by L. J. Dee
He forced himself inside me, invading the burning cells as I screamed out loud, trying to relax and stop the fierce resistance of my body that was only serving to heighten the sudden pain.
“Stop fighting it,” he demanded and with one punishing thrust he was in, all in, grunting expletives as my eyes glazed, lost in the feelings and sensations battering my body.
It was lust, it was anger, it was passion and it was abstinence, all merging in an explosive cocktail of need as I took every powerful inch of Lucas’s hard cock, moaning as his hand found my yearning clit. I was drowning again in the burning pain and the feeling of fullness, craving more and wanting everything Lucas had to give.
“Never. Behave. That. Way. Again,” he said aggressively, punctuating every word with a deep thrust, each more powerful than the last as my head swirled with emotion, my body swamped in pain and pleasure as bright lights burst behind my eyelids. The bundle of nerves erupted under Lucas’s expert touch as I felt my insides clamp even tighter around his cock. “Fuck, Jess,” he groaned, shuddering behind me as we came apart together and I fell forward onto the couch, my shaky legs collapsing underneath me at the sheer intensity of it all.
I stayed where I was; motionless and trying to steady my breathing, listening to Lucas clothe himself before he finally picked me up, dressing me slowly and chuckling softly as he put my ruined panties in the pocket of his suit. He kissed my forehead, smiling gently as I looked up at him in awe. He had punished my mind and punished my body and the two feelings were in absolute contrast to one another. If one had been hell, the other had been heaven and I knew I was in too deep.
He came to sit next to me as I curled up against him, needing the closeness as much now as I had the moment I’d walked into the office, leaning against his solid chest as my mind went back to the troubling words he’d said before desire consumed our senses.
“What did you mean when you said it wouldn’t work?” I asked, looking up at him as he smiled.
“You’re making me change all my rules, lady. You said you don’t feel secure and I’ve been thinking about what you might need to ensure that isn’t the case. This agreement is unusual for you. I understand that, and wondered if it might help if we included some more ‘normal’ pursuits in our arrangement,” he said, rolling his tongue around the word. I giggled at his serious face, wondering what more ‘normal’ pursuits he had in mind.
“What’s funny?” he asked as I quirked an eyebrow at him.
“Your face for one! You look like you’re about to face the firing squad,” I quipped. I had never seen Lucas look this pensive.
“Maybe I am,” he laughed before throwing me a huge white panty-dropping smile that had my heart flipping all over my chest and butterflies erupting in my stomach in excitement and anticipation at what was coming next.
“We will see each other outside the office and the club,” he said eventually and I could see how difficult it was for him to do that.
“Why? I thought you wanted to compartmentalise,” I said as he shifted uncomfortably, his uncharacteristic awkwardness was endearing and I watched him carefully.
“I want you to feel secure, Jess,” he said firmly as I shook my head.
“I just need to know that Roberta isn’t in the picture sexually and you told me she isn’t. I believe you. The abstinence thing threw me off. I wasn’t expecting it and I didn’t react well. You don’t have to do this,” I said as he frowned deeply, eyes darkening.
“You’re right. I don’t have to do anything. I want to do it,” he said as I laughed gently.
“Lucas, my life outside the club and work revolves around Dexter, you know that,” I said, frowning as he smiled.
“Yes, Jess, I do,” he said. He was offering me something that was difficult for him, and he knew in return that I would have to offer the same.
This was the shiny little cherry on a headfuck sundae and I had no idea where we were going with it. My mind was all over the place and the thought of Lucas having even more control over my life was sending my head and stomach swirling in a thousand different directions. He hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend or anything, just told me what would be happening.
“No, I’d rather keep things as they are,” I said quickly with as much conviction as I could muster. This was seriously taking things up a level and I had more than me to consider. It was too much, too soon. He was staring at me intently as I shook my head.
“I want you in my life, Lucas, but this week almost destroyed me. I’ve come to terms with the contract, but it’s taking me time to adjust. I haven’t done this before and I’m trying to learn, but you’re changing the rules already. If you’re talking about time outside then that has to involve Dexter, and I can’t put my child’s heart on the line. He’s never had a strong male influence in his life and he would become way too attached, much too quickly,” I said as he nodded.
“You have my word that I won’t hurt Dexter. I appreciate that this is difficult, but I believe it’s what you need to feel secure. With your son I’ll take your guidance on what is and is not acceptable, but this will happen, Jess,” he said as I swallowed hard.
“So you’re telling me, not asking me,” I said as he smirked slightly and I shook my head.
“And you’ll follow my guidance, will you? I doubt that, Lucas. You’re not the kind of man who follows anyone’s guidance on anything,” I said as his smirk broadened.
“Perhaps, sweetheart, but this is one area where Mummy calls the shots,” he grinned. I couldn’t help the giggle that burst from my lips from his use of the word ‘Mummy’, but my smile quickly faded. I wasn’t about to be pushed into something I wasn’t ready for, and I wasn’t sure why. No doubt this would be a huge mistake and I’d end up analysing my decision endlessly, but I knew in my gut that the time wasn’t right.
“You might want to know that your constant coming back at me, turning me down and telling me no, only makes me desire it more. My need to dominate you, sweetheart, is almost overwhelming. When you tell me you don’t want it, I fill with a burning desire to make you need it; admit that you do want it; want me. The challenge licks at me like an insatiable flame, making my need to possess you even more intense. So if you’re telling me to slow down here, you should be warned that by rejecting my advances, you are throwing down a challenge just as impossible for me to refuse as when you lay there, open and vulnerable and begging me to make you come.”
My eyes flashed wide as his words sunk in. A huge part of me was elated, a bigger part was worried and it was written all over my face.
“You should look frightened, Jess, because this is frightening. I’m telling you I need it all; want you to unravel at the very core of your being and turn everything over to me.”
“So you can dominate me?”
He smiled at me softly, holding my face in his hand, shaking his head gently. “No. So I can protect you and adore you, worship you and understand what makes you tick. I want to bring happiness and need to your heart, Jess, not crush it. You’re holding onto fear, building walls and closing down. I don’t want to smash down those walls, I want you to create a door and invite me in. My desire is to set that fear free.”
My heart was dancing at his words, flipping all over my chest. If I understood him right, this was more than the contract, more than our arrangement, much, much more. The thought both terrified and delighted me, but it wasn’t just about me and I needed time to process his words. There was so much at stake here.
This was his game, his rules and I hadn’t figured out the whole situation well enough to jump in any deeper. I was drowning in affection for this man as it was. If I gave up any more, I’d be out of my depth. Worse still, that thought was intoxicating. Sinking into Lucas Hunter’s unique brand of desire would be thrilling, and I’d have happily sacrificed my lifejacket and waded into the darkness with a happy heart if it was only me. But it wasn’t, and nor would it ever be.
“I can’t, Lucas.” I said as he nodded on
ce, brushing his lips against my forehead. He turned away and moved back to his desk, answering his ringing phone without looking back up. I took that as my cue to leave and stood to make my way dejectedly out of his office, wondering if I’d just fucked things up and whether my arse would ever feel normal again.
“You sulk more than my five year old,” I muttered as he fixed me with a steely glare, still with the phone to his ear and I knew I’d probably wound him up even more, but hell, I’d been looking forward to today so much and our reunion had been incredible. Now I just felt like shit.
Lucas didn’t like being told no, and I was quickly learning that his usual response was to shut down. It was even more reason to keep the compartmentalisation. There was no doubt I’d have to tell him ‘no’ constantly when it came to Dexter and the very thought made me miserable.
My mood hadn’t improved as I made the long journey home, staring at my fellow commuters and wondering suddenly how my life had become so damned complicated. I wanted the warmth of Lucas and I’d missed it the moment he walked away. There were so many things to consider that I couldn’t make that decision rashly. My heart wanted it and so did a big part of my head, but he’d already decided.
In the bedroom that was his prerogative, but not with Dexter, however tempting his offer might be. I also wasn’t sure what ‘normal’ meant. Perhaps I should have asked, but the fact that he’d told me and not asked me was a major clue. He hadn’t excluded the prospect of more in the contract, but I knew what this relationship was. He had access to my body however he wanted, three times a week at the club. He’d already moved those boundaries when he’d fucked me in the office. I was prepared to try anything sexually and the range was vast.
I spent three times a week, wondering whether I’d be subject to a fantasy kidnap scenario, being silenced with a ball gag, tied up with rope or being hit with a flogger, a cane or a whip. I had no idea what was coming and it was all Lucas’s decision. He initiated all contact, could withhold it at will and the thought of that extending to dating would be just too much. I didn’t have the freedom to just drop everything at Lucas’s will and nor did I want to.
Normality for me would mean dating on an even footing, but that wouldn’t be Lucas’s plan. He was in control, that was what he did and I couldn’t imagine ‘normal’ would mean ‘normal’ at all. But his words span around my head. It wasn’t domination, it was adoration and worship; breaking down my walls and opening up my heart. I’d given so much already, but he still wanted more.
I’d walked that road before, suffering the agonising and devastating loss and my heart had never fully recovered. I didn’t think anything could be more intense than Jake and I, but this was. It was a lust driven by my body that had turned into so much more. Lucas wanted the friendship, the openness, the sharing of secrets and fears long buried. He wanted to set me free, but by doing so he would capture me even further and that would be a scary leap of faith, and not one I could rush into blindly.
As Dex played in his room with his Lego, I slumped back on the couch, the conversation playing over and over in my mind, constantly checking my phone to see if he’d called. He hadn’t and I couldn’t call him.
Chas walked in, taking one look at my face and stared down at me, sticking her hands pointedly on her hips and pursing her lips in irritation.
I was about to get lectured.
“I’m sick of this shit, Jess. You’ve been a miserable bitch all week. You need to end this thing with the dickwad, it’s making you really unhappy,” she said as I gazed up at her, shaking my head, but she wasn’t stopping there.
“I don’t understand you. You’re a smart girl. He gets to chain you up in his dungeon and whip you senseless, or whatever he does and you get nothing. If he cared about you, Jess, he’d want more than that. He’s a selfish bastard who just wants to fuck you at his convenience while you sit here crying yourself to sleep and looking like your worlds about to end. He’s hot and he’s rich, but that isn’t everything. Seriously, Sis, you need to rethink this and find someone who deserves you,” she said, sitting next to me and putting a comforting arm around my shoulder.
“It’s not Lucas who doesn’t want more, Chas, it’s me,” I said as she stared at me incredulously before sitting back and eyeing me with a narrow gaze.
“You’d better not be making excuses for him,” she spat as I laughed softly, shaking my head.
“He wants more. He’d like to see me outside the office and the club. He wants to ensure I feel secure,” I said as she blinked three times for effect, her mouth hanging open.
“And you’ve turned that down WHY?” she asked, her voice dripping with disbelief.
“Because of Dex,” I said as she frowned at me.
“That makes no sense, Jess.” It did to me.
“It’s hard to explain. Chas. Lucas has a really dominant personality and I love giving up the lead and being told what to do. I know whatever happens he’ll protect me and I adore that – it feels sublime.”
“You do know that you’ve just set the feminist movement back about a hundred years, Jess,” she quipped, shaking her head. I didn’t see it that way.
“Surely being a feminist means doing things the way I want to. I don’t see any progression if it’s just a woman telling me how to behave, instead of a man. It should be about choice and when I’m with Lucas I don’t crave my independence, I want the opposite. I yearn to need him and I desire the passion and direction he gives me. Telling him what to do would just make me miserable. It’s fine for me the way things are. The separation helps. I worry if I let him into my life with Dex, I’ll start to hand over control outside the bedroom and I can’t afford to do that,” I said as she frowned at me. She’d never had this kind of relationship and I knew it was difficult for her to understand.
“Listen, Chas, it’s always been just me and Dex, and you, of course. Lucas likes his own way and he likes to be in control. What if he comes in and tries to take over? He has pretty strong opinions on how things should be done,” I said as her frown deepened.
“That’s ridiculous, Jess. It’s not like he’s going to march in here telling you you’re a shit parent all of a sudden,” she said.
“He might,” I shrugged, but I knew from her face she wasn’t buying it.
“Listen. You and Dex are all you’ve ever known. I get that it will be difficult to invite someone into his life, but if it’s the right person it will be good for Dex, and for you, Jess. I don’t know if Lucas is that person, only you have the answer to that question, but on paper he’s a phenomenal catch,” she winked, laughing as I smiled at her.
“I’m worried he’ll get too close to him and what if he leaves, Chas, what then?” I asked as she shrugged.
“You’ll always have that risk, Jess, and Dex would love a male role model in his life, he needs one,” she said as a wave of guilt washed over me, and I wondered if I was denying my son the chance for something special because of my own illogical fears.
“Sis, I know I call him a dickwad, but Lucas isn’t bullish or arrogant. He might not always act on other people’s advice, but he does listen and he is respectful. When it comes to Dexter, he’ll follow your guidance. He’s protective and calm and he would be a great role model. It sounds to me like Mr Untouchable has offered you the girlfriend card, and men like that don’t hand those out like candy, Jess. You need to take stock and think about this seriously. How would it feel for you to go to dinner on Lucas’s arm? How would it feel to invite him here for supper with you and Dex?” she asked and the warmth that washed through me at those thoughts was written all over my face, falling suddenly as waves of insecurity abounded and I couldn’t push them back.
“Jesus, Sis, what’s the matter?” she asked as I swallowed hard, suddenly wanting to cry and it was all I could do to keep my composure.
“It’s everything, Chas. I don’t live in Lucas’s world,” I said as her face contorted in anger.
“It’s just money, Jess. Don’
t let anyone ever intimidate you because they have more money. Cash and education do not buy you class or goodness or fucking personality in most cases. It’s what’s in here that counts,” she said, jabbing her finger hard into my chest.
“I see those people all the time, lording it around just because they’re loaded or their daddy is. I have yet to meet one that doesn’t have exactly the same insecurities, fears and dark secrets in their souls that we do; they just cover it up in more expensive fabric. You have more strength, more determination and more heart than anyone I know. I get what Lucas sees in you, even if you don’t and by the sounds of it, it’s more than just your cute arse and that pretty little face,” she grinned, grabbing my chin and shaking it roughly.“So let him show you,” she smiled as the oven pinged, shouting to Dex. “The pasta bake is ready.”
Maybe she was right, but there was one thing I hadn’t told her; the only other reason I was holding back. I was falling for Lucas much harder than I’d admitted, the week of abstinence only ramming home just how important he’d become to me.
If he was wonderful with Dex, I’d be gone; falling down into the abyss of love before I could stop myself. I was barely clinging by my fingertips as it was. We had a contractual arrangement and he was my Dominant. He said he wanted to do this, but his reasons were to make me feel secure and he'd never used the word girlfriend.
I took a deep breath thinking maybe I should let him in, knowing for certain that we’d have to take it slowly and it was the one area of our relationship where I was determined to dictate the pace. It was something I would have to think about, and hope if I changed my mind, that the offer would still be on the table.
There was one last thing I decided to do before I went to bed. He was asking for a major life-changing commitment. My request seemed miniscule by comparison. Until he agreed it would have to be email. I was still a little peeved at how he’d left things today as my face curved into a mischievous little smile.
