by Alice Brown
“Be careful what you wish for, my love,” he crooned in her ear. Just having his breath in her ear was making her insides do funny things. He glanced down at the glass of wine. “I’m glad you ordered white. I meant to warn the bartender that you would be here, but it slipped my mind.”
“Jennifer took care of the situation for you,” Erica assured him.
The get-together was considered a success by all guests, and by the time it had wound down about 10:30, Erica’s long day had caught up with her.
She helped Jennifer and Kevin clean up the last little bit in the family room and then headed towards Kevin’s suite with her shoes off, dangling on a finger. She opened the door and walked in, dropping her shoes off to the side.
She had started removing her necklace as she headed to the bedroom to change, when Kevin walked in. In the next second he was standing directly in front of her, grabbing her up for a heart-stopping kiss. His kiss was needy, passionate, and demanding all at the same time. In no time at all, Erica’s head was spinning. He finally let her come up for air, but continued trailing kisses down her neck, shoulders, and the exposed skin at the top of her chest.
“Do you have any concept, of how much I missed you?” he murmured in a silky voice.
“I know how much I missed you,” she whispered in reply.
He leaned over slightly, and in the blink of an eye, hefted Erica up into his arms. He carried her over to the couch and sat her down gently.
He didn’t want their evening to end, but he knew he needed to tell her he would be gone tomorrow morning. He sat down next to her and sighed heavily.
“Kevin, what is the matter?”
He glanced over her way with a frown on his face. “I have some bad news to tell you.”
Immediately, her fears and insecurities came roaring back to life. God, had she so totally misread him? Had he changed his mind about his feelings for her? Was he getting ready to ask her to leave? What else could possibly put that frown on his face? Taking a deep breath, she resolved herself to not showing her true feelings for him, no matter what! If in fact he’d had a change of heart, she would thank him for his hospitality and leave quietly. Where she would go, she had no clue, but she would be damned if she was going to stay where she wasn’t wanted!
Kevin gently took both of her hands in his before beginning to speak. God, how he wished he could get around having to break this news to her! “I will be leaving in the morning for about a week. Last week’s drug bust at the college has paid off, and we have the name and location of the top guy involved. He is in Brazil.” He carefully watched her face as he continued. “The plan is to go there and catch him off-guard. But, I’m not scheduled to be back before next weekend.”
“Oh,” Erica responded. So, what did this mean for her? Did he want her gone by the time he returned? She could feel the tears start to burn her eyes, and blinked rapidly. No, she wouldn’t let him see her cry. She glanced over to him, confused to see a look of anguish on his face.
“Thank you for your hospitality, I’ll be sure to be gone by the time you get back,” Erica stated in just above a whisper. She kept her face averted from his, thankful for her long hair which would help her hide the tears threatening to spill. She couldn’t bring herself to look over at him, it was just too painful, and therefore missed the look of pure shock that transformed across his face.
“What do you mean, you will be gone? You will do no such thing! Shawn is still out there looking for you! Are you crazy, woman? Why would you want to leave?” Kevin exploded, reaching for her arms and holding tightly.
No way was she leaving. If he had to lock her up in this apartment while he was gone, so be it. She was just becoming comfortable with him, and she was his mate, damn it all! Like hell was she walking away now!
“I just thought you were trying to tell me you didn’t want me…” She didn’t get any further before his hand cupped the back of her head and his other hand reached down to gently tilt her chin up so he could see her face. As soon as her head lifted, her mouth was immediately covered in a hard and relentless kiss. As he pummeled her mouth, his mind went back to the conversation trying to figure out exactly what he had said to make her think he wanted her to leave. It came up blank.
Finally, knowing Erica would need air, he let her go. He was a bit surprised to find that both were breathing heavy. He took just a moment to try to word his words correctly. He couldn’t afford another miscommunication. “Erica, I was just trying to tell you I have an assignment that is going to take me out of town. Well, actually, it is taking me out of the country.” He grinned. “I love you. You are it for me, love. You are my other half, my soul. Don’t ever think for a minute that I don’t want you. Hell, I feel like I am burning up I want you so much!”
The tears that she had been carefully holding back fell in torrents. There was no stopping them. “Oh, Kevin, I thought you had changed your mind about me. I love you too, Kevin. I know things have gone slowly, and I’ll be the first to admit I am a mess, but you must be the most patient man on the face of the earth, and I am trying, Kevin, I truly am. Thank you for loving me, thank you for caring for me, and thank you for being patient.”
Kevin held her in his arms while she cried, soaking the front of his shirt while he crooned in her ear how much he loved her. Finally, when her tears had turned to a few sniffles, he took his index finger to lift her chin. “I was dreading telling you about the trip because we haven’t had much time to be together. The timing sucks on this, of course, but the team needs my animal form for parts of the jungle.” He kept his eyes locked with hers, and kept skin touching skin, allowing him to maintain a forced relaxed atmosphere on her.
“Tell you what,” he continued in a seductive whisper, bringing his face closer to hers. “Let me get this job wrapped up, and when I return, I’ll have a surprise for you.” He softly kissed her lips, and the low moan that escaped her throat was hard to miss. Much to Erica’s surprise, her body acted on its own accord and glued itself to Kevin’s.
“My family owns a house at the beach, just outside of San Luis Obispo,” Kevin whispered seductively in her ear. “Pack for about three or four days and be ready to leave immediately upon my return. I promise you, babe, I’ll make up for my absence.”
He thought about his next move with her. Was it too soon? Would he end up pushing her too far?
“I want to ask you a question. Will you hear me out completely, before reacting or answering?” he requested, keeping his hand on top of hers in order to maintain access to her thoughts.
“Okay, I can try,” she answered him honestly.
“Would you consider staying the night with me in my room?” Kevin quickly raised his hands up in front of him, as soon as he spotted the flash of fear skittering across her face. Not fully understanding where her sudden fear was coming from, he quickly added, “We don’t have to do anything. I just want to cuddle with you. However, I need to be in my room and crank the air conditioning down. I need the coolness to recuperate from any lost strength. I’m not going to be with you for the next five to seven days, I just want us to be together while we can.” He kept a peaceful calmness swirling around her in hopes it would help keep her tranquil.
He had seen that look of fear return to her eyes the moment he mentioned, “Stay with me in my room.” Had he done enough to reassure her? He hoped so.
He watched as she drew in a deep breath and then glanced up at him. It was easy to see the idea made her nervous, although it didn’t make any sense to him. He quickly doubled his effort to keep a cerebral calmness going strong in her. “Okay,” she breathed in a trembling whisper, but it was enough for him.
He dropped a light kiss on her forehead, smiling in triumph that she had agreed. He lightly rubbed her arms for a moment, just allowing her the time to accept her decision. “Go ahead and get ready for bed, I’ll meet you in the bedroom.” He chose his words carefully and with a neutral tone, hoping it would reinforce his desire to see her comfortabl
e. As she stood up, he reached out for her hand as he whispered another reassurance. “Thank you, Erica. You are safe with me, I promise.”
Erica attempted to give him a weak smile before turning to head for her room. Once in the privacy of her bedroom, she felt her breath hitch as she paced the floor. What in the world was she freaking out about anyway? This was Kevin, gentle, kind, considerate, Kevin. But old fears kept raising their heads. He had waited long enough. Sooner or later he would want to take their relationship to the next level. She was somewhat surprised he hadn’t tried already. And she knew what it would bring when he did. Pain and humiliation, her mind screamed.
But they had messed around before, and he had been nothing but gentle. He could have hurt her then if he wanted to, but instead he made certain she enjoyed what he was doing to her. Was it possible to have sex with no pain? If it was, she certainly had never experienced it before.
Her brain immediately went to her wedding night with Shawn. Unbeknownst to her, he had made an agreement with his brother, Gary to share her. She shuddered at the thought. Thank goodness at the last minute Shawn had changed his mind, getting into a heated argument with his brother, and kicking him out. That was the last time she had seen that man. But that in no way helped her when her husband consummated their marriage. That was when she discovered she had married a vampire.
She closed her eyes and willed those memories away. She wanted to start a clean life, and in order to do that she had to stop living in the past and take a chance on the future.
The thing she felt the worst about was that Kevin didn’t even know why she didn’t want to take things to the next level. She hadn’t been completely truthful with him at all. He deserved someone who could love him and show him the same kindness and devotion he showed her every day. But would she ever be comfortable in doing so? The other side of the brain quickly butted in, reminding her of just how sweet and gentle he had been with her. He was always treating her as if she were spun glass. Deep down, when she put away the irrational thoughts and fears, she knew he would never hurt her. But still, it was easier said than done to put away years of abuse and try to move forward.
She stood in front of the mirror. “Well, you did just agree to spend the night in his room.” She attempted to regain control of the panic attack threatening to take over her. She could do this, she would do this for him. If he wanted to have sex tonight, she would dutifully let him, silently enduring the pain. That’s what women were supposed to do, right?
Kevin walked into his bedroom and turned both air units on full blast, then went to the closet to retrieve a stack of extra blankets to swath Erica in. He heard her approach the doorway, and the frightened doe that was standing before him, with her pillow clutched to her chest made his own chest squeeze so tight it hurt.
The moment she spotted Kevin moving around his bedroom, and then his bed, all of her rational thoughts and earlier pep talk went out the door. Oh God, I can’t do this! Her mind screamed as she stood shaking in his doorway, unable to move forward or backward.
Her heart was galloping like a runaway horse as she stood frozen in the doorway. Kevin glanced over his shoulder and spotted her, instantly becoming concerned as he realized her heart was galloping like a horse. It seemed to be beating uncontrollably, and he turned to approach her.
It only took a couple of seconds to reach her, and he was greeted with tears running down her cheeks. “Kevin, I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do this,” she cried out in a tortured whisper. “I should have never agreed to this.” She knew that her backing out would probably be the end of an otherwise wonderful relationship. Truly, who would want to continue waiting around for someone who was as damaged as her? She probably should spend the week without him looking for another place to live, because if she stayed, he would just feel sorry for her.
She glanced up into his eyes, her own overflowing with tears as she repeated, “I am so sorry, I just can’t.” Silently, she continued beating herself up for agreeing to this in the first place. She should have known better, that deep dark place in her mind kept telling her. “I’m sorry,” she repeated in a ragged voice as she shook her head, “I guess there is no hope for me, I’m broken.”
Erica quickly turned on her heel, intending to turn tail and run to the safety of her own bedroom, but Kevin quickly snaked his arm around her waist, stopping her in her tracks. He immediately brought her up tight against his body. “Shh now, there is no need to get upset. It is okay, I promise you. I have no hidden agenda. Do you trust me?” he whispered, all the while trying to throw a peaceful atmosphere around her. As soon as he had skin contact, he invaded her thoughts to see exactly what she was panicking over. Visions of Shawn hitting her, shoving her into a wall, and yelling at her, and then him throwing her down, roughly plowing into her, no foreplay, no checking to see if she was ready, no nothing. It was nothing more than an animal rutting. All of these scenes danced around the forefront of her brain. Damn that man to hell! he cursed silently. No wonder she thinks she is broken.
“Yes, yes, I do,” she responded as she drew in a ragged breath to his question. “It’s just…” Should she go ahead and bare her soul to this man standing in front of her? Should she go ahead and tell him she was probably too damaged to ever hope for another relationship? She really had no desire to, for that would surely bring an end to the wonderful fantasy she had been living in.
Kevin placed his index finger on her lips. “Shh, sweetness, I promise, it is okay. I’ve spent the night in your room before, correct? Is there something about this room that makes you uncomfortable?”
Erica glanced up into his eyes and gave him a wobbly smile as she shook her head. “No, it’s just me.” Kevin watched her breathe in deeply, and then exhale. “Kevin, I need to tell you something.” No, she didn’t want to bare this part of her soul, but as patient and kind as he had been, he did deserve an explanation.
Kevin continued to keep her cradled up against him, as he gently guided them over to sit on the end of the bed, keeping a peaceful atmosphere going in an attempt to keep her calm.
She took a deep fortifying breath before beginning. “I should have brought this up to you long before now. It’s just, it’s a rather uncomfortable subject, and I’m not sure where to begin.” Erica kept her eyes averted from him, while hot tears continued to stream down her cheeks. She swiped the worst away with the back of her hand before continuing.
“Love, you have nothing to fear from me. Please just talk to me,” Kevin begged her, as he gently lifted her chin and used the pads of his thumbs to brush away a few more tears.
Erica gave him a faint smile and ran her hand lovingly down the side of his face before beginning. “You have been the most patient and sensitive man I have ever met. But I am well aware that even you have a limit. It’s just…” She paused there and gulped, knowing her face was turning red from embarrassment. “Well, you’ve never pushed the intimacy issue, but I haven’t exactly been upfront with you on everything, either.”
“Oh God, Erica,” Kevin breathed, knowing what she was getting ready to reveal. “I know Shawn hurt you. I’ve held back in order to give you time to heal.”
Not realizing Kevin indeed knew more about her past than she had ever shared with him, she continued to try and make him see what was truly at the heart of her fears. “Kevin, I am not talking about the bite marks on my arms. You have no idea what else he…” she trailed off for a long moment, as gut-wrenching sobs suddenly wracked her body. Exactly how do you tell someone you love that you are probably emotionally damaged for life because your ex-husband forced himself and beat you every chance he could?
“Yes, I do know,” Kevin admitted quietly, as he cuddled her closely to his chest, providing what comfort he could for her.
A sudden fear rippled through Erica. “What, but how?” she asked incredulously, head shooting up off his chest to give him a glare.
“Erica, you are aware that as long as I have skin contact with you, I have the abil
ity to read your mind, right?” Kevin inquired gently.
“Well yes, but wait,” she sputtered. “How long have you been reading my mind? Dear God, have you been reading my mind all along? And why haven’t you told me?” Anger warred with embarrassment as she tried to imagine the depth of privacy that had been invaded. Just the thought of him having access to her thoughts and not informing her of this fact was enough to set off her anger. Just how many wild thoughts of lust had he been able to glean from her over the past several weeks that she had been staying with him?
Kevin looked down with a bit of an embarrassed look. “I didn’t have a choice in the beginning,” he started. “You certainly were not about to tell me that you had a vampire torturing you.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “And then when you moved in, and started having nightmares, I would enter your mind to help calm you down. I’ve only done it a few times, Erica, and it has always been to help you. I would never take control of your thought process, or even retrieve your thoughts unless I had good reason to.”
“You should have told me,” she gritted out between clinched teeth. She had folded her arms over her chest, and it was all Kevin could do to keep a straight face. On top of the fact that the stance she was in brought her breasts up and squeezed them together, he also quickly realized it was the same stance he used when he became stubborn. He just didn’t have the boobs to make the stance look good!
He knew that if he didn’t get this situation calmed down, he would be sleeping alone. He tried for a repentant look. “I am sorry. I should not have done so without telling you. I just assumed you already knew, since you were married to Shawn. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me, though, that he never told you.”
“What do you mean?” Erica inquired, cocking an eyebrow up at him.
“All of my kind has the ability to retrieve thoughts from humans, as well as shuffle through and rearrange thought processes. We can bury ones that we don’t want someone to have, and implant other thoughts in their place. With those abilities, there is no excuse for you to have ever suffered the torture Shawn gave you. Let’s look at the intimacy issue for example. Shawn had the ability to make the experience pleasurable for you each and every time, just by controlling your thoughts. Not that he should have had to do such a thing, if he knew how to treat a woman. Instead, he chose to not only inflict pain, but to make certain that you felt and remembered every bit of it. Judging by what I have seen in your memories, he inflicted as much pain on you as possible, for the sheer joy of seeing you in agony.” Kevin paused there for just a moment, with a painful expression on his face. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry you ended up with a monster of my kind. I’m sorry he put you through so much pain and horror.”
