And then, looking up at him, at his amazing nakedness, she knew exactly what she wanted to do.
“I want you to make love to me.”
He gave a short laugh. “Kendra, that is never, ever a problem.”
“Out here.” She turned to the railing, grabbed the wooden bars, flipped up her nightie and bent forward. “Like this.”
She heard him mutter under his breath. Then his hands were on her hips; he pressed his pelvis up against the crevice between her legs. “Like this?”
“Yes.” All her anger, all her frustration and all her passion were suddenly channeled into intense arousal, intense need for this man and his cock inside her. She separated her feet more, bent down farther. “Now.”
He groaned faintly. “I don’t have a condom.”
“I don’t care.”
“Yes, you do. I do, too. Hang on.”
Hang on. Literally. She pressed her forehead against the wood, breathing hard, body chilling, face hot, feeling the soft breeze tickling her sex. She wanted him this way, behind her like an animal, hard and barbaric, with no chance for her to fall for him any farther than she already had.
His footsteps sounded on the deck behind her. She closed her eyes, waited.
Hands on her hips, fingers spreading her labia, then the strong push inside her, slightly painful, stretching her hard, but good pain, exciting pain, exactly what she wanted. “Yes. Yes, take me. Hard.”
He did as she asked, moved forcefully, thrusting, hands pinioning her hips, making her arms work to keep her steady. She closed her eyes, reveling in his power, his masculinity and his control—giving her the ride of her life without real danger.
She wanted danger. “C’mon, Lieutenant. Give it to me.”
He grunted harshly, renewed his grip. She reached back, cupped his balls in her hand and squeezed. He was working her hard, erection banging her cervix with the longest thrusts, making her gasp with the sharp pain, then relax into it, increasing her pleasure and the sense of risk.
Along with her arousal, the wildness grew. “Don’t come. I don’t want you coming. I want you hot and hard and giving it to me the rest of the night.”
He gave a hoarse shout, stopped pushing, held still, panting, holding off his climax.
“What’s the matter, Jameson?” She pushed back onto him, controlling the movement herself.
“Wait, Kendra.”
“I’m not waiting,” she whispered savagely. “I’m going to keep you pumping me.”
“Wait.” He grabbed her firmly, kept her still in spite of her struggle to move, in spite of her hands caressing his balls, in spite of her furious whispering.
Then he gave a low groan and drove into her again and again, breath coming wet and harsh through his clenched teeth.
“Can you feel me, Jamie? How tight I am? Can you feel my muscles squeezing your cock?”
“Yes.” He spit the word out, his legs tight as metal rods behind her.
“Don’t come. Don’t come. Don’t come.” She reached farther, found the spot under his ball sac, the very base of his penis, the magic spot that would increase his arousal to a point even he couldn’t resist.
“Damn it, Kendra. You’re going to make me lose—” He stiffened, gave a moan of surrender that turned into a low desperate shout as he plunged viciously inside her, once, twice, again, and came, pulsing, panting, fingers digging into her hips, giving her a fierce sense of power and satisfaction. Yes. Yes.
She had control here; she was not the vulnerable one, she was strong and in charge of herself and of her feelings.
Jameson laid his hand on her lower back, his breath slowly returning to normal. A cold, damp breeze swept them, making Kendra shiver. Her back was stiffening. Her sex was raw and throbbing, still aroused.
Oh, God. She was completely losing it.
“Jameson.” Her whisper sounded desperate again. Who was in control? Of what?
He pulled out of her gently, helped her straighten, then without missing a beat, bent and threw her over his shoulder. Ignoring her shocked squeal, he strode back through the warm house into her bedroom, where he laid her on the bed and opened her legs, shoved his face between them.
She gasped with the surprise of it, the sudden pleasure, gripping his head as he painted her all over with his tongue, putting in extra time, heat and pressure on her clitoris, fingers pushing gently inside her, searching, exploring.
“Don’t come, Kendra. Don’t you dare.” His fingertips began massaging a spot deep in the front of her vaginal wall.
She made an inarticulate sound, tried to back down, back away, back off, but his lips, his fingers—she wasn’t going to be able to. He shifted the spot; her desire climbed exponentially. She gave up, gave in, gave a short scream, lifting her hips off the bed, the orgasm making her convulse around his fingers and under his tongue, the pleasure lengthening, even as it decreased in intensity. Again and again until she couldn’t come anymore.
“Okay.” She panted out the word, then started to laugh, slightly maniacally. “Okay. We’re even.”
“Yeah?” He kissed his way up to her mouth, covering her with his body, covering them with sheets and blankets. “I wasn’t keeping score.”
“I was. I always do.” She put a hand to the side of his face to show she was teasing. Soft, smooth skin, scratchy stubble. A face becoming dear to her. One she’d miss. Dear Lord, what was she doing to herself?
“Good to know.”
Kendra laughed again, still sounding crazed, put her hands up to push back her hair, then kept them clamped to the sides of her head. She was going nuts. From sad to restless to depraved, to miserable, to sexual and now...she wasn’t even sure what she felt now, other than sexually sated. “I think I have multiple personality disorder. Or, I don’t know, what other mental illness has wild mood swings?”
“There’s one you should know about.”
“Uh-oh.” She blew out a breath, lowered her hands. “What is it?”
“Grief.”
Kendra let her hands drop, nearly bonking Jameson with her elbow. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right!”
She giggled, turning toward him, lying close enough that their noses were nearly touching. “I guess I’m not done with that.”
“With all you had to cope with, I bet you put some of it off. Maybe a lot of it.”
“Stop doing my job.” She smiled at him, reached to touch those lovely, sensual lips, fighting another wave of panic at the thought of him going so far away from her so soon.
Not tonight. Tomorrow was another day, as her mom would say. Tonight she had a sexy naked airman in her bed. That would be enough for now.
“Jameson.”
“Mmm?”
“Tell me what you’re most afraid of.”
Jameson groaned. “This again?”
“This again.”
He kissed her, started stroking her hair away from her face, hypnotic, rhythmic stroking that made her want to melt into the mattress. “Let’s see...”
Kendra’s heart flipped. Would he joke again or really answer this time?
“I’m afraid after I leave that you’ll have moments of sadness or fear or uncertainty and I won’t be here to help you through them.”
She caught her breath. Oh, gosh. His worst fear was purely on her behalf. Now she really was going to melt into the mattress. “But I’m invincible. Nothing can hurt me.”
“And I’m afraid I’ll go back to the Air Force and realize it’s not my whole life’s ambition anymore.”
“That’s a hard one.” She put her hand to his chest. “But you’re not locked in for twenty years, right? I mean, you could get out sooner if you wanted.”
“It’s a four-year minimum commitment. So yes, I could
leave earlier.”
“Have you considered it?” She tried not to sound hopeful. His life, his decision, and it would still mean he was leaving.
“Yes.”
Her chest squeezed tight. “Because of your injury?”
“Because of what you brought to my life, Kendra. And because of you.” His stroking moved down her suddenly stiffened back, his fingers warm and sensual on her skin. “Shh, don’t panic. Breathe. You have at least four years without me around. I’m handing you your not-serious on a silver platter.”
“Huh.” She kissed him, sweetly, letting him know with her lips what his words had meant to her. He was just talking, he’d made no decisions. She’d take this as a lovely compliment.
Jameson deepened the kiss, rolled over on top of her. “Want to come with me?”
“To Keesler?”
“You bet!” He nodded, puppy-dog eagerly. “And then wherever they send me for the next four lo-o-ng years?”
She snorted. “How is that not getting serious?”
“Oh, right. I forgot. How about instead we get engaged? Tomorrow work for you?”
“Jameson.” She cracked up.
“What. You want to get married right away?” He deliberately let more of his weight pin her to the mattress, digging his arms tightly around her. “Geez, give a guy some space, would you?”
“Stop!” She pushed at his dead weight. “Bad Jam-Jam!”
“Don’t ever, ever call me that.” He lifted off slightly, his threat made idle by the laughter brimming in his voice. “Or else.”
“Or else what?”
“I’ll make love to you until you beg for mercy.”
“Oh!” She frowned, pretending to reconsider. “Wait, is that supposed to be punishment?”
“Not tonight. It’s late.” He rolled off and turned her on her side, curled behind her as he’d been when she first woke from her nightmare, only this time his arms didn’t feel threatening or confining, but comforting and secure. “I want you to get some sleep.”
Kendra smirked in the darkness. “I hear and obey, oh great and powerful Jam-J—”
“Kendra.”
She giggled and adjusted her body against his, checking in with all the places they were pressed together. Calf to shin. Bottom to groin. Back to chest. Skin to skin. “Good night, Jameson.”
“Good night, my beautiful.”
She took a deep breath and blew out the last of her tension and fear, aware of a growing sweetness in her chest. A contentment like she’d never felt before. And if she wasn’t so tired and drained, and if she hadn’t had such an emotional workout tonight, she’d probably be panicking all over again.
Because it was a lot harder to keep yourself from being serious about a guy when you were already falling in love with him.
14
KENDRA JOGGED NEXT to Lena down the strip of pavement marking the beginning of the South Bay bike trail in Torrance, the neighboring town to Palos Verdes Estates. On her left the ocean hurled itself relentlessly toward them. On her right, tourists and residents strolled or drove down the esplanade, lined with palm trees, apartments and condos.
“Whoa, honey.” Lena touched her arm and slowed, her shorter legs scrambling to keep up. “Are we training to win a marathon here?”
“Sorry.” Kendra pulled back. She was pushing her usual pace, hoping to exhaust herself to the point where she could sleep better at night.
“What’s going on? You seem tense. Things been going okay with soldier boy?”
“Airman.” She corrected her without thinking. “Yeah, they’re okay.”
“Hmm. I’m not exactly blown away by your enthusiasm.”
Kendra stopped herself from speeding up again. “I don’t want to get serious with him.”
“Given that he’s leaving in six days, that sounds reasonable.”
“It is. It is totally reasonable.”
Lena gave her a sidelong look. “He giving you trouble over it?”
“No.” She was startled by the underlying bitterness in her response, and brightened her tone. “No, not at all.”
“His sister giving you trouble?”
“Matty? No. She seems fine.”
“So?” Lena beckoned more words out of her. “What’s the problem?”
“I don’t know.” Kendra made a sound of exasperation. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m a complete mess, mood swings all over the place, impatient one second, crying the next.”
“You pregnant?”
“God, no. No, no. I’m on the pill and we use condoms.” She snorted. “I think it must be something simpler. Like a brain tumor.”
“Oh, there’s a nice thought.” Lena wiped her perspiring face on the shoulder of her bright red shirt, which fell halfway down her thighs and probably belonged to Paul. “Maybe you’re going through something else hormonal. Menopause?”
“At twenty-four?”
“Hmm, guess not.” She touched Kendra’s elbow. “You missing your parents?”
“Yeah.” Her voice choked up. “I bet this fling with Jameson has stirred that up, too.”
“Hmm.”
They jogged in silence for a while, passing two women with strollers.
“One thing bothers me, Kendra.”
“What’s that?”
“This thing about not wanting to get serious.” She blew at a strand of hair that had escaped her sweatband. “Why would you say that?”
“Because I don’t want to get serious? He leaves, he leaves for years. This isn’t some brief absence.”
“Yeah, but...” They parted company around a pair of walkers. “If it’s right, you could work something out. Tons of military couples do. It sounds like you’re being defensive.”
“Against what?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that you’re falling for him.”
“I am falling for him.” The sentence came out close to hysterical; she forced her voice calmer. “That’s the whole problem.”
Lena burst out laughing. “Here I was braced for rabid denial. That’s great, Kendra. Seems like he’s really good to you. And he’s not exactly a hardship to look at.”
“I don’t want to get serious.”
“You know, I’ve heard that about you.”
Kendra giggled. “On the news?”
“Do you think he’s serious about you?”
“He invited me to his family’s Thanksgiving.”
“Oh.” Lena blew at the strand again. “That is serious. You going?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Too serious.”
Lena cracked up. “We are apparently antiserious! But also maybe...because it’s a family holiday and he’s got a family, complete with parents. You had a hard time even at my house last year.”
“Maybe that, too. I don’t know, Lena, that’s what is making me nuts. I just don’t know. Can we change the subject?”
“No.”
“Lena...”
“Okay, okay. How about them Raiders? Think they’ll get into the playoffs this year?”
Kendra rolled her eyes. Lena knew she didn’t follow football. “I’m sure they will. Unless they don’t.”
“Here’s something I need to tell you...” Lena’s voice slowed, became guarded.
Kendra turned to look at her and nearly tripped over a kid chasing a ball onto the pavement. “What?”
“I might not be able to do these runs much longer.”
Kendra’s stomach dropped. “Why not? Is something wrong? You’re not moving, are you? You’re not...sick?”
“No!” Lena waved her arms as if to erase what she’d said. “No to both. It’s a good thing. Maybe. Maybe someday so
on.”
Kendra took one look at her friend’s face, radiant under her boyish haircut, and gasped. “You’re pregnant?”
“Not yet.” She patted her abdomen, grinning. “But we’ve decided to start trying.”
“Wow!” Elation filled Kendra, which felt much better than the emotional cesspool she’d been floundering in before. “This is wonderful. Lena, I’m so excited for you. Both of you.”
“Thanks. Who knows. It may take a while, but we’re ready.”
“Will you quit your job when the baby comes?”
“Uh.” She held up her hand. “One thing at a time. We only just decided to try.”
“Oh, Lena, it’s really great. You and Paul will have a family.” She jogged three more paces and burst into tears, then started laughing. “See? I’ve gone completely nuts.”
“Honey? Can I say something you might not like?”
“Yes, of course.” She sniffed and wiped the tears, struggling for control. “Anyone else I might take out, but you always can.”
“I think you’re past falling for him. I think you’re in love with this guy. As in serious.”
“No. No.” Even as she protested, something inside her relented. “God, Lena, what am I going to do?”
“Why do you have to do anything? Just enjoy it.”
“Because I don’t want to be involved right now. I’m not ready. It’s too soon. He’s leaving and it will be horrible and sad and awful missing him. I don’t want to miss anyone. I hate doing that.”
Lena caught Kendra’s hand and slowed them to a walk, her brown eyes anxious. “Shh, okay.”
Kendra closed her eyes, blew out a breath. She loved him. Of course she did. She had for a long time, maybe even back in school, though she’d been entirely too proud and stubborn to admit it.
“You can’t tell your heart what to feel.” Lena led Kendra off the pavement, onto the sand, squeezed her hand and let go. “If this guy is right for you, he’s right. And maybe he’s most right if he’s leaving, because then he won’t be in your face all the time and you can continue to heal while you have his support.”
“But he’ll be in the Air Force. He could...trip over more cats.” She waited for her friend’s shout of laughter. “I couldn’t stand to lose him.”
Back in Service Page 16
