in the morning and remember who I am, where I’m at, and how in the hell I got there. Max—procreating with my wife—playing house. If I never came back it would have all worked out beautifully for him.
My foot thumps over the floor so hard and fast it tears through the silence like dynamite. I hop up and pace for a while until Max shows his face, and we trade places.
Lee’s been crying, nothing but two pools of vinegar where her eyes used to be. I can see Max has effectively worked his magic.
“Hey, it’s okay.” I wrap my arms around her and kiss her on the cheek. I’ll just let the good doctor babble on while enjoying my time in the Max-free zone, comforting my wife.
“Mitch, we’ve just been discussing you.” Dr. Van Guard offers his signature placid smirk. The building could be on fire, and he’d give that same deranged look.
“Really?” I don’t let go of Lee. Instead, I lean in as she strokes my hair and keeps her head glued to my chest.
“Lee? Would you like to offer some of the concerns you and Max shared during our session?”
Concerns? Lee has concerns?
“No, thank you.” She defers to him.
“Okay, I’ll give you the basic run down of what was said, and you can surmise from it what you will.” He butts his chair into the desk. “Lee and Max discussed the primary living arrangement the three of you share. Max mentioned this was never brought up for discussion—that you merely barged into their lives, and took up residence on the couch. Is this true?”
Why do I feel like I’m about to be strung up by the balls?
“True.” Short, curt answers are always a good strategy.
“Were you at all concerned about the children and what they might make of this?”
If I say no, I’ll look like a monster. “I considered it to the extent that one of them was mine, and I felt what better way to make up for lost time than to alleviate the distance between us.”
He looks doubtful. “There was an apprehension between Max and Lee about whether this is the best solution for the time being. Lots of couples share custody, Mitch.”
Lee stares wild-eyed at the doctor, as if he was about to enter the no-thrill zone, and she needed to brace herself.
He goes on, “Max mentioned, Stella was asserting the fact she has two ‘daddies’ at school. Now, in principle, that really isn’t the problem, she keeps good company in that respect. However, she was emphatic that her two daddies live with her mommy—that they’re both trying to put babies in her tummy.”
Fuck. “Is she being teased?” It’s like he fired a shot right through my chest. I’d die before I hurt Stella. I’ve turned her into some kind of freak without knowing it.
“No, no, Max didn’t mention that. Just that her teachers were concerned for her welfare and wanted to be certain everything was going smoothly at home. Are you openly arguing with Max or Lee at the house?”
This is starting to sound like some social services audit, and I don’t like it.
“No.” God, am I? I’m not even sure that’s the right answer, but I’m pretty sure it’s my stay-in-my-own-damn-house-free pass. Had I said yes, he’d have me packing my pillowcase before sundown.
“Mitch, would you consider leaving the property? Surely you must understand this isn’t a natural arrangement—for the children’s benefit.”
And there it is. Max found his loophole. He probably paid off the entire staff at Stella’s golden elite private school to put it on record that I’m screwing with Stella’s head.
“No. I won’t move out.” I don’t need a moment to consider his absurd idea. “It’s my house—mine and Lee’s. We built it. Literally. Lee is my wife, and she wants to be with me. I think it’s time everyone involved is apprised of the situation.” Lee turns into me, but I don’t bother trying to decode her expression. I can’t help but feel like I’m about to sell her out. I think it’s time we end the niceties and shore up the details of what’s going to happen—today, at this hour, it all ends.
“Lee, do you think it’s time?” Dr. Van Guard relaxes in his seat and waits for her answer with a pious level of patience.
Her body goes rigid. She doesn’t say anything, just seizes up like a marble statue.
“Lee?” I can’t say I’m shocked by her lack of enthusiasm. “Max isn’t here. This is a safe zone. Don’t you think it’s time?”
She clears her throat.
Shit. What if she’s been playing me? What if she’s been saying the identical thing to Max for the last few weeks?
She leans in. “I do want to be with you.” Lee wraps a delicate arm around my waist. “It’s just this stuff with Stella—and if Max left it would be upsetting to the kids.” It comes out stilted, rehearsed. Suddenly it feels as if I’m being tag-teamed by the Shepherds, Lee being one of them.
“Understandable.” Dr. Van Guard nods into her line of thinking. “This might be a good time for us to initiate the final exercise in our homework series. This one involves you too, Lee. I’ll wait for Max to come back in. But first, Mitch, I think you should really utilize this time with Max and try to formulate the kernel of a bond that Lee needs to witness between the two of you. Try to connect with him on a deeper level. Do you think you’re capable of letting go of past grievances and starting a whole new relationship with him?”
“Of course.” The words fly from my lips before I can evaluate them, before I can acknowledge if they were in the least bit true. I think I could. For Lee and Stella, and Eli. If Lee believes Max would walk through a fire for her, I need to prove I would too.
And I’m about to.
Max
Lee is practically sitting in his lap when I step back in. I smooth my hand over her back and restrain myself from reaching over and clocking Mitch square in the jaw. I’m not sure what good this therapy is doing for anybody. Lee is being twisted like a pretzel emotionally. Honestly, I think it’s less harmful having Mitch loaf around the house all day, compared to giving her the grand tour of our psyches. I can only imagine what their sessions are like. Mitch masterfully dragging out the past,
dunking her back into the ice bath of grief he put her in. They weren’t even married for a year before he took off—
“Max. You seem to be lost in thought.” Dr. Van Guard is starting to sound more and more like a smart ass as the weeks go by. “Would you mind debriefing us? What’s on your mind?”
“Gladly.” I bob my head over in Lee’s direction. “I was just thinking how Mitch and Lee weren’t even married for a year before he disappeared and how we were married for three.”
“There’s no statute of limitation on marriage,” Mitch is quick to reply.
“There is when you’re taken captive and mistaken for dead for a span of five years. She moved on.” Really, I just wanted to remind Lee in the event she forgot. And the fact that we’re all seated here proves she has. Either that or she regrets our marriage, and that’s one scenario I’m not willing to face.
“Lee?” Dr. Van Guard seems unmoved by my argument. “Do you feel any less married to Mitch than you do with Max?”
“No. Not at all.” She seems happy to answer.
“So, then, it would appear you’re on equal footing again.” Dr. V’s smile broadens. Honestly, whose team is he on? “Right now I’d like to focus on your relationship.” His pen flicks from me to Mitch. “We need to dig a little deeper. We’ve done some skirting about the vineyards, the parents, Lee and the children, but something is missing. Max, I’m going to ask you point blank, when was the first time you had feelings for Lee? There is no wrong answer. It could be first grade, just be honest.”
I look impassively over at Mitch. He’s got his elbows resting on his knees, and miraculously now there’s at least a foot between him and Lee.
“Maybe junior high.” As soon as I hit puberty, I noticed she was practically naked in her bathing suit, but I leave that part out. “High school for sure.”
His brows arch as though I’ve said something of significance.
“Mitch?” He postures in his direction.
“Same.” Mitch doesn’t mix words just rides my coattails, such as in life.
“Well, that leaves a full three years into your relationship that you both had an eye for the same girl. You must have discussed her at some point.”
Neither Mitch or I say anything. It’s not like we ever entertained obscene conversations about Lee, but we were teenage boys crushing from afar.
“Max?” He wants answers.
“Yes. We engaged in a few discussions.”
“Mitch?” He wants a full accounting of what went on, I can tell.
“She was dating my brother,” he says it quick like he’s hoping it’ll go away.
“She dated Colton briefly,” I add. “Couple months, tops.”
“Right. It was stupid,” Lee shakes her head. “Colton dated everyone, I was just next on the hit list. It was over before it began. We hardly kissed.”
Mitch looks over at her. I guess it’s weird imagining your wife with your brother. She never looked in Hudson’s direction once or vice versa. But, then again, Mitch was more like my brother than Hudson has ever been.
A thought comes to me.
“You know”—I shake my head at how clear its all coming back to me—“that last year, Mitch and I hung out, we did talk a lot about Lee.” A slow spiral of anger brews in me. “I talked about Lee. It was me who was clearly interested. I’m the one that had us down at the beach to hang out with her. It was me that made sure we ended up at the right parties—the movies I knew she’d be at. It was no secret to Mitch that I was totally into her.”
Mitch doesn’t say anything, just looks at Lee a few seconds too long before piping up. “I knew the second I laid eyes on her I’d never be with anybody else,” he says, unmoved by my words. “I didn’t keep that a secret from anyone. I thought you were just fantasizing out loud. Besides, you had three girls under your belt, calling you, going out with you. Who could take you seriously?”
“When I came back that summer, you had Lee. You wouldn’t even look at me. It’s because of Lee isn’t it? This never had anything to do with my mom or your dad.”
Mitch blinks off into space. “Are you accusing me of stealing Lee?”
“That last night at Brody Tomlin’s party,” I say, glancing at Lee first. Lee swears she never told Mitch about what happened between the two of us. “You left me stranded.” After Lee took off, I had to hitch a ride with someone else because Mitch ditched me. That was the last night he ever spoke to me. “Something happened that night. We went into the party as friends then you took off.” I try to lay off the aggression, but it comes barreling out like a train with no brakes.
Mitch stares long and hard at Lee, until she shifts uncomfortably.
“I wasn’t planning on going here,” he says, bowing his head a moment. “But for the sake of speeding up the process—if you think the kids are going to be better adjusted adults.” He rises and starts to pace. “I went to the party with Max that night.” He shoots his words at me like poisoned darts. “Lee and Colt just broke up. She wasn’t with anyone, so I planned on talking to her. I told you that.”
“I was talking to her, and you were nowhere to be found.”
“I was watching.” Mitch hardens his stare. “I saw how you made sure her beer never ran out—how you lured her to the bedroom.”
A sharp bite of heat explodes under my arms.
“I went back there to tell you that I thought we should leave. That we should get her home before she got sick or did something stupid.” He cuts a hurt look over to her. “I went into the bedroom, and you two were busy, so I left.”
A deafening silence fills the air.
So Mitch knew. He knew I was with Lee. “You saw us?”
“Yes.” Mitch looks freshly offended.
“Then you knew I was going to be with her, and you waited until I left town before you made your move. You did steal her from me.”
“I’m not anybody’s property, Max,” Lee says it cool, but her rage is layered just beneath. “Mitch, you never told me.”
“Because you never told me. Why would I want to go there? Obviously you regretted it. And, after that, we were together.”
“You kept us apart,” I say just above a whisper. Fucking bastard.
“That’s right, Max.” He locks onto me with a hostile stare. “I knew you and Lee had ‘chemistry,’ and I wasn’t about to sit around and watch the fucking sparks fly. I didn’t want you near us—not for two seconds. I knew you would never let her go. And to be honest? I didn’t think it was going to be that easy. But you never fought for her. You never once confronted me.”
Lee’s jaw goes slack. She stares over at him dumbfounded as the color bleeds from her face.
“He confronted me,” she growls. “Max talked to me on several occasions.” Her voice shakes.
Mitch’s face explodes, red as a turnip. “Were you seeing Max on the side?”
“No,” she corrects. “He was looking for clues, for answers to why you were treating him like crap. I can’t believe you had so little confidence in our relationship that you would throw Max away like garbage. You didn’t think our love was strong enough to have him around as a friend.”
“You slept with him.” The words thunder out of him.
That’s as good an argument as any.
“Doesn’t matter.” Mitch sits back down, despondent. “I thought I could keep you apart. Guess, life had different plans.” It comes out mockingly, but it’s the truth nevertheless.
Holy crap. Did Mitch just remotely insinuate that Lee and I were meant to be together? Is this Mitch, the supposed great love of Lee’s life admitting defeat? I want to love it, but can’t.
Lee picks up her purse and walks out the door. Looks like I’ll have to catch a ride back with Mitch, or maybe he’ll ditch me for posterity.
“Homework—final assignment.” Dr. Van Guard slaps his hands together. “The both of you. For one solid month—stay the hell away from Lee.”
17
Castle of Sand
I don’t bother going home. Max and Mitch can pick up the kids. They can be the new Townsend-Shepherd couple of Mono. I’m going to hang out with someone far more mature and level headed than those two can ever be—Colt.
I give a hard knock over his door until the wood vibrates beneath my knuckles. It takes several minutes before a string of muffled expletives head in my direction.
The door swings open revealing a very rumpled, very freshly laid, Colton. His hair is sticking straight up, his bare-chest glistens with sweat. His boxers are pulled down to his pubic line. A woman, wearing nothing but his T-shirt, trots down the stairs, pausing a good three feet behind him.
“Sorry.” I make my way over to the couch and fold into it.
“Sure, come in.”
I don’t bother acknowledging Colt’s sarcasm. He mumbles something to the girl, and she scrambles back upstairs. He probably wants me to be quick, but I’m hoping it’s her he’ll evict.
“What’s up?” He plunks down next to me, ripe with body odor.
“You smell funky—move.”
“Any other pressing requests?” he asks, relocating to the recliner. “Have a sudden interest in yet a third husband?”
“I’m quite uncomfortable with just the two. Thanks for the offer.”
“You’re in a mood. You wanna pick up some food, and I’ll get rid of… ” He motions upstairs.
“No. I don’t want to go anywhere, and for sure I’m not hungry.” I want to cry, but the tears won’t come. I’m all out of tears for both Mitch and Max. “What happened between us?” Now that Dr. Van Guard drew back the curtain, I can’t help but feel maybe there’s something more lingering behind the gossamer. Mitch’s bombshell about keeping me away from Max leveled me. It wrung my heart out without warning, and I can’t seem to get my footing.
The Solitude of Passion Page 29
