by CK Dawn
I joined her, honestly unable to remember the last time I was in a swing. I assumed that I had been at one point or another, but not that I could remember. Probably before my mom had left. I handed Konstanz a dish and pulled her close to me, so her swing was trapped between my legs. She grinned. "I don't think this is how swings work."
"It seems to be working for me."
She took the offered fork and jabbed it into her macaroni. "Yes. Yes it does."
We ate in silence until I realized she was peeking at me through her eyelashes. "What's up, Buttercup?"
She smirked. "You have a job. I know you work. I have no idea what you do."
Ah. I'd hoped we'd successfully maneuvered past that question, but apparently not. "Random," I said while my mind raced for an answer.
She nodded, eyes closed. "This is delicious. I was thinking about my work. And Navi's work because it's night and—you know. And then I wondered about your work."
Damned by the train of thought.
"I work for my father's company. He's a…bounty hunter…of sorts."
Her eyebrows shot up as her eyes flew open. "You're a bounty hunter?"
I laughed. "Not even close. I do his paperwork, a lot of research. It's actually what brought me to Astoria. We thought someone he was looking for was here, but by the time I got here to scout ahead for him, we lost the trail and I realized how much I liked not being under his thumb. He's…not a great guy. His bosses are even worse, from the sound of things. But he finds dangerous people and takes them off the streets, so I guess that's good."
"You don't sound like you miss him much."
I shook my head, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice. We weren't close enough yet to scare her away with how absolutely dysfunctional my family was. "Not much. I talk to him as little as possible, actually."
"What about your mom?" She seemed to have lost interest in her food and her light brown eyes were watching me fixedly.
As always, mention of my mom hurt, but I hid it. "She left years ago. My dad's work…she couldn't handle it. She thought I was better with him and his money than with her. She walked away and never looked back."
She reached out, brushing her fingers across my cheek. Her touch was warm and soft and everything I ever needed. "I'm so sorry."
I shrugged, trying to be flippant. "Her loss. I was an adorable kid."
She laughed softly. "I'm sure you were."
This time, she kissed me, setting her food aside and twining her legs around mine so our swings were stuck close. She kissed my eyelids, my cheeks, my forehead, before landing on my mouth like she could possibly kiss away all the pain I'd been trying to hide. Pain I'd been hiding my whole life.
I was lost. Lost in her smell, lost in her touch. I never wanted to move, never wanted that moment to end.
The gasp, however, was unexpected.
We jerked apart and I was on my feet. I hadn't seen another soul, there were no cars on the road, but there was definitely someone here with us.
"What the—" Konstanz turned in a slow circle, but we were surrounded by thick darkness. "Who's there?"
We were being watched. My skin crawled, everything in me screaming to run.
In the shadows, I heard whispers. Hissing. The sound of claws against the sidewalk.
"Go. Go back to the car," I yelled, pushing Konstanz ahead of me.
She didn't move. "There's something there," she whispered. I glanced over my shoulder, loathe to look away from whatever I was backing away from, but she was right. There, between us and the car, was something huge, close to the ground, blending and fading in the shadows.
We were surrounded, and I couldn't even tell by what. Oh, what I wouldn't do for Navi's practice swords right then.
Konstanz dug her Taser out of her purse and switched it on. The buzz of electricity wasn't as welcome as I'd hoped. Whatever crept toward us was also unimpressed. I pulled Konstanz closer to me, determined to protect her from whatever surrounded us now. Low to the ground, but too big to kick away. Too wide to be a dog. It was like…human, almost, but then it was gone and I couldn't get a good glimpse of it. Gone, but still there.
It didn't make any sense.
"I can't see it. I can't see it but it's there!" Konstanz was whispering. I knew exactly how she felt.
In that moment between blinking when the world is black for mere milliseconds, Navi was just there, standing between Konstanz and whatever it was we couldn't fight.
"Bryson, get her to the car and drive. Don't look back. Do you understand? Run hard, don't hesitate, and don't look back. Ready?"
"What? And leave you—" Konstanz started but Navi cut her off.
"Do it or we all die. Go!"
I grabbed Konstanz and ran. Navi was a blur, moving so quickly I barely saw her, launching herself at nothing and everything all at once, and we left her there. Konstanz screamed and fought me, clawing and kicking, but I pushed her into the car and locked it, jammed my key in the ignition and shifting into reverse. Before she could clamber to the other side of the car and the passenger door, we were roaring out of the parking lot and onto the road.
"No!" she screamed. "No! We have to go back! They'll kill her! Bryson, stop!"
I didn't stop. I hoped Navi could take care of herself, but protecting Konstanz was all I could think about. I had to get her out of there.
I drove faster.
By the time we pulled into her apartment complex, Konstanz was a sobbing mess. She'd called the police, she'd called me every name in the book, and she'd called Navi. I'd apologized over and over, and Navi.
Navi hadn't answered.
"I hate you," Konstanz said. "I hate you for what you did." She shoved the door open and I sat there, stunned. But unable to argue.
I hated me for what I did, too.
I should have seen it. She didn't go inside, slam the door angrily and vow to never talk to me again. No, Konstanz ran back the way we'd come.
Swearing, I dove out of the car and went after her. She was fast, but desperation drove me faster. I couldn't let her go back there. I couldn't let them hurt her.
Whatever them were.
I caught her, tackled her to the ground, and held her tight in my arms while she struggled. "Konstanz, you heard her. We couldn't stay or—"
"Let me go! She needs me!" Konstanz screamed, her foot connecting with my shin, her elbow to my ribs. Still, I held tight.
"Konstanz, it's okay. Shhhh." I hadn't heard Navi coming. Hadn't seen her approach, and yet she was suddenly kneeling next to us, her hand on Konstanz's shoulder, trying to calm her. I let Konstanz go and she leaped for Navi, sobbing. "I'm okay. I'm okay," Navi said over and over, stroking her hair. She met my eyes over Konstanz's head, and I expected to see anger. I'd left her, after all. And then pretty much kidnapped her best friend and then tackled her in the middle of the street.
But all I saw was gratitude. And an apology.
She'd just cost me Konstanz, and she knew it.
"I'm okay, Konstanz. Bryson was just doing what had to be done—"
"He left you!" Konstanz screamed. "He left you alone to die!"
"No, no he didn't. He had faith in me, Konstanz. He knew I could take care of it."
But I hadn't known. I'd left her, ready to let her die, to save Konstanz.
I got up and backed away. "You'll be okay now?" I asked, my voice empty and dull even to my own ears.
She nodded. "Thank you, Bryson."
I couldn't respond. I was a monster.
And my heart had just shattered in my chest.
Twelve
Konstanz
Navi wouldn't talk about what happened. She told me not to ask questions. She actually had the nerve to be mad at me.
Because I was mad at Bryson for doing exactly what she said.
That was days ago. Bryson had sent flowers the next day with a note saying he was sorry. But he hadn't tried to contact me. He hadn't come over. There were no texts, no phone calls.
Which was fine, because I hated him.
Except I didn't.
So I was left with a broken heart, a lot of unanswered questions and even more fear. Whatever that was—it was something I hadn't been able to see, let alone fight. But it was out there. I made sure I was home from work before dark whenever possible, and I didn't leave the house unless I absolutely had to.
Navi, despite being mad at me or maybe because of it, worked me harder than ever at her training center. Every spare minute between school and work, we were there until holding that sword was second nature and I felt empty without it.
I welcomed it. I welcomed the distraction. I really, really liked Bryson. And I'd driven him away. I'd been right all along. Love hurt.
On top of that, I knew she was still training Bryson when I was at school. I could smell his cologne when I walked into the training center every day. I could feel him there and the memories nearly drove me to my knees every single time. Laughing with Bryson. Sparring, nearly cutting his head off. Stealing kisses when Navi wasn't looking.
It nearly killed me.
Every. Time.
"You should apologize," Navi said quietly when she caught me staring out the window. "I can't do anything about Alec. He saw what he saw and he believes of me what he wants. But you can still get Bryson back, Konstanz."
I shook my head. "He abandoned you, Navi." It was an argument we'd had at least three times now, but at least we didn't yell anymore.
"He left because I told him to. That's my job, Konstanz. That's what I do every night. He knew I'd be fine and he did what he had to do to get you out of there to safety. I couldn't protect all three of us. I could protect me, and that's the extent of my abilities. Had Bryson not done what I'd asked, we all would have died."
Once again, I wanted to ask her what the hell she was mixed up in, but I think I'd known all along. She was a monster hunter, just as I'd suspected. I didn't have any proof, but confronting her just made her angry.
"Konstanz."
"No, Navi. I can't forgive him for what he did."
She sighed, smoothed a hand down my hair, and left me to my misery.
I went back to staring out the window. I had finals soon. I desperately needed to study but it wasn't happening. The trees were starting to change. We didn't get snow much on the coast, but fall had hit anyway, and it was beautiful. Something in the chaos of color caught my eye—something too solid in the rain of reds and golds. I squinted, trying to see across the street.
Bryson's hot little car.
He leaned against the door, on his phone.
I frowned, looked around my room for Navi, who wasn't there, and then went back to his car. It was still there—I wasn't dreaming it.
My phone buzzed.
Curious, I picked it up. "Are you okay?"
I bit my lip, his words sending shards of pain through my soul. I'd known I missed him. Missed him so much I hadn't been able to sleep and everything everywhere reminded me of him, but I hadn't realized how much until I saw his number flash across my phone.
I didn't know what to do. I wanted to write him back—everything in me begged to respond. Everything, except my brain, that kept screaming that he'd abandoned Navi. He'd left her there to die. How could he do that?
My phone buzzed again. I grabbed it like a lifeline, clinging to it with both hands. "I know you can't forgive me. I can't forgive myself. But if the choice came down to saving you or saving Navi, it would be you, Konstanz. Every time. Even if it means you hate me for the rest of my life."
Was this irony? I'd been so worried that he would go back to wanting Navi if ever given the chance and now I hated him because he'd chosen me over her? Wouldn't a real hero try to save us both?
Not when Navi was the one holding the swords. She didn't need saving. She saved herself. She saved us all. Maybe she was right and Bryson had understood that when I refused to. Because admitting Navi was this monster hunting badass meant she didn't need me anymore.
It also meant that her world was far more horrifying than anything I'd pretended it to be so far.
I sighed, watching him, torn with all these conflicting conversations I kept having with myself. He kept checking his phone, and his shoulders slumped a little more with each passing minute that I didn't respond. Finally, he started typing again.
"I'm sorry."
My heart broke and I sobbed, letting the phone fall from my hand to the floor.
"One last thing," Navi said gently. I hadn't even heard her come back in. "You said that Bryson left me alone, but he didn't. I had help, Konstanz. Lots of help." She settled on the desk next to me and let me cry, stroking my hair. "I'm never alone."
I had no idea what she meant by that.
Bryson
* * *
I'd thrown myself into work, which made me more miserable, and when I wasn't working I was watching Konstanz's apartment. Like I could possibly keep her safe. I didn't even know what was out there to protect her from.
I knew Navi saw me. She probably thought I was some weird stalker, but she didn't say anything or acknowledge my existence for several days. She was too busy, always sprinting out the door. It wasn't until the fourth day that she finally approached me. I watched her walk across the street, dark hair billowing behind her. She was tiny, but she wore sky-high heels and somehow managed to look ten times her size. Formidable.
Kind of terrifying.
She slid into my passenger seat and turned toward me. "How ya holding up?"
I smirked, not looking at her. "Weren't we just having this conversation, but with reversed roles?"
"Times they are a changing." She smiled.
"I'm in love with her, Navi." If she was surprised by this, she gave no indication. Maybe she'd always known, from the very beginning, before even I'd known. "I assumed I'd mess it up, but not like this." I shook my head. "What choice did I have? How can I lose her when I didn't even have a choice?"
She sighed and rubbed my shoulder, her fingers digging deep into the muscles that were so tight, pain waves shot down my arms. "It isn't fair."
"I'm sorry I left you out there." It had to be said. I was sorry, even if I would have done it again. It ate me alive.
"I'm not. I told you to go for a reason. I couldn't fight with you there. Had you stayed—"
"What was it, Navi? What was out there?"
She shrugged and looked away, dropping her hand. "Wild dogs."
I didn't believe her. Not even close. "I didn't see any dogs. And you're a probation officer, not animal control."
She laughed softly. "Maybe I'm in the wrong line of work."
"Navi, come on. We all know you're lying to us. What's really going on?"
Her face fell, the smile dying from her lips. "Don't ask, Bryson."
I opened my mouth to object, but she held up a hand. "You helped me through a difficult time. I want to help you, as well. What can I do?"
I ran a hand through my hair and looked toward their apartment. "Pray for a miracle?"
She shifted against the leather but I didn't turn toward her.
"I don't know how to get past this. I can't even ask her to forgive me. I can't forgive me."
"Well," she said, suddenly all brisk and business. "I personally think this is very offensive on both your parts. I told you I could handle myself. This is my job and I'm damn good at it. And now you're both like, 'Oh, I shouldn't have left her to die. Oh, how awful we are.' I can handle myself, thank you very much, and I'm annoyed that you guys don't agree."
I was surprised at the anger in her voice. "I don't—"
Her eyes softened. "I'll do my best with Konstanz. Just don't give up."
Right. Because it was possible to just shut my feelings off like a faucet. If it were, I would have done it. Anything to stop this pain.
She squeezed my arm and got out of the car, sending me a sympathetic smile as she did so. "Is Alec still gone weekends? The girls are planning a party Sunday and I'm doubting my ability to sleep in my o
wn apartment."
I blinked, trying to pull myself out of my own wallowing. "Yeah. Yeah, I think he's with his girlfriend this weekend."
I barely registered the pain that flickered across her face, but she was gone before I could apologize for my callousness.
I went back to watching the apartment until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, then started my car and slowly drove home.
My dad was wrong about me. He'd always said I was too selfish to fall in love, yet here I was. He'd been right about one thing, though, when he'd said no one would ever love me.
I couldn't sleep, so I finally gave up, got my ass out of bed, and went shopping. We'd been out of food for a week and it seemed the only thing Alec lived on was coffee. I hadn't been in the mood to eat, so grocery shopping hadn't been a priority. That being said, anything was preferable to being alone in my empty apartment.
It was just after sunrise on a Saturday and the streets were still empty. Normal people were sleeping, apparently. I parked in the nearly deserted parking lot, grateful for the twenty-four-hour grocery store in such a small town. Like a zombie, trying not to feel or think beyond what I needed to survive, I wandered up and down the aisles, pushing my cart like a little old woman. My dad would have mocked me. He had people to do his shopping. He said it wasn't a man's place. I straightened and pushed my cart a little prouder.
He lived in an antiquated world, so focused on himself and his missions that he missed how things had evolved since he was a part of this world.
I felt her before I saw her. Every sense seemed to come alive, and the smell of her lotion drew me from three aisles over. I came around the corner with my blood roaring in my ears, so desperate to see her I could barely breathe. Her long, golden-brown hair was piled on top of her head and she wore baggy sweats.
Baggy, blood stained sweats.
Her eyes, when she raised them, were red-rimmed from lack of sleep or from crying, I didn't know, but I wanted to break whatever could hurt her like that. Snap it in two and watch it scream.
I was more like my father than I thought.
And then I realized it was probably me that had caused it, and my self-loathing nearly overwhelmed me. I almost backed away, back to where she couldn't see me, couldn't pierce me with the hatred in her gaze. But I wasn't fast enough.
