by CK Dawn
"Come on, K. You never seen a half-naked guy before?" Alec bit into his sandwich, a mischievous smile playing around his mouth but not quite making it to his eyes. They never did anymore. Not since Navi tromped on his heart. I left Konstanz in the hall and disappeared into my room, skin still burning from the way her gaze had traveled over me.
"I—yes. Yes, I have. But I—not like—it was unexpected—"
"So it's only okay to see them half naked if you're expecting it. Makes sense." Alec was trying not to laugh and I would have given anything to see her face right then. I tugged on shorts and was still pulling my shirt over my head when I came back out.
She was still blushing, and Alec was dangerously close to laughing out loud, which I didn't think he did anymore.
Her eyes immediately went to my exposed chest and trailed down my stomach as I pulled my blue shirt down, and it took everything in me to play it cool and not push her up against the kitchen table and kiss her senseless. If Alec hadn't been there…
"I can't find Navi," she said weakly, sending an apologetic look Alec's way before her eyes landed back on my chest. "Have you seen her?"
"Do you usually see her when Konstanz can't find her?" Alec's voice was so low I barely heard him. So I pretended I hadn't.
"Did she come home from work this morning?"
Konstanz ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah. I know she did because her boots were sitting outside the door, all dirty and gross. But she wasn't home so I assumed she came here. I went to class thinking she'd show up later but she hasn't."
Alec stood abruptly, his chair nearly toppling behind him. "I'm late for work," he growled and grabbed his jacket off the hook. "See ya."
"Oh dear," Konstanz murmured, watching him go.
"He'll survive. But no, I haven't seen her. I assume you called her cell?"
Konstanz nodded, biting her lip.
As if on cue, her phone buzzed in her pocket and she dug it out. Her eyes widened and she looked up at me. "She quit school."
"She what?" I took the phone from her and scanned Navi's message. "Yeah, sorry. I'm at work. I couldn't juggle all the things, so I quit. School, not work. Work is un-quittable. I'll talk to you at dinner tonight."
"I can't believe it," Konstanz murmured, sinking onto my couch. "How could she do this?"
I shook my head. Navi had lost her damn mind.
"This job is killing her." Konstanz buried her face in her hands and stared at the coffee table through her fingers. I sat next to her and slid an arm around her shoulders, grateful when she leaned into me instead of pulling away like I'd expected. Hopefully, that meant she'd forgotten how pissed she was.
"She's an adult, Konstanz. She knows what she's doing. You can be supportive, you can be her cheerleader, but you can't be her accountability. If Navi wants to quit, she'll quit. All we can do is be there if she falls."
Konstanz sighed. "Yeah. I guess so. I should probably get back to class."
Don't go.
She didn't move, as if she'd heard me, and I leaned back into the couch so she slid against my chest, safe in my arms. "You okay?" I asked, her hair brushing my jaw and neck like silk, and I suddenly couldn't breathe.
She nodded.
She smelled like cinnamon sugar and vanilla. I breathed in the scent of her, tried to memorize it.
"So…about the other night."
She tensed against me.
"Look, Konstanz, you're mad, I get that. Telling you all that before I had a chance to think it through was a mistake—"
"It was a mistake?" she sat up, her eyes narrowed.
Shit.
"No, the way I told you was a mistake—"
"Bryson," she shoved her hair away from her face and rose to her feet. "We're friends. Barely. A few days ago we could hardly tolerate each other's presence. I think what's happening here is Navi has you down, so you're looking for a distraction and here I am, easily accessible."
"That's not it, Konstanz."
"I think it is. That, or you just fall for whatever girl happens to be in front of you at the time. Either way doesn't bode well for me."
I paused. I'd never fallen for anyone. Ever. Navi had been an infatuation, but I certainly wasn't in love with her. "I didn't say I was in love with anyone."
I could see the hurt before I'd even finished the sentence. "Wait—"
"I didn't mean you were in lo—love with me—I've gotta go." She spun, practically hurdled the couch, and was at the door before I made it to my feet.
"Konstanz, wait. That came out wrong!"
But she was already gone, sprinting down the stairs to her car.
"Dammit, woman. Stop running away when I'm trying to talk to you."
Six
Konstanz
I didn't understand my pain. I'd told him flatly that I wasn't interested. I didn't want a boyfriend. Not after what Alec and Navi had gone through time after time. I definitely wasn't in love with Bryson. So why was I so upset?
Because no one liked assuming someone was in love with you and then finding out they weren't. I was humiliated. It wasn't like I actually thought he was in love with me. It was an expression.
I was so embarrassed.
I didn't want to go back to class, but I didn't want to go home, either, and being the responsible, upstanding student that I was, I chose school. I didn't learn a thing that day, though. And so what if at least six people asked me if I was okay or if I wasn't sleeping well? I wasn't. I wanted to say, try having Navi for a roommate and see how you do, but I didn't because Navi was an angel everyone loved and no one would understand.
And then work, but at least at work, the animals could sense my pain and didn't listen to my lame excuses. They were hurting, scared, sick. And still, they tried to comfort me.
That right there is why animals are better than people.
When I left the building, Bryson was waiting by my car.
My heart stuttered in my chest. His arms were crossed, emphasizing the tight muscles under his shirt, muscles I saw every time I closed my eyes. His hair was stylishly messy and his jeans fit…very well. His eyes, though, were what got me. Darker than usual and unreadable, which was odd for Bryson. He usually wore his every emotion right there in his gaze. "You keep walking away from me," he growled when I got close enough to hear him.
"I don't want to hear it, Bryson." I couldn't pass him—he was leaning against my door. I could crawl in the other side and climb across, but I had my pride and that would just be ridiculous.
"Obviously," he drawled. "Doesn't mean I'm not going to say it."
I planted a hand firmly on his chest, not expecting the heat that would flare through my fingers. I ignored it, focusing instead on my anger. "For once, maybe don't. You think you can just go around, telling everyone whatever the hell you want. I don't think you even ever know what's going to come out of your mouth. I don't think you even know what you're feeling before you speak. And you're so damn emotional that it's dangerous, Bryson. A week ago, you were so obsessed with Navi you couldn't see straight—"
"Are you done?" he interrupted, raising an eyebrow.
"Clearly I wasn't. You just cut me off."
He took my hand away from his chest, his thumb tracing the back of my skin. "I'm sorry. That's all. That's all I wanted to say."
I blinked, confused as I pulled my head back. "Oh—oh."
"Have you had dinner?"
I shook my head, still baffled. He'd thrown me for a loop there. "It's—it's Navi's turn to cook."
He grimaced. "You don't want what she's cooking."
"I—"
"Come on. I'm buying dinner. It's the least I can do."
"Navi will have already started cooking—"
"Not for them. For you. I got your apartment started on home cooked meals delivered because the way you guys eat is ridiculous and I don't have time to cook for you every night."
"Then why aren't we eating there?" I asked slowly. My poor brain was still trying to catch up.
He unlocked his car and opened my door, waiting patiently while I stood in indecision. "Because tonight is meatloaf night and you don't like meatloaf."
"Oh." I didn't even know how he knew that.
I took a few stuttering steps toward his car before I shook my head, clearing the fog. "I can drive myself."
He nodded. "You could. Waste of gas, though. And bad for the environment."
I sighed. "Fine. I need to change, though. Give me a minute?" I was still in scrubs and I hadn't looked in a mirror in hours.
"Sure." He pushed the door shut and walked with me back into the office. The receptionist, Mary, looked up as we came through the doors, her eyes immediately landing on Bryson.
And stayed there.
I stifled my annoyance because we'd already established that I didn't care. "I'll be right back."
"I don't think we've met," I heard Mary say as I disappeared into the back. "Are you a friend of Konstanz?"
"I'm trying to be."
The words echoed in my head as I speed changed and then pulled my hair out of the messy bun I'd stuffed it into hours ago. Thankfully, it fell in waves now down my back and not weird kinks and curls.
And I wondered why I cared.
Or why I rushed back out before Mary could latch her claws into Bryson's muscled chest.
They were leaning over her desk, in hushed conversation. As soon as I came out, Bryson straightened, his blue eyes sparkling.
My heart crunched in my chest. Could he not stop flirting for thirty seconds, even?
"Thanks for the info, Mary. You've been very helpful." He grinned as he backed away and I swear she nearly dreamy-sighed. I gritted my teeth and passed him, storming outside. I didn’t need to ride with him. My car was old and got thirty miles to the gallon. I would drive myself.
"You're mad again."
I gritted my teeth and tried to think of something flippant to say. I failed. "I told you you're all over the place. You want whatever girl's giving you attention."
Yep. Totally failed.
He sighed, the half-smile dropping from his face. "You think that's what I'm doing?"
I waved toward the office. "Obviously."
I could read his eyes again and I could see that I'd hurt him. But he'd hurt me first.
So why didn't that make me feel better?
"Fine. I'll see you later, Konstanz."
He left me at my car and walked away, gravel crunching underneath his shoes, hands stuffed in his pockets, and I stood there, dumbfounded. He'd never given up so easily before. Navi had practically had to beat him over the head with the fact that she wasn't interested—
But Navi had never been mean.
And I had.
I bit my lip as I watched him drive away. Knowing I should apologize, knowing—nothing. Except that I had been right. This whole not-falling for people sucked.
I drove home slowly, trying not to cry and wishing for numbness. I hadn't said anything that wasn't true. Truth wasn't cruel. He'd wanted Navi when she'd been on his radar, but when she'd started working so much he never saw her, he'd moved his sights to me. Until Mary had been the only one in the room.
"Hey." Navi was in the parking lot when I pulled into my spot. There were circles under her eyes and I could see by the way she held her arm that she was hurt but I couldn't tell right away how badly. "You okay?"
I nodded. "Are you? You quit school, Navi."
She shrugged and then winced. "I figured—"
"How bad are you hurt?" I interrupted.
She tossed her bag of garbage into the dumpster with her other hand and nearly fell over. "Tis but a flesh wound."
I rolled my eyes. "Navi."
"Work was—was bad last night. Listen, Konstanz, just a random little request. Promise me that you won't go out at night anymore."
I nearly laughed until I realized she was serious. "What?"
"Just for a while. Until I get things under control. Okay?" Her huge brown eyes were pleading, the epitome of puppy dog implorability.
"What's going on, Navi?"
"You know what else would be fun? I need help staying in shape. During the day. Could you—could you maybe spar with me? I've got an extra practice sword or two."
"Spar with you?" I followed her inside. She limped, but tried her best to hide it. "Why did you quit school?"
She stopped right outside the door. "I couldn't keep it all up, Konstanz. I can't work and go to school. I was failing everything. This job…I'll have it for the rest of my life. School was just me trying to pretend I won't. But I will, and I need to accept that. So will you help me train during the day?"
"Train. For your probation officer job. With swords."
She nodded and I could swear panic flitted past her eyes. Panic for me. Not her. "Yeah. Okay. But not today. You can barely move."
She grimaced and nodded. "Okay. We'll start tomorrow. I need to find that sword." She wandered inside, mumbling to herself and I followed, bone tired and confused and on the verge of tears. Navi did this every night. Whatever it was she did. She didn't need to train with me during the day.
Except she wasn't training for her.
She was training for me.
And I didn't even want to know why anymore. I was still fighting nightmares from the last time.
"We're having meatloaf!" Terrie said enthusiastically. "It came to our door today!"
"From Bryson." Navi shook her head, smiling. "That guy…" When she saw my face, the smile died. "I forgot you hate meatloaf. I can make you mac and cheese."
I shook my head. "I'm fine."
I disappeared into our room where it was quiet and safe and tried to tell myself not to cry because crying over guys was stupid and if I really wanted male attention, I could go out with that guy in my calculus class who kept asking. I didn't need Bryson. Bryson, who didn't even know what the heck he wanted.
Navi eased down next to me, careful not to jostle the bed and I didn't know if it was for my benefit or hers. Her cool hand stroked my hair away from my face. "What's going on, K?"
"I'm afraid of swords," I whimpered because I didn't know what else to say.
She studied me for several long seconds. "I can get you a pool noodle. What's really wrong?"
"Bryson," I mumbled into my pillow. "Bryson's what's wrong?"
I felt her tense, and could practically feel the anger radiate from her. Just like that. "What'd he do?"
I sighed and shoved myself up, swiping at errant tears. "He said he doesn't know which of us he wants, me or you."
She could barely hide the delight, although she tried. "Oh? And what did you say?"
"I said I didn't want a boyfriend and I wasn't going to jump through hoops to try to prove I was better than you."
"You wouldn't have to jump through hoops to prove that, K. Did he ask you to?"
"No."
"I see."
"And then he was flirting with Mary."
"Rude."
"Navi, it was."
She rearranged her face. "It only was if you cared. Do you?"
"Care? No. No, I don't."
"Then why was it rude?"
I dropped my head into my hands. "I don't know. And I was mean and said he just wanted whatever girl was in front of him."
"Because he was flirting with Mary?"
"Because he wanted you, then me. Then flirted with Mary while I was gone for thirty seconds."
"I see. Who is Mary?"
"Our office receptionist. She's new."
She slid her arm around my shoulders and leaned against the wall with me. I scooted down so I could lay my head against her shoulder, grateful that whatever wounds she had were on the other side. "Konstanz, I think you do care."
And that was the problem. I did care, and he would hurt me. As soon as Navi came back into the picture, or as soon as any other girl caught his attention. I would get hurt. "I don't want to care."
Outside, the moon was just appearing through our window and I wat
ched it rise in silence.
There was a knock on the door and Navi's whole body went rigid. Hoping it was Alec. Even after all this time. I heard no voice in response to Terrie's when she answered the door. "Thank you? You're not staying?"
Nothing. No response.
"Okay. See ya later." And Terrie slammed the door because no one had ever taught her it was okay to shut it gently. "Konstanz, dinner is here!"
I glanced at Navi, who had relaxed next to me. She smiled and shrugged. No more stiffness or pain when she moved. She bounced out of bed like she'd never been injured and I followed her into the living room.
Terrie was dropping a takeout box at my spot on the table. "Bryson brought this by because you don't like meatloaf. But he didn't stay."
Seven
Bryson
I didn't sleep that night. Partly because Alec's nightmares were relentless and he woke up every twenty minutes yelling Navi's name.
But mostly because of Konstanz. I'd been hurt at first, yes. And angry. I'd been nothing but nice to her and how dare she imply…
Exactly what it seemed I'd been doing.
Through her eyes, I could suddenly see exactly why she felt that way. And I had no idea how to convince her otherwise.
Since I didn't sleep anyway, I got up after Alec left and went and got bagels. I sat in her parking lot for an hour, wondering if she would even talk to me. Wondering how to convince her that I was there to see her, not Navi.
Finally, I gave up trying to make any sense of anything and got out of the car.
The apartment was loud and Navi passed me on the way in. "I'm going to your apartment. Is that okay?" She looked absolutely exhausted, deep circles that seemed to never leave shadowing her eyes, and she'd lost weight when she'd already been too slender to begin with.
"Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. Sleep good," I said distractedly. "Is Konstanz up?"
She smiled, tried to hide it, and failed. "Yeah. She's up. Go on in."
I knocked, but either the radio or the TV blaring on the other side drowned out my attempts so I pushed the door open. Navi had told me to anyway, right? But there was something dangerous with just walking into an apartment full of girls all getting ready for school.
