“Doon,” Kitt spoke up again. “I've been thinking... and... I want to stay on the ship for awhile. Not forever, of course, but just for a few more days.” She held her breath and prayed he wouldn't decline her request.
“Of course,” Doon's answer gave her immediate relief. “You can stay as long as you'd like, Angel.”
“Princess, Angel, Kitten. You have a lot of names for me!” Kitt pointed out. “That means you must like me... at least a little bit?”
“To be fair, I have a lot of names for Roddy too, and he's hardly my favorite person in the world,” Doon said with a shrug. “But... yes. I like you well enough.”
Kitt frowned. I like you well enough was probably the closest she would get to Doon acknowledging his fond feelings for her. When she finished her meal, Kitt got up and laid in Doon's bed. She half-expected him to kick her out of it, but he didn't. He looked a bit puzzled, but he let her stay.
As she laid in Doon's bed, Kitt finally found the courage to ask the question she had been dying to ask for days and days. “Doon... are you really a virgin?”
Doon nearly spit his juice back in his cup when he heard the question. “What? Did Miles tell you that?”
“Yes. And you don't have to be embarrassed. After all, I'm a virgin too.” It was such an intimate discussion that Kitt's cheeks were already inflamed. She was dying to know his answer. She had been dying to hear it from Doon's own lips as soon as Miles told her the supposed truth about him. Kitt still struggled to wrap her mind around the thought of it.
“Well...” Doon rose from his chair and moved throughout the room, blowing out most of the candles. When he finished, he sat beside her on the bed and stared at her feet. “You know, if you're going to lay in my bed, you should at least take off your shoes.”
“Don't change the subject!” Kitt shrilled as she kicked the slippers off her feet.
“Am I... a virgin?” Doon dragged a hand over his face as he considered the question. “To be honest, Miles and I have a very different opinion on that subject. He says I am a virgin, I say I'm not.”
Kitt's brow furrowed at the confusing contradiction. “How can you be a virgin and not a virgin at the same time?”
“I can tell you, but I don't think you're going to like it.”
She wasn't going to like it? Kitt imagined all sorts of scenarios as she considered his words. Was Doon actually the womanizer she always expected him to be, and Miles told her a lie? Or was he a reformed rake who took a vow of celibacy, never to touch a female again?
“Only Miles knows the story. And if I tell you the story, you have to promise me something, Kitt.” Doon laid on the bed beside her, but he didn't meet her gaze. His eyes were fixed on a tiny feather that had escaped from one of his pillows. “If I tell you, you have to promise it won't alter your opinion of me. You won't pity me, and you won't talk about it again.”
“I promise!” Kitt declared, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. She was desperate to know the truth about him, even if she had to beg.
“Very well.” Doon sighed deeply, took a breath, sighed again, and took another breath. He was clearly struggling with whatever he was about to tell her. “When I was fourteen, my father and his cousin held me down while the women... took turns with me.”
Kitt's heart pounded frantically as she listened to the story. “The women? Who are you talking about?”
“Three buxom whores. They were hired to... you know...”
“Rape you?” Kitt finished for him. For a moment, she wondered if he was joking with her; after all, the story was too outlandish and heartbreaking to believe. But she doubted he would joke about something so serious.
“I wouldn't say rape, exactly, but it was certainly against my will.”
“If it was against your will, it was rape,” Kitt insisted. “They raped you.”
“Well, whatever, I don't care. It's ancient history,” Doon dismissively replied, then he rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling.
“But you obviously do care. You keep people at a distance... you don't even like to be touched! I wouldn't be surprised if that was the reason.”
“Don't you dare feel sorry for me, Kitt! I hate when people feel sorry for me!” Doon turned in Kitt's direction and playfully wagged a finger in her face. “As for the touching thing, I can't understand why anyone would want to have their personal space invaded by human fingers! Although... I suppose I don't mind too much when you're the one who's touching me.”
As if to test his claim, Kitt reached out to caress Doon's cheek. Had she touched him days ago, he might have shuddered or pulled away. This time, he seemed content to have her hand on his face. “By the way, I agree with Miles. If you've never been with anyone by choice, you're still a virgin. Have you ever been with anyone by choice?”
Doon started to shake his head, then his brow was suddenly pinched in frustration. “You can believe what you want! I don't care. But let's not talk about it anymore. Didn't I tell you not to talk about it?” He finally leaned away from the hand that caressed his cheek.
“What else did your father do to you?” Kitt knew she had already probed him enough for one night, but she wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything about him, to understand what made him the way he was.
“You want stories? Fine. I'll give you stories.” Doon's eyes closed as he delved into his darkest memories. “Before he beat us all the time, my father used to care about my mother and me. But when my grandfather entered the picture, everything changed. He was a bigoted man who convinced my father we were utter trash. Because my mother was a slave, and I was the son of a slave, we weren't worthy of him. So my father treated me like a beast after that. Sometimes he'd grab me by my feet and use my body to mop the deck. Sometimes he'd chain me up like an animal and leave me in the darkness for days, forgetting all about me. He pulled out two of my teeth for absolutely no reason, beyond being bored.” Doon used his finger to peel back his lip, showing her the evidence of missing teeth.
“God...” Kitt whispered.
Doon continued with a sigh, “When my mother and I tried to escape, he beat me within an inch of my life, then he raped her in front of me. And after that, he killed her. When she wasn't around to defend me, my father became obsessed with turning me into something useful. He'd make me fight for hours upon hours, with all sorts of weapons. I must have been ten or eleven when I started, and he'd make me fight these big men. Huge men. And they didn't go easy on me. Every single day, I ended up with more scrapes, bruises and cuts than you can imagine. When I didn't perform well, my father would beat me some more... and those are the scars you see on my back.”
Kitt was speechless. The story he told her was far worse than anything she had conjured up in her own mind.
“And, of course, you already know about the time he cut off my fingers and fed them to dogs.” Doon held up his three-fingered hand. “I'm sure there's more, but I think you've heard enough.”
“God...” Kitt whispered again, for lack of anything better to say. Her entire body felt cold and numb. “I had no idea.”
“And now... if we can never talk about my father again, I'd be grateful,” Doon said. “And if you even think about looking at me differently, or treating me differently because of this, you'll crush me... so don't even consider it.”
“I won't.” Kitt's eyes were full of tears, but she hoped he wouldn't notice. Doon didn't want her pity, so she didn't want to show him how much his story broke her heart. “I won't mention him again.”
“Good. You better not. And I don't want you to think I carry this with me everywhere, like it's some unshakable burden that haunts me every day. I block it out. It isn't who I am.”
“I never thought that.” Her tears continued to build, so Kitt closed her eyes and waited for them to pass. She was shocked by his history, but pleased that he felt comfortable enough to share it with her. If she and Miles were the only souls who knew the story, it had to mean something. He trusted her to know the truth.
“Doon... would you mind if I laid my head on you?”
“On me where? My leg? My elbow? My bruised pinkie toe?”
Kitt had to chuckle. It was amazing that he still managed to tease her, even after discussing something so serious and terrible. “On your chest!” she exclaimed. “I think I'd like to rest my head on your chest.”
“I suppose I wouldn't object.”
I wouldn't object was as close as Doon could come to admitting he wanted it, and Kitt knew that, so she indulged herself. When her head landed on his chest, Kitt heaved a contented sigh. She liked to be close to him, to feel his warmth, and to feel the soft thump of his heartbeat against her cheek. When she felt his fingers gliding through her hair, her own heart nearly burst. Francis Doon was showing her affection. It seemed unreal.
“Can I...” Kitt hesitated with her next question. “Can I stay with you tonight?” When she briefly lifted her head and noted his puzzled expression, she quickly explained, “I mean... sleep. Here. In your bed. Beside you.” An uncontrollable heat suddenly roasted Kitt's cheeks. When he didn't respond for the longest time, her head returned to his chest and her eyes were squinting in shame. “Never mind. It was a foolish thing to ask. Ignore it.”
“No.” Doon's fingers continued to drift through her hair as he spoke. “It's not foolish, and I don't mind. You can stay with me if you want.” Before she changed her mind, Doon grabbed a blanket and tossed it over both of them. “There. Are you nice and cozy?”
“Mm hmm,” Kitt managed to squeak out a reply. “Very.”
“Good. I aim to please. Just don't ask for a lullaby. I'll have to draw the line at singing you a lullaby.”
Kitt's mind was so intoxicated with bliss, she couldn't even register his joke. At that moment, she knew she was the happiest girl in the world.
31
As they rode to Lundun in Kieran's hovercraft, Lyneah was grateful for her goggles. An inordinate amount of wind and sand lashed her face as the craft sped forward. “So maybe we should return to Dovyr in a day or two, after the riots die down? Maybe I can convince Rory's men to follow me?” Lyneah suggested. “It's worth a shot, isn't it?”
“I doubt it. There are too many men with too many aspirations. That can be a dangerous thing,” Kieran advised her. He had to speak loudly, because the hum of the hovercraft was loud and constant. “Besides... how are you going to get back to Dovyr? Were you planning on dragging me with you again?”
“Well... yes.” Lyneah answered honestly. “To be honest, Kieran, I may need your help. If the men won't follow me, maybe they'll follow another McCray? A princess and a McCray together might be even more convincing.”
“I'm going to tell you what I told my brother, love.” Lyneah was sitting behind him, so Kieran shouted over his shoulder. “He is the one who wanted a revolution, not me. It was Rory's battle, and I want nothing to do with it.”
“What if I pay you?” Lyneah was desperate to convince him—she didn't want be alone again. If there was even the slightest chance she could recruit a more permanent ally, she had to try. Kieran could be abrasive, but at least she trusted him. “I have more money! And if I eventually take the castle, there's really no limit to how much I could pay you. You're a mercenary, aren't you? How can a mercenary pass up a high-paying job?”
Much to Kieran's dismay, the hovercraft hissed and stalled. The last thing he wanted was to be stranded again, so he leaned forward and punched the craft's hood. That seemed to do the trick. By some miracle, the vehicle resumed its normal function.
Kieran finally answered. “To be honest, I might as well. It's not like I have another job lined up. I'm not too thrilled with the idea of squiring you all over the country, but if you've more money to offer, I guess I can offer my assistance.”
“Good!” At the rate that she was throwing away her money on Kieran, he would bankrupt her soon enough. She wasn't even sure he would be worth it, but it was better to have someone than no one. With a heavy heart, Lyneah turned around and looked at Tobey, who was riding in the hovercraft behind her. They had been awake for over an hour, but he had yet to say a single word to her. Lyneah wanted to know why. “You've been awfully quiet, Tobey. Is there something wrong?”
Tobias weakly shook his head. “No. Nothing.”
“Are you sure? It's not like you to be so silent.” Lyneah exaggerated a pout. “Are you upset with me?”
“No.”
“Did I say something to make you angry?”
“I'm fine.” Tobias' curt answers were a telltale sign of his lie. Lyneah knew there was something bothering him, but she wasn't sure what it was. If the previous night's events had upset him for some reason, she wanted to know.
“Did Roderick say something to you? Was he rude?”
Tobias shook his head again. He didn't say a word, and he didn't even look at her. For the last several days, Lyneah had considered him a friend—maybe even her best friend. And now she was losing him. Tobias was returning to his job in Lundun, and she wasn't sure if she would see him again. She couldn't bear the thought of parting on poor terms.
“Please tell me the truth!” Lyneah beseeched him. “Please. I know you, Tobias. You're not acting like yourself!”
“I'm fine!” When he realized he was yelling at her, he tried to alter his voice. “Everything's fine, Lyneah. Don't worry about me.”
As she turned away from him, Lyneah's heart felt hollow. Knowing Tobias was upset with her was even worse than Roderick's condemnation. She would have happily endured Roderick's harsh words again and again if it meant Tobias would smile at her one more time.
When they reached Lundun and climbed out of the hovercraft, the crushing reality of Tobey's departure hit her harder than ever. In a few minutes, they'd walk to the station, he would say goodbye, he'd climb onto a train—and then he would be gone. Lyneah wanted to cling to his arm and beg him to stay, but she had already put him through enough, and she didn't want to be selfish. She would have loved to keep him at her side, but it simply wasn't possible.
“So where are you going to g-go after this?” Tobey asked as they headed to the station. Kieran decided to stay behind with the hovercraft and wait for Lyneah to return. Apparently, he had no need to see Tobias off.
“I'm not sure yet. I have a few ideas... and Kieran has a few. I imagine there will be a lengthy discussion when I return. I honestly have no idea what my next move should be.”
“W-well... I really hope you figure it out.” As they walked, Tobey crossed his arms and kept his head down. Even if he was marching to his death, the mood couldn't have been more somber. There was a wicked thought racing through Tobias' head, and he couldn't stop thinking it: Lyneah had her body on everyone but him.
“You definitely know when you're back in Lundun!” Lyneah remarked. “It smells like smog and smoke and steel.”
“Indeed. No other city smells so potent.”
Tobias' replies were so rigid, she felt like she wanted to cry. Where was her friend? What happened to him? Why wasn't he talking to her properly? Before they reached the station, Lyneah grabbed his sleeve and pulled him toward her. “Tobey.” Tears wavered in her eyes as she whispered his name.
“What?”
The harshness in his voice made her shiver. Tobias was slowly breaking her heart with every word he said, and he didn't even know it. Or maybe he wouldn't even care? “Tobey... I can't stop thinking you must be upset with me, and I wish you'd tell me why!”
A nearby steam train bellowed a warning. If he wanted to catch the next ride into the city, Tobias had to keep it short. He didn't have enough time to explain why he was hurt, or why he felt worthless, or why her preference for other men made him ache all over. And even if he had the time to tell her, he wouldn't do it. He had to keep his feelings shackled inside of him, because everything he felt was too embarrassing to tell. Instead of saying something he would live to regret, he told her, “I have to go...”
“Why are you acting like this? I can't stand it!” Lyne
ah wailed. “You're the only person I like and you're probably the only person who likes me. You do like me, don't you?”
“Of course.” Tobias raised a blonde eyebrow as he stared down at her. “I hope that wasn't a serious question. Of course I like you.”
“Then... why are you acting like you don't even care about me?” When a tear slipped from her eye, Lyneah reached up to smack it away. She couldn't remember the last time she allowed herself to cry in front of people. The last time someone saw her tears, she was probably a little girl.
“No... nooo... don't be upset!” As soon as he saw her crying, Tobias' icy exterior melted. He folded his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. “Don't cry, Lyneah. I don't want you to be sad.”
“I don't want to leave you!” Before she knew it, she was clinging to him and sobbing into his coat. “I don't have anyone else!”
“Shh.” Tobias stroked her hair and kissed her head, trying to soothe her tears. “Don't cry. It's okay.”
“You don't h-hate me?” Lyneah was the one who stuttered now. “I keep thinking you must hate me now.”
“Not at all. I could never hate you, silly girl.”
The train whistled again, so Lyneah tightened her grip on him, desperate to keep him with her. In the distance, Tobias could see the train rolling away from the platform, but he didn't care. As long as Lyneah was upset, there was no way he could leave her.
“I never cry,” Lyneah confessed as she snorted against his vest. “I hate this. I hate myself for this!”
A Lost Princess (Belles & Bullets Book 2) Page 21
