by Jaye Ripley
My fingers dig into her hips, dictating the pace. “Mine, dammit. Mine.”
“Yes, yours. Fuck yes.” She pushes back on me as I drive forward.
My hand comes down on her ass, and her sweet pussy squeezes my cock in reflex. She groans and begs me to do it again. I’ve never seen this animal side of her. We’re new to each other, but not once in all of our time has she been as aggressive or demanding. My hand contacts her flesh with a smack. The physical exertion of it coupled with her reaction tightens my balls.
Without pulling out and using her flexibility, I maneuver her onto the bed and on her back. Her legs wrap around me, those stilettos digging into my skin. Pain and pleasure, good companions. Like us. We’re trying to fuck our pain away, to erase it with temporary pleasure.
With all of my strength and effort, I pull out of her. An unintelligible noise escapes her. My penis officially wants to break off and leave me.
“What the hell are you doing? Get your dick back inside me.”
“Mel, take a second to clear your head and think.”
“I don’t want to think.” She sits up. Her hand wraps around me. “It’s time to feel. Don’t you want to come inside me?”
My hormones wage war with me. This temptress will drag me to Hell, and I’d go willingly with a smile on my face. I hover over her, the heat from her pussy beckoning my waiting dick to enter.
“This isn’t what I planned for tonight. Nothing’s going as planned.” My arms cage her, and I remove a strand of hair plastered to her face.
“Fuck the plan. And fuck me.” She grabs the back of my head and kisses me, her tongue thrusting inside.
After a second, I end the kiss, trying to get her to look at me. Her head turns away, and her hands grasp my back to pull me onto her, but my strength keeps me inches away. Her fingernails dig into my skin as she tries with more force.
“What’s going on, Melody?”
“Just fuck me, Hunter.”
“I don’t buy it. Of course I’m dying to be with you. But what’s the rush?”
Her eyes flash with anger. “If you don’t want me anymore, say so and I’ll go.” She tries to move, but my body traps her.
“You’re pissed at me.”
“Yes.”
“Then say you’re pissed at me.”
“I’m pissed at you.”
“Tell me you’re angry.”
“I’m mad at you,” she says in a low tone, her eyes shifting to look anywhere else.
My hand tilts her chin so all she has to do is open her eyes to see me. “Not good enough. If you’re mad, then say it like you mean it.”
“I’m mad.” Her voice raises, but she still holds back.
“Fine. You don’t want to deal with the truth? Then deal with this. I’m. Pissed. At. You.”
Her eyes fly open. “What the fuck?”
“Because you think holding back from me, hiding from whatever’s going on in your head is the best thing for us right now. I fucking told you I loved you while arguing with you. Doesn’t that make you angry?”
Her eyes widen. “No.”
A little of my control slips in exasperation. “No? Who does that? Who takes their girlfriend to a restaurant, picks a fight, and yells the words at them? A fucking asshole, that’s who.”
“I’m not mad about that. I swear.” She shakes her head.
“Then what, Mel? Fuck, we’re running out of time.”
Tears gather in the corners of her eyes. “That. Right there. That’s why I’m pissed.”
I roll us over until she lies on top of me. Tears stream down as she lifts her face to look at me.
“Baby, don’t cry. I’m so sorry. I wish it were different.”
She wipes her tears away with the back of her hand. “But it’s not. And I’m so mad because I could have met you anytime I wanted to. How many concerts of yours did I attend? I could have gotten your info from Trey. But I waited until your farewell concert. So it’s my fucking fault we’re here.” She catches her breath and inches up my body. Her forehead bends against mine. “Let’s get this over with.”
Me and my big ideas. I wanted to give her this huge farewell, a romantic night for her to hold onto while I drove off into my future. I put so much pressure on this night that I never stopped to consider how monumentally stupid it was to treat it more differently than any other night with her. As special as it was supposed to be, that would only make it harder to ignore the reasons why.
“Shit. We’re both all over the place with our emotions.”
She sniffs and gives a weak smile. “But I still want you.”
My hand drifts down her body and cups her ass. “I still want you, too. If you need me to fuck you hard, I’m happy to oblige. But not in anger. Not to take away from the pain. The good always comes with a little pain. How else would you know it’s so good?”
I kiss her slow, my tongue exploring her. My hands busy themselves with her curves, finding them. Rubbing them. Kneading them. Her body writhes on top of me.
She breaks our kiss. “How about we fuck each other’s brains out a little later. First, let’s go slow, and you say those words to me again.”
With one twist, she’s on her back. My cock waits for permission to enter her.
“You sure?”
She wraps her legs around me, opening herself wide. “All yours, Cowboy.”
29
Mel
Hold You.
My legs wrap around him, drawing him closer to me. His fingers circle my clit again, igniting my melting center again.
“Inside me. Please.”
Two fingers push inside me with rough purpose.
“Neither of us is going to last long. I need you right on the edge, baby.”
“I’m fucking there, Hunter.” My fingers dig into his shoulder.
“Not yet.” A third finger rams inside with the others. The friction from them drives me crazy but isn’t enough to send me over.
His thumb presses hard against my clit, and intense greedy hunger builds in my core.
“Now. Oh God, now.”
With one thrust, he slams into me, knocking the breath out of my body. He fills me up, the size of him stretching me to my limits. Sweat trickles down his brow as he holds still, eyes squeezed shut. My arms wrap around him, holding him close. Not letting him go. I shift my hips and hitch my legs up further, locking my heels together. My inner muscles contract around his hard length.
His eyes pop open. “Aw, fuck.” He moves in quick strokes, expanding inside of me as he gets closer.
“Let go. I’m right here with you.”
His mouth claims mine as we both crash over the edge together. We jerk and writhe together, our sweat mingling, our breaths hot on each other’s faces.
A wave of sated relaxation washes over me, but I refuse to give in and let go. My arm and leg muscles quake after a few minutes from my fierce hold on him. I contract my inner core around his semi-hard cock, holding him tight.
He jumps with a smile. Too easily, he slips out of me, and the emptiness left behind aches. He shifts on the bed to hold me in his own arms. I close my eyes, wondering how long we can hold onto each other.
Want You.
My tongue licks the length of him. My own juices coat his dick, and it makes me wet knowing that he’s been inside me. He made me come like lightning, hot and intense. My hand pumps him as I guide him into my mouth, sucking him in.
“God, yes.” Hunter bunches the sheets in his hand, his hips bucking.
He smells like me—sex, skin, and sweat. The pre-cum on his tip drips a salty trail on my tongue and down my throat. My one hand strokes him up and down, following my mouth’s path. The other cups his balls as they tighten to his body. I tug on him, rubbing my finger to the back of his sac, massaging in slow pulses.
His rock hard erection throbs against my tongue. Knowing he’s close, I pick up the pace and intensity. Hunter thrashes, and his hips surge, thrusting his cock to the back of my throat
. Tears form in the corners of my eyes from the force, but I don’t let him go.
When he releases, he cries out my name and erupts inside my mouth. I take it all, owning him for one small moment.
Need You.
The warm water sprays all over us. He pulls my legs up around him and lifts me until my back hits the cold tile of the shower. His cock drives into me, and I hold on tight. Drops of water run down his chest, getting lost in the lines of his muscles. He pumps in and out of me, each time my world tilts a little more. I’m falling.
“I’ve got you, Mel. I won’t let go.”
My head shakes from side to side. It can’t be this good. Nothing is ever this good. He fucks me raw, but even that pain adds to the pleasure.
“Do you feel me? Do you feel how we are together?”
I nod, tears joining the water streaming down my face.
“This is us. Right now. Let go. I won’t let you fall.”
The orgasm I thought was impossible builds as he reassures me with words.
My head drops onto his shoulder. “Need you, Hunter.”
“I’m right here.” He holds me up with one hand and strokes my clit with his other.
His skin fills my mouth as I bite into his shoulder, my orgasm ripping through my body. He tears me apart piece by piece, destroying me. Changing me.
Love You.
The bed is our island. We’ve talked for hours in it, unwilling to lose one second to sleep. Our boxed-up dinner tastes infinitely better with sheets and pillows surrounding us. We drink the rest of the champagne from earlier straight from the bottle.
We lay in the dark, fighting sleep and almost losing the battle. Every other heartbeat hurts, but I don’t say anything.
Hunter’s voice cuts through the air. “If we stop the fight, we’ll never win.”
The dark hides the confusion on my face. I repeat the words in my head. “Are those lyrics?”
“Did I say that out loud? Shit. Yeah, they are. Occupational hazard.”
I smile, happiness flooding through me that I get to see the intimate process. The line echoes in my ears. “Wait. Is that about me?”
His arm tightens around me. “A little. Yeah, maybe. Actually it’s about both of us. Do you mind?”
I shake my head and nuzzle into his chest. “As long as I get a piece of the royalties, use me for whatever inspiration you need.”
His body tightens underneath me. Something I said bothered him.
“What?”
He blows out a breath. “Nothing.”
“I wasn’t serious. I would never do that to you.”
He shifts his body until he lies on top of me. The lights don’t need to be on for me to know he sees right into me. His fingers stroke my hair and down my cheek.
“I know. I trust you more than I can even tell you.”
My heart swells. My walls crumble a little more.
He presses his lips to mine in an unhurried kiss. Although it’s not rough like earlier, the sweetness of it doesn’t mask the underlying passion.
“I love you, Melody.” The quiet, murmured words act as the final key.
In one brief flash, my mind and heart share the same knowledge and desire. This man owns me. All of me. The words try to come out of my mouth, but they don’t make it.
He sighs against my lips. “You don’t have to say it back to me.”
I try again, but not a single sound forms in my throat except a slight whimper.
He kisses me, his tongue filling my mouth and replacing the words that need to be said. His body moves against mine in a familiar, unhurried rhythm. Desire builds more slowly than before. The embers burn steady.
When he enters me, he eases in, careful not to hurt. Even without the eye contact, the intense connection builds between us.
“I love you,” he says again.
Happiness and sadness live side by side in my heart. I’ll do whatever I can to hear those words from him again. But they won’t be returned. Can’t be. My body moves against his, thrust for thrust in a slow dance, hoping he can feel the words I can’t say.
We both climax, our quiet breaths hitching. Our orgasms ripple through our bodies with less intense force, but bonding us together.
I’m a mass of useless muscles, spent from all the physical and emotional exertion. Hunter untangles our feet from the sheets and pulls them up. He maneuvers my body like a rag doll and pulls me into him to spoon.
“Sleep, Mel. I’ll still be here in the morning.” He kisses my head. My eyes close, and sleep pulls me under.
“Mommy, do you love me?”
I look up at her from my spot on the floor in the library, surrounded by books. One of them covers my lap in its colorful pages.
She looks down at me in alarm. “What did you say, Melody?”
“Do you love me, Mommy? See, the mommy and daddy here in the book hold their daughter. And they tell her they love her. It says it right here.”
My finger traces the letters of the words as I read them out loud to her.
She yanks the book from my hands and closes it. “Books aren’t real life. Go outside and play.”
Mommy walks away from me. If what’s in the books isn’t real life, then how come I hear other mommies say the words to the kids around me?
Maybe she’s right. She should know. She does take care of all the books, after all.
* * *
The man from the post office leaves our house, gets in his car, and drives off. I park my bike on the side of the house and walk inside. I come and go whenever I want since my mother says I’m responsible for my own life. If it weren’t against the law, I swear she would send me out into the world to fend for myself.
Mom gets water out of the tap, filling up a glass. Her robe hangs off her a bit when she turns toward me.
“Who’s he?”
“None of your business. What are you doing home?”
“I’ve got homework to finish.”
She doesn’t answer me. We never talk to each other. If we say anything, we talk in short sentences. I’m not a kid anymore, but a part of me still craves for her to change. To want to speak to me. The fact that she doesn’t squeezes my heart. Stokes the anger deep inside.
“So. Do you love him?”
Her eyes narrow on me. “What a stupid question, Melody Ann.”
“Why? I’m assuming you were with him.”
“There are needs in this life that don’t require such base emotions like love. I’m sure you’ll learn about that soon.”
I shrug.
“Or maybe you already have. And maybe with girls. I see you around with that tiny blonde thing. Maybe you’re with her.” Her tone sounds disgusted, like she can’t stand having to express herself verbally to me.
“I’m not sexually active, if that’s what you’re asking.” Her unspoken accusation of the type of person she thinks I am burns. And no one talks about Bethany that way. Not even her.
“I’m not asking. Simply preparing you. Don’t fall for the myth that you need to love someone. Love makes you weak.”
I roll my eyes. I’ve heard her say it before.
“It makes you think you depend on the other person. And there’s no guarantee that they’ll stick around for you. Once you open yourself up, you’ll get hurt. Better to be independent. Stand on your own. That’s what I’ve taught you since you were born. Don’t disappoint me.”
“Whatever.”
She steps closer to me, her eyes at the level of mine. “Remember, Melody. You don’t need anyone but yourself. Needing someone makes you weak. Destroys you. Stay strong. Don’t lose yourself. Don’t ever say you love someone.”
* * *
My body jolts awake. Sweat pours down my face. Words echo in my ears. Ones drilled into me in that voice.
“Shut up. Shut the fuck up.” I put my hands on my ears, denying the voice access.
“Mel? Mel, what is it?”
Hunter’s deep voice snaps me out of my panic. My chest hea
ves with short breaths. He shifts his body and pulls me on top of him, rubbing my back in slow circles.
“I’m right here,” he rumbles into the darkness. He doesn’t push to know. He doesn’t run away.
“Nightmare,” I manage in a croaked voice.
He kisses the top of my head. “You need anything? Water? Do you want me to turn on the light?”
My head shakes no. He doesn’t stop reassuring me with his light touch.
I need him. I want him. I want him to hold me now and always. And the weakness floods over me. Drowns me. When he leaves, he will destroy me.
“I’m fine.” I roll over on my side away from him.
He doesn’t press for more. He wraps his arm over my side to let me know he’s there, but gives me the space I don’t even have to ask for.
The one who taught me the early lessons tore me down. She’s the one who made me weak. She stripped me down and built up my walls brick by brick with her emotional distance.
The man behind me stands with me. Supports me despite my issues. When I push him away, he pulls me closer. When I try to run, he stays by my side. He doesn’t ruin me; he makes me better. Stronger.
“You destroyed me,” I whisper at the shadow of my mother. My body shakes in uncontrollable chills.
Hunter’s voice breaks through the fog of my personal misery. He sings quietly, the tune familiar. His fingers brush through my hair as he comforts me with song and touch. It’s not the lyrics that act as my lifesaver, pulling me to safety. It’s his strength that he offers without asking for anything back.
Hot tears stream down. I cry for the little girl who wanted her mother to love her back. For the young woman who believed the lies. And for the woman lying in the arms of the man who loves her. Who waits for her.
A sob wrenches my body. “Oh God.” Tears soak the pillow under my head.
He never stops singing. When he gets to the end of the song, he starts another slow, quiet one. My hand clings to his. I bring it to my lips and kiss his skin.
