by Bry Ann
“Sam!” the voice snapped, clearly upset.
I started to push myself up, and a big arm came underneath me and helped me to my feet. He helped me pull up my underwear, and when it got within my reach without having to bend over I pulled it up all the way up to cover my badly injured body. My head dropped, but I used what strength I had to look over. Recognition hit me like a train.
“Gunner…” I said with complete shock, flashes from my past coming back.
He nodded but was focused and not interested in me.
“You can pass out once we get out of here. You’re banged up, but you need to stay awake. Understood?”
I nodded silently.
Gunner kept his arm under mine and practically dragged me through the dark halls. We were a little ways out of my cell when I saw a guy coming at us in full force. Gunner threw me against the wall and told me to hold on. I did, but it took everything in me. I could feel my face scrunched and my whole body shook wildly. It took less than ten seconds for Gunner to get that guy off our backs.
“Come on Sam,” he put his arm under mine again, and then I heard police enter the unit.
There were a lot. They were charging full force ahead. One moment I was in the dark halls of my own personal hell, the next I was out in an empty parking lot in the middle of nowhere with the sun hitting my face. The minute we were outside my legs gave out, and I fell to the floor. Gunner let me go. I fell with a thud.
“We need an ambulance over here. Stat,” he yelled in his usual stoic tone as he walked away. Within a second his shadow was gone like he was never there. Why the hell was he there? He was on their side, right?
Those thoughts left me as fast as they came. I felt my cheek burning from the hot pavement. In a second, a large jacket was placed over me.
“Sam,” a very familiar broken voice said.
“Logan,” I whispered, feeling my whole body relax a bit.
“I’m so sorry. I'm so sorry,” he kept saying.
I felt a tear hit my face. It wasn’t his fault. It was mine. I was dizzy and disorientated. I couldn’t respond to him.
In another instant, I felt EMT’s all around me. They lifted me up on a gurney. I just kept whispering Logan’s name.
“He’s coming,” a man said gently. “Let us get you inside and stable.”
I nodded, and my head fell back. I winced and bit my lip so hard as the pain really started to assault me. I was inside the cool ambulance. Being off the scalding hot pavement was nice. Once I was inside, and needles were put in my arm I felt Logan by my side again.
“Jazmine?” I whispered.
“She’s with Dana. She’s scared but okay. She loves you.”
I gave my best attempt at a smile. I knew she did. My little ball of strength.
“I’m so sorry Sam. I'm so sorry. Why did you do that? You know it was Dana that turned them in as well as I did. Why?”
I winced again as a new wave of pain hit me. Logan took my hand and squeezed it reassuringly.
“I love you guys,” I somehow got out.
When I woke up again, I was in the hospital. The first thing I heard was the beeping. I felt weak, but drugs were masking the pain. I coughed.
“Sam!” I heard Dana’s voice say, and she came running over. I saw Logan’s hand stop her before she pounced on me.
“Sorry,” she said as she sat on the edge of my bed and rubbed my hair back. “You took the blame for me. You knew it was me.”
I coughed again trying to get my voice back. I smiled at Dana and squeezed her hand.
“Jazmine?” I asked. My voice sounded weak.
“She’s with Alexa,” Logan said. “I flew her out soon after you called.”
“Alexa?” I smiled quietly. I couldn’t get a lot of words out. I felt weak.
“Yeah, she’s here,” Dana said. “I like her. I’m not surprised you guys got along so well. She’s sassy.”
“She’s crazy,” I whispered.
They both looked extremely pained, especially Logan. Dana felt beyond guilty I could tell. Logan looked a mess. His hair was disheveled. He looked tired and stressed.
“I need to sleep,” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Dana said quickly. “Can I get Alexa for one second? She’s dying. You mean a lot to her.”
I nodded. Dana walked out, and Logan stayed in his place not saying a word. Alexa walked in quickly.
“Oh, thank God!” She sat next to me. “You scared the shit out of me you bitch.”
“Thanks Alexa... for being here.”
“Anytime babe. Now you get some sleep. By the way,” she went to whisper in my ear, “That beautiful man over there that you’ve never thought to mention to me hasn’t left your side.”
With that, she left. I wanted to sleep, but I wanted to check on Logan more. He seemed conflicted and miserable.
“Logan?”
My voice was barely audible, but I knew he heard me. He looked up but avoided eye contact with me.
“I’m sorry for what I said on the phone.”
He looked at me curiously.
“It wasn’t fair to you. I was scared. I thought I was going to die,” my words were disconnected and spaced out, but I got them out.
After I finished, Logan moved his chair to my side and took my hand. “Don’t be sorry for that. Do you hear me? Don’t ever be sorry for expressing how you feel. There’s so much I want to say to you but now is not the time.”
“Jazmine… does….” I winced. Talking was getting harder. Logan read my thoughts.
“She knows,” he said simply. I raised my eyebrows. “She was confused at first. It was like she couldn’t put the pieces together. Then her little brain just thought. She did that thing you do when you are trying to figure things out and then she wrapped her arms around me and uh, said…” I could tell Logan was trying not to get sentimental and that made me happy. “She said she knew I’d find her.”
I closed my eyes because my eyes were too dry to cry. “She did?”
“Yeah,” he said with a smile. “Now go to sleep.” He started to get up to give me my space.
“No! Don’t leave. Please. Don’t leave me. You’re safe.”
He looked shocked. I was rarely vulnerable, but he didn’t say anything about it. He just nodded and said, “of course.”
In an instant, he was by my side again and took my hand gently. It didn’t take long for me to fall asleep again after that, between the safety I felt with Logan and the meds I knew I’d be out for a while.
Chapter 18:
I was unconscious for two more days before I finally woke up and was able to say a few words to people. The following two days I was pretty much in and out of sleep constantly. This left me with hardly any time to talk to anyone other than a few words here and there. Even if I did feel well enough to talk I was pretty drugged up most of the time so not much I said made sense anyway. All I cared about was finding out how Jazmine was doing. It was on the fifth day that I finally started to wake up…and I mean really wake up. Apparently, Dana, Alexa, and Logan had taken turns staying by my bedside so that way I was never alone. Logan called his manager and told him to cancel any meetings or projects until further notice, regardless of the consequences.
When I woke up that fifth morning I felt noticeably different. My body no longer felt so heavy and tired that I couldn’t move. Everything still hurt, and I was still drugged up out of my mind, but I woke up that morning and knew I might be able to stay awake the entire day and not doze off into my land of security. Alexa was by my bed when I woke up. It was around 4:30 in the morning. It was like she could sense that I had finally woken up, or maybe she had just never fallen asleep.
“Sam, are you conscious finally?”
“Yeah…” I whispered back.
“How are you feeling?”
“Awake… finally. It’s been like three days, right?”
“Four but yeah. Look, Sam, I am under strict instructions to call
Dana the minute you feel well enough to talk, but first I want to say something. I don’t get fucking sentimental often because, well, I think that’s all shit and stuff, but you should know that you are my family. You’re the only family I’ve ever had. I don’t know what happened to you, but when your memories come back fully you’ll have a fight ahead of you, and you should know how much you fucking mean to me. Well, you and that little tike. Okay? By the way, if you ever bring up that I said any of this I will have to kill you.”
“Thank you, Alexa, and just so you know, you’re the first person I ever really opened up to, really let in of my own accord.”
“What about Dana and Logan?”
“They let me in, and I pushed them away. It’s a long story. Maybe one day we will grow up and tell deep stories,” I joked.
“Doubt it, but I am dying to know how you met and slept with Logan Prescott.”
I laughed. “Ask him. He’d love to tell you the story I’m sure.”
“Ha! I am sure he would,” she winked. “Okay well, I have to go call Dana.”
“Alexa, I really freaking love you. You know that, right?”
She froze for a second. Despite her tough, rocker chick exterior I could tell she was trying to hold back tears.
“I’m so sorry this happened to you. It couldn’t have happened to a least fucking deserving person.”
Those were her final words before she walked out to speak with Dana. Dana arrived less than fifteen minutes later, so she must have booked it. Luckily, a nurse came to check on me before she arrived so I didn’t have to worry about the hospital staff interrupting our upcoming conversation. The nurse wanted to discuss my injuries with me, but I wasn’t ready to hear them. The memories of what happened were just starting to come back to me, and I wasn’t ready for them to become real yet.
When Dana walked in, she looked super nervous. She was fidgeting and walking super slow like I was someone she had never met before. It was weird because I had only really known the confident Dana. It was always hard for me to remember that more than half her life Dana had struggled with severe mental problems.
“Hey girl,” I said as brightly as I could. I hated that she felt nervous around me.
“Hey, I thought we needed to talk, right?” She still stood in the doorway fidgeting.
“Yeah but only if you release the nerves. I love you. Now get over here.”
She was still tense but visibly relaxed. She came over and sat in the chair by my bed. The one Logan had moved there for everyone’s convenience. I tried to sit up but soon realized my body was still weak and in a lot of pain.
“Woah,” Dana jumped up immediately. “Let me raise this for you.”
She pushed a button that folded the bed so I could sit up without moving. It hurt my abdomen a bit but nothing unbearable.
“So, do you remember anything? The doctor said that your memories were probably fuzzy.”
“Yeah they are. I only really remember up until I found out you escaped. The rest is hazy.”
“Okay, um, so you deserve to know why I turned them in and stuff?”
“I think I know, but I want to hear the story. How did you get out? How….” a small memory came back to me. “Wait, Gunner was there? How? What?”
“Shhh...Sam. I will explain everything. Okay, so for the past six years Gunner and I have developed this friendship. Platonic,” she emphasized. “We just get along. We are very different but, well, I can’t explain it. We just get each other. We hung out in absolute privacy. Gunner was so careful because we both would be in trouble if his “business partners” found out. For five years or so that was good. It was enough. Then recently we started getting unmistakably attracted to each other. We couldn’t really ignore it anymore. We kept trying to ignore it. Gunner started confessing to me about the change in his boss, Timothy. About the crazy shit they were doing. I begged him to leave, but he said he couldn’t. Even if he could, he liked being on the inside because it allowed him to save some lives. Stop some of the really bad stuff you know? And the reality was Gunner was scared to leave. He doesn’t talk about it, but he had trauma in his childhood, and it pushed him into this line of work. He feared our budding connection and the direction the only work he’s ever known was taking. I wanted to help him, but I felt helpless. I was falling in love with him. I knew it was trouble, but I couldn’t stop my feelings. Then the press caught wind I was with a drug dealer, and Logan started getting on my case too. He started getting really upset about it. Gunner and I’s time together got harder and harder to keep up. The last time we hung out normally Gunner, he…. kissed me.”
Danna bit her lip. Her hands wrung together, and she looked away. For a moment, I didn’t think she was going to continue, but she did.
“It wasn’t supposed to happen, but it was amazing for both of us. Gunner said it couldn’t happen again, for my sake. He said we needed space. He was becoming increasingly stressed, paranoid, his dark circles and bruises were becoming more prominent. His work was going to destroy him. So I went to the police department and gave an ‘anonymous tip’ telling them where they could capture the violent drug gang they had been searching for, in exchange for Gunner’s guaranteed immunity. I didn’t care if Gunner hated me as long as I saved him. I could have ever imagined that you would come back in town and they would tie it to you. If I had, Oh Sam….”
With that Dana fell to my bed and started balling her eyes out. I wished I could have moved because I wanted to comfort her.
“Dana listen to me… Listen,” I repeated when she didn’t stop crying. Eventually she sniffled, and her gaze shifted towards me. “I don’t blame you for anything. I love you and would do this ten times over if it meant sparring you. Also, don’t forget who brought these men into your life in the first place. That would be me. Okay? Second, I didn’t do this, so you could spend the rest of your life feeling guilty. I did it, so you could have a happy life, one you guys have worked so hard to help me find. Okay? So please don’t cry. Don’t shed any more tears for me.”
“Sam, you were just a kid when you joined, and you only it did for like a day to save your dying mother. This isn’t your fault.”
“Look we both feel bad about what happened but let’s just… I don’t know, call it even and both not blame ourselves. Okay?”
“Sure…” She rolled her eyes. I laughed a little on the inside. Dana and her sarcasm. I missed it.
“Oh, you never mentioned how you escaped or how Gunner was magically there to save me when he works with them? I mean he was there and then gone. I almost thought I imagined him, but I’m pretty sure he was actually there.”
“No, he was. You didn’t imagine him. Gunner found out I’d been taken rather quickly because, well, no one there even knew we were associating. The minute he found out they had me he snuck in and carried me out. He put me in his car and drove me to Logan. He was pissed and worried. He kept yelling at me and then checking every functioning part of my body for injuries. I was in shock. The minute we got to Logan’s I snapped out of my shock enough to speak. To shorten the story, I told Gunner that if he ever cared about me he would go back to get you. He said that he’d lose his spot, it was too risky, you could both get killed, blah, blah, blah, but I told him if he ever wanted to see my face again he would find a way to save you. I knew he could, and he did. He texted Logan their location and Logan called the cops. Of course, Gunner got there first but...yeah...that’s what happened there.”
“Oh,” I said trying to absorb everything she said. My brain was still in a fog. “Thanks.”
“Yeah. Anyway, when Logan found out that I was coming today he made me promise not to bombard you so I have to go and let you have time to “think.””
“Sounds like Logan.”
“Yep. Well, I love you so much Sam, and ‘til the day I day I will never forget what you’ve done for me.”
I smiled. “Dana?”
“Yeah?”
“I want to speak with Gunner.”
<
br /> Dana groaned.
“Dana please. I promise it won’t be all about you. It’s about what happened to me too.”
“Okay. Of course. It’s the least I can do. I’ll get him here in the next couple days.”
“Thank you.”
No one visited the rest of the day and like Logan predicted I really appreciated it. It gave me time to process, gather my thoughts and memories and speak with the nurses about my injuries without worrying about other people’s reactions.
The memories came back to me throughout the day. The beating, Dana escaping, the rape, the pain, Gunner, lying on the pavement, calling Logan. The memories assaulted my brain at a rate I was unable to handle. I felt myself falling into this hole. I didn’t want to sleep now. I’d relive it. Somehow, I was holding myself together but I needed to talk to someone I trusted, and I needed it desperately.
The nurse came in soon after and discussed my injuries with me. Severe blunt force trauma, genital injuries, a burn from the pavement, broken ribs and a concussion. I guess that would explain the pain. She told me it would be best if I avoided mirrors for a while and I couldn’t agree more. I was going to start working with a psychiatrist and a physical therapist the following day. I wasn’t looking forward to it. She wanted me at the hospital for at least another week. I asked her when I should let my daughter see me and she winced a bit and said at least five days. She said it would probably be easier for both of us if a few of the wounds healed a bit more.
When night struck I was alone and scared to sleep. I didn’t know how to explain it but as the day progressed what happened was becoming increasingly more real. The images were coming back in flashbacks. I closed my eyes to try and erase the images of me being pinned on the ground, the crowbar, everything that happened, but the more I tried to erase the thoughts the more real they became. I wanted to turn on the TV, but I was scared that because Logan was involved in this, it would be on TV. I couldn’t handle that. Not now. This was the part of being with Logan that I did not miss at all.
After two hours of being alone in the dark with no one coming in or out, I was completely lost in the memories. It was like I was in a fog and nothing else existed. The memories wouldn’t stop coming. I closed my eyes and screamed bloody murder. Someone had to save me. I was lost. It seemed so real. I couldn’t go through that again. Even if it was all in my head. A nurse came running in. I just kept screaming and crying. She didn’t exist to me. Nothing did but the pain. She tried to talk me down, but I wouldn’t come down. I couldn’t. I was shaking so badly. I saw her put in the sedative before I could stop her.
