I’m suddenly yanked back and a horn honks. I fall, hitting the pavement on my bottom hard, pain ricocheting up my spine.
“Lady, are you crazy?” the man who yanked me back yells at me. “You nearly got wiped out by that car!”
I glance up from my seated position and realise he’s right. I must have stepped straight out into the road. I didn’t even realise. I push up from the pavement, brushing bits of debris off my palms.
“Thank you. I was in a world of my own.”
The middle-aged man eyeballs me like I’m crazy. “Yeah, well, pay attention. You don’t want to become roadkill.”
“I will,” I promise.
I brush my hair out of my face and carry on walking. Eventually, I head over to the clubhouse. The last thing I want to do is be late to meet with Beth and Liv. These people have a penchant for melodrama when it comes to being late.
The two women seem pleased to see me when I arrive.
“I can’t wait to buy things for the baby,” Beth coos. “Tiny booties and little baby grows.”
Liv groans. “You can do the throwing up three times a day thing, too.”
“No, you can keep that part.”
“Now that you and Logan are engaged, will we be hearing the pitter patter of tiny Harlow feet?” she asks as she leans back in the chair.
We’re sitting in the common room waiting for Logan. He’s in church, which is a Club meeting. Once he’s done there, we’re heading into town to shop. Dean’s here, but he’s at the bar talking with Weed, who seems to enjoy flirting with me more than is healthy.
If Jem catches him—
I cut that thought off dead. He’ll what?
Jem isn’t mine, and I’m not his. Good God, what am I thinking?
He’s playing with fire, though. Between Jem and my brother, Weed is setting himself up to get slugged in the face.
Beth scoffs. “Not for a while. I’m getting my business set up, and I want to enjoy my man for a bit. We’ve had ten years apart. We need to just… be us, you know?”
Liv nods. “Yeah, I know. This little one wasn’t exactly planned.” She places a hand on her baby bump. It’s only slight, but it’s clear she’s pregnant now. “I think me and Dean would have waited, given the choice, but I’m happy that we’re having our baby.”
“Just as well,” Beth says, “you’re stuck with her.”
“Or him.”
“Or him.”
“What about you, Piper? Do you want kids?” Liv asks.
I blink. “Oh. I haven’t really thought about it.”
My parents aren’t exactly the greatest role models. Children haven’t been on my agenda.
“There’s no one special in your life?”
My hands suddenly feel clammy. Do they know about Jem? Does everyone know about Jem?
“Not really,” I lie.
“Well, take it from me,” Beth says, “don’t date a biker. Overprotective, overbearing, bossy bastards.”
My guts roil. Externally, I maintain my calm, but internally, I’m freaking out. What do they know? Do they know anything? Am I reading too much into this?
Liv smiles. “You love it.”
Beth shakes her head. “I can’t even drive myself to the clubhouse without Logan needing a status report.”
The smile fades from Liv’s face. “Given recent events, I can’t say I blame him.”
“I can. That’s over and done with. Life has to go on. I’m tired of being coddled. I didn’t die. I’m here, alive, breathing, ready and raring to get on with things. I can’t do that with him hanging around my neck all day.”
“They just worry about us,” Liv says softly.
“They need to let loose on the reins a little. It’s ridiculous.”
“Can I see your ring?” I ask, wanting to break through the suddenly heavy tension mounting between the two women.
It has the desired effect because Beth holds her hand out to me, showing an enormous diamond ring. It’s gorgeous and it must have cost a fortune.
“Wow, it’s magnificent.”
“I know. I would have been fine with something a lot cheaper.”
“You’re a lucky lady. You both are.”
A feeling I’m not used to stabs at me. Jealousy. I’ve never really felt it before. I’ve lived a charmed life. I’ve never wanted for anything, besides affection, but no one in my circles got that from the people around them. Seeing love, true love, yeah, I feel jealous.
It’s amplified further when Dean saunters over and helps Liv to her feet. His hand skims over her belly with such reverence as he kisses her that I feel that stab of pain again. Could I have this with Jem? Do I want this with Jem?
“Lo just messaged. He’s leaving church now. You ready to go?”
“Ready as ever,” Beth says.
We pile out into the corridor and Logan joins us as we do, making a beeline for Beth. He tucks her straight into his side, kissing her in a way that makes my stomach dip.
“Just a heads up, Piper,” Logan says as we head towards the exit, “your brother may be in a shitty mood when you get home later.”
“Why?” I demand, wondering what they’ve done to him. Nerves run through me. Does he know about me and Jem? Logan wouldn’t be grinning if he did, would he?
“He just got made the manager of a new Club business. He’s not too happy about it.”
I have no idea what he’s talking about.
“What Club business?” Dean asks.
“A new strip club called Lace. You’ll find out about it tomorrow, I’m sure.”
Liv’s eyes flare. “Well, that sounds tacky.” She winces. “No offence.”
“That’s nicer than what Wade was thinking, I’m sure.” Logan grins.
I tune out their banter as we cross the car park, lagging slightly behind the two couples. They look so normal, so at ease, and I want that. I want it with Jem, and the longer I’m in Kingsley, the harder it becomes to deny it to myself.
But having Jem means potentially losing Josh. I can’t have both.
I need to leave town. I can have a relationship with my brother from Manchester, without being involved in the Club side of things, but I can’t do that as I am now, so involved with the Lost Saxons. Shopping for baby clothes, being friends with them… fantasising about being an old lady, it’s a dangerous path to tread.
I need to get back to my own life, my own world, and I need to forget the name Jem Harlow ever existed.
Chapter Eighteen
My decision to leave Kingsley is taken out of my hands. I’m getting ready to go out for breakfast two days later with Josh when my phone rings. A tendril of anxiety goes through me. The screen says ‘MUM CALLING’. Shit. This can’t be good. We’ve both been avoiding each other since Grant had his epic meltdown when I visited last. I consider for the briefest moment letting it go to voicemail, but dismiss this almost immediately. What if she’s in trouble? What if, despite her bravado, she is really frightened of him? Liv works at a domestic violence shelter. Maybe I could ask her if what my mother is doing is normal behaviour for a victim—not that Mum would ever allow herself to be considered a victim, but Grant did smash his palm right across her face.
Suddenly, I feel guilty as hell for being bratty about this. I spat my dummy out of the pram for her not protecting me, but maybe I should have been more understanding. She has to live in that house day-in, day-out with him.
What if she’s terrified?
What if she said what she had to in order to keep herself safe?
What if she did all that and I ran off like a bloody child?
I duck into the bedroom quickly to take the call, not wanting Josh to overhear.
“Mum?” I murmur into the handset as I sink onto the edge of the bed. “Are you all right?”
“Hello, Piper,” a male voice that is not Mum says down the line. It’s Grant.
My stomach fills with ice.
“What are you doing on Mum’s phone?”
&nb
sp; “Considering how we left things last time, I didn’t think you would answer a call from me.”
He would be right about this. “I would have thought you’d at least call to attempt an apology by now,” I mutter.
“Believe it or not, I am sorry for what happened. However, mine and your mother’s marital affairs are nothing to do with you.”
“You hit her,” I hiss at him. “And bruised me.”
“That was unfortunate.”
“Unfortunate? You really are a prick.”
“Yes, well, it seems I’m not the only one who is misbehaving in this family.” That ice in my stomach turns glacial. “I heard a funny story this morning. I was calling around some of my campaign supporters, getting a feel for who I can rely on ahead of the local elections. Imagine my surprise when I called Karl Jakobs and he offered me condolences on my family situation.”
My entire body freezes. Karl Jakobs is one of my bosses. He would, of course, offer condolences to my stepfather. He probably thinks Josh is Grant’s stepson, too, since he’s my brother.
Shit.
“Would you like to explain what is going on?”
I really would not.
“Well, that’s between me and Karl,” is my less than stellar come back.
“I’m in the middle of a campaign, Piper! Local elections are just five months away! Karl seems to be under the impression you’re with your brother, which is bizarre to me, since you don’t have one.”
I swallow bile. “I do have a brother.”
He guffaws. “No, Piper, you don’t. The only brother you have is a criminal that I know for a fact you wouldn’t be stupid enough to get embroiled with—not after last time.”
I don’t say anything for a moment. “I’m not a child, Grant. I don’t have to explain myself to you.”
It’s the wrong thing to say because he loses what little composure he has left. “Are you joking? I took you in and raised you as my own, you spoilt bitch! I paid for your education, ensured you never wanted for anything and this is the attitude you give me back? All I’ve ever asked from you is that you don’t do anything that jeopardises my reputation as a councillor, anything that could prevent me from getting re-elected every four fucking years. You running around with an outlaw motorcycle club does exactly that. What are you even doing there? Karl said you’ve been absent from work for eight bloody weeks!”
“You jeopardised your reputation when you hit my mother. Beating your wife doesn’t really fit with your holier than thou persona, does it?”
“Are you still harping on about that? Farrah’s fine. She’s forgotten about it. You should, too. And I hardly beat her. I gave her a slap, that’s all. Honestly, you’re so dramatic.”
I grind my teeth. “So, we just brush it under the carpet? Forget it happened?”
“Yes, Piper. Mistakes occur in the grown-up world. Lord knows, we’ve spent enough time having to fix yours over the years.”
His words are a kick to the gut. It always comes back to that. I’m the dirty secret in Mum’s life—the kid born outside of marriage. In their world, I might as well be the Scarlet Letter. Mum left town and came back pregnant without a man on her arm. Grant raising me as his own practically makes him a saint among his friends. He took on another man’s child without question. What a hero. I can’t count the times Grant and Mum have had to paper over the fact that I’m the stepchild, or spin a story a certain way to cover the fact I’m not his by blood.
Being born of a violent sociopath was my first mistake. My transgressions over the years continued to pile up. I was never thin enough, or smart enough, or passionate enough, or funny enough, or pretty enough. I tried hard, I really did, to live up to the unrealistic expectations set firstly by my mother and then by my stepfather when he came on the scene a little later. Camille Neville is the only reason I’m still here, standing tall. She saved my life, both mentally and physically.
I was eighteen the first time I met Josh. Cami helped me set it up. My parents had no idea. When they found out, it was too late. I’d been meeting with him in secret for years by that point and Josh had left me in the dust for the Lost Saxons.
Grant lost his mind. I could have killed his career by fraternising with a man just recently out of prison. I didn’t care. My heart was broken at losing my brother.
“I apologise if my existence is an embarrassment to you and Mum.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Come off it, Grant. That’s what you think.”
“I think you running around with a known criminal is an embarrassment.”
“He’s my brother and he was dying. I had to be here.”
“I wouldn’t have given a damn if he had died and neither should you.”
“Grant!” I gasp. “How can you say such a thing!”
“Do you know what this will do to your mother? The hurt this will cause her? She can’t even bear to hear that bastard’s name without it causing a breakdown. If she knows you’ve been staying with him for weeks…” He lets out a breath that is laced with anger. “I can’t believe you would disrespect your family like this.”
His words settle in unpleasantly. I know Curtis put her through hell, but he put Josh through worse.
“Josh is my family, too. And he’s as much a victim of Curtis Wade as Mum was.”
“That boy is nothing to you! He’s never been anything to you, Piper. He never wanted to know you. Don’t forget how he left you!”
Those words hit a little too close to my own insecurities, but I stomp them down. Josh does want to know. He’s trying. We’re getting on well, we’re rebuilding, becoming closer, trying to become siblings. It’s not been easy, but he’s making amends—even if he’s struggling. I know he pushed me away the other day, but we’re bound to have these setbacks. We’re both damaged.
Anyway, this time it’s not Josh failing. It’s me falling short. I’m lying to him by betraying him with Jem.
God…
I close my eyes and swallow back the bile crawling up my throat.
“With the greatest respect, this isn’t your business.”
He scoffs at me. “If the media finds this out, it becomes my business. You have one job in this family and that is to uphold the Hollander name.”
Ellis. Wade. Hollander. I’m pulled in three directions.
“My name is Ellis. Not Hollander. Not Ellis-Hollander. Just Ellis. And I do that. I do everything you ask of me and more, but I’m not a child, Grant, you can’t control me.”
“I think you’ll find, Piper, there’s a lot of things I can do.”
My stomach rolls unpleasantly at the bite in his tone.
“What does that mean?”
“It means you have a lot to lose by staying gone, Piper. Your mother needs you here. I need you here. So does Cami. It would be a shame if something were to happen and you weren’t here to stop it, or to help, wouldn’t it?”
I don’t miss the veiled threat in his words. It’s almost laughable to hear it coming from my stepfather’s mouth. I know he’s a man of means, and I know how important his career is to him, but despite what he did to me and Mum, he’s not this kind of person. He’s a suit and dinner jacket bloke. He wears sandals and socks together, for Christ’s sake, and thinks it’s acceptable to drink Irish Coffee only after dinner, not just because.
“What does that mean?” I demand, my voice taking a higher pitch than usual as my fear mounts.
“It means it’s time to come home,” he orders me.
“If you hurt them—”
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Piper. Honestly, these silly fantasies of yours… I’m tired of entertaining them.”
I can’t tell if I’m being paranoid or if he is actually dealing out threats. His clever words are hidden beneath friendly barbs.
“Grant—”
“I’ll be at your loft this evening. If you’re not home then, I’ll be incredibly disappointed.”
He hangs up without another word.
I should be used to Grant interfering like this. He’s always playing in my life, controlling. It’s always been this way, but I thought I had stepped out from under his thumb a little by moving into my own place with Cami, putting distance between us. Clearly, not.
I don’t know if he could hurt Cami. I have no idea if he has that capability, but I’m not willing to risk it. Cami’s in Manchester alone, with no one to protect her.
I nibble on my thumbnail, my brain whirling. Shit. I can’t exactly tell Josh what’s going on. What would I tell him anyway? I may or may not have just been threatened? I don’t even know if that’s what Grant did. It was all so vague. Besides, I don’t imagine my brother will handle this situation with any sense of subtly. What do motorcycle clubs do to people who threaten ‘family’? I suspect it isn’t pleasant.
I need to go home. I need to protect Cami and I need to protect my mother—even though she may be less inclined to allow it. She’s under whatever spell Grant has over her, but I won’t leave her vulnerable either. Oh God, how in the heck do I explain just leaving suddenly to my brother without looking suspect or drawing questions?
On autopilot, I grab my bag and head out of the bedroom. Josh is waiting in the living area.
“You ready?” he asks, his kutte on his back.
He looks almost happy—well, as happy as Joshua Wade can be. I chew the inside of my cheek, my guts burning with acid. I’m not ready. I don’t want to leave. We’re just starting to get to know each other, and whatever I tell him as to why I’m suddenly departing he’s going to be hurt.
“Josh?”
He meets my gaze. “Yeah?”
I’m leaving…
The words sit on my tongue. Spit them out Piper. Spit them out.
I can’t. I can’t say them.
“Thank you.”
God. It’s not what I meant to say at all, but I can’t tell him I’m leaving. Cowardly, absolutely, but I can’t.
“What for?”
“The last two months. It’s meant so much getting to know you again.”
He shifts uncomfortably, his hand going to the back of his neck. He’s not great at doing the heart-to-heart stuff.
Forbidden Rider: A Lost Saxons Novel #5 Page 22
