by L. J. Dee
I recognised the behaviour because I’d been like it myself, more than once and somehow it made me feel better.
“You don’t like the collar?” he asked, taking it off and throwing it on the floor by the bed as I smiled up at him.
“I don’t mind the collar, but you have no reason to be jealous. I would never so much as look at another man, let alone another Dom,” I said softly as darkness washed across his features and I had never seen him look so lost. I recognised the frustration, the anger and the awful pain in the pit of your gut that takes hold and won’t let go. I also knew that he was taking it out on the wrong person, just as I had.
“You think I’m jealous of Max?” he shouted in my face as I reeled backwards, staring at the floor and not knowing what to say next. Until he admitted it, there was little I could do, staying silent as his command came sharp and firm. “You have no fucking idea what is wrong with me?” He looked as dumbfounded as he was irritated.
“Kneel.”
“No,” I said, intensifying his fury as he stared at me hard.
“Jess,” he growled threateningly as I shook my head, knowing that I was committing the cardinal sin of the good submissive, but nothing good would come from me kneeling. He needed to face up to the fact that he was jealous and I wasn’t to blame.
“Lucas, I have a party to run. This is the first venture for our business and I trust that you also want it to be a success,” I said defiantly as he stared at me, saying nothing.
“I’m needed out there,” I snapped, walking towards the door and hoping that he’d stop me, say something and see sense, or just hold me like I was so desperate for him to do. He did nothing as I hovered at the door, waiting for a moment before I walked back to the bed, bending down to pick up the collar as he watched me closely.
I held his gaze, placing the leather around my throat, struggling with the buckle. “You can’t collar yourself,” he mocked as I gasped, hurt and confused. I wanted to wear it so no one else would approach me. I couldn’t afford to risk angering him any further. Even now all I wanted was a kind word or an affectionate touch, but neither was forthcoming.
“Fine” I spat, throwing the collar at his feet and staring up at him, silently challenging him and trying to provoke a response. Anything would be preferable to this awful silence as he blindsided me, striding out of the room as I stood there reeling.
What the fuck?
It took me a few moments to gather myself before I was fit to return to the party. My eyes scanned the main room, searching him out and noticing he was standing in a dark corner talking animatedly to Zac whose hand was resting on Lucas’s arm.
I knew what he was going through and I knew I could help him. I understood better than anyone that intense feeling that was all consuming. Being on the receiving end was no bed of roses either I thought, but at least he could punish me for it. What the hell could I do?
Chas wandered over, passing me a chilled glass of champagne. “You look like you need it,” she smiled as I downed it in one, returning the empty glass to her tray as she raised her eyebrows before they knitted into a serious frown as she glanced at my neck.
“He let you off your lead then?” she quipped as a flash of fear ran through me and I wondered momentarily if I’d just been released permanently.
“Yes and I need one of those,” I said, pointing to the purple ribbon at her throat. If I couldn’t collar myself, at least I could let everyone know I was staff.
“Take mine,” she smiled, undoing it and fastening it around my neck as she smiled broadly. “I’m strictly vanilla, but I wouldn’t mind a go of that,” she laughed, pointing to a female Domme who was barking orders at a contrite looking male sub who was also on a lead. I couldn’t help but laugh as she nudged me playfully. “No seriously, Sis. I can think of a few blokes I’d like to do that to. It’s a shame Brad Johnson isn’t here,” she grinned and I wasn’t sure whether she was joking or not as she waltzed off. I watched her expertly doing the rounds with her drinks until my gaze wandered to the corner of the room and my heart sank. Lucas was gone.
There was only one other person I could speak to about this, and I made my way across the room, through the throng of the buzzing chat, the music and the overhead dancers, noticing the small smile on Zac’s face. He was sitting in a plush red chair, relaxing and using Lily as some kind of foot stool to rest his legs on. I was so preoccupied it barely even registered.
“May I speak to you, Zac?” I asked politely as he nodded, patting the seat beside him as I took it, fidgeting nervously and wondering if this wasn’t the height of unprofessionalism.
“It’s about Lucas,” I said tentatively as he nodded.
“I thought it might be,” he said as his smile broadened and he leant down to pat Lily’s head. I was here to run a party, not seek advice on my love life, but he didn’t seem to mind too much as the smile continued to play around his mouth.
“I wasn’t a very good sub just now,” I said as he arched an eyebrow at me, chuckling softly as I wondered if he already knew.
“Lucas told me. He’s stewing, Jess. I suspect that you’ve awakened feelings in that man that he hasn’t experienced before. It’s interesting to watch,” he said, turning to smile as my face fell.
“How do you mean?” I asked, desperate to glean any insight that I could.
“I’ve known Lucas for a long time and he is a Dom in every sense of the word. It’s not something he does, Jess, it’s who he is and who he was a long time before he even joined the club,” he said as I nodded. I knew that, but tonight had been different. Lucas was always assertive in everything he did. He was powerful, but not aggressive and tonight he had most definitely tipped over into aggression.
“He exudes control, Jess, but tonight he lost it,” he grinned and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why the hell he seemed to find it so funny.
“I think I’ve blown it, Zac,” I said as he frowned seriously, touching my arm reassuringly.
“You did nothing of the sort. He’s got his knickers all in a twist about Max. He over reacted and he needs to realise that and come to terms with what he’s feeling. He’s not being logical or rational right now and from what he just told me, that man has never felt jealousy in his whole life. It’s like an alien concept to him. It’s tearing him up and he can’t cope with it. He doesn’t know what to do, and that is not a feeling that sits well with Lucas Hunter,” he laughed softly as I shook my head. My stomach was churning and I still couldn’t find anything remotely funny about this whole thing.
“Why did Max say ‘good’ when I told him that Lucas was my Dom?” I asked, wondering whether it was the comments as much as the innocent touch that had riled him so much and sent Lucas over the edge. Zac looked confused for a moment.
“What else did he say?” he asked as I tried to explain.
“Just that, and then told Lucas to let him know when he tired of me,” I said as Zac’s face fell and he was no longer finding it funny.
“Christ, I’m surprised he didn’t knock him out. Lucas has a reputation here, Jess. He’s an extremely popular Dom and he’s in demand, but he generally only keeps his subs for a week, two at the most. I’ve never seen him this attached to anyone and he isn’t handling it well,” he said as I swallowed hard. Something was bothering Zac and he seemed reticent to tell me as a slow, sad realisation spread across his face.
“What is it? Please Zac,” I urged as he took my hand in his.
“There is a list of women who have requested to submit to Lucas,” he said eventually as I stared at him hard.
“An actual list?” I gasped as he nodded gently, turning to hold my gaze.
“He just asked me for it, Jess,” he said, concern etched on every feature of his face as bile rose in my throat and I prayed that Lucas wasn’t about to do something unforgivable as my heart stopped dead in my chest.
Now I was the jealous one, desperately trying to hold it together in front of my client, silently wantin
g to gouge out the eyes of all of those bitches who wanted their hands on my Dom. Tonight was about the party and I had to remember that, trying to force back the torturous thoughts of Lucas with another sub.
“Just sit tight, Jess, he’ll come around,” Zac said, reading my mind and trying to reassure me with words that seemed so futile. He knew no more what was going on in that man’s head than I did. But at the moment all I could do was take that advice and hope that my faith in Lucas hadn’t been misplaced all along.
I stumbled through the rest of the night on autopilot, never seeing Lucas again and fighting back the crazy urge to scour every one of those bedrooms, pulling on the only thing I had left that would see me through – trust.
My heart was telling me he wouldn’t let me down. He was frustrated and confused. Whether I understood it or not, whatever had happened between him and Max had affected him deeply. When I needed him, he was strong for me and I had to be the same. Wait until he worked through the anger and let him know how I felt. All he’d ever tried to do was reassure me and help me, and all I’d ever done was hold back.
I decided to let him cool off and tomorrow I’d tell him, making my final checks on the party as the singer took to the stage and some of the guests began to drift away for their own unique brand of entertainment. The night had gone off without a hitch, and eventually I said my goodbyes.
I heard nothing Chas said all the way home. “What’s up with you?” she asked as we made our way up to the apartment and I shook my head, mumbling that I was tired. I headed straight for my room and the comfort of my bed, wishing my son was here for a reassuring cuddle.
I lay back, checking my silent phone again and thinking about Lucas. He’d asked for more, wanted into our lives completely. Surely that couldn’t have changed in one night because of one chaste touch and a stupid comment I sighed to myself, wishing I’d just said yes when I’d had the chance. I’d stubbornly refused to budge, insisting we keep the damn contract and the compartmentalisation. I had made a dreadful error, and I wasn’t sure now I would ever get the chance to rectify it.
CHAPTER 33
“I don’t Know, Dex,” I said for the umpteenth time to the only question he seemed to want the answer to today. I’d dialled his number, but I’d hung up at the last second, swinging between desperation and anger that he hadn’t even called. He knew how important this was to Dexter and to me. Before last night it had been a test, but now it seemed more important than ever.
Could he put his own feelings to one side to support my son? If he couldn’t, I’d have to rethink everything, looking up as the door to the lounge flew open.
“We need to get a wriggle on, is Lucas coming?” Chas asked as I rolled my eyes.
Not her as well. “I don’t know,” I snapped as she glanced up at me, tutting loudly as she pulled on her boots.
“I only asked. God, what crawled up your arse and died?” she quipped sarcastically as Dexter giggled and I pulled on his coat, trying to straighten his scarf with fumbling fingers.
“Sorry,” I said, taking a deep breath and forcing a smile. She was right, this was Dexter’s big night and nothing was going to spoil it.
“He’ll come, I know he will,” Dexter smiled as I ruffled his hair, wishing I could be as confident. He was looking up at me hopefully as my heart sank.
“If he doesn’t, squirt, he’ll have me to answer to,” Chas winked, picking him up and spinning him around as he laughed excitedly and we headed out to the community centre for the Sports presentation.
I sent them inside, hovering on the path and constantly checking my phone. He might meet us here, he knew where it was and what time, but it was wishful thinking. I’d heard nothing since the party. The only experience I had of Lucas being angry had resulted in a week of abstinence, and I was certain I couldn’t face that again.
When I was angry with him, it lasted only minutes before the guilt flooded in and I was wracked with remorse. Maybe he was the type to hold a grudge, but I was certain he wasn’t the type to take that out on my son.
Dexter ran outside, looking around before his smile faded and I checked the screen again. No missed calls, no messages; not even a damn text as I was flooded by an overwhelming sadness that was reflected in every feature of Dexter’s little face. This was precisely the reason I’d wanted to hold back.
“You need to come in, it’s starting,” Chas called from the doorway. Dex ran ahead and I forced a happy smile for my boy, switching off my phone as I glanced up the street one final time, silently cursing Lucas Hunter.
“He’d be here if he could, Dex,” I lied, watching as he made his way towards the front, shoulders slumped and looking every bit as dejected as I felt and my heart clenched in my chest.
“Come on, we’ve done okay without him up to now,” Chas smiled supportively. I knew she hadn’t bought the whole ‘I’m tired’ thing last night, but at least for now she wasn’t prying and I was incredibly grateful.
I sat through the whole presentation with half an eye on the door and a heavy heart, perking up only when Dexter received his badge, clapping and smiling loudly. He looked across at me, the disappointment in his five year old face palpable as his gaze moved to the empty seat next to me.
“Fucking dickwad,” Chas whispered as I tried to push back the tears that had been threatening since last night. I wouldn’t tell Chas about the list, I didn’t dare. I could imagine the verbal assault that would be unleashed on Lucas during that conversation as I listened to the coach talking about how proud she was of these kids. She wasn’t the only one.
I held Dexter’s hand tightly as we left the community centre and he glanced around, still hopeful and pointing excitedly at the sleek black Bentley that was parked on the road outside. “That’s Lucas’s car,” he squealed, running off before I could stop him and wondering whether he was right. It certainly looked like it, but there was still no sign of the man himself as my eyes darted around. I pulled my phone out quickly, switching it on and my heart leapt in my chest as I saw the caller display.
Ten missed calls.
I stopped walking as Chas turned to look at me and I gestured for her to go and watch Dex who was standing by the car. He was peering through the windows as I pressed return call and Lucas answered on the first ring.
“I’m so sorry about the presentation, baby” he said and I knew immediately from the overwhelming sadness in his voice that something was terribly wrong.
“Lucas, are you okay?” I asked quickly as my anger washed away, desperate to be in his arms and soothe away whatever was causing that pain.
“My Dad just died,” he said, choking on the words as I swallowed hard, engulfed in hurt for the man I loved and what I knew he must be going through.
“Oh God, Lucas, I’m so sorry. Where are you?” I asked, wanting to get to him and show him how much I cared, support him and give him every ounce of love that he could handle. He would need it right now.
“We’re just leaving the hospital and going back to the family estate. Will you come, Jess, please, I need to see you?” he asked softly as my eyes filled with tears.
“Of course I’ll come. I’ll ask Chas to have Dex,” I said, hearing his deep sigh of relief as sadness consumed me.
“You can bring him along, although I’m not sure it’s a great place for a kid right now, but will you do me a favour?” he asked as I swiped away the tears that were running in soft rivulets down my cheeks.
“Anything,” I said sincerely and I could hear him smiling down the line.
“I have a surprise for Dexter. I wanted to show him after the presentation. It’s at my place. Will you take him there first? I want him to know that I didn’t forget,” he said as warmth and affection surged through my veins.
“Of course, Lucas,” I smiled, consumed in that instant by a wave of pure love and it was all I could do not to tell him.
“Mrs Kilbride will let you in and she’s offered to take care of him if he wants to stay there. Her grandson i
s coming down from Scotland tomorrow. He’s seven and it might be good company for him. I’m worried things might be a bit tense here for a while, but I understand if you don’t want to leave him. I’ve sent my driver for you. Decide what you want to do and I’ll see you when you get here,” he said as I swallowed back the sob that was lodged in my throat.
“And Jess,” he paused, “Please hurry.”
He ended the call before I could say any more, running to the open door of the waiting car, clicking Dexter’s seatbelt in place as he glanced up at me curiously.
“Lucas couldn’t come because his daddy just died,” I said, squeezing his warm little hand as he gazed up at me sadly. “He wants me to go over to the family estate to be with him. You can come with me if you like, Dex, or you can stay at Lucas’s house with Mrs Kilbride,” I smiled as he started bouncing in his seat.
“With the cinema?” he grinned excitedly as I laughed gently.
“Yes, with the cinema, and he’s got a surprise for you. He wanted to show you himself after the presentation,” I said as hot tears stung the back of my eyes and I swallowed hard, trying to hold them back.
“You can stay with me, squirt, if you want to, but I’m not certain I can compete with a cinema,” Chas offered kindly, putting her hand reassuringly on my knee and squeezing it tight as I smiled over at her. Dexter’s face fell momentarily as he looked at my sister before a giant grin burst across it again.
“Mrs Kilbride gets pizza too,” he giggled as Chas laughed.
“Cool. Well if you want to stay there, I’ll come and visit and make sure you’re okay. I wouldn’t mind getting a good gander at Lucas Hunter’s pad,” she said, winking at me as I rolled my eyes.
