“Go on,” he urged.
I put my hand out, palm side up, and he dropped something into it. A thin chain and an even more delicate pendant of some kind curled delicately in the center of my palm. I lifted it, holding it by the chain and letting the pendant dangle in the air so I could take a good look at it.
“That necklace is a tracking beacon. It will only transmit when it has linked to your DNA, so if someone else puts it on, we will know that you are not the one wearing it,” Doctor Aserov explained. “You know, just in case we lose one another. Ryder and I both have the transmitter that will tell us where you are when the time comes. We all have one, and your mother insisted you do as well.”
I raised my eyebrows in mock enthusiasm and said, “You guys thought of everything didn’t you?” I inspected the pendant hanging from the delicate chain. There was absolutely no reason anyone would think it was a tracker, just in case I were caught with the device. The tiny circle had a clear orb in the center of it that was surrounded by a metallic disk that had been etched with a symbol that I could only guess was made to look like the sun. It was beautiful and modern and would hide perfectly below the red shirt I was made to wear.
“We do have one thing to ask, though,” Ryder said as he watched me.
What else could they possibly want from me?
“And that is? Not like you aren’t already asking me to take down society as we know it. Why not one more thing?” I brought the necklace down to my side and inspected Ryder, his posture had finally relaxed, but Doctor Aserov’s was full of tension. I had a feeling she was the one who needed to ask for something else.
“Please, do not put that on until you reach your cabin and are in a private space. Like your bathroom. Your mother recorded a message on the device inside of it that is activated by the recognition of your DNA.” Her eyes were searching mine as if I had a hidden agenda.
If anything, I suspected them more than anyone at the moment. Even King. At least his intentions were written all over his face, and there was a history to account for his current actions. There wasn’t exactly a distinguished track record between the two people in front of me, but they were all I had. Who knew if Nero and Julius would ever trust me again.
“That’s not a problem,” I said as my fingers twitched around the chain. I wanted so badly to put it on, but I would do what she asked. Not because she had requested it of me, but because I didn’t want to get caught with a piece of my mother after losing her for so long. We had only been at the compound for a few weeks, but it felt like months.
“When do we leave?”
“Once we get the signal. I will retrieve you from your cabin, and we will leave. We have everything worked out to where there shouldn’t be any hiccups.”
My eyebrows raised in surprise again. “How sure can you be?”
Doctor Aserov took a step forward and stated, “Trust me. I have taken care of everything.”
“And you have such a great track record so far,” I mumbled, knowing she heard every word I said. Granted, I might not have had much to base my opinion on, but Cato’s death, whether destined to happen or not, was not something I held lightly.
“You’re angry and grieving, and I understand that, but if we hold grudges, none of this will mean anything. He would want everything to work out and for you to save the country that is slowly shattering under King’s hand.”
She barely finished saying the last word before I lashed out with a fist that landed with a smack at her left eye, causing her to stumble backward, nearly hitting the floor as well.
“How dare you! You don’t know anything so don’t you dare talk about him like that!” I screamed, not caring who found us. The rage was too much to bear and bubbled over, burning tears streaming down my face as I thought of my friend.
Ryder’s arms were around me as I sobbed, smoothing my hair back and making hushing noises. I still had the necklace clutched in my hand like a lifeline—everything left of my past life was in that pendant. When I looked up, Doctor Aserov stood on shaky legs, her hand over her eye in a protective stance, and hunched low as if prepared for me to swing again.
“I’m sorry, but it’s true, and you know it.”
Her voice was a hushed whisper as I stared, angry and red-faced as she spoke. I was trembling as Ryder held me, trying to be as comforting as a soldier could in a situation like that. Strangely, even though I was upset with the both of them, his touch and voice were calming and gentle, moving me to the point of exhaustion. The tears had finally slowed, and only my chin was quivering slightly.
“Good thing these walls are soundproofed, huh?” Ryder laughed as he held onto me.
Cato had seen a better world, had known that I could change it, and had believed in me enough to give his life for it. I couldn’t let him down. My faith in so many was gone, but my faith in him would never waver.
Chapter 26
Ryder and I strolled back to my hospital room once I had calmed down enough to be seen by others without raising suspicion, which took longer than expected. The thought of Cato still turned me into a screaming thing that even I didn’t recognize, and I was sure it would for a while to come.
We had remained silent, even as the doors to my room opened, welcoming us into the cold confines of the space as machines beeped away. A part of me was surprised that my outburst hadn’t alerted anyone to my physical state, but then again I was with my physician and all the machines and new medical technologies had completely done away with nurses. Plus, I was sure that the good doctor could alter those moments of my EKG, erasing all traces of the Hell I had been through in that room. I hopped onto the bed, my shoulders hunched over in defeat as Ryder moved around me.
“Will you be all right?” he asked as he watched me with concern.
Before we had left the room, we had darkened the lights, and his face was a dim silhouette in the shadows. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t form words. All I wanted to do was lay down and sleep.
“No, I’m not,” I forced out between pursed lips, the necklace he had given me still clenched in my fist. “I don’t think I ever will be again.”
The lights began to brighten around us, and I turned my head to find Ryder’s face barely inches away from mine. His breath, warm and sweet like mint, chased the cold away from my skin. His hand was on the switch on the bed. Instead of saying anything else, he leaned down toward the floor, kneeling in front of me and beginning to remove the military issued boots from my civilian feet. His touch was soft and comforting as his thumb grazed the spot just above my ankle.
“I’d say you can stay in the clothes, but that wouldn’t go over well. I can turn around so you can change back into your scrubs. Then I’ll leave you alone for the night so you can get some rest. You’ve dealt with a lot the last couple of days.” He rose to his feet and began to turn away.
My hand shot out without even a second thought, taking his wrist within it. “I don’t want to be alone,” I whispered as I looked up at him, my eyes not moving away from his. I might not have trusted him entirely, but he was the closest thing I had to a friend at that point. “Please, don’t go.”
He looked uncertain as if I was asking him to do the unthinkable, but then the expression softened to one of understanding as he watched me crumble before him all over again. My eyes fell to the floor, and I stared at his boots, inches away from my socked feet—not once letting go of him.
A shadow passed over me as he used his free hand to hook a finger under my chin, raising my face to gaze up at him. My neck strained, but that didn’t matter anymore. Not then. My world was collapsing all around me, and at the moment, he was the only one who could hold it together—no matter how I felt about him on the surface. Something was lingering just underneath.
“I’ll stay as long as I can. At least until you fall asleep. Unfortunately, I can’t make any promises.” His eyes drifted away from mine and then shot back, tears filling them along his bottom lids and threatening to spill over. “I’m sorry.�
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“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” I breathed in response. “Fate has a way of getting what it wants. We all have to make sacrifices, right?”
“No,” he denied. “We shouldn’t have to, but we do anyways.” He moved to sit next to me on the bed, our arms barely touching. “I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. What you had to do. I’ve lost people and done some awful things, but I’ve never had to kill someone I knew because I had pissed someone off.” He sighed, his chest falling with the sound as I watched him beside me.
We sat in silence for a few stressful moments before I took a deep breath, preparing to ask the question I knew he wouldn’t want to answer.
“Who have you lost?”
His eyes lifted, meeting mine for that second, and I fell into the green magnificence of them. Tears brimmed in his brilliant eyes again, making me wish I could take the question back, but it was too late. I could even see the hesitation in his expression.
He cleared his throat and swallowed. “My entire family.” He paused, took a deep, steadying breath, and continued. “When I was very young. My father, mother, and my brothers were in an accident with a transfer truck, and I went into the foster care system. By the time, I was sixteen, I had not once been considered for adoption because I was a ‘broken, problem child’ who would never recover. So I was drafted into the army where they could straighten me out.
“I wasn’t a rebel. I was a grieving child, that was all, but I’m different now because of what happened to me. I’m all right with that, despite the fact I have nothing left.” His gaze never wavered as he said, “But now I have this, and I will not fail. Not this time.”
So that was that. There were two broken people in my hospital room, needing to be pieced back together with a purpose. We had found it in Cato. My dear friend who wouldn’t see the world he had helped create. Even condemn him to his death. I still couldn’t force myself to believe that he was gone, and I was expecting to see him in the morning at the breakfast table, smiling and laughing even in the direst of circumstances while eating overcooked eggs and under-cooked bacon.
“How long did it take to be able to move on after your loss?”
“I never did.”
I let those words sink in. He hadn’t been responsible for their deaths but was still haunted by them as if he had been the one who had driven their car into the path of the transfer truck. How would it affect me knowing I was the one who had actually slayed a human being? I looked down at my hand placed on my thigh and watched as his covered mine, warm and soothing in his touch, and jarring all the same.
“I know you feel guilty, sad, and angry, but that doesn’t have to be the end all be all. You can use it to make his death mean something like he knew it would. You can be the hero we all need. The one Cato knew you could be. You can make King pay.”
The words hit me just as hard as his touch, changing something within me and causing the rage to bubble up until that was the only thing left. I knew with everything inside of me that King had to pay for what he had done and what he would do. He had planned to dominate all the United States with scare tactics and magic tricks stolen from others. Maybe even the world. People like Cato and me. Like Nero and Julius. I couldn’t allow it to happen. I had seen the result of his hunger for power, but how many had already perished to benefit him? How many more would follow suit? I clenched my fist in his hand, his closing around my own and holding onto it as if he was attempting to keep my anger there. If only it were that simple.
“I just wish I knew what the first step was. That would make everything easier.” My breath caught in my throat as I said, “And I wish I knew how to be that hero. He had more faith in me than I do.”
I felt the tears coming again, and I swallowed them down. I wanted to be the strong woman that Cato had seen, but I wasn’t sure how to be. I wasn’t even sure if I was strong enough to be what the country needed. According to the vision he had pushed into my mind, I would be the one to save all of us from King, but how? I hadn’t seen as much as he possibly wanted to show me, but that was what I had to work with. Also, according to the same vision, Ryder and I would become more than what we were now. I tried to stop the blush from coming, but that was impossible.
He smiled, asking, “What is it?”
“Nothing,” I shook my head. “It’s nothing.” When I looked at him, I saw a knowing expression there, which only made the red in my cheeks deepen. The smirk on his face was beautiful, only causing his gorgeous eyes to brighten in delight. He knew. There was no way he didn’t. Doctor Aserov had to have told him, and I couldn’t stop the panic from rising within me as I searched his eyes for the thoughts behind them, not able to decipher any of them. Ryder leaned toward me, his breath brushing my neck and cheek as he sighed. The way he felt was evident enough, but I wasn’t even sure if I trusted him completely yet. Then a thought entered my mind.
“What about my friends?” I exhaled and could barely breathe with him so close. I was attracted to him, no doubt about that, but how far could that go? Our breaths mingled as he thought the question over, coming to a conclusion within mere moments.
“We can get them out too. You won’t have to worry about that. We’re going to save anyone we can and leave no one behind. Not if we can help it.”
A grin spread over my lips of its own accord, and nothing but us existed in that moment. Not even the sound of the EKG picking up its pace as we sat there facing each other, hands clasped together and my palms sweating under his heat. His smirk widened, perfectly white teeth gleaming out from between perfect lips.
I wanted the feelings running through me to fade away. I wanted nothing more than to focus on what Cato knew I was destined for, but knowing that Ryder was destined for me was a part of that. And, apparently, he knew it too. He leaned in closer, nuzzling my neck as he breathed me in. I couldn’t keep the sigh from fleeing between my parted lips, his delicious smell overtaking my senses. Then his face was only centimeters from mine, the beeping from the machine behind him picking up with ferocity once his lips barely brushed my own.
“There’s something about you I can’t put my finger on,” he whispered. “Something that draws me to you.” He leaned into my throat and inhaled as deeply as he could as I froze in place from the proximity of him and his intimate actions. “You have to feel that.”
He was right. I did feel it. It was strong, heady, and intoxicating, but was I ready to give into it? The truth was that I wasn’t. Not there. Not then. Not while I was terrified and grieving. There was a better time for the next step, and that was not it.
“I do feel it, but…”
“But?”
His nose brushed my neck, sending a chill up my spine that sent shivers through my body. I placed my hand on the apex of his chest and gave him a slight nudge. He pulled away and stared at me, awaiting my answer with parted lips and bated breath. His eyes were sparkling in the dim blue lights as he searched mine for the answers to the millions of questions that had to be running rampant through his mind. I remained frozen once I saw him, almost giving into the urge to place my lips on his as we sat so close to each other we couldn’t move without touching.
“But this isn’t the right time for this. I don’t want to be scared and vulnerable. I want it to be perfect.” I hesitated before saying the last sentence. “I need it to be perfect.”
“Are you sure?” he probed as he brushed his lips softly against mine, applying no pressure as he did so. Just a slight meeting of lips to entice and I was entirely too close to giving in.
“I’m sure.”
“All right,” he said as he nodded, pulling away and standing. “I’ll let you change so you can get some rest. And I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”
My head bobbed the answer as he walked toward the door, folding his hands behind his back and feet spread shoulder width apart per usual. I stifled a giggle and began to undress, pulling the black shirt over my head just in time to see him sneak a glance i
n the glass’s reflection.
A snicker passed from between my lips and he nearly turned around completely. Despite the terror, the agony, and the death surrounding us it was easy to be around him after everything was out in the open and laughing was easier to do. I hadn’t thought I could laugh again after Cato’s death, and while it might have only been days ago, I could feel it changing me into someone I didn’t know. I could see everything in Ryder’s eyes just as I had Cato’s. It made me feel as if I was closing in on something huge, but how much bigger could it get?
I was destined to bring King down, but what exactly did that mean for me? For us? For anyone? Would the system collapse around us, needing to be revolutionized into something new and full of vitality again? When King had assassinated the last effective leader, everything had begun to fall apart. The rich and perfect had all the advantages while the remainder of the country started to suffer. And we would change it all? I was beginning to doubt myself and what fate had in mind. I wasn’t as strong as they all made me out to be.
Within a few awkward moments of dodging Ryder’s curious eyes, I was covered in the crimson scrubs that I was required to wear to classify the power I possessed and the level of danger expected from it. There was no anonymity once I was categorized. Black for the military, white for doctors, red for whatever I was, and a mixture of everything else to separate us from one another.
When Ryder turned back around, he was smiling again, the expression leaving his face once he saw the red fabric touching my skin again. I knew I would grow to hate the color if that word was even strong enough to describe the feeling.
I slid onto the bed, pulling the rough blanket over my fatigued muscles and lying down on the uncomfortably stuffed pillow while trying not to lie directly on my stitches. Ryder took his place in the only chair in the room that I hadn’t noticed until he sat down in it, leaning it back slightly on the back legs. I watched him for a moment, not wanting to miss anything that could happen in the midnight stillness, but my body had other ideas.
The Harvested (The Permutation Archives Book 1) Page 18
