by Eric Vall
“I’m flattered.” Raph chuckled.
Sia smiled, then turned away from the Archangel. She walked over to me and placed her tender hand on my exposed chest. The succubus’ hand glowed with shimmering gold Hellfire, and I felt the spell spread its warmth across my body. Slowly, the painful burning sensation that had filled my insides was replaced with a cool tingle, and then my body felt like it was back to normal. Sia gave me a loving look with her large violet eyes, and then she stepped away with a wink.
“Suicide by succubi,” Todd scoffed. “Now I think I have seen everything.”
“It’s a shame.” Raphael sighed as he prodded Uriel’s body with his foot. “Death was too good of a punishment for Uriel. His crimes went against every Holy Law in the book.”
Oliver and Jane appeared over the hill, with the cultists close behind them. The white-haired man ran up to me, doubled over with his hands on his knees, and looked like he was about to keel over.
“We-- We got here as quickly as we could,” he gasped between breaths. “Where is the Archangel?”
“I think that’s him over there, Oliver.” Jane chuckled and pointed to the heap of charred flesh and gore that used to be Uriel. “I told you Jacob could handle it on his own.”
“I appreciate your faith.” I raised my eyebrow at the brunette. “But I didn’t do it alone, Raph did just as much as me.”
“You’re too humble, Jacob,” Raphael conceded. “You’re the one who ultimately took down all of his clones. If it weren’t for your Divine abilities and Superbia’s healing touch, I’d be dead right now.”
“Hold the phone, bro,” Todd’s voice interjected. “There’s only room for one bromance in this story, and that’s Jakey and me. No homo, of course.”
“Aw, come on,” I explained. “We can still be the Dynamic Duo. Batman has plenty of other superhero friends. A whole team of them, in fact.”
“But Robin doesn’t!” Todd argued. “And remember---”
Todd covered his arm as if he had a cape draped over it.
“I’m Batman,” he growled in a voice that sounded like he smoked twenty packs a day.
I rolled my eyes and turned back to the rest of the group. “We should head home,” I announced. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m exhausted.”
“Fiiinaally, somebody said it.” Tris sighed and then ran over to Shadow. “Let’s go! There’s a spot on our couch that’s calling my name.”
“Where do you think you’re going?” Gula pouted as she ran after the Sister of Sloth. “We rode in the sports car, remember?”
“Awwww,” Tris groaned. “Do we really have to fly all the way back there?”
Gula grabbed Tris by the arm, and the two of them took off into the air.
Ira looked up into the air and sighed. “That’s my ride,” she chuckled. “I should probably go after them. Although… a night out in the desert, surrounded by all this gritty, rough sand might be just what I need to get my juices flowing.”
“Your creative juices?” I asked hopefully.
“If that’s what you want to call them.” The Sister of Wrath winked and then floated up into the air. “Are you coming, Raphael?”
The Archangel shook his head and frowned. “As much as I’d love to return to your mansion and celebrate,” he explained, “I’m afraid I’ll have to pass.”
“Aw, come on, Raphey boy,” Todd begged. “There are, like, a million funny internet videos I wanted to show you.”
“How many of them involve lewd sexual acts?” Raphael asked, and his tone made it sound like he already knew the answer.
“None of them!” Todd answered proudly.
Raph stared at the imp and crossed his arms. Todd’s face dropped into a frown, and he threw up his arms in defeat.
“Alright, all of them,” he admitted, “but they’re a lot more tasteful than the last batch. I promise!”
“I’m afraid I still have to pass,” Raphael sighed. “This whole situation is a mess.”
“A mess?” I asked curiously. “We just did the Divine a huge favor.”
“That may be,” Raphael explained, “but there are going to be some major consequences to our actions here tonight. Nobody has ever actually killed an Archangel before. There’s going to be so much red tape and a lot of reports when I get back… It might be weeks before we see each other again.”
I nodded. “I hope that’s not the case, but I do appreciate your help here tonight.”
“As I do yours, Jacob Ralston,” the Archangel said with a smile and then turned to my friends. “And all of yours, as well. We would not have been victorious if this unit hadn’t worked as one well-oiled machine. The Battle of the Sonoran is a story that will be told for millennia.”
“The Battle of the Sonoran?” Todd asked. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“It’s the name of the desert we’re in.” Raph chuckled and then stepped a few feet back. “Farewell, my friends. Until we meet again.” The Archangel’s body was engulfed by a brilliant white light, and then he slowly disappeared into the windy night.
As I walked back over to Shadow, I paused to put my hand on Oliver’s shoulder. “You guys fucking killed it,” I promised the cultists. “Tell you what, take as much money from our funds as you need, and go celebrate. You’ve earned it.”
The white-haired man grinned at my words. “Yes!” he exclaimed and turned back to the rest of the cultists. “Did you hear that, guys? We can celebrate however we want! No more roach motel orgies!”
“Again with the orgies.” Todd shuddered. “That was not a mental image I needed in my head right now, bro.”
“If you don’t mind,” Jane interrupted, “I think I’ll head back with you. The whole ‘orgy’ scene was totally the old me.”
I put my arm around the brunette and began to walk back to the vehicle. “The more, the merrier.”
Cupi, Liby, and Sia had all gotten into the Jeep, and I noticed that Aruna was walking off into the barren plains.
“Uh, Aruna?” I tried to get the Rakshasi’s attention. “Don’t you need a ride?”
The assassin turned around, shot me a sly grin, and then shook her head. “You may be a badass demon hunter and a powerful warrior,” she chuckled, “but you still have much to learn.”
The Rakshasi’s body glowed with black ectoplasm, and then her figure morphed into that of a hawk. The bird took off and disappeared into the horizon in seconds.
“She’ll be back,” I admitted to Jane. “She still needs her paycheck, after all.”
Once we were all in the Jeep, we set off back toward the main road. Thankfully, Shadow was built for off-roading, and the rocky terrain was no match for her massive wheels. We were back on the highway in no time at all, and then we set off toward our mansion.
The group was silent for nearly the whole drive, and I noticed that all the succubi in the back were out cold. Jane was still awake, but she looked like she was about to pass out at any moment. Meanwhile, Todd was curled up in the cultist’s lap, snoring loudly like a buzzsaw.
We arrived at the mansion and saw that Gula, Tris, and Ira had already beat us home. The six of us stumbled out of the vehicle, entered through the door of the mansion, and then headed to bed. Todd didn’t even make it all the way into his bedroom before he collapsed onto the floor. I shut the door behind him as silently as I could, and then I followed the succubi into our room.
Tris, Gula, and Ira were already fast asleep in bed, and the four of us tried our best to slide in without disturbing them. The second I was under the covers and in a semi-comfortable position, I was out like a light.
The next thing I knew, I was awoken by the sound of shrieks coming from somewhere downstairs. When I noticed that the succubi were all gone, my heart sank into my stomach.
Was it Beelzebub? Had he found us?
I jolted out of bed, ran out of my room, and dashed down the marble staircase as quickly as I possibly could. I summoned red Hellfire into my hands as I prepared to
take on whatever piece of shit demon could possibly be in my house. I passed through the threshold of the living room and let out a sigh of relief.
Most of the succubi, Jane, and Todd were cheering and screaming happily as they watched the television mounted to the wall. I deactivated my Hellfire and looked around curiously.
“What’s going on?” I asked the jubilant crowd.
Ira stepped forward with a smile that was ten miles wide. “The election results just came in,” she said with a happy bounce. “You’re looking at Arizona’s newest representative!”
Without even thinking, I threw my arms around Ira and picked her up into the air. “I knew you could do it!” I shouted happily as I embraced the succubus.
“Easy there, killer,” Ira nearly moaned in my arms. “Save all that strength of yours for the bedroom.”
I set Ira back down, straightened myself out, and then extended my hand to her in a professional manner. We shook as if we were both stuffy politicians, and then the succubi and I burst out into a fit of laughter.
“I’m going to hate D.C.,” she cackled. “Those guys all have sticks up their asses, and not in a good way.”
“Wait,” Todd asked in horror, “there’s a ‘good way’ to have a stick up your ass?”
“Only if you know what you’re doing.” Ira winked at the imp, and Todd made a gagging face.
Just then, Libidine appeared around the corner of the kitchen holding a bottle of wine in her hand. “This is supposedly the best wine Robert Quinn had in his cellar,” she explained. “I figured this was a good occasion to bust it out.”
“Liby,” Cupiditas mused from her seat on the couch, “is there ever a bad occasion to bring out the wine?”
“In my experience, there is not.” Sia giggled.
Libidine opened up the cupboard and floated a few wine glasses down with her green Hellfire. Then, she popped the cork, filled each glass with a liberal amount of red wine, and lifted them up into the air once more. The succubus used her telekinetic flames to pass out the goblets, and then we each raised our glasses in a toast.
“To Ira?” Jane suggested.
“To Jacob!” Ira added.
“No, no,” I corrected. “To victory!”
“To the Toddster!” Todd interjected.
The room went quiet, and all six of us glared at the imp for a moment. Then, I shrugged and lifted my glass in front of my face.
“Fuck it!” I laughed. “To the Toddster!”
I tossed back the glass of wine, and my mouth was instantly filled with its sweet, berry-filled flavor. I continued to take swigs of the delicious drink as I mingled with my friends and watched the political analysis on TV.
“Now,” the commentator on the news explained, “there are some concerns over Maggie Franklin’s credentials. Did you know that there’s a rumor going around that she hangs out with Satanists?”
“Please,” the other commentator scoffed. “Are you referring to the claims that nutjob John Zeitmann made in his latest book? You know that guy’s crazy, right?”
“Jesus,” I said as I shook my head at the absurdity of the situation. “If this Zeitmann guy keeps it up, people might actually start to believe him.”
“I’m not worried about it,” Ira admitted. “I’m a politician now. That’s probably not even close to the worst thing people are going to say about me.”
“Besides,” Cupi added, “that guy was a room service attendant. He’s just milking his one paranormal encounter for all it’s worth, that’s all.”
“I hope you’re right,” I sighed and took another swig of the wine.
My thoughts were interrupted by the shrill noise of the house phone as it rang.
“I’ve got it!” Gula exclaimed as she ran off into the other room. “I’m expecting a call.”
“Who-- You know what?” I chuckled. “I don’t even want to know.”
“So, Jakey,” Todd asked curiously, “what’s next for the ol’ group here? We got a politician in the group now, and we’ve killed an Archangel. You can’t get much more intense than that, bro.”
“Oh, sure we can,” I reminded the imp. “We still have one more member of the Circle of Sin to rescue, remember?”
“Oh yeah,” Todd nodded. “Individual or whatever.”
“Invidia,” I corrected, “but yes. If we ever want to be fully free of all this demon hunting and Heaven and Hell bullshit, we need to save her and kill Azazel once and for all.”
“That’s a pretty lofty goal, bro,” Todd admitted. “That could take, like, five or six episodes.”
“Speaking of episodes,” I tried to change the subject, “how is your blog going? Any new hits?”
“Actually, it’s doing fan-fucking-tastic,” the imp said with a grin. “Remember that tool, Chort? Well, apparently, he’s not such a bad guy after all. He sent me an e-mail asking if I’d be interested in taking on a virtual paranormal consultant, and as a sign of good faith, he let me in on some classified info about the Daeva. I published it all on my blog, and it caught fire like 1871 Chicago!”
“Typical.” I chuckled. “I love it.”
“Anyway,” the imp continued, “my blog is up to ten thousand views a day! That little pig-faced demon pulled through!”
“Ten thousand views a day?” I inquired. “That’s gotta be bringing in some decent money, right?”
“It sure is, bro,” Todd said proudly. “Last month, I brought in a whole two-hundred dollars.”
I raised my finger to say something snarky, but then Gula ran back into the room squealing.
“Guess what?” the curvy redhead asked rhetorically. “I took Jacob’s advice and submitted a demo video to the Cooking Channel. Some guy named… Robert Flay, I think, wants me to work on his show!”
“This day just keeps getting better and better,” I smiled and raised my wine glass. “To Gula!”
“To Gula!” all of my friends repeated, and then we finished off our drinks.
I looked around the room, and I couldn’t help but feel pride swelling up within my soul. I was surrounded by seven sexy, beautiful women who were all ridiculously powerful and talented, and I had two of the best friends a guy could ever ask for.
It didn’t matter if the final battle with Azazel or a confrontation with Beelzebub lay ahead. My friends and I would see it through, just as we always had.
For now, it was time to sit back, relax, and celebrate the sweet taste of victory.
End Book 5
End Notes
Thank you for reading Succubus Lord 4! This series gets tons of positive feedback and reviews. Thank you again for leaving a review here!
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Copyright © 2019 by Eric Vall
