“I’m sorry you had to deal with that. And then to have to help your brothers through his death, pushing past your own sorrow. Amazing. You must be so strong, Luce.” She shifted, uncomfortable with the praise, faint as it was. “I can see how they all depend on you.” Rafe needed her more than Benny had understood at first; his autism masked by the boy’s silent and withdrawn personality. After seeing Roddy and Mickey with her, he had noted the differences between the boys were more marked than he realized. “Bear, too.” Since taking on an entire instafamily, Bear leaned on her a lot. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, honey.”
Now the glance she flicked him was annoyed, and he didn’t know why. “I do what’s needed.” She stood, taking the bowl out of his hands, stripping the damp cloth from the back of his neck, leaving the spot feeling wet, vulnerable, and cold in an uncomfortable way. “I’ll be back with food in a minute.” Not asking what he wanted, which was good because he didn’t want anything. Would have turned down all options right now. But knowing he needed to eat, he nodded. No doubt she’d show up with the perfect thing for a tender stomach ill abused by a drunkard. Ten minutes later, she did, rousing him from the half sleep he’d dropped into as soon as he got horizontal.
Grilled cheese and strong coffee. Just greasy enough to taste good, and perfect to absorb the rest of the shit in his gut. Wordlessly he struggled upright, accepting the plate and putting it carefully on his crossed legs. Staring at the food, he pulled a bite-sized piece off the sandwich he bemusedly noticed was cut on a diagonal. Totally a chick with little brothers. She settled onto the couch at the far end from where he sat, resting comfortably against the cushions as if she’d been there a million times. He asked, “You know Ruby well?”
“Yeah. Not friends, but friendly. Not like her and Lockee. They were really close. But, yeah, I’ve known her for a while.” Lockee was DeeDee’s daughter who’d died.
“Ruby talked like they were more sisters than friends.” All he could do was talk about dead people today, it seemed. He stuffed another small bite of sandwich in his mouth, frowning.
“They were.” No jealousy or anger there, simply an acknowledgment of what was. “Daddy wasn’t a…” She hesitated, and he wasn’t sure why. After a minute, she seemed to gather her thoughts, leaning forward to sit straight. “Daddy wasn’t a good member. He didn’t understand how Rafe was, always believed his behaviors were a choice, not a…disability. We didn’t go to events with him because he was afraid Rafe would embarrass him…us. I’d usually stay home to take care of the boys.” Still no anger, which seemed real, but he found himself hating what her statement said about her growing up.
“My mom’s an addict. A drunk. Alcohol is her drug of choice.” As he spoke, Lucia’s hand appeared, snagging a small piece of bread crust he’d pulled free. Stealing from my plate like we’re friends. He liked that. A lot. More than was prudent, given who her father was. “Andy called last night.” He swallowed, the edges of a suddenly too-dry bite gouging ditches on its way down his throat. “I already told you, I know. It’s just weird. We’ve hated her for a long time. He saw her yesterday. And now he’s gonna invite her up here for his and Ruby’s wedding.” Twisting his neck, he chanced a glance at Lucia to see her studying him. “I haven’t seen her in years. Hate her. Hate what she did to our family after Daddy died. I lost everything when he died. My home, my family. Everything.”
Unfolding a leg, he toed the empty bottle, shifting it to one side, hearing the echoes of his retching in the grating slide of glass on wood. “Got off the phone with Andy. Remembered there was some whiskey in the house.” Pulling his leg back, he kicked the bottle, sending it rocketing into the kitchen where it ricocheted out of sight. “I tried. Swear to God, I did. But the more I thought about not drinking the more I wanted to drink.” He shoved another bite into his mouth, furious with himself for saying anything. Weak. So fucking weak.
“Sucks you didn’t have the tools you needed.” No censure in her tone, no disappointment at his failure. She leaned close, and he shivered when he felt her fingers working under his thigh. That was a surprise move, intimate in a way he wanted but was afraid of, so he lifted and pulled back in reaction even as he wanted to push forwards. She grinned as she came up with his phone, fingertips dancing across the screen before she paused. Her ass buzzed, and he realized she’d called herself from his phone. “Now you have my info. If you can’t get in touch with your sponsor, you can call me.” She dropped his phone to the cushions next to his ass. “That sandwich gonna stay down?”
He nodded, watching her face intently. She wiggled to the edge of the couch and paused there. “Call me if you need me, okay, Benny?” He nodded, and she stood. Turning, he watched her walk out of the apartment without looking back. That, he thought, felt like a beginning.
Thirteen
“Why did I have to wear old clothes?” Luce was laughing up at him, trying to match his running strides, his hand clasped around hers pulling her along with him. They were racing through the big park near Andy’s apartment, Luce having come over when he called with a wild idea, luring her in with a promise of fun. He had two things with him, both important to this plan.
“Because I said so,” he yelled back at her, smiling to see the wide grin on her face in response, her head shaking in dismissal at his silliness. “Hurry.” They were nearly there, and he took the four steps down to the splash pad in a single jump, feeling her flying through the air beside him. “Here.”
Quickly he positioned her, shushing her questions as he assumed his own place nearby, their heads nearly touching, shoulders side-by-side, feet pointed in different directions. “Wait for it.” He urged patience, even as he wanted to go faster and faster. They’d spent a lot of time together over these past weeks. As often as he saw her, it was never enough for Benny, and he hoped he hid it from Luce, but more from Bear. Never enough. It could take a lifetime to explore every nuance of joy on her face. “Wait for it.” A nearby clock pinged, and he took a breath, then on the exhale, whispered, “Now.”
A clicking rumbled under their backs and then the air was filled with water. Arching over their heads, crossing their bodies. Big fat droplets were cascading down onto her face and, eyes closed, chin tipping to the sky, she lay drinking in the sensation. With a flick of his wrist, he opened one object in his hand, settling the umbrella over their faces. Water tumbled down the sides and created a curtain separating them from the world. Phone in hand, he quickly shot picture after picture of her laughing face in close-up. Right there, so close he could touch, could kiss were he brave enough.
Since the unfortunate beginning of their friendship, tied up in her brother’s pain and his failure, they’d spent part of nearly every day together. Most often just being quiet, she soothed him and brought a deep peace with her, so that sitting beside her on the couch became moments free from the bite. When they were out, they talked, chattered at each other, and probed the edges of the attraction they both felt. Soft touches, glances weighted with meaning neither were ready to act on yet, but every moment with her built something inside him. Something good and right.
In those times, Benny often found himself surging forwards, then reining himself in, pulling back, because she mattered. Mattered to him, and to his brother, because of who her dad was. He wanted her, felt her confusion when he edged them back from the line that would change things.
Turning to face him, she reclined on her side, pillowing her head on one arm. Slow blinks of her gorgeous browns. Spellbound within the illusion of privacy created by the water raining down. “Perfect.” That was all she said and all he needed. Relaxing, he let his head fall to the metal and cement underneath them, hand clutching the phone that would carry his memories of this moment. Another reason he could use to not fail. My Lucia.
Eyes closed, he listened to the sound of her breathing over the splashing water, the echoing space under the umbrella making it seem as if she’d moved closer. Then he felt the heat from her on
the side of his face, the sensation freezing him in place. “Thank you, Benny,” her whisper hit his skin like a brand, followed by her lips pressing to his cheek, burning the moment deeper into his memory. Indelibly marked. Forever.
Without conscious thought, he lifted the phone and blindly pointed it at their heads where they lay curled around the other like a yin-yang symbol.
“Anytime, honey.” Her lips touched his cheek again, and he breathed in air she was making richer simply by being there. Repeating himself softly, he whispered a promise. “Anytime.”
***
Benny held a smile in place on his face, the same one the radio DJs saw whenever they’d ask for an unscheduled acoustic performance on-air while they were on-air, leaving him with no good way to decline. “Sure, DeeDee,” he lied through his teeth, “I’d be happy to go to the party store.”
“Great,” she said, turning away from him to stare at the lists she had taped to the kitchen cabinets. Why she decided she needed to do the wedding planning in Andy’s apartment, he’d never understand. She had a perfectly good condo and a man who could help with whatever running around she had to do, but no, she’d picked here and him. “Luce can go with. She’ll have a good eye for color. You’re doing me a huge favor, kiddo.”
Well, if I’d known Lucia was going, I would have been more gracious. “Sounds good.” Keys in hand, he turned to leave when she called his name.
Looking back at her over his shoulder, he noted her expression was serious and concerned as she asked, “You doing okay, Benny?” She stood in front of the cabinet where the whiskey once resided, and he felt a swirl of fear that she knew about his failure. Luce had promised not to tell anyone, but still, it was a big thing to ask a girl whose recited memories of her father held more than one incidence of her performing exactly the duties she’d done for Benny. But she promised, and he got the feeling she didn’t lie, so he pushed down his fear, readying himself to lie to DeeDee. Again.
“Right as rain, DeeDee. I’ll head out.” He leaned back and snatched the list she’d been writing and waggled it at her. “Gonna pick up Lucia. We’ll do some shopping.” He walked down the stairs, his preferred mode of transit these days, doing his best to avoid the elevator since the day he was trapped on a tour of three endless floors with Bear’s mother. Maggie was nice enough, but she had a million questions about everything and didn’t mind asking any of them. Groupies, drugs, crazy parties. Every story she’d ever heard about a touring rock band birthed a question.
Phone in hand, he made his way to the landing on the floor where Bear’s apartment was. U up 4 shop trip?
A moment later, his phone vibrated in his hand. Y
On lndng. He waited, eyes to the little window that looked out into the hallway, watching as the beauty of Lucia filled his vision. She walked out of the apartment, turned to look over her shoulder, laughing, and even without hearing her, he knew the laugh was beautiful. A sound he could make a mint on if he could bottle it and release it to the world a little at a time. Shoving the handle down, he pulled the door open just as she got to the opening, losing sight of her for only a moment before her eyes hit his, crinkled at the corners, echoes of laughter in her voice as she asked, “Wedding shopping?”
He rolled his eyes and nodded, and she reached out, grabbing his hand in a movement that was so natural it would feel odd to walk with her and not be hand-in-hand. Her touch is so perfect. Just like she is.
She grinned. “Let’s go then. Vamonos! Procure the goodies for the happy couple’s pending nuptials.” He let her lead him, mostly because it caused her to glance back and up at him frequently, so he got to see her face as she rattled on brightly about her day. How much better Miguel was doing, how Eddie and Bear were, how things were good in her world right now. It also gave him a bird’s eye view of her glorious ass. Best of both worlds.
***
Three hours later, he walked her into Marie’s. Not a place he wanted to be, but not one he could avoid due to the association with his brother’s friends. It was still not somewhere he was overly comfortable. These days he had mixed feelings because it was the location of his most embarrassing failure, but also the place he’d first seen Lucia. He knew that much, even if he didn’t remember anything else from that night. Luce was laughing and talking as he led her through the room to a booth near the back, waving to get the waitress’ attention as they made their way through the crowded tables.
“I’m starved,” he said, letting Lucia slide into the booth, waiting to see where she settled to take his cue on where to sit. She slipped far over, leaving three foot of room on the end, so he turned and sat next to her. Elbows to the table, he reached for one of the menus propped against the inside wall. “What do you want to eat?” When she remained silent, he turned to see her staring fixedly down at the table. What the hell?
Twisting to look at the room, he found there were a half a dozen men glaring holes through him. Every one of them had on a vest similar to Andy’s, so he assumed they were all Rebel Wayfarers. As Luce’s dad had been. Shit. “Honey,” he turned back to her, “let’s go somewhere else.” They hadn’t ordered yet; it wouldn’t be awkward at all to slip out as they’d slipped in. He figured it would be far less uncomfortable than her sitting here wondering what those men were thinking of her being out with the drunk.
As he moved to slide out, a body blocked his way. “You’re stayin’ right here, boy.” The big man leaned around Benny to look at Lucia. His voice was gentle when he said, “Luce, honey, give me five minutes with Ben.” She scrambled into action, pushing at Benny’s ass, shoving him out of the way as the man muttered, “Thanks, honey.” A hand hit his chest, and he rocked backwards, the edge of the booth catching him behind the knees and his legs folded up. Suddenly ass to seat, he didn’t say anything as the man wedged himself into the booth opposite, and Benny’s attention was captured by a group of men who had moved closer. They were now standing with their backs to the booth, facing the room’s occupants in a loose half-circle. Guard dogs for whatever was about to go down.
“You don’t know me.” Not a question, the man led with the obvious, propping an elbow on the table, one finger pointing to his own chest. “Mason.” He paused for a moment, staring hard at Benny’s face, then gravel-filled laughter swelled and faded, his mouth hardly moving, features caught in an expression which was mostly scowl, but also part disgruntled amusement. Shaking his head, he said, “Nope, you don’t know shit.”
Leaning back, Mason stretched out, hooking his elbows across the back of the seat on his side, eyes drilling holes in Benny, who found his skin covered with sweat, soaking through the pits of his shirt like he was sick with the flu. Daunting didn’t cover it. The dude was fucking scary as hell. “Slate say much to you before he left? After he hauled his ass to Arizona to bring your ass home?” Benny shook his head, pleased when he could stop the shuddering movement after only four or five wild swings. “Fuckin’ figures.” Mason shook his head. “He’s always protected you best he could.”
Movement in the group of men around them caught Benny’s eye, and he looked up to catch a half wave from DeeDee’s man, Jase, before the man turned around, fitting himself into the circle as if there had been a space waiting on him all his life. Gaze back to Mason, he waited. What this man had said meant he didn’t truly know Andy, not the brother who’d left Benny alone for so long.
“Ruby got taken.” Mason’s words were blunt. With a wince, Benny nodded, because he knew that much. “Man did it was Rabid.” He’d heard Andy talking about this, knew Rabid was Lucia’s father’s club nickname. He nodded again. “Luce don’t know it, can’t know it. I’m probably stupid as fuck to tell you this, but I wanna see if the man your brother loves is in there. Trusting you with this, so you better fuckin’ keep your lips zipped, but it was me. I killed him.”
This was stated so baldly, so matter-of-factly he couldn’t help his reaction. His eyes widened, and he muttered, “What the fuck?”
“I kille
d him. Popped a cap in his fuckin’ head. He put his hands on something he shouldn’t have even looked at, shoulda never taken his hands to.” Mason shook his head. Jesus. Leaning forward, Mason unfolded his arms, propping elbows to the tabletop, palms clasped in front of his face as he peered at Benny around those powerful hands, fingers adorned with silver rings. Covered in tattoos, he was the definition of biker and unbelievably imposing. Oh, hell yeah. I totally believe he shot a man. “Do it again.” Mason focused on Benny, their gazes locked together. And Luce doesn’t know. I can’t tell her. He’s trusting me with this. “Anybody fucks my brother over, I’d do it again.”
That didn’t make sense. Ruby wasn’t his brother, not even in the way these men used the word. “What?”
“Slate.” Oh, fuck. “My brother. Known him a longass time. Trust him more than nearly any living being on this earth. I’d do anything for him.” Mason leaned in, lips pressing against the side of his clasped hands as he paused a moment, then he sighed. “Even take out his own family’s trash if it’s needful. You gonna get this one warning, boy.”
Benny’s breath had frozen. His lungs seized in his chest as the weight of the threat crashed in on him. Mason would kill him for Andy. Kill me.
“One warning. All you’re gonna get, Benny boy. You fuck your brother over again, you’re fucking with my family, and I’ll tell you this: Blood might make you related, but loyalty makes you family. Right now, you’re nothing to me but a bug running from dung heap to dung heap, spreading the touch of shit along the way. You work at it? Put your mind to it? You might become something to me.” He leaned in deeper and Benny felt himself pressing into the bench cushions at his back, trying to gain another inch of distance from this man. “You don’t work at it? Your brother won’t ever give up on you, but you’re rippin’ him up with small doses of your shit, plain as if you killed him outright. I won’t tolerate it.”
Born Into Trouble (Occupy Yourself Book 1) Page 13
