by CK Dawn
“No.” Gwen shook her head. “The Blackwells have been very kind to me. They became close friends easily. Each day Joseph grew weaker, and the workload was left to Colm. He was struggling to keep up with the commissions, caring for his father, and feeding all of us. I began to cook and care for Joseph so Colm could work in the forge.” His sister dropped her eyes. “They became my family.”
Betrayal and hurt pooled in his gut. She was his only family and she’d found a new one while he fought his way back home. Hayjen knew he was being unreasonable, but he couldn’t help it. He’d been replaced. He swallowed and forced a smile on his face. “I’m glad you were well taken care of.”
Gwen nodded, not looking at him. “They have been good to me. After a time, Colm and I grew closer. One day, he asked for my hand. We were already friends,” she chuckled, “and I was doing everything a wife would do anyway, so it was the right choice to make.”
“Do you love him?” Hayjen asked. “If you don’t, if you want out, I’ll take you from this place right now.”
She turned to him and touched his face, happiness shining in her eyes. “At first, I loved him like a friend, and we just fit. It was like breathing. But over time friendship grew into something so much more, something impossibly grand and wondrous.”
The awe in her voice convinced him. Gwen didn’t beat around the bush. She knew people and knew her own mind. She’d always had good judgment. If she loved Colm, he was a good man. “He sounds like a man mum and papa would have approved of,” he said gruffly.
“I think so, but I would have your approval.” Gwen smiled. “I mean—you did raise me.”
His throat tightened. Carefully, he pulled Gwen towards him and kissed her forehead. “Well, I’ll have to get to know him, but from your assessment, he sounds like someone I will become good friends with.”
“I hope so.”
Gwen hugged him tightly as he stared over her head at the forest. His sister was betrothed. Soon she would belong to another man, have a family of her own. Hayjen couldn’t let go of what had happened to Mer. He closed his eyes as the pain of losing the little girl washed over him. He didn’t know what would happen when he attacked the captain but now he didn’t have to worry. Gwen would be taken care of.
“What happened to you?”
“It’s a long story that will no doubt keep you from sleep.”
“That awful?” she squeaked, horror in her voice.
Hayjen pulled back, chucking her on the chin. “It’s a story for tomorrow. Tonight, we celebrate our new family and returning to those we love.”
Her lips thinned. “You can’t sweep this under the rug. I will keep asking.”
A true smile adorned his face as he steered his sister back towards the forge. She was like a bloodhound when it came to something she wanted. At least that hadn’t changed. “That I don’t doubt.”
“Come meet our family.”
Family.
Mer had been his family.
Now she was gone. How long would this one last?
Eight
Hayjen
He wanted to hate Colm on principle, but the man was a saint. He was soft-spoken with a wicked sense of humor. Hayjen studied the couple through the doorway as they washed dishes that night after supper. Gwen didn’t see the adoration in Colm’s eyes while she scrubbed the dishes, but he could. The man was completely in love with her. He smiled as Colm bumped Gwen with his shoulder and she splashed him, causing them both to break out in a fit of giggles.
“They’re well matched, I think,” commented Joseph, the senior Blackwell.
Hayjen peered at the older man. He was pale and sickly, shivering even though he was right next to the fire. The old man looked at him through tired eyes.
“He’ll take good care of Gwen. I’ve taught him to treat women with respect, tenderness, love. Gwen is precious to us both. We’re lucky to have her in our lives.”
“She brings warmth and light wherever she goes. You’re right on that account.”
“Gwen is a blessing. I am overjoyed to welcome her into our family, and you as well even if you leave.”
He straightened, staring at Joseph. “What makes you say that?”
The old man shook his head, wearing a grim smile. “When my wife died, I was a shell of a man, then I grew angry and went looking for someone to blame.” Joseph met his eyes. “You’ve got darkness in your soul—anger, hate. I don’t know what happened to you, but you’re looking to deal out some blame.”
“That’s very astute for one who’s only known me for half a day.”
A harsh laugh rumbled in the senior Blackwell’s chest. “A man drowning in nightmares and vengeance is easy to spot.” He paused then continued. “May I offer you a piece of advice I wished someone would have shared with me?”
“Share away.”
“Vengeance does not bring peace.” Joseph’s emerald green eyes pierced him. “You think that avenging whatever plagues you will make the pain, the hurt, the guilt go away—but it doesn’t. It multiplies or leaves you completely empty and numb. It’s not a good way to live and it takes many years to claw yourself out of a grave you’ve dug for yourself.”
Joseph Blackwell’s words reverberated inside him. Could he let the hurt, guilt, and pain go? The rage that burned beneath the surface said no. Hayjen clasped his hand loosely between his knees and scrutinized the old man. “And if this person deserves justice? If I can’t let go?”
“Be ready to accept the consequences of your actions,” he said simply.
Hayjen turned to watch his sister and her betrothed tease each other and laugh.
“It’s good to hear her laugh so freely,” said Joseph. “It was a scarce sound when she first started working for us.”
He turned back to Joseph rocking by the fire.
“She hunted for you for weeks when you didn’t turn up from fishing. When she lost your home, she went back every day for months hoping to find you there. Each time she came back empty-handed about killed her. Unbeknownst to Gwen, Colm would search the fishing district for information about you each night. He just wanted her to be happy.”
His heart warmed at that. Hayjen turned back to the couple as they entered the room hand in hand. Gwen kissed Joseph’s cheek before sitting on the rug in front of the fire, uncharacteristically serious.
“Where have you been?”
Hayjen sucked in a breath and clenched his hands. “Until a month ago, I was on a Scythian slave ship.”
Silence.
Everyone was frozen, staring at him in shock.
“A Scythian ship?” Colm finally asked.
“A Scythian ship.”
“How is that possible?” Joseph questioned. “They haven’t been in contact with Aermia since the Nagalian purge.”
“The other slaves and I were kidnapped. We thought we were the first, but we received some information that said otherwise.”
“What did they want?”
“With me? Hard labor is my guess. With all the women? I can only imagine. There were only four male slaves when I was captured. By the end of the week, I was the only male left alive.” He paused, trying to sort through the nightmares and stick to the basics. “I wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy.”
“Did they hurt you?” His sister’s voice broke.
“Sis, you don’t need to know.”
She shook her head, brown curls whipping around. “No, I need to know.”
Colm squeezed her hand. “My love, maybe it’s painful to speak about.”
Gwen’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. I just—”
He understood. If Gwen had disappeared, he would have wanted to know, too. He heaved himself up, turned his back to the room and hauled his shirt over his head. Curses and a sob sounded behind him. A finger touched his back and jerked away.
“Does it hurt?” Gwen choked out.
“Not now, sis.”
She traced one. “So many, Hay. So many. Ho
w did you survive?”
Hayjen craned his neck and caught his sister’s eye. “Determination and seaweed.”
“Now’s not the time for jokes,” she scolded.
“Now is always the time for jokes,” he commented while shrugging on his shirt. “You never know when you’ll be able to joke again.” He spun and hugged Gwen, knowing she needed it after what she had just witnessed. His back was an ugly thing to behold. She stepped back and stared at his wrists. He lifted them and twisted them back and forth. “Cuffs.”
Gwen rushed to the fire and vomited. Colm rushed towards her and stopped when she held a hand up. “I just need a minute.” She heaved a couple more times before wiping the back of her hand across her mouth. “How did you escape those animals?”
Now it was his turn to feel sick. “Pirates.”
“Pirates?” Joseph demanded. “Stars above—this tale just gets wilder and wilder. It’s a miracle you escaped with your life!”
“Father,” Colm chastised. “Show some empathy.”
Joseph met his eyes with an apologetic look. “I let my mouth get the best of me. Forgive me.”
“Nothing to forgive. If I heard my tale from someone else, I would hardly believe it.”
“Did—did the other slaves escape as well?”
Lilac eyes. A sweet giggle.
Bile burned the back of his throat. He wouldn’t share what happened to Mer with anyone. No one deserved to have those images in their minds for the rest of their lives. “Most, but not all.”
“I am so sorry, brother.”
He shrugged. “There’s nothing to do but move on now.”
All three of them looked at him like he was insane.
“You should report it to the crown. Scythians attacking Aermian citizens is something they should know about,” Colm remarked.
“There’s no proof.”
“You’re living proof, you daft boy,” Joseph added.
“Others have gone forward, but to no avail. No one wants war with Scythia.”
“So we keep letting them steal people?” Gwen snarled.
“I don’t like it any more than you do. But what would you have me do?”
“I don’t know,” she huffed, frustrated tears in her eyes.
“I know your frustration, sis. I know. I feel it every time I look in the mirror or when a nightmare wakes me in the night.”
Gwen blinked and visually pulled herself together. “I’m sorry, I am feeling so much right now.” She stared at the rug for a moment before meeting his eyes. “We don’t have to figure out anything tonight. It will keep to the morning as mum used to say. You’re probably exhausted. Would you like to go to bed?”
He was weary to his bones and a bed sounded wonderful. “I could sleep.”
His sister’s trembling lips morphed into a full blown smile that crinkled the corners of her eyes. That had been their papa’s favorite saying when their mum used to call for him to come to bed.
“It’s good to have you home.”
“It’s good to be home.”
It didn’t feel like home anymore.
Things were the same, but so different. Gwen had grown up while he was gone. She was still her bubbly self, but she worked hard and took on more responsibilities. When Joseph had become sick, Colm had taken over the work in the forge—he was a little behind on a few commissions, so over the following weeks, Hayjen pitched in doing what he could.
One night, after a particularly long day of stoking the fires and cleaning swords, his thoughts wandered towards his nightly activities. Every night he had snuck out and down to the docks, hoping for an opportunity to sneak aboard the ship. Much to his irritation, there never was a good time. The captain was always surrounded by people. He’d inquired about her and practically destroyed a pub when he heard all the praise sung about her. Captain Femi had all the merchants eating out of the palm of her hand. It sickened him to think that such beauty held such corruption.
He pulled at some grass, venting some of his frustration. To make things worse, he’d received news that the ship was to sail in the morning. He had only this evening to make his plan work, only one opportunity.
“Still glowering at the forest? What did it ever do to you?”
Hayjen tilted his head up and smiled at Gwen as she plopped down into the grass next to him. She tipped her head back, eyes closed with a smile on her face. Her love for the sun hadn’t changed in the least.
“Enjoying the peace and quiet,” he said.
“Now that I believe.” She cracked open one eye. “I’m happy you’re home.”
“So am I.” He swallowed hard and tried to think of something else to say. When he was on the Scythian ship, he’d imagined having conversations with her—but now that she was within arm’s reach, he didn’t know what to say. So he said nothing.
“You know you can talk to me, right?”
“I know.”
“Is it,” a pause, “a woman?”
“What?” he asked sharply.
Gwen opened both eyes and stared at him shrewdly. “You’ve disappeared each night, only to return in the early morning.” Her mouth turned downward. “Mum taught you better.”
“It’s not a woman.”
“If it’s not a woman, then where are you going?”
“Out.”
Her eyes narrowed. “That’s not an answer.”
“Sis, it’s all you need to know.”
“Why?”
“For your own protection.”
Her hand settled atop his. “Who is protecting you?”
The concern in her voice touched him. “I am alright.”
“You’re the furthest thing from alright.” Hayjen stiffened, meeting her serious eyes. “You carry darkness around with you like it’s your own personal cloak. Your smiles are forced and there’s no light shining from your eyes.”
He dropped his gaze to the grass, hating how much she really saw. “Sometimes the light is snuffed out.”
“No one has that power over us unless we allow it.”
“What do you know of it?” he retorted.
“Enough to know that you’re in pain. Let me in, Hayjen. I can help.”
“You can’t change the past.” No matter how much he longed to.
“No you can’t, but you can come to terms with it. Speak and I will listen.”
Hayjen swallowed and let one word roll off his tongue. “Mer.”
“Mer,” Gwen repeated. “What does it mean?”
“Glittering Sea.”
“Pretty.”
A smile bloomed across his face. “She was. Mer’s hair was so blond it was almost white, and she had the loveliest lilac eyes. Her giggle was as infectious as her sass.” His smile melted when he looked at Gwen. “The Scythians enjoyed tormenting her and I couldn’t bear to see a child treated that way.”
His sister gasped. “A child?”
“Yes,” he choked out. “She latched onto me and I to her. I made sure she was fed, her wounds bandaged. I tucked her in at night and said a prayer with her. It was like she was—”
“Yours,” Gwen breathed.
“I promised her that I would get us off the ship and that I would look for her parents. If I didn’t find them, I planned on keeping her.”
His sister blew out a breath before asking, “What happened to her?”
Mer’s happy face flew through his mind as she waved to him before disappearing over the side of the ship when black fins gleamed. Bile crept up his throat. He wouldn’t wish his nightmares on anyone. “She was murdered.”
“Stars above, Hayjen. Did you alert the authorities?”
He barked out a harsh laugh. “Do you really think they care? Like they care about Scythians torturing their people? No one cares but me. Don’t let it be said that justice doesn’t prevail.”
Gwen stilled. “What do you mean?”
“That filth won’t get away with what they did. They will come to a violent end as terrible as their souls.�
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“That’s not justice, that’s revenge.”
“In this case, it’s the same.”
“No.” His sister shook her head, her braid whipping through the air. “It’s not. You taught me that as a child. You’re seeking revenge.”
Hayjen glared at his sister. “Does she not deserve justice?”
“Yes, but not by your hand.”
“I won’t let them get away with this.”
“You won’t let them get away with this? Who appointed you judge, jury, and executioner?”
“You don’t understand what it is like to lose someone.”
“How can you say that to me? I lost mum and papa just like you did, not to mention I lost you for months. I thought you were dead!”
“I did die. The Hayjen you knew died on that ship along with a little girl. I will wipe them from this world so they can’t hurt another.”
“It’s murder.”
He glared at Gwen and she glared right back, rising onto her knees.
“Your thinking isn’t clear,” she said.
He scoffed. “It’s the clearest it’s been in a long time. They need to be put down.”
“Like animals? Are you even hearing yourself? They’re still human, despite their wrong actions. Human beings.”
“If they act like animals, they should be treated like animals!” he bellowed, jumping to his feet.
“It’s murder!” Gwen yelled back, standing up, her chest heaving.
Colm poked his head out of the forge, looking concerned. “Is everything okay?”
Gwen broke their stare off, peeking over her shoulder at her betrothed. “We’re alright. We’re just talking.”
The swordsmith glanced between them before disappearing into the forge. Gwen turned back to him, sadness in her eyes. “Have you thought of the cost? Truly? If you go down this path, then you will become the thing you hate. You will become just like them.”
Hayjen slammed his eyes closed like it would keep her words from taking root. Mer deserved justice and so did he. “I need this,” he whispered and opened his eyes. “Gwen, I need this.”
Her face crumpled as tears filled her eyes. “You don’t—you just can’t see that.” One sob escaped her, breaking what was left of his heart. “You were right when you said my brother died on that ship. I don’t know who you are. And I can’t save you from yourself.” She closed the distance between them and grabbed his hand. “I love you. You’re my brother. You’ve been my only family for so long. But if you choose this path, you can’t be part of my life anymore.”
