by Bry Ann
“Flattery won’t fix this.”
Alex laughed and then her face dropped. “Follow me.”
“Why?”
“Please Rex.”
My mouth fell a little. I’d never heard Alex say please. I agreed to follow. She walked me out to the back of the field by the fence.
She slid down the fence, picked a flower and start pulling the petals off one by one. I sat down next to her and watched her closely.
“My family sucks Rex.” I furrowed my brows, not quite understanding. “My mom is sick, and my dad is… well, whatever. Anyway, your family yesterday just reminded me of what I don’t have. It was too much. I really am sorry. You’re my only friend. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me Alex? Why? I would have helped you. “I ran my hands through my hair. Alex just there blankly as if it didn’t matter.
“Sorry Rex. It’s my shit. I don’t want to involve you in it.”
With that she got up and walked off. I let her go. I needed to process this. I was twelve years old, but I felt like I failed my best friend. For some reason I put it in my head that I was going to make her feel better. I knew I couldn’t stop her parents, but I was going to do everything I could to make her life the best if could be when she was with me.
I didn’t bring it up the next few days. Alex was acting tougher, more aggressive and I knew she was pushing me away, so I decided to give her time to herself. To process. For her to see I wasn’t judging her in any way, shape of form. How her family behaved didn’t affect how I felt about her. She was anxious, and I understood why. A few days later I tried to bring it up to her again, but she brushed me off. She especially hurtful that day. I felt helpless and frustrated. How do you be a friend to someone who doesn’t want to be your friend back? Alex shut me out after that. She was rude at first, but then just avoided me although. I had no idea how to get through to her. For three years it was like this. We were acquaintances. We talked. Hung at school and what not, but I would by no means consider us friends. I dove into football, sports, weights. It became my outlet.
One day I was coming home from football practice, which ran two hours after school. I was dumbfounded to see Alex sitting on my porch with a duffle bag to her right. Her eyes were red and watery like she had been crying at one point but stopped herself. Her hair was cut short and layered like she’d cut it in a frenzy, and her arms had red marks like she’d try to scratch herself repeatedly with no nails. I stared at her, stunned.
“I... I had nowhere else to go,” she whispered.
I walked up to her, grabbed her bag and nodded, gesturing for her to follow me inside. She followed me in silence and I led her to our backyard. Mia saw us, but Alex was looking down, so Mia gave us our privacy. I know she distracted my mom too.
I led her to the side of the house and set her bag down next to us. Then I turned to face her.
“Talk. What happened?”
Alex’s face hardened.
” My mom’s in the psych ward for two weeks,” her words started flowing out of her. “She hasn’t taken her meds. She’s schizophrenic. My dad’s an abusive asshole and burned me with a fucking fire stick. I don’t know what the fuck they are called.” She lifted the side of her shirt slightly and there was a huge patch of raw skin. “It hurts like a bitch. I have nowhere to go. He doesn’t hurt me that much when mom is there, but when we’re alone.”
Alex shuttered. Literally shuttered, her whole body shook involuntarily. Fuck, I’d never seen her scared of anything.
“I’m a bitch. I know, but I can’t go back to him. Please Rex.”
Her voice cracked. Alex was not as hardened back then as she is now.
“Of course,” I didn’t hesitate. “Yeah like… shit. I’m sorry Alex. I don’t know what to say. Why don’t you call CPS?”
Alex snorted. “This is me we are talking about. You don’t think I’ve tried?”
“Oh,” I looked down. I didn’t even need to know why it didn’t work out for her. I’ve heard horror stories about CPS. “Let’s take care of the burn. It’s bad.”
“It’s fine,” she mumbled.
“Look, I don’t care how tough you are or how much shit you’ve had to go through. Right now, you are here, and while you are people will look out for you. Bottom line.”
She shot me a shy smile. “Thanks Rex.”
“Yep,” I clenched my fists, nervous habit. “You should tell Mia.”
Her head shot up. “No!”
“Alex, I don’t know how to clean a burn. Mia has a car. She’ll take us to urgent care. They are discrete. I promise. It’s either her or my mom. Your pick. Although, I’d prefer you told both. Maybe they can help.”
“Fine Mia. Only because this hurts like a mother fucker,” she said, pointing a finger at me.
“Of course,” I laughed. “Because I don’t get one win, right?”
“Right,” she mumbled. Then her head fell to her chest. “Mia can’t say anything Rex. He’ll kill me. Literally. Please. I’ve already called everyone. I can’t be helped. He’s a government official. Please. Mia…”
“Alex!” I snapped. I desperately wanted to be delicate and pity her, but Alex wouldn’t respond to that. She’d leave. She needed tough. She needed someone to be tougher than she was. “Mia won’t echo a word.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay,” I nodded back. Then I ran inside.
“Mia! Mia!” I yelled. I was frantic. Now that Alex was outside, and I was alone I wanted to cry or punch someone. My adrenaline was pumping. “Fuck,” I whispered then screamed, “MIA!”
“Geez Rex,” Mia grumbled, stomping down the stairs with a twizzler hanging out of her back pocket. How she was so pretty with her shitty diet was beyond me. “What?”
“I need your help… and your secrecy.”
She straightened up instantly. “What does Alex need?”
She already knew. My sister was an angel. A literal angel. She quietly made her way down the stairs and pulled me into the living room. I told her everything Alex said right up until the burn.
“Mia, she needs to go to urgent care with that, but no one can know. Her dad will hurt her. She’s tried CPS and all that. Mom can’t know. I promised I’d only tell you. She’ll trust mom in time, but for now I need her trust me. Please.”.
“Rex,” Mia said softly, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Of course, I will.”
My body visibly relaxed and I took a deep breath. “Thank you, sis. You are the best.”
She smiled. “Let’s go help a snarky little girl before she bites both of our heads off.”
Mia winked and strutted off to the backyard. The girl radiated confidence. I wish she’d passed some of that on to me. I followed her a few minutes later. When I got to the backyard I saw Mia holding both of Alex’s hands and Alex was breathing deep. I stayed back for a minute to give them some privacy. Plus, I was just downright confused. I waited until I saw Mia give Alex a gentle nod. I tried to act like I didn’t see anything, but the minute Alex caught sight of me she rolled her eyes.
“Oh, please Rex. Don’t act like you haven’t been standing there the whole time.”
Mia jumped and turned around to face me, throwing me a disappointed look. I shrugged.
“Well, we were just discussing our periods, it was a super emotional conversation. We are both PMSing!” Mia snapped out with a little attitude. I would have been grossed out, but the horrified look on Alex’s expression made both Mia and I bust out laughing.
“We were not,” Alex muttered to herself. “Now am I going to urgent care or what? I have a high fucking pain tolerance, but don’t get me all excited for some relief for nothing.”
With that both Mia and I’s expression fell. I realized the whole time we had been talking Alex’s eyes were slightly watery and her fists were clenched, clearly in pain. I felt like shit.
“Damn it Alex. I’m sorry.”
Before Alex could yell at me for apologiz
ing, Mia jumped in.
“No apologies. Everyone in the car before mom comes out here.”
Alex stomped out in front of us and sat in the front with Mia. I felt like the oddball out when Mia and Alex were together. Something Mia said to Alex made Alex inherently trust her, and nothing made me happier than that.
Mia took us straight to the hospital. Alex pitched a fit, but Mia didn’t even listen to her. She simply turned to her calmly and said, “You would have wound up here anyway with that burn. I am simply skipping a step and lessening the people involved. You are so welcome.”
Alex shut up after that.
Mia seamlessly lied to the front desk about how Alex burned herself. Alex relaxed after that. I don’t even know what shit story Mia made up, but it was impressive. It even impressed Alex.
Alex stayed at the hospital for four days. She put it on her dad’s insurance. I asked if he would be okay with that. She said she was on his insurance, but yes, he’d be pissed, but fuck him. Fair enough.
I still worried though. I never wanted to send her “home”.
Chapter 4:
“Rex!” Alex called from outside the school after biology. “Where are you?”
“Over here,” I called from the football field.
She came stopping over. “God, I never would have guessed you’d become such a fucking jock. This is crazy. I miss the freaking baggy pants.”
“Oh shut up Alex. What do you want?”
Her expression fell. “I’m leaving.”
“Leaving? Yeah, I’ve been at your house for nine days. Mom’s back early. I have to go “home” before I get murdered.”
I grabbed Alex’s hand and dragged her across the school.
“No way. I can’t send you back there. You’re happy. You talk with my mom and dad. You and Mia do girl shit. You do girl shit. You guys even went shopping together. I’m not letting you go back there.”
“I appreciate the enthusiasm. Really, I do. It’s… nice, but not reality Rex. I have to go back for a while.”
“For a while?”
“Nothing. Complicated.”
“Alex,” I warned, narrowing my eyes at her.
“Sorry Rex. Last thing I’ll say.”
“Fine, but I want your whole story. We haven’t talked since you told me about your real life at home, and I want to know everything. Right now, or you aren’t leaving.”
“If you knew you’d never let me go Rex. And I do have to go back.”
“You have my word. Tell me, and I’ll let you make your own decisions.”
“Your word?” She cocked an eyebrow. I looked at her newly dyed layered hair and nodded.
“My word.”
“Let’s go.”
I followed her over to a set of benches. She threw her backpack on the floor and stomped on it before sitting down. She always did a small act of violence when she was overwhelmed. I sat down next to her.
“So, I told you my mom is schizophrenic. She’s been sick since I was little. It’s my job to take care of her, but she’s nuts Rex. I love her, but she’s nuts. The only good thing is when she’s around my dad doesn’t hurt me as much. If she’s gone or in another room he’ll act up, but if she’s there I’m safe. So, I need her. She can’t go anywhere. But keeping her around is like a full-time job. It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted! Anyway, my mom may be nuts, but my dad’s fucking insane! I hate him. I hate him with every fiber of my being. I’ve thought about leaving a lot, but always chicken out. Where would I go? It’s my family. I can’t just leave. Leave my mom. I don’t know. Something holds me back. My dad … is violent and…”
“Obviously,” I snapped gesturing to her side.
“That’s fucking nothing Rex, and if you don’t keep it together I’m out.”
“Fine. I’m together.”
She side eyed me but continued.
“He’s never touched me but…” Alexa watched me carefully as I felt the innocence of my world start to shatter. “His friends do. He pays off debt like that,” she shrugged, completely immune to it. “It’s fine when they don’t do creepy shit. I bit a guy once for freaking choking the hell out of me and trying to do all sorts of weird shit. My dad was pissed but dealt with him. His wrath was better than Mr. Creeper. Mr. Creeper never came back. Thank God. Rex, I don’t think I should tell you anymore. I don’t want to corrupt you. Your life is so nice and for some reason I give a crap about you. You’re about the only person. I will say this though. Other than the burn I have no scars really. Minor stuff, but nothing really serious. So, there’s that. I hope it helps.”
She stood up and I abruptly grabbed her hand. She turned around to face me. Her pink striped hair whipped around, blocking her face. Blocking the vulnerability, I know would show there.
“I’m so sorry. I care about you Alex. You know that right?”
I felt Alex’s hand shake in mine. “I know.”
Then she jerked away and ran off. By the time I got home from practice that day her bag was gone, and she was at home. An empty, helpless feeling settled over me when I noticed the house was empty. Her presence was loud, and without it felt like something was missing. Plus, knowing what was going on at her house and being helpless to stop it was like a dagger to my heart.
I stomped off to my room, feeling empty and guilty for not being able to help my best friend. I passed Mia’s room. Her door was cracked open. I heard her crying, so I set my backpack down and gently pushed her door open.
“Mia,” I said quietly.
“Oh Rex!” Mia sat up immediately and wiped the tears off her face. “What’s up?”
“You were crying.”
She waved her hand flippantly. “Oh, it’s nothing bro.”
Mia never hid her feelings. Ever. She liked the attention. I frowned.
“Mia, I can’t deal with you too. Can one damn female just tell me how they really feel? GEEZ!” My hands balled into fists.
“Okay, okay chill out Rex. I feel sad for Alex. That’s all.”
My shoulders slumped, and I sat next to her on the bed.
“Me too Mia, me too.”
Alexa’s voice snaps me back to the present in an instant.
“What the fuck with this detail Rex?” All eyes are on her. She is pacing the room like a crazy person “I mean what the fuck asshole, huh? You’re doing this to get back at me you stupid fucker.”
“Alexa,” Sam whispers and Alexa turns around to glare at her, so intensely that Logan puts a hand on Sam’s thigh protectively. Of course, Sam pulls it off and frowns at him.
I grin. “I’m telling the story. Like I was asked.”
She narrows her eyes at me.
“You used to be so nice.”
I laugh bitterly. “Oh, I’m still nice, but I’m around you so I’m just trying to keep up. Nice only got my heart broken with you.”
“I… you… “She glares at me again. I take a chance and look over at Gunner who looks thoroughly amused, and the dude never smiles.
“I’m telling the rest of the story,” Alex snaps. “The rest is mine.”
“Oh, come one Alexa,” Dana jumps in. “You’ll leave so much stuff out. Rex is being honest. He’s not being mean.”
“Shut the fuck up Dana. I’ll be honest okay. I swear, but I don’t want to hear anymore from Rex.”
I feel that fire in my body again. Every muscle tightens like a bow ready to lash out.
“Hard to hear what you left behind, huh? Hard to hear that I was a person with real feelings for you. Who gave a shit!”
I expect Alexa to fight me and defend her honor and all that, but she doesn’t. She simply stares at me, empty.
“Yeah.”
With one word all of our mouths drop, including mine. I clear my throat.
“You tell it then.” She nods and begins her story.
The story of what it’s like to live in hell.
Chapter 5:
This fucking sucks. I haven’t talked to anyone about this since Rex, and
Rex hates me. His presence shouldn’t be comforting. I shouldn’t need him to tell this story, but still I find myself looking at him for permission. Permission I don’t fucking need, and I hate myself for it. He simply nods at me, the glimmer of tattoos hanging out from his shirt. It still blows my flipping mind that he got so good looking. I shake my head and turn away from my everyone.
“So yeah like Carter said, I went home. To a nightmare. My mom was knocked out on all sorts of drugs or whatever, and my dad was glaring at me with pure hatred…”
“Rex Carter’s house, huh?” he asked as he circled me.
“I… yeah. He… I didn’t know…”
“And the hospital? My fucking insurance!” His eyes darkened to a black color, and I felt myself pee my pants a little. I wasn’t even humiliated either. I was just terrified.
“They made me go,” I squeaked out. “I didn’t say anything. They just saw the burn. What was I supposed to do?”
He grabbed the front of my shirt and threw me across the room. I fell into the counter and sliced my hand on a knife. It knocked the wind out of me.
“You need to learn manners Alexandra.”
I hate my name, and this is why. Because he used it.
“I don’t need shit from you!” I yelled. My two personalities clashed, fear and pride.
My dad smiled mischievously.
“Go ahead. Beat me. Have your stupid friends rape me. What the fuck ever. Do what you want. My body's immune. Dad.”
“Oh kid,” he laughed. Then he walked over to my mom’s bed and to her beside.
“What are you doing?” I asked breathlessly, following him.
He pulled a needle out of her bedside table.
“NO!” I ran forward at full speed, but my dad smirked and pulled a gun from the back of his pants. He pointed it at my mom. I stopped immediately. My skin went pale. My mom. She was nuts and I acted like I hated her, but I didn’t. I loved her with everything and craved the moments her disease wouldn’t take her away from me, where she could just be my mom. I literally lived for those moments, and my dad knew it.
“So, here’s how it’s gonna be kid,” his eyes gleamed with absolute pleasure. In that moment I learned what true hatred was. “If you try and stop me I will shoot her. It’ll look like a suicide and your precious mother will die a bloody death with everyone thinking she offed herself… or I will shoot her up with this,” he held up the needle, “It’s painless and undetectable. She’ll die in her sleep. You can pick kid. Pick your poison, your punishment. You won’t cross me again.”
