I glare at her. “You don’t have to leave.”
Traitorous mare.
She grins at me. “You’ll be fine. Work it out, P.” Then under her breath, she says, “He calls you angel. Work it out.” A beam crosses her face as she raises her voice to add, “It was nice to meet you, Jem.”
“Yeah, you too, sweetheart,” he says, but his eyes stay locked on me.
Cami leaves, firing a smile at me that is mostly a wince. I could kill her. Jem steps inside the loft fully, shutting the front door behind her, locking us both inside.
Oddly, this makes the usually airy, open space feel small and claustrophobic. Heart racing, I watch him, waiting for him to move, to act, to say something. My stomach is dancing as the seconds crawl and the silence lingers between us.
Finally, he says, “You left.”
“Yes,” I say on a breath.
“Without a word.”
“Yes,” I repeat.
His brow gets heavy. “You didn’t think you owed me anything? A goodbye maybe?”
Unease prickles through me, and the desire to explain sits on my tongue, but I push it away. I can’t tell him, even though Cami thinks I should. It’ll cause a fallout I won’t be able to control.
“I’m sorry,” is the pathetic response I give him.
He huffs out a breath, his hands dropping to his jean-clad hips. He looks handsome, standing there in his leather riding jacket, his blond hair swept back from his face, clearly as if he’s pushed his fingers through it after pulling his helmet off. His entire body seems wired beneath the easy stance he’s trying to portray.
“Sorry? Well, all right then. That makes it better.”
The sarcasm dripping off his words makes me cringe, but I sally forth with my stance. I’ve started walking this path, so I’m committed to it. I hate Grant for making me into this person—the one who has clearly hurt Jem. I didn’t think it would be possible to hurt a man as big and brawn as him, but I can see it in the tightness of his shoulders and the way his mouth is pinched at the corners. It doesn’t sit right with me that I’ve caused this.
“Jem, it’s not like we’re dating or together,” I say as softly as I can. “I didn’t owe you an explanation.”
The hardness in his eyes makes my throat clog. “Right. We fucked. That’s all I’m good for, yeah? Just a bit of rough and tumble? I’m just a dirty biker, nothing more.”
Pain lances through my chest at the look in his face. I don’t want him to think he’s not good enough. I don’t think this at all. If anything, I’m the one who is beneath him. I suffer from many terrible weaknesses of character: pride and cowardice are at the top of the list.
“Don’t put words in my mouth.”
“That’s what you mean, though. I’m good for a lay, and that’s all.”
“It’s not what I mean.”
“Oh, come off it, Piper. You came to Kingsley hating the Club, hating everything it stood for. So, what was I? A taste of rough? A walk on the wild side. Something to brag to your friends about?”
His words pierce my chest like ice picks. Does he think I’m that shallow? That I would use him for that kind of purpose?
“Don’t be an arse! Of course not. I don’t care about bragging rights, and I’m not here for a ‘taste of rough’—whatever that means.” I cock my head slightly. “But I can’t deny I didn’t hate the Club when I first arrived in Kingsley, I did, but you knew that and still pursued me. If you knew that and it’s such a problem then why did you kiss me, why did you sleep with me?”
Why did you make me want you…?
“Because I saw the real you beneath the front.”
“Exactly, Jem. When I’m with you, I don’t care about the Club or Josh or Manchester or anything. Everything disappears but you!”
“Then why’d you leave without a word, Piper?”
I sigh.
Because my stepfather threatened to hurt me and my best friend…
The words sit on my tongue. I thrust them down as I wrap my arms around my middle, pulling the second part of my reasoning out of the bag.
“I couldn’t exactly ask Josh if we could stop by your place before I left, so I could kiss my secret affair goodbye, could I?”
His lip curls and I’m not sure which part of my statement bothers him. I surmise it’s the ‘secret affair’ part. I doubt Jem is thrilled about being anyone’s clandestine bit on the side.
“Why not?”
I give him a dark look. “Why do you think?”
He pushes his fingers through his hair. “I’m getting tired of sneaking around.”
“Me too, which is why I left the way I did.” I close my eyes. “Don’t you see? This can’t work between us. We have to stop before someone gets hurt.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s too hard.” My voice sounds ragged.
“Anything worthwhile is hard.”
I let out a small scoffing sound. “I’m not worthwhile, Jem, believe me.”
“The fact you believe that, and actually believe that, worries me more than you can imagine.”
He moves into my orbit, his heat searing against me, and cups my face. I need to move away because letting him touch me is a recipe for disaster. I can already feel my walls coming down, my resolve weakening. When it comes to him, I have no willpower. I can’t resist him. He’s my only vulnerability, and I don’t understand it. He is the antithesis of everything I am. He’s part of a criminal gang, he’s the consummate bad boy, while I’m a holier-than-thou choirgirl. And he’s off limits, forbidden in every way imaginable. Yet, this makes him all the more desirable. Do I want him because of this? I don’t think so. Underneath the kutte, the Club, everything else, Jem is just a man, and it’s the man I want. He’s funny, smart—too smart at times. He ties me in knots with that clever mouth of his and I like that. He challenges me, questions me, pushes me. He makes me question myself.
“Jem…” His name is a plea on my lips—to let go of my face, to pull me closer, I don’t know which.
He gazes down, his large frame looming over me. He’s so big, so overwhelmingly big. I should be frightened of his bulk, but I’m not. I’m not scared of his size, of his criminality, of my brother finding out. Not in this moment. What I am scared of is what I feel for him. I’ve never experienced this depth of emotion for anyone before. It’s like I can’t breathe when I’m with him and then I can’t breathe when I’m without him.
Jem gives me a half-lift of his mouth, like he knows he’s vaulted over my wall, and has won this battle. One of his hands moves from my cheek to my neck, collaring my nape as he sweeps his lips over mine. I’m so weak because I don’t stop him, even though I should. My hands sneak under the waistband of his jacket, and I grip the leather tightly as his tongue slides in past my teeth. It’s a fevered exploration, one that shows urgency on both our parts to reconnect. My greedy body presses against his, feeling the hard edges of his body as I melt into him.
“Angel…” He gulps air as he draws back from my mouth, his forehead resting against mine. “What are you doing to me?”
I pant too, my lungs struggling to refill.
“I don’t know, but you’re doing it to me too,” I admit, and I hate myself for giving into my desire to have him.
“I am?” He rubs his hands up my arms.
“Yes. I’m not completely unfeeling, Jem.”
“No, you feel too much, which is the problem. You consider everyone but yourself and what you want.” He lets out a long, frustrated breath. “I’m pissed as hell you left town without a word.”
“If you’re so mad, then why are you here?”
He smiles stupidly.
“Because when I’m pissed off I do really daft things, like get on my bike and travel across the country to tell you how mad I am. I’m a spur of the moment kind of guy.”
I find myself matching his expression, albeit a little coyly. “I can believe that.”
Pulling out of my grip a little, he gla
nces around the loft. “So, this is your place?”
“Yeah, this is mine and Cami’s home.”
His eyes are everywhere, taking in my things, my life. Interest blazes in his gaze.
“Jesus fucking shit, this is the tidiest place I’ve ever been in.”
I snort. “I’m sure it’s not.”
“Angel, there’s not a speck of dust or an ornament out of place.” He doesn’t let me go as he turns to run a fingertip along the top of the console table to check.
I am unusually neat, I suppose. Cami isn’t, but she’s learnt to pick up after herself to keep me from freaking out. “There’s nothing wrong with being organised, Jem.”
“Personally, I’m a fan of chaos. There’s a certain artistry to it.”
I roll my eyes as I keep my arms around his waist. “Of course you are.”
He smiles down at me. “I like chaos in most aspects of my life, Piper, but not this. Not with us.”
Us… such a small word that holds so much weight. Is there an ‘us’? Can there ever be an us? Do I want there to be?
“I can’t give you what you’re asking for.” My voice is quiet, but I may as well have shouted it.
“Not yet,” he agrees.
“Maybe not ever.” The warning is clear, but he doesn’t heed it. I can tell by how soft his face is when he brushes my hair back behind my ear.
“You’re scared, angel, and it’s okay to be scared, but it’s not okay to let fear hold you back from living your life.”
I stare at him. “Don’t go all fortune cookie on me now.”
“You bring this out in me. I’m not like this with anyone else.”
I dip my chin, trying to get control of my feelings, of myself, and when I raise my head again, I feel strengthened.
“I am scared, you’re right. I’m so scared of what happens next.” And that’s the truth. I’m freaking out. “For you, this is easy. If things go wrong, you lose nothing. You still have your family, your friends. Me? I lose everything. I lose Josh. He’s all I have.”
His head tilts to the side. “You think the stakes aren’t high for me here? This could cause a shit storm in the Club. Wade’s made it fucking clear he doesn’t want any brothers near you. That makes what I’m doing all kinds of shitty, but I wouldn’t have touched you if I wasn’t willing to go the distance, Piper. I’m in this for the long haul. I want to see where this goes between us. I’ve never been with anyone like you before. You woke me up.”
I think I understand because he did the same to me. Before, I was going through the motions of life, but when I’m with him, everything feels different.
I let his words settle warmly in my belly, but I try not to focus on what they mean. It gives me hope, and I’m not sure I can allow myself to have hope I can have Jem, my brother and the fairy tale ending where everything works out in the end. Things generally don’t go that way for me.
“I think you don’t lose a brother if things go sideways.”
Jem lets out a gruff snort. “Wade finds out I’m fucking his sister and thinks I’m not doing it with good intentions, do you think that ends well for me?”
I shift my shoulders. “I don’t know. I don’t know how your Club rules of brotherhood work, but I’m guessing you don’t get disowned and sent back to Manchester as if you never existed.”
“And neither will you. But you’re wrong about Wade going easy on me. You, he’ll forgive. Me, he’ll string up by my bollocks for even looking at you. For tasting you, for touching you, he’s going to do worse.”
My vision swims. “He’ll hurt you for being with me?”
Jem grins. “He’ll try.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt, and I don’t want you to fight with Josh either.”
“If he stays out of my business, we won’t have a problem,” is his flippant response.
“Jem—”
“It’ll be fine. Wade’ll be pissed off, but he’ll get over it. He’ll have no choice because honestly, I can’t give you up. Not for him, not for anyone. And I don’t know if what we have will work, Piper. Despite all my fucking bravado, I’m not an oracle. I can’t see the future, but I do know when I’m with you, things feel better. You fill a hole inside me that I didn’t know I had.”
My belly flutters. All my fears about prisons and hospitals and shootings melt away. In this moment, I don’t care. I would walk through hell to be with him. When I’m with him, none of that seems to matter.
“I feel it too, but again, we barely know each other.”
He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles and my stomach dips pleasantly.
“So, let’s fucking change that. This isn’t a fling for me. You’re not a one-time thing. I wish to fuck you were. It would make this shit a lot easier if I could just walk away.”
His words surprise me, but I don’t get a chance to question him as his hand moves to my breast, cupping it. My breath catches as he rubs through my clothes.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are, but it stops now. No more running. Knowing you left without me, it felt like you took a piece of me with you,” he says into my ear.
Crushing shame steals my breath. I hurt him by leaving the way I did. I didn’t think about it. We’ve only been together a few times, I didn’t think I mattered that much to him, but clearly, I was wrong.
“No more running,” I agree.
“Angel, I think we have something good here, something better than good. I know you’re scared. I’m scared too, but forget everyone else. Just focus on you and me, and let’s just see where this goes, okay?”
“Keep lying, you mean?”
He moves his hand from my breast to sweep his thumb over the apple of my cheek. “The minute we tell people there is an us, it’s going to become about your brother, my family and the Club. We’ll get dragged into the drama of it all, babe, we’ll get lost in their shit. Let’s just see where this goes between us, if it’s even going to go anywhere, before we shake the apples loose of the cart. I don’t like keeping it from the people who matter to us, but yeah, angel, I think we keep lying.”
Since I really have no inclination to come clean to Josh, I say, “Okay.”
He studies me for a moment. “I don’t know what the fuck to do with you, Piper.”
Pushing his hair out of his face, I roll to my toes and kiss him. Then I whisper, “Fuck me.”
His lips curve. “Is that all I am to you? You just want me for my body. I feel so used. So cheapened.”
“Absolutely. Come to bed with me.”
I take his hand and give him a tug. He doesn’t resist, so I lead him up the stairs to my room.
“Angel, aren’t you at least going to buy me dinner first?” he says from behind me, his hands going to my hips as we traverse the open steps.
Architecturally, they’re amazing and one of the things I love about the loft. Right now, I love them because it means Jem’s hands are on me, steadying me.
“Stop talking, Jem.”
“I love when you’re bossy.”
I barely get him into the bedroom and the door shut when he pushes me against the wall and attacks my mouth. His hand goes under my top, skimming up the skin of my spine as he works my mouth.
Clearly, despite his words, he prefers to be in control.
Between kisses, we both divest each other of our clothes until I’m left only in my bra and a pair of lacy black knickers, him in his boxers.
Jem makes a sound of appreciation in his throat before his hand roams to my bum cheeks.
“I love these, angel. Very pretty.”
He drags the lace down my legs, pulling them off and dropping them to the floor. Then he lays me back on the bed. Instinctively, I widen my thighs as he moves over me, dipping his fingers into my wetness and running them through my slit before pushing one inside, the second following a moment later. I suck in a breath as my body remembers him and yearns for him. I tremble with anticipation as he drops his mouth to my clit and licks over
the nub.
I nearly stop breathing.
The man is a genius with his tongue. He swirls and laps and licks, even as he moves his fingers inside me. I cling to his shoulders, digging my nails into his flesh until I’m sure I must be bruising and marking him. He doesn’t say anything or try to stop me, though. He just continues his unrelenting pace.
“Jem…” I whimper, trying to regulate my breathing and failing. I’m a ragged, panting mess.
He lashes his tongue over me again, and my thighs quiver as I feel my orgasm starting to build. He alternates between soft and hard, and the dual sensations are heady and push me to the brink only to drop me back down. When I finally go over the edge, I do it biting my lip and trying to swallow my moans.
Jem doesn’t allow me any respite, he removes the rest of his clothes and pulls a condom from his jeans, pooled on the floor. I watch as he rolls it down his length and then he’s on me. He doesn’t fuck me as I asked him to. This is different. This is different from the past two times we’ve been together as well. There’s a deeper connection than before, a blazing passion I haven’t felt. I stare into his eyes as he fills me with quick strokes that have my orgasm rebuilding fast.
I’m so close already to that edge, teetering over it. He doesn’t let me fall though. He turns me onto my stomach and drags my bum into the air and slams into me from behind, his arm locked around my waist to keep me in place as he pushes impossibly deep into my pussy. I try to stay on all fours for him and rear back to meet him, but I fall onto my elbows, my face going into the covers as I let out little whimpers. I’m no longer in command of my body. All I can do is take what he offers and what he offers is spectacular.
I feel his hand run up my spine as he continues to circle his hips in and out of me. White dots spill in my eyes as my pussy contracts around his thickening cock. I’m so close again to falling over the edge of pleasure as the scrape of pain rushes through his rough actions. He’s unrelenting, unforgiving, and I want him harder and deeper.
Forbidden Rider: A Lost Saxons Novel #5 Page 25
