“Thank you, Richard. But the credit all goes to the director.” I smiled.
Now it was my turn to speak. This was how it went at a celebration. I must now thank everyone who created me and were here to celebrate my accomplishments and their contribution to my success. I must now thank the people who loved me, who would now have to stand by my side helplessly as I suffered through brain surgery and uncertainty. What could I say that would not sound bitter? What could I say that expressed the love I felt for everyone, including the spiders?
“Thank you all for coming and supporting me. It means a lot to me,” I smiled and paused, not knowing where to begin.
“A lot has changed since January. I think I should share with you all what has transpired because there’ll be a lot of gossip and questions coming out. You are family, I love you all, so you should know.” Michelle, Ira and Richard all looked at each other, scared. This confirmed my suspicion. They all were in on it. I smiled at Michelle to communicate that I would not be telling the whole truth. She looked relieved and smiled back.
I had a more important role in Hollywood than I had thought four long months ago. I thought I could quit acting, end the chaos that was my life, and embrace some modest life in Montana. In four quick months I learned that dream was impossible. My only fear then was that I would disappoint people and that Michelle would be mad at me. Now that fear seemed childish.
The people who loved me shaped me into an actor and made their choices permanent by giving me x-nib. I became a product when they chose to create the “Muse” project, a product that may never grow old. I saw it in their faces. I knew that I would continue to produce until the audience tired of me. If I didn’t, I let down my family: Michelle, Ira, and Richard. And I could handle acting now that I had Manuel, now that I had matured. I had grown up. Now in May, I understood that life was much more complex than I thought it was in January.
I regarded all the faces in the room. I nodded to Beth who I invited out of respect for Manuel. She was sitting with Evan, a man I loved but couldn’t rely on. If I hadn’t taken x-nib, we would have still worked together and fallen in love. I would have shown him my love. We’d be dating. Manny would be dating Kate. Byron…I probably would have slept with Byron. Maybe not.
I looked at Renee and Elise, both women hardened by sin and empty promises. I looked at Franz, Sage and Attila, my trusted employees. I looked at my beautiful mother and her co-producers. I wondered how soon Michelle would die from x-nib. I wondered what the hell my aunt was wearing. Then I smiled at Celia, Tom, Carlos and Liz, and Beth’s parents. I noticed how truly beautiful Beth’s mom was and felt sorry that she lived the consequence of believing in the industry’s empty promises.
My heart swelled when Manuel’s eyes met mine. I smiled and chuckled to myself thinking ‘it is what it is.’ I may have suffered, bad things certainly happened, but out of the bad I realized that I am more than my past mistakes.
Then it hit me—hard. I was more than a product. God is here for the good and bad and brought me my guardian. God gave me both power and Manuel to influence and change the Hollywood web.
I looked at Manuel again and spoke, “As you know, Manuel and I had a great time at prom and I’m very much in love with my boyfriend and hope to marry him soon. This time, there’s no pregnancy scare, just total love and my overwhelming fear that I’ll lose him.”
Everyone looked puzzled.
“I also terminated my existing contracts with my agent, lawyer, studio and publicist, so that’s why they’re not here. Please don’t worry. You all still have your jobs because I’ll continue to be Muse.”
“But Marie, you’re so incredibly talented,” Sage interrupted. I was surprised she didn’t know. If she didn’t know, then many there would not have known.
“Thanks. I know I’m good at acting and great with scripts. I know that I’m disappointing some of you, but I need to figure out how I want my acting career to proceed.” I looked at Manuel and Dad. It was nice to see them smiling. “I want to change Hollywood and with your support, I think we can.” I looked around the room, gauging people’s reactions to anarchy. Most didn’t know what I was talking about.
“There’s more. I have a tumor on my pituitary gland that is going to be removed next week. The tumor caused the gland to stop functioning as it should. I look so young because it stopped producing growth hormone. I’m pretty scared about the brain surgery but I’m more scared about what would happen if I don’t have the surgery. What I have is called hypopituitarism, and the headaches I’ve had were from the tumor. Hopefully, the doctor will remove it, and I’ll finally be able to grow up.”
I smiled and nodded to Michelle to have her rescue me. I was done. My eyes watered but I did not lose it like I had the night before. I sat down and held Manuel’s hand while Michelle started talking. She answered everyone’s questions.
I saw Evan look at his phone, surely Googling hypopituitarism. In the next moment, Evan darted out of his seat and embraced me.
I knew what he learned. I learned it, too. Neither one of us would ever participate in our own exploitation again. We would never cave to the changing whims of fans and social media. We would stay true-to-ourselves to protect our ‘self’ and never again live a lie to fill seats in theaters.
He whispered, “I’m sorry I thought like your mom.”
~ | ~ THE FILLY
At the end of the night, Manuel and I were snuggling into each other while we listened to Ira’s story about how he transitioned from producing music videos to owning a huge independent motion picture production studio. It was all about money. He got a big investment and went for it on Left to Die. His start was my start, and Michelle’s re-start. I cursed that investment money.
“Hey kids, can we have a minute with you both?” Dad asked. Celia excused herself from a conversation and stepped to Dad’s side, holding his hand. She was smiling beautifully.
“We are so proud of both of you,” Celia praised. “Thank you Manuel for loving Lia. Your support and presence in her life has helped her be strong and to become a new woman. Lia, we are so proud of you and love to be witness to your positive transformation.”
Dad added, smiling, “I noticed that you both wear half of a heart that together you both make whole. You unite the guardian and the angel. We want you to know that we think that it’s very sweet, wise, and very precious.”
Celia presented me with a jewelry box. “Lia, Tom wanted to add this to your half of the heart.”
I opened the box. They gave me a lovely pendant of a horse.
Dad explained, “The horse represents freedom of movement, safe running with sure footing, and ability to overcome adversity. Just as your tribe and the Flathead Nation has endured oppression, your spirits will guide you. Together with the strength from your Guardian Angel, you will get through this, my filly.”
Manuel took off my guardian necklace, added the filly to it, and clasped it back around my neck. I hugged him, Celia, and Dad.
“Thanks for my tattooed heart, Manuel, and for my totem, Dad. Thanks for supporting me through this. I love you all. Thanks for loving every piece of me.”
~ | ~ buenos sueños ~ | ~
~ | ~ Many Thanks ~ | ~
I truly appreciate all those who helped me write the Intentions novels. In particular, I'd like to thank the following:
Those who have inspired me: Ben, Kaylin and Carson Hanna, Richard, Terrie and Dave Hannum, Christi & Nate Buffington, Breanna and Cody Donald, Kay Kessel-Hanna, Marcia Stevens and Marcia Sherrill, Celia Shells, Jen Shen Chang, Traci Arnett, Grace Kimura, Attila Gogos, Lynne Kawakami Gogos, Mira Scott, Jenny Mitchell, and Christina Cheney.
Those who read and improved the drafts of my novels: Peg Beer, Valerie Waters, Deanna Rhee, Maddi Dullea, Beth Dullea, Taylor Williams, TraciLyn Clark, Jen McCullum, Brooke Montz, Terrie Hannum, Cheryl Sanders, Tiffany Wright, Marnie Rocklin, and Lisa Ivelslatt.
Thank you to my professional copyeditors: Kendall Slee and Grace K
imura Lambert.
I also appreciate the inspiration I got from my interaction with A-list actors who were nice and kind to me and my kids when we lived in Santa Monica. They helped me create Liana Marie Michael, a sweet and smart fictional actress who I learned could be a very real product of Hollywood.
Carla J Hanna is the author of the Intentions Series coming-of-age novels with romantic and spiritual elements, including her debut novel LOVED IN PIECES. A graduate of Colorado State University with a Masters of Arts, she lives in Colorado with her family.
www.carlajhanna.com
Table of Contents
BROKEN UP
SUBTEXT
UNDRESSED
LOSER!
THE WEB
LOOKING GOOD
THE STATUETTE
PROM PLANS
OSCAR TRAPPINGS
NOT ANOTHER TAKE!
LEARNING LINES
MANUEL’S VISIT
YES, REALLY
WHERE’S THE EXIT?
WRAP PARTY
HOME
THE DRESS
GETTING READY
SENIOR PROM
OKAY
DIAMOND HEART
NO MORE
TECHNICALITIES
THE ACADEMIC
REACTIONS
EVAN’S PREMIERE
EIGHTEEN
THE PARTY
THE GIFT
LIANA MARIE & MUSE
DISS KISS
MARIE MICHAEL PRODUCTIONS
DENSE
THE CURE
HOW DARE YOU?!
OVERWHELMED
THE ANTAGONIST
CHURCH
THE LAB
DRAINED
FINALS
INTENTIONS
¿QUé? ¿POR QUé?
MY ONLY
VIEWS
CONFESSIONS
THE GUARDIAN & (DARK) ANGEL
AN ECLIPSE
GROWTH
GRADUATION
MY EDUCATION
THE FILLY
Loved In Pieces (The Intentions Series) Page 28
