“It was like she hated me, but couldn’t get enough of my cock. Always fallin’ on my cock. And nothing I did was enough. I wasn’t enough because she’s layin’ there on top of Hayley, grinding her pussy into the girl, and having me dip between them. I had a condom on. Yeah, early on I got real good at self-preservation, but in one, then the other, nothing there good for me. Not the first time I didn’t get off,” he scoffed, “not the last, either.”
“When did you realize she was using you to fulfill her own fantasies?”
“I’m stupid, so it took longer than it should have. At first, I liked the attention. An older woman,” he scoffed again. “Older, right. But in the little world of Enoch, she was a big fish. Her daddy was a bigger fish, owned half the town. She wanted me. Out of all the boys in school, she wanted me. Something prideful in there, because of who my ma was, and she wanted me anyway.” His words slowed as he found something there that bothered him.
“But, she didn’t want me. She immediately set about changing me. Different clothes. ‘Talk like this, Benny. Hold your fork like that. Come to this party. Do that thing.’ It wasn’t a control thing, but more a veneer she needed to paste over the prairie kid to make me into what she wanted to show off.” Shaking his head, he dropped into the chair finally. “She whittled me down until I matched the picture she had in her head. It was never me at all. The only thing that was me was the music. The band. She latched onto that, and I still don’t know why because we sure weren’t lush with success, but she stayed, and nothing ever changed. Nothing changed.”
That talk led to another the next day, and the next, and finally Benny's calls with Andy became anticipated rather than dreaded. Between Doc and Andy, they eventually talked him into taking a call from GeeMa, and that led to him sitting on the floor in the office again, shaking with tears as she told him what was in her heart. “Always loved you, boy. Didn’t like what you did. Those are different things. Always love you. Always will, Ben.”
Then he set to work trying to separate the acts from the man. It was hard work, and he would never have believed it to be work before now, where he found himself in all of this. Found the heart of who he needed to be, and the things that had concealed him falling away. The music still wasn’t flowing, but he hoped that was a piece he would again hold at the end of the day.
***
Wordlessly, he stared at Beans. The man held his stare for a minute, then the most beautiful smile Benny had ever seen spread across his face. “You did it, man. Graduation day.”
At the reminder, Benny broke the stare, looking down and away. “Scary shit. The world out there.”
“Yup. You got this, though. Know what you need to do. Remember what Doc says. You can do anything a minute at a time. Just break things down into sixty-second slices, and you got this whipped.” Those words were similar to what his brother had told him last night, calling from the hotel near the rehab center, killing time until he could pick Benny up today.
“Yeah, I got this.” Self-doubt worried around the edges of his certainty, but he had the doc’s words to fall back on, and Andy was committed to helping him keep it together. It sounded like his brother had a steady girlfriend now, and that was good. Benny hoped he hadn’t met her in the few hours he was in Fort Wayne, but even if he had and given her the worst first impression in the history of first impressions, even if she hated him, he’d work his ass off to turn her opinion around, for Andy’s sake.
Turning to face the door, he squared his shoulders, guitar hanging down his back. Feeling like a nomad troubadour, Benny walked out the door and into what he knew would be a better future.
Eleven
Seated at the end of the breakfast bar, Benny continued softly strumming the strings on the guitar in his lap, his eyes downturned while Andy and his red-haired beauty walked up the stairs to their bedroom. Her shorts left little to the imagination, and he was afraid if he looked up, he’d know if the carpet matched the drapes. Fuck.
He needed to get his own place, but there were a few impediments to that plan. One, it was Fort Wayne, and he didn’t know many people here. Two, he was essentially flat fucking broke because his brother held the purse strings tighter than an old lady at the end of the month. There was money, because, through his connections, Andy had pedaled the product and admitted he’d gotten more than amnesty for Benny from the buyer. But half that money went to Andy’s biker gang, and even Benny couldn’t fault the reasoning.
He’d brought trouble to their door, using his family. His gaze flicked to the top of the stairs, hearing Andy’s low murmur, and then the bright laughter of the woman, Ruby. Her name as pretty as she was, but Benny thought Ruby seemed like a nickname because one of the ladies in the gang had called her Melanie.
Club, I gotta call it a club, he reminded himself. He’d brought more than trouble to the club. It seemed he’d brought it directly to his brother’s feet, too. Kidnapping. He shook his head. What the hell kind of people would kidnap a cute thing like Ruby? The kind of trash I dragged into town with me. The house phone rang, and he waited, hearing Andy’s voice again as he answered. After a couple of minutes, his brother called down the stairs, “Shrimp, pick up.”
Leaning the guitar against the wall, he reached over and snagged the handset. “Hello?”
Silence for a moment, followed by a voice he didn’t recognize. “Ben? Ben Jones?”
“Yeah. What can I do for you?” Echoing on the line, then into the silence he prompted, “Hello?”
“Hey. It’s Vic.” Shaking his head, Ben leaned one elbow on the counter, lifting a hand to rub the back of his neck, moving to a rolling massage when the man spoke again. “Glad you’re feeling better, man. Real glad.” A pause. “Um. Wanted you to know I’ve got all the gear. Well, not Blake’s kit, he took that. But the rest. Mitty,”—Benny must have made a confused sound, because Vic elaborated—“you know, Dimitri. Anyway, Mitty and I got it all loaded into the van your brother loaned us since ours broke down.” A hollow click on the line and Ben realized Andy had been listening. “You there?”
“Yeah.” The word hurt to say, cut through him like ground glass in his throat. He didn’t remember a lot from the night he'd nearly died. Andy had filled in some of the gaps on the plane ride home yesterday; filled in a lot of holes, but only a few had to do with the band.
Vic Montrose was one of the things he didn’t remember, not really, but Benny was glad to hear he and Dmitri had stuck around. Benita and Danny were back in Wyoming, as a couple, which surprised everyone except Benny. He heard both of them were working for Benita’s dad at a car dealership in Cheyenne. Blake was done anyway, so Ben didn’t give a shit either way about him. He hadn’t thought about the gear, though, so it was good to know it hadn’t disappeared. His hand convulsed around the neck of the guitar at the surge of hope that whooshed through him. Maybe there’s a chance at rebuilding.
Footsteps descended the stairs. He watched Andy stop about halfway down, bending his knees to sit sideways, settling in with his legs dangling over the side of the stairway.
“Where are you guys staying?” Maybe I can move in with them. Even as he had the thought, he saw Andy grin and shake his head, reading his mind. Fuck.
“Hanging with some friends of your brother. Bear’s a cool dude. We’ve been jammin’ with him.” Vic’s voice dipped, and Ben suddenly felt like a teenager, far younger than his twenty-six-years, standing there with a hand cupped around the phone to keep anyone from overhearing a conversation. “He’s good. Like totally good. Outrageous. Dude, you need to hear him.”
Excitement burned through him at that. There were few things better than playing with someone who could actually play. Someone you could bounce and grind your skills against, honing both your talents to a fine edge. Someone who could match and play with you, tying a song into a tight bow no audience could escape from. Best feeling in the world.
“Sounds good.” Understatement. “I could meet Bear anytime. Wanna pick me up tomorrow?” And
y’s head moved side-to-side, and Benny gestured to him with his free hand. Jesus. He fumbled, then suggested, “Or, I could get my brother to bring me to you?” An up-and-down movement that time, and Benny looked down, staring at the toes of his shoes. “Why don’t I do that? It’s probably easier. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Vic was still talking when Benny hung up the phone, glaring at Andy. “Why does it feel like I just made a playdate?” He swallowed hard. “Andy, I don’t mean to…what I want to say is I know how—”
Andy cut him off with laughter. “Fuck that noise. I’m lovin’ this, shrimp. You bein’ excited about meeting Bear is awesome to see. You bein’ excited about anything.” He grinned. “If this works out? Worth everything.” Andy scooted back, standing, his voice trailing after him as he made his way back upstairs. “See ya in the morning.”
“Night,” Benny called and then picked up the guitar again. After not playing much for so many weeks, it would take his fingers time to toughen up again. Walking to the couch where a pile of blankets waited for him, he strummed and hummed quietly far into the night.
***
“Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.” The too-bright voice buzzed alongside his ear—soft, girlish tones luring him up from sleep. “Come on, beautiful boy, time to get up.” Benny reached out a hand, found a feminine wrist and clamped tight, pulling her into bed with him. “Hey. Let me go.” Too petite to be Benita, I must have hooked up with a groupie last night. “Ben. Let me go.” Got me some strange. He grinned but then the woman’s tone registered. Trembling, her voice was small and frightened. “Please.”
He released her and opened his eyes, seeing a flash of red as she scrambled to her feet. Fuck. “Ruby, I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“Breakfast is on the stove.” There were tears gathering in her eyes as she turned away, then she paused in place, keeping her back to him. Taking a deep breath, seeming to steady herself through willpower alone, she quietly asked, “Coffee or juice?”
“Jesus, I’m sorry.” He sat up and realizing he’d slept in his jeans, threw off the blanket and stood. She turned around at the noise and stepped backwards, away from him. Retreating. From him. Shit. “Ruby—”
“Don’t worry about it, Benny.” Gaze to the floor, she was the picture of an abused woman. And I put my hands on her. My brother’s woman. Fuck. “No worries,” she lied to him.
My big brother. “Do you have brothers or sisters?” Not sure where the question came from, he ran with it as she shook her head. “Baby brothers are supposed to be a pain in the ass. That’s me. I’m your new pain in the ass.” A flickering smile danced on and off her face. Fuck. More. “Thing is, you get to torture me in return. Ask Andy, he has a million ways to make me pay. Today, I’d say your best option is to demand I do the dishes in payback for my deed just now. Later, you could tell me to mop the bathrooms, but I also might decline. That’s where the fun starts. Means you get to badger and pester, and I can’t do anything about it. Gotta put up with it. My big sister gets the last say, see?”
He must have hit the right tone, because when her eyes met his, a tiny but real smile curled her lips. There we go. In that instant, he saw exactly what his brother had in Ruby, and hoped like hell he’d find the same one day. “Deal?”
She took a shaky breath, and then responded on the exhale, her voice still soft, “Deal.” Head tipped to one side, she laughed, that sound strong in comparison. “The guys all call me little sister a lot of the time. It’s kinda fun to think about being someone’s big sister for a change.”
“All day long. Bossy lady gets to boss the baby brother.” His phone rang, and he laughed as he pulled it out of his back pocket, connecting the call while listening to her answering laughter. “Hello.”
“Who’s that?” Benita’s voice was loud, shrill, and pissed off. “You sound like you’re doing a lot better, laughing it up like that. Who’s that with you?”
“Hey.” He still wasn’t sure how he felt about her leaving everything in the dust like she did. He’d been angry at first, then when he heard about her and Danny, Ben wondered about all the times he’d left them alone in hotel rooms. That pissed him off even more, feeling the fool because he knew they’d hooked up at least once. But, hearing her voice now, he thought back to everything she’d put up with from him and guilt settled in his chest. “How’s Wyoming?”
“You ruined absolutely everything, you know?” That beginning let him know she wasn’t calling for an update, but to make sure her message was heard loud and clear. “All our plans. Ruined my life.” Gaze to the toes of his shoes, he listened, offering no argument. “Ruined everything. And now I feel like people are watching me to see when I’ll mess up. Me!”
There was a long pause, one he felt compelled to fill even as the need welled up inside him. “I’m sorry.”
“Well, sorry doesn’t go far anymore.” She huffed, and he imagined her raking her hair back, frowning as she said, “Daddy told me you shouldn’t bother coming back to Enoch because no one there will hire you. Cheyenne, either.”
His gut cramped. “I don’t know what else I can say. I am sorry. Truly and deeply sorry.” He should have called her earlier. Should have reached out while still in Phoenix. Should have done things differently. “I just—”
The phone was pulled from his hand, and Ruby scowled up at him, green eyes glaring out from under her tousled mop of hair, daring him to try to retrieve it. “Who is this?” A pause. “No, I asked who you are. I didn’t stutter.” Another pause, this one accompanied by a roll of her eyes. “Whatever, honey. Listen, you don’t get to talk to Benny like you were.” She straightened, and he watched her eyes narrow. “No, you listen to me. You don’t call him. You don’t talk to him at all. Ever. As in ev-er. If he wants you, he’ll reach out. Until then—and if he takes my advice, it’ll be a cold day in hell before that happens—you don’t call. You don’t exist for him. Stopped existing when you hightailed it out of town.”
Hand to her hip, she turned away, and he could see her chin jutting out in profile. “Ruby,” he called softly, reaching out only to have her swat at his hand.
“Listen, bitch. You think you’re all hot shit, I can tell. But from what I heard, you ain’t all that. He can do better. Will do better, he finally gets rid of you.” A pause, her head tilted to one side as she listened. “Well, if you ever make it back to the Fort, you’ll deal with me.” She twisted, glaring at him again, hissing, “God, Benny, could you have picked a bigger bitch?”
Her attention returned to the phone. “Shut up. Just shut up. He’s my family, and you don’t want to fuck with him. Because if you fuck with him, it means you’re fucking with me, and I won’t put up with your shit, honey. Not a bit of it. And I have a hundred brothers who can back me up on that.”
She snorted indelicately, tossing her hair. “Well, I think you are trash. Doesn’t matter what your daddy owns. Trash is as trash does, and you faded. Left our sweet Benny high and dry when he needed you the most. That’s not how a friend acts. Especially not a girlfriend. That kind of fade in the clinch? Tells the tale of the person, and that tale shouts trash about you. That’s on you, and that means you’re not anything we want in our family. You can shut up, and go fuck yourself. Fuck off.”
Disconnecting, she tossed him the phone, and he roared with laughter when she said, “Man! That felt good!” With a grin, she asked him, “She’s a piece of work, Benny. What did you ever see in her, anyway?”
***
Benny sat, fingers nervously plucking at the seam of his jeans, listening to some old school rock coming through the speakers in Andy’s truck. They were headed over to one of the places Vic and Dmitri had been staying for the past three months, a span of time Benny found impossible to wrap his head around. He knew how long he’d been in rehab, but to have his brother’s friends put two strangers up in an apartment for that long smacked of crazy. A good kind of crazy, but still crazy.
“Don’t worry about it, shrimp.” Andy downshifted as
he steered around a corner. Not taking his eyes off the road, he said, “Bear’s cool. You’re totally going to love this dude. He’s all about the music.” They were rolling through a comfortable complex, large apartments on either side of the street and Benny was surprised when Andy slowed, turning into a driveway and pulling up behind a small car. “Bear’s old lady is cool, too. This is her house. They’ve been splitting time between apartments, getting ready to move into a bigger home. You’ll like Eddie. She’s rocking right alongside him most days.” Truck in park, Andy looked at him. “His kids are cool. Bear adopted them. We had a brother who didn’t clean up his shit, died from it.” Shaking his head, Andy popped the driver’s door open as Benny stepped out on his side of the truck. “Bear adopted his kids.”
The casual way Andy talked about the death of his friend shook Benny. Would he have been so cavalier if I’d gone toes-up in the end? His thoughts were derailed by Andy’s next words. “Kids’ dad was the dude who took Ruby.” The chill in his voice froze him in place as Andy’s eyes stayed fixed on him, conveying the weight of what he was about to say. “I didn’t kill him, but would have if given the chance.” Standing beside the truck, he slammed the door with more force than was necessary. “I’d have done it. No qualms, no hesitation. Shot him dead, Ben. He took her, nearly killed my Ruby. I’ll do anything for the people I love. Anything.”
On that declaration, Benny watched him stride up the sidewalk and open the door to the apartment, walking in without knocking or announcing himself. Shit.
Inside there was a kind of controlled chaos that seemed comfortable and energizing all at the same time. Two Hispanic kids were running around, and a dark-haired woman stood with her arms wrapped around Andy, grinning up at him. Without looking away, she yelled, “Bear, baby? Slate’s here.” Ben still couldn’t get used to people calling Andy that name. In his opinion, it didn’t fit. A rumbling response came from deeper in the apartment, and she tipped her head, looking at Benny. “You’re Ben, Slate’s brother, right?”
Born Into Trouble (Occupy Yourself Book 1) Page 10
