by Naomi Niles
“No, why don’t you stay home in the morning and get some rest? You are still recuperating yourself and you’ve been running all over town taking care of me. Carla will be there with me, and if anything bad happens, I will text you. Just pray to God that doesn’t happen.”
Sean nodded and we finished our dinner and went home. He held me tightly that night, whispering positive thoughts softly into my ear. I slept better than I had the night before, spooned against him. I didn’t want to imagine what it would’ve been like to sleep alone. I didn’t ever want to imagine what it would be like to sleep without Sean.
Chapter 22
I arrived at the hospital thirty minutes before the surgery was to begin. I checked in with the desk in the surgical unit and they gave me a small device that looked like a child’s game. It had several lights on it, the most prevalent of which was green and it blinked softly. The woman at the desk told me, “If it vibrates and the red light begins blinking, please report here to the desk. This will allow you to move around the hospital at will. Why don’t you get yourself some breakfast downstairs? Just keep this with you; will be in touch,” she said kindly. I had begun to grasp that as a severity of treatment increased, the personnel seemed to be more sensitive. I wasn’t sure what that indicated, but I knew that my nerves were frazzled by this point and I couldn’t have taken another rude attendant from the ER department.
I took a seat and waited for Carla to arrive, which was only a few minutes later. We went together downstairs to the cafeteria and settled at a table with plates of scrambled eggs and toast. I had a tall glass of orange juice and she was drinking coffee. The orange juice seemed to have more sustenance and I wanted the tart flavor to coat my tongue. I had always loved oranges.
“How long have you and my dad been seen one another, Carla?” I asked her. “I hope I’m not prying.”
“No, not at all. You are his only family and you certainly have a right to know. I met your dad about a year ago. That was before I retired as a schoolteacher. He came to our school and gave a brief presentation on fire safety to the elementary students. He and I had the opportunity to chat a bit before the presentation started, and when he was done, he stopped by my room to say goodbye. He slipped me his business card and on the back, he had written his home phone number and the words single quote call me.’ I was very flattered. Your father is a handsome man. I’ve been widowed for eight years and I have no children. I thought I would retire alone and perhaps travel a bit of the world, but other than that, I was looking forward to a fairly lonely life. Your father changed all that.”
“He talked only briefly about you, but I could tell he was very fond of you.” I wanted to make her feel better; one of us needed to feel better.
“Thank you for saying that. I did call him after about a week’s time and we talked for two hours on the telephone. He asked me to dinner and I agreed. And I agreed the next week, and the following weekend as well. We’ve seen one another at least once a week ever since. If you’re wondering, Gwyne, he has stayed at my house overnight, but we’ve never stayed at his.”
I didn’t know why, but this made me blush. I had to be pleased that she respected me as an adult enough to divulge this personal information. I think what she wanted to do was to assure me that she had not lain in my mother’s place in their bed. She did it in a very graceful, thoughtful way, and I appreciated that. I nodded and smiled, patting the back of her hand.
We finished our breakfast and put our trays on the stand as was indicated. Taking the elevator upstairs, we sat down in a pair of chairs in the corner, picking up magazines and rifling casually through the pages. Each of us kept watching the clock, and we made small talk to make the time pass more quickly. Suddenly, the gadget in my lap came to life, the red light flashing and the device buzzing. We both leapt up from the chairs at the same time and quickly walked to the nurses’ desk.
“Ms. O’Reilly, the doctor will see you in meeting room 11. I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s only immediate family allowed.”
“Please,” I said. “She is his fiancée,” I stretched the truth a bit and tapped the back of her hand with my own as an indication to go along with it.
“Very well, room 11.”
We had just been seated in room 11 when the doctor walked in with good news. “He came through surgery fine. We opened five blockages, as expected, and so far everything looks normal. He will be returned to the ICU as soon as he comes out of recovery. We will continue to keep him sedated until we feel comfortable that he can breathe on his own. Until then, the ICU rules still apply. Only one visitor at a time, and only a few moments.”
“Thank you,” I said. “Do you have any idea regarding how long he will be in the ICU?”
“There are no certainties with this, Ms. O’Reilly. Don’t let me mislead you; he is not entirely out of the woods yet. Things can happen post-surgery. It’s not the norm, but it can happen. There’s really no point in your sticking around. You won’t be able to see him. I suggest that you go home and get some rest and check back with us during evening visiting hours. If anything happens in the interim, we will call you.”
The doctor wasted no further time, leaving the tiny consultation room as he headed back to what I imagined was his next surgery for the day. Carla and I hugged one another and she said she would ride in the elevator down with me. I didn’t want her to do this; I will was afraid that she would run into Sean. I hugged her once more and told her, “No, why don’t you go on home? I’m going to hang around a little longer just for my own nerves. I’ll be in touch when I hear something.”
She didn’t blink at my words, but nodded and smiled. “You know where I am.” She gave a little wave and I watched as she disappeared into the elevator.
I forced myself to sit and page through yet another magazine for five minutes or so before taking an elevator downstairs myself. Sean was watching for me and immediately stood and headed in my direction. I nodded and held two thumbs up and a smile appeared across his face. He waited for me by the exit doors and kept his arm around me as we waited for a cab to take us home.
I was exhausted by the time we reached home. The strain had taken its toll. Sean and I removed our clothing and crawled beneath the blankets together, clinging to each other for warmth and emotional reassurance. We fell asleep and when I awakened, Sean was holding out a bowl of soup.
“It’s not homemade,” he said. “Don’t get the idea that I know how to cook, or something. I do know how to warm up soup from a can, though, so you’re in luck. I even washed out the pan when I was done.”
I laughed and gratefully took the bowl of soup from him, setting it aside briefly when I called the hospital. Just as I had hoped, Dad was back in his ICU room and his nurse told me he was doing very well. “There’s no reason for you to come in this evening unless you really want to,” she told me. “He’ll be sedated until at least tomorrow morning.”
I appreciated that their staff recognized the amount of strain the family members were under. As much as I wanted to see Dad, I knew it would be better if I stayed home and rested. I briefly called Carla and gave her the good news. I could hear the relief in her voice. Sean and I settled in to an evening of television from bed. Just before we went to sleep, he made slow, gentle love to me. It was not sex. It was a loving, comforting togetherness; it was the act of two people who were deeply and committedly in love with one another.
Chapter 23
I was at the hospital early the next morning. Dad was still intubated and sedated. I met with the doctors briefly and they were going to attempt to slowly bring him out at about ten in the morning. They suggested that I go down and have some breakfast and come back up, which I did. This time, when I entered his room I was delighted to see his eyes were open and the tube was gone. He still wore a cannula beneath his nose and there were IVs and equipment plugged in everywhere. He looked awful, but I suppose anyone who had had open-heart surgery after a heart attack would look less than their normal, spry self.
I cautiously hugged him careful not to put any pressure on his wounds. I contented myself to kiss his cheek and the back of his hand. I lay my head on the mattress next to him and he weakly lifted that hand and petted my hair.
“Dad, you had me so scared. I know how weak you are and that your throat must feel just awful. You don’t have to talk.”
Dad nodded. He opened his mouth as if to say something but then close his eyes and drifted back to sleep; he was extremely weak. I left the ICU room and went down to the family waiting room. I quickly called Carla and updated her on his progress and then called Sean with the same information. Sean urged me to stay long enough for one more visit and then to come home and he would bring me back that evening.
I waited two hours and then went back into Dad’s room. He was awake again and this time he managed a slight smile as I walked into the room. I pulled up a chair next to the bed and simply laid my hand on his leg. “Everything is going to be okay, Dad. The doctors here are great. You’ve been out for a couple of days; the guys found you collapsed on the floor in your office.” I saw his eyebrows raise and I imagined that he had lost track of time. “One of the guys started CPR and they called an ambulance to bring you down here. They wouldn’t let me be with you at first; they said you were out of it.” Dad nodded slightly and with his weak hand, pointed toward his mouth. I understood instantly what he needed. I bounded out of his room to the nurses’ station across the hall. “My dad’s throat is bothering him. Can he have some water?”
The nurse looked up and she tapped a few keys on her computer. “No, no water just yet. He’s getting plenty of hydration through his IV. We can’t give them water until we know that he is stable, just in case he needs to go back into surgery unexpectedly. I will bring him in a water popsicle. It’s like a sponge that’s been soaked in cool water and it will help soothe his throat.”
I felt so helpless. I wanted to tell her to do as I told her, to hell with their hospital rules. I knew I couldn’t do it, though. These people had saved my father’s life and they knew what they were doing. What they weren’t, however, was related to my father. They didn’t know Dad the way I knew him. He was just another patient in another bed for them. It was hitting me hard. Harder than was reasonable, and I knew why; it was because I had seen my mother in the hospital. All those tests, all those hospitalizations when the chemo was too strong. She wilted away like an early rose in spring caught in a deadly frost. I had felt so helpless then and I felt that way now. I had always hated hospitals.
“Dad, they’re bringing in a wet sponge that you can use on the inside of your mouth. It should help a little. They won’t let you have water or ice chips until they know that you’re stable. You couldn’t have anything in you if you had to go back into surgery.”
He was nodding and I knew that he understood, probably better than I did. Maybe that was part of what was getting to me. There he was, helpless in bed, and it was my turn to stand duty and I wasn’t up to it. Dad’s eyes began to flutter closed again and I left his bedside, whispering softly, “I’ll be back, Dad.”
Sean was working on the apartments when I got home. I knew, without asking, what he was doing. Now that the emergency tone of Dad’s situation was over, Sean’s response was to get back to business as usual. That’s how firemen were trained. They could not dwell on one tragedy because another one was just around the corner.
“Sean, I thought I’d go down Dad’s firehouse. I’m sure the guys are wanting to know what’s going on. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before this. They’re trying not to bother me; they probably fear the worst.”
“I think that’s a great idea. Of course, you know I can’t go with you, but I’ll be right here when you get back.”
When I got to Dad’s firehouse, everyone was there. Luckily they were not out on a call. They surrounded me, asking questions about Dad’s condition, and we all sat around the tables in the lunch room as I told them what had happened. I left out any details about Carla; that was Dad’s personal business and certainly not my story to tell. I thanked them all for saving Dad’s life. “If dad had worked anywhere else, he wouldn’t be here today,” I said in a solemn voice and I saw heads bobbing in agreement.
“We look after our own,” one of them said and I nodded my thanks and stood to go. Chet came up to me.
“Gwyne, we know you’ll have your hands full with your dad. If there’s anything we can do, just let us know. The guys and I have already talked about it. When they’re not on duty, they would be more than willing to come by your dad’s house and sit with him, look after him.”
I was about to refuse help when it occurred to me that it was absolutely the perfect solution. Dad was used to having his men around him; having them at the house would be no different. There would be things that dad needed attended to which would be awkward for his daughter to handle. If one of the guys was on hand, it would be much easier on both of us. “You know, Chet, I think I might just take you up on that. Dad will need some help, especially getting him ambulatory. I’m not sure I could handle that on my own and short of hiring a private nurse, having you guys, his family, around would be a great help.”
“Good. Then consider it done.” Chet’s voice made it a finality, and once again I was struck by the brotherhood of firemen.
Chapter 24
Going to the hospital became a daily routine for me. Dad was now finally out of danger and sitting up comfortably in bed. He was scheduled for discharge and I had yet to discuss the home arrangements with him.
In the meantime, Sean’s recuperation had come to an end and he had returned to the fire station. I think that working on the apartments in the lower level had been therapeutic for him. I could tell he was stronger and although it would be a while before he pulled any runs where he might have to carry someone, at least he was well on his way to recovering his former strength. The doctors had examined him and done breathing analyses. He had passed with flying colors and I was proud that he was so strong as to recover so quickly. The ranks at Dad’s fire station were now filled once again. All except for Dad.
I was sitting at Dad’s bedside when the doctors came in. There were three of them and they took his vital signs and examined his healing wounds. One of them was the spokesman for the group.
“We need to talk about discharge and getting you into physical therapy. You’re also going to need some in-home nursing for period of time. Have you and your daughter considered how you’re going to handle this?”
“Put me in a nursing home,” Dad said, a frown on his face.
“No! Dad is not going into a nursing home! I have it all arranged. Just tell us where and when to have him at his first physical therapy appointment. I’m going to take care of him myself, along with a few friends.”
Dad’s face showed surprise. “Gwyne, honey, you can’t do it all. It just wouldn’t be right. You also have a job.”
“Dad, I’m not going to be doing it all alone. Your men are stepping in. They came to me and insisted that whomever is not on duty will be staying at the house with you, seeing to whatever you need that I can’t handle, and between the lot of us, we will get you back and forth to the physical therapy.”
Dad’s mouth was open, as if ready to protest, but then he thought the better of it. “That was pretty thoughtful of them.”
“Yes, it certainly was, and that’s why you’re not going to argue with them. You would do the same for them.”
He nodded in agreement and I knew he would. I looked at the doctor and said, “Tell me when he’ll be discharged and I will be here to transport him home.”
The doctor nodded, appearing to be satisfied. “We’ll discharge at ten tomorrow.” The doctors left and Dad sat back against the pillows with the most peaceful, happy look I had seen on his face in two weeks.
“So what has been going on at the firehouse?” he asked me.
“Dad, you know I don’t really keep track of things. They’ve been a man down, and they’ve covered nic
ely, but obviously they want their captain back.”
“What do you mean, one man down?”
“I’m pretty sure that Sean is back from medical leave and working. I saw him there.”
Dad was surprised—I could tell by the look on his face. He probably wasn’t prepared for life to go on when he wasn’t there. He said nothing, however, but reached for the remote control and flipped on the television. It just so happened that the news was on and it carried the story of a fire in Dad’s district. His men were on hand and as we watched, the people who were Dad’s family moved in and out of the burning house. I spotted Sean and it took everything I had not to flinch. He had a coiled fire hose over his shoulder and I could see the strain on his face. I knew him well enough by then to know what that would look like.
The reporter mentioned that firemen had the scene under control and Dad visibly relaxed. I could only imagine how hard it was for him to sit back in a hospital bed and watch the men whom he thought of as sons in danger without him there watching over them. I knew he would be anxious to get back to work soon. I was especially glad that his men were going to be helping me take care of him, as they would certainly keep him in bed as long as he needed to be.
“Well, Dad, I’m going to head to the house now. I need to put in some groceries for you and make sure the sheets are washed. I’ll also take care of the bedding in the two guest rooms.”
“Two guest rooms?” he asked me.
“Yes, one for me and one for the guy who’s going to be staying with you.”
He nodded, thinking it over. “I see you have this all worked out. I’m proud of you, Gwyne. You are a true O’Reilly.”
“Dad, I don’t think you could have paid me a higher compliment than to say that.” I gave him a kiss and a short wave and left.
