Rebecca nodded approval. She’d seen computers in the library and in businesses and knew what a website was. Rebecca was intrigued by the Internet and the tons of information it provided.
“Okay. We’re confident in his doctor.”
A long silence ensued as they walked. The midday heat made tar bubble on the narrow blacktop road, and they stepped to the side to avoid getting sticky black stuff on their shoes. The smell of freshly mowed grass in the ditches reminded Rebecca of home. An ache filled her gut.
Rebecca’s brain cells worked in high gear as she struggled to remember everything she could about her cousin’s hospital stay. She recalled a nurse saying something about a patient’s attitude being the most important factor during the healing process.
The tone of her voice was etched with a newfound enthusiasm. “Beth, we have to find away to help you deal with your stress. It can cause illness. Right now, Daniel needs you. He can’t afford for something to happen to you. Besides, if you’re worried, Daniel will know. I’m sure he senses your concern.”
“True.”
“If you’re certain he’ll get well, he’ll pick up on that. When we visited my cousin in intensive care, one of the doctors told Mamma that a person’s recovery can be affected by their mental attitude. The power the mind has over the body is amazing.”
The tense expression on Beth’s face finally relaxed a little, and Rebecca was relieved their conversation might finally produce results. A gentle breeze caressed Rebecca’s face. For a moment, she lifted her chin to enjoy the feel of the warm air.
“Your mother must surely be one special lady. I’d like to meet her.”
Rebecca smiled. “I’d like that too, Beth. I’m sure the two of you would be instant friends.”
Beth gave a friendly nudge to Rebecca’s arm. “She must be proud of you. There’s nothing that makes a mom happier than raising a thoughtful child.”
Rebecca’s heart warmed at that thought. “I think so. But she worries about me, too.”
Beth’s eyes filled with surprise.
Rebecca grinned. “She’s always told me I’m too bold. For an Amish girl, that is.”
“Is that bad?”
“I’m not sure. I try to please my parents. At the same time, I like to think for myself and make my own decisions. Sometimes, it’s hard to do both … if you know what I mean. I think the best thing for Daniel is to pray and have faith he’ll get well. Start making plans so he’ll have something to look forward to. What’s most important to him?”
“Umm … Let me think.” Long moments passed as they walked side by side. A mosquito buzzed in front of Rebecca’s face, and she swatted it away. The hot, muggy air seemed to stand still until a comfortable breeze fanned Rebecca’s eyelashes.
She turned to Beth. “What are his hobbies?”
“That’s a tough one.”
“He doesn’t have a pastime?”
“Daniel’s such a hard worker, he hasn’t had much energy for other things.”
“But if he had a vacation, what would he do?”
Beth laughed a little. “That’s easy. Fish. When he was a kid, he did it all the time. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he subscribes to every fly-fishing magazine that exists.”
“That’s a man thing.”
“Mm-hmm. He pours over and over those pages. Fishing is his number-one passion, I think.” Beth paused and in a more serious tone said, “But his first love is William.” Her voice cracked with emotion.
“William?” Rebecca couldn’t hide her surprise.
Beth hesitated. “You don’t believe me, do you?”
Before Rebecca could respond, Beth went on. “And I don’t blame you. After all, why would you think William was the most important part of Daniel’s life when he left him with his aunt and uncle?”
“Are you sure he loves William so much?”
“I couldn’t be more certain.”
As Rebecca walked, swinging her arms, she digested what Beth had told her and recalled her last conversation with William about Daniel.
Beth said, “I never realized the deep pain Daniel has carried over the years at leaving William behind. No doubt, it was a difficult choice; I just didn’t know how much he agonized over it.”
After a brief hesitation, she continued. “I thought he was comfortable leaving William with his aunt and uncle. That way, William stayed Amish. And Daniel did what he was sure Miriam would have wanted. It seemed like a win-win situation … until two years ago. That’s when he began expressing huge regrets about leaving William behind. Daniel had nightmares. I think he harbored the pain inside so long, he finally couldn’t stand it. I wish I had known what he was going through. Now he suffers terrible guilt for not having raised William.”
Rebecca spoke in a soft voice. “Of course, it must haunt him. After all, William’s his own flesh and blood. But if Daniel loves William as much as you’re saying, why doesn’t he show it?”
As Rebecca and Beth increased their pace, Rebecca caught her breath. Sometimes she thought that sporting shorts and a tank top would be a nice change to her long dress.
“In his own way, he tries. But Daniel isn’t a good communicator, Rebecca. He keeps things to himself. That’s the way he is. But he has a heart the size of the State of Texas.”
Beth stopped and turned to her. Rebecca put a hand on her hip, and Beth went on in a defensive tone. “Did you know that I offered to adopt William?”
Rebecca shook her head in surprise.
“But Daniel was so adamant about him being Amish. Because of William’s mother.”
As if on cue, they started walking again. A long silence ensued before Rebecca responded. “You can’t blame yourself, Beth. It was Daniel’s decision. But he loved you. And he loved William enough to do what was best for him. It must have been terribly difficult to know what to do. When you think about it, there wasn’t a perfect solution. When Daniel recovers, I wish he’d have a heart-to-heart with William.”
Beth rolled her eyes. “Like I said, Daniel isn’t the best communicator.”
“But it’s important to explain his actions to William. Urge him to do it, Beth. It’s the only way the two of them have a chance to be close. William regrets not growing up with Daniel. From the day he left William with his aunt and uncle, William resented Daniel … but when we came here, I finally realized how deep his feelings really went. To be honest, William didn’t discuss it much until we moved in with you.”
“What kind of regrets?”
“He feels abandoned. Surely you can understand why. I mean, he was so young when his mom died. That’s a lot for any kid to deal with. To make things worse, less than a year later, Daniel left.”
Rebecca gave a sad shake of her head. “I can’t even begin to imagine the suffering William went through. His faith is strong. So is his determination. But even for the toughest person, losing a mother and a father … that’s an awful lot to cope with.”
“It is. Oh dear. And to think that I’m responsible.” Her voice cracked with emotion. “I feel awful.”
Rebecca let out a deep sigh. “On one hand, he loves Daniel and seeks his approval. On the other, he resents his dad for not raising him. He’s sure that his mother never dreamed his dad would leave him. I have no doubt that Miriam had planned for William to grow up Amish, but because of the circumstances, Daniel probably should have taken him.”
“I agree. But how can we fix it?”
Rebecca pressed her lips together and considered the question. Beth wanted to help William be close to Daniel. That realization prompted a new hope in Rebecca.
She thought out loud. “We can’t change what happened. What’s done is done. Like they say, hindsight’s twenty-twenty. At this point, their relationship can probably never be perfect. But there’s got to be a way to bridge the gap.”
“I hope so. We would have raised William if Daniel hadn’t felt such tremendous obligation to his late wife.”
“But wasn’t raising
William Amish important to Daniel, too?”
Beth shrugged.
“Obviously, Miriam didn’t consider Daniel remarrying outside of the faith.”
“I’m sure she didn’t.” Beth held up a hand in defense. “Don’t get me wrong. Daniel’s a good man. But despite his strict Amish upbringing, he’s very open and accepting of other religions. To be honest, I don’t think all of the picky details of living Amish are important to him.” Beth took a deep breath and put her hand over her mouth as if to unsay what she’d said. “I’m sorry, Rebecca. I didn’t mean it to come out that way. What I meant was that to Daniel, it’s a person’s heart that counts. Not whether or not he uses electricity.” She let out a sigh. “Do you get what I mean?”
“Of course. Daniel must have known that marrying you would cause controversy. The Amish are good people. They’re also cut-and-dried about their way of living. They don’t make exceptions to the rules.”
“Don’t I know it. Being shunned used to bother Daniel a lot. Especially when we were first married. But time heals all wounds. I really think he’s moved past that. If only we can mend his relationship with William … I’ll be so happy.”
Rebecca smiled a little. “I’m glad you’re with me on that one. With the two of us working to bond them, we’re bound to succeed.” She stopped to consider the situation. “To be honest, I’m glad I had the opportunity to grow up with William and to love him. It’s hard to imagine life without him. At the same time, I regret what he’s gone through.”
“Me too. I carry such huge guilt, Rebecca.” She paused. “Please pray that God will forgive me.”
Rebecca squeezed Beth’s hand. “You can’t take all of the responsibility for what happened.”
Rebecca ran her fingers over her damp forehead. The temperature had risen since they’d started their walk. She thought of how good it would feel to remove her kapp and tie her hair up in a ponytail.
When a breeze finally fanned her face, she closed her eyes a moment in relief. When she opened them, her thoughts drifted back to the situation between William, Daniel, and Beth.
She felt sorry for all three. When Daniel had fallen in love with Beth, he had faced a no-win situation. Either he gave up Beth, or he left William. With the strict Amish rules, he couldn’t have both. In the end, William got the short end of the stick.
“Oh, Rebecca. If only life were easy.”
“It’s never perfect, is it? But let’s plan that fishing trip for Daniel. It might give him the positive outlook he needs to recover. I’m sure I won’t have trouble convincing William to go. If Daniel thinks about something so wonderful, how on earth can he not recover?”
Beth’s eyes sparkled with joy as she let out a sigh of relief. “Rebecca, you’re a special girl. You’re wise beyond your age. And kind. I think you could do whatever you set out to do. You’d make a marvelous teacher. Or counselor.”
“I’ve learned a lot from my friend, Old Sam. I’ll tell you about him some time.” Rebecca put a firm hand on her hip. “As far as being a professional, that’s not likely to happen. I’m expected to continue the family business.”
“The woodworking shop?”
“Yeah.”
Beth raised a skeptical brow. “Just out of curiosity, though, let’s imagine that you could be whatever you wanted.” She touched Rebecca’s arm. “What would you choose?”
Rebecca thought a moment and frowned. She wasn’t crazy about their subject. Imagining things that could never materialize would only lead to disappointment down the road. Rebecca didn’t have the option to do what she wanted to. So why go there?
She tried to be realistic. It was much simpler to accept life as it was. If she accepted what was within her reach, she’d be happier. And she preferred it that way.
She glanced at Beth and realized that Beth awaited an answer; her eyes sparkled with hope and excitement.
“Think about it, Rebecca. Imagine the world at your doorstep.”
Beth’s excitement was contagious. It didn’t take Rebecca long to inhale a hopeful breath and allow her mind to wander.
If she had the freedom to do anything … She pictured herself as a nurse. A teacher. Even a businesswoman. The last thought prompted a grin.
She wondered how her parents would react if they saw her with a briefcase. She pictured herself in a knee-length skirt and dress jacket. She suddenly wondered how she’d look sporting a short, professional haircut.
“I’ve never told anyone this … not even William. In fact, I’m not sure it’s a good idea to even think that …”
Beth nudged her. “What, Rebecca?”
She threw Beth a hopeful glance and giggled. “I’d love to have a floral shop.”
“Oh, Rebecca. That would be wonderful! You must really love plants.”
Rebecca lifted her gaze to the sky. “My favorites are purple irises. And nothing in the world can match the exotic smell of gardenias.” Looking down at the road, she clasped her hands in front of her.
She darted Beth a helpless look and lowered her voice. “But it won’t happen, Beth.”
“Not if you don’t let it.”
They continued in silence. Relieved that the subject had been dropped, Rebecca relaxed a little. A rabbit darted in front of them. They stopped a moment and laughed.
As soon as the road began to veer to the right, they turned around. Rebecca considered their conversation. Even if her dream never materialized, it had been fun talking about it. When she had confessed her idea, it hadn’t really sounded unrealistic. Could she dare hope?
She breathed in the smell of freshly mowed grass. Large white fluffy clouds hovered protectively in the sky.
As she took in the cornfields on both sides, she thought of home. She enjoyed doing the family garden. The fresh smell of tomato vines when she picked the ripe vegetables.
She yearned for her mamma’s love and reassurance. The sense of belonging and acceptance—the feeling that whatever happened, she’d be okay. She missed talking with Old Sam.
But there were other important things to tend to. Daniel. William. And Beth. The anonymous note. At the thought of the warning, Rebecca’s heart pumped a little harder. Although she had no proof Natalie had written it, common sense told Rebecca that was the case.
She had been taught to give others the benefit of the doubt. She wasn’t proud of herself for believing Natalie was guilty without proof. But Henry’s daughter had definitely made her feelings about Rebecca clear, as well as her interest in William. Would Natalie actually harm her?
She yearned to tell Beth about the message. She’d love to confide how worried she was. Her fears of losing William, and about William changing. But how could she dump her problems on a woman who faced losing her husband?
There must be another way to get information about Natalie. To learn a bit about the girl who liked William.
Rebecca slowed her pace. At the same time, they moved to the side of the road and waved to a man passing on a green John Deere tractor. All Rebecca could hear was the loud noise of the machine’s engine. When it was finally in front of them, they moved back to the center of the road.
The noise finally evaporated, and Rebecca decided to pursue the subject on her mind. “Beth, do you know Natalie well?”
Beth’s voice was edged with curiosity. “Henry’s daughter?”
Rebecca nodded.
“Just bits and pieces about her. She’s an only child. Her mother tried for years to have children. Finally, Natalie came along. Her parents adore her. From what I hear, the sun rises and sets on the girl. She owns everything from a new car to a closet full of designer handbags. She’s even traveled all over Europe.”
Rebecca realized how different she and Natalie were. Rebecca didn’t own a designer purse. And she’d never even driven a vehicle, let alone owned one. And Europe? Rebecca couldn’t begin to imagine flying to another country. Or even flying.
“You must have met her,” Beth said.
“Yes.” After
a slight hesitation, Rebecca went on to confess her concerns about Natalie’s interest in William. Afterwards, she threw her hands in the air in a helpless gesture.
Beth thought a moment. “It must be disconcerting when another woman goes after your man.” She paused. “But you know what?”
“What?”
“I wouldn’t worry about William. He’s totally smitten by you, Rebecca. It’s so obvious.”
Rebecca’s spirits rose. “What makes you say that?”
“His eyes light up when you’re around. And the tone of his voice lifts several notches when he talks about you.”
“Really?”
Beth nodded. “Natalie could never steal William from you, even if she tried.” Beth cleared her throat. “Just between the two of us, I think that Natalie would be a tough girl to please. I’ve never had children, so I can’t speak from experience. But I don’t think it’s a good idea to set unrealistic expectations.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’d want my kids to have a nice life, but it’s important for them to also take on an honest view of the world. I understand why Natalie’s parents spoil her; they do it out of love. No doubt about it. But, Rebecca, when you have everything, what is there to work for?”
Rebecca shrugged. “Good question.”
“It’s important to make your own way. Or at least to know how to do it.”
Beth let out a small breath before continuing. “In this world, you have to prepare yourself for the ‘what ifs.’ Even when the world’s at your doorstep, things happen. Without warning, life changes like night and day. You’ve got to roll with the punches. Otherwise, you won’t be able to fight the battles. Just look at me. I had it all. Then Daniel suffered a massive heart attack, and those wonderful material things couldn’t help me. My perfect world did a flip-flop.”
She let out a painful moan and gave Rebecca a friendly nudge. “Just listen to me rattle on. I’m not usually this talkative. But Daniel’s touch-and-go condition has forced me to take a deeper look at things and see their real worth.”
Rebecca nodded in acceptance. “It’s okay to talk about it. In fact, it’s probably good therapy. I wish I could make things better.”
Rebecca's Bouquet Page 6
