She was mine. Whatever it is we’re on this earth for, we could have together. Only she and I were made for each other so that together we were right and complete.
If only I didn’t have to speak those words first.
I had to apologize. She stood there, knowing I was strong, knowing she and I were right together. But knowing something else, too.
Knowing I had failed her.
I stared at her in horror. If I didn’t apologize for failing her, I could not touch her. And that was only going to be the first apology.
All that we could have had together was going to fail. I stood there, knowing it in advance. I could never quite reach her, never quite satisfy her, never quite attain what both of us wanted. And if I had her, I was going to end up apologizing, just as I had to begin with an apology.
I tried to tell myself I was crazy, but I knew better. Inside I was burling and aching with need for her. All I had to do was hold her savagely enough, kiss her hard enough, hold her close enough... and I would fail.
It didn’t matter what Commissioner Mitchell did, it didn’t matter what Alex Luxtro did to me. They were too late.
I looked around wildly. I saw her dress where I’d thrown it. I grabbed it up and threw it at her. It struck her across the face.
She did not flinch.
“Put it on,” I said. “Get out of here.”
“Don’t be a fool.”
“You heard me. Get dressed. Get out. Or I’ll throw you out, like you are right now.”
“What’s the matter, Mike? I’ve told you. It doesn’t matter about Earl. About anything.”
I snatched the dress away from her, shook it out and pulled it down over her head.
“Get out,” I said. “Get out, and don’t come back.”
She began to cry, softly, not moving. I straightened her dress and she went on standing there.
“You want me to hate you,” she whispered.
“I just want you to get out.”
“Why, Mike?” She looked around, her eyes distended. “All I wanted was for you to love me. There was no price. Nothing. I just want you—I just need you.”
I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth. “It wouldn’t work, baby,” I said. “It just wouldn’t work.”
Her face twisted. “You’re afraid,” she said. “You’re afraid to help Earl. You’re afraid to love me. You’re rotten... and empty... and afraid.”
I nodded. “I’m a son of a bitch,” I said. “I always have been. Be glad you found out in time.”
Chapter Seventeen
At eight-thirty the next morning, Police Commissioner Stewart Mitchell paused beside my desk. He carried a briefcase. He jerked his head toward Captain Burgess’s office.
He strode ahead into the captain’s office, a small round man with a pink face and white hair.
When I got in there, the commissioner was sitting beside Burgess’s desk. Neal sat there, looking ill, not meeting my gaze, poised to jump at a word from Mitchell.
There was an empty chair directly across from Neal. Mitchell told me to sit down, and waited until I had.
“Lieutenant, I’d like to ask you a question.”
“Yes, sir?”
“What am I going to tell the newspapers, Lieutenant?”
“About what, sir?”
“About the vice, the gambling, the corruption. This is a wide-open town, Lieutenant. Vicious—”
“Yes, sir. It has been for some years.”
“Yet your job as lieutenant of the vice bureau is to raid these places and arrest the lawbreakers. You’ve accepted the city’s money for your salary. What are we going to tell the newspapers?”
“What do you want to tell them?”
“Am I going to tell them that you have resigned?”
I just stared at him.
“Or am I going to tell them that you have been fired, and will have to face charges before a grand jury for delinquency in office, graft and accepting bribes?”
“What are you going to tell them?” I said.
“You’re not helping yourself any, Mike,” Burgess said. “The commissioner means that nothing stinks quite as bad as a paid cop. It hurts everybody. From the newest rookie to Commissioner Mitchell.”
“I’m bleeding for Commissioner Mitchell,” I said.
Mitchell slapped his hand on his briefcase. “I came here to give you an opportunity to resign. The chief of police has requested it, and Captain Burgess wants it that way. My own thought has been all along that you have committed grievous crimes and ought to be made to face the consequences. The more I listen to your brazen remarks, the more I am convinced.”
“Be reasonable, Mike,” Burgess said. “You’ve done all of us a rotten turn. You’re not helping yourself any now. I’m asking you to resign.”
“I tell you, as I’ve told you all along, he can’t be allowed to resign. We have evidence of dope pushers working freely, gambling, all the other evidences of a wide-open town. For years he has been obviously taking graft, driving late-model cars, wearing expensive clothes, cynically flouting his misconduct,” Mitchell said.
“I tried to do my job. For thirteen years I tried to make arrests. I got stopped at every turn. By you, Commissioner. By your friends. How long do you think it takes even a stupid cop to tote up the score?”
“Are you insinuating that I condoned these evils?”
“I’m only telling you those hoods had high-priced protection. I got slapped down until I got smart. That’s all I’m insinuating.”
Mitchell’s face got purple to the rim of his hair. “You’re insolent, Ballard.” He jerked his head around. “I’m sorry, Captain Burgess, there’s no point in pursuing this discussion any further. I’m preferring charges against this man.”
“Now, Commissioner—”
“Wait, Neal.” I leaned forward, unbuttoned my coat. “I want a word with the commissioner alone.”
Burgess looked at Mitchell. The commissioner nodded. When we were alone, Mitchell seemed to draw himself inward from me.
“No kind of personal plea is going to help you, Ballard. You’ve flouted the laws of this city, worn your shield as a badge of graft. There’s nothing I can do but show the town publicly that I’m gouging you out of the department.
I shrugged. It’s strange, but when you’re already dead, they can’t kill you any more, can they? I kept my voice low.
“Do what you want to, Commissioner. I’m not trying to influence you. But I remember a meeting at your country place about two years ago. I’m sorry you’ve forgotten. It was between you and Alex Luxtro.”
He flushed, his fists clenched, then he exhaled, smiled urbanely. “Alex and I meet often—publicly.”
“Sure, you play cards in the same club, lie to the same God in the same church.” I shook my head. “Only this wasn’t publicly, Mitchell. This was secret. Only Luxtro didn’t trust you. He insisted I go along with him for the ride, so he could have a member of the police department as a paid hostage, in case you were trying to cross him... Only you didn’t try to cross him. And I was there, Mitchell, and I have proof. Names, dates, even pictures.”
Mitchell looked around the office. Some of the color had faded from his face. His mouth tightened. “Are you threatening me?”
“Sounds like it, doesn’t it?”
“Do you think I’ll be threatened by a man fool enough to make enemies by flaunting the fact of his own crookedness?”
“You’ll try not to be. Go ahead, bring charges. Do what you want.”
Mitchell stood up. “All right. I’ll tell you now. You’re going to jail for the things I have against you. You’re going to face the grand jury, and you’re going to prison.”
I stood up, too, and looked down at him. “All right, I’ll go out—sure—but I’m telling you now. I’m not going alone.”
Commissioner Mitchell smiled, white about the mouth. “I don’t believe a man in your position will get many people to listen to him, Ballard. You’ll flin
g your dirt from a jail cell. I believe when it comes to my word against yours, there’s not much doubt about the outcome.” I met his gaze evenly. “You arresting me now?” “Don’t worry, Ballard. When I’m ready, we’ll act. You’ll know in good time.” “If time’s running out,” I said, “you’ll forgive me if I don’t sit around here wasting it with you.”
Doc Mayhugh looked even more surprised to see me this time.
I leaned across his desk, staring into his stricken eyes. “You sure run fast with your stories, don’t you, Doc?”
“Why, boy, what are you talking about?”
“Luxtro warned me off Earl Walker.”
His face got whiter than ever, that scar looking more red. “Now, boy, we all know Earl Walker killed that poor girl. That’s all Mr. Luxtro meant if he said anything to you. Nobody likes to see you waste your time.”
I gave him a grin he didn’t like. He turned green around his distended nostrils, staring up at me.
“Okay, Doc. You don’t like to see me waste my time, you’ll forgive me if I don’t waste it now.”
“What you talking about?”
I went around the desk. “About you, Doc. About you. What a rotten liar you are.”
“What you talking about? Now look, I admit I went to Luxtro. After all, Mr. Luxtro’s a friend of mine.”
“Luxtro’s a sewer rat and never had a friend in his life.”
“Boy, you can make a lot of enemies, talking like that.”
“And you’ve already made the only enemy you’re ever going to have to worry about. Doc. Me. You lied to me about Earl Walker. I’m back here now for the truth.”
“Man, I pay for protection. You lay a finger on me, and you’re getting fitted for a cement suit.”
I laughed in his face. “Okay, Doc. You talk and you’re all right. Lie to me and you won’t be around to go to my funeral. You catch?”
“Get out of here.”
I drove my extended fingers straight into his diaphragm. Doc’s face went white and he gasped, leaping up as though the only breath of air he could use were at the ceiling.
He came down, landed on the soles of his shoes, crumpled to his knees, and sprawled full-length behind his desk. He tried to crawl under it, still gasping for breath.
I caught his coat and jerked him to his feet. I shoved him back so he rested against his desk.
“My—ticker,” he whispered. “God, Mike. It stopped. Jesus. You made it stop.”
“That’s right,” I said. “I know a lot of those tricks, Doc. I’m going to work a lot of them on you. Right now. Get smart, Doc. Luxtro can’t help you. Nobody can help you. You can help yourself. You tell me the truth. You don’t get hurt. The next time I stop that ticker it might not start again.”
“Murder!” He whispered it, horror oozing across his lips.
“Don’t be a fool, Doc. I’m head of the vice squad. Everybody in this town knows you’re a bookie, a gambler, payoff man for numbers. Hell, I tried to arrest you. You fought me. I’m going to be sick about killing you. But that’s the way the marble falls, Doc.”
He stared into my eyes. Doc Mayhugh had lived as long as he had by being smart, hedging his bets.
“Okay. What do you want? You gone crazy enough to kill me, I gone crazy enough to talk.”
“It’s easy, Doc. I’m looking for Tino Gonsmart. I got an awful short temper, Doc. I’m tired looking for him. Now I want to find him. Your next breath is going to tell me where he is, or it’s going to be your last one.”
“Tino?” he said. His mouth worked. “I saw a bartender other day, took a bet from him. He knows Tino, Mike.”
“That ain’t good enough.”
Doc couldn’t talk fast enough. “He knows Tino’s address, too. Let me call him, Mike. Won’t be no trouble. Won’t be no trouble at all.”
I shoved him toward the telephone. His hand was shaking so badly he could hardly dial.
The address I got for Tino Gonsmart took me out into the Bellevue Park district. The fact is, driving out there I got the idea that Doc had played cute.
This apartment house was new and ultrafashionable. A man who lived here lived well.
Suddenly I knew that Tino did live here. It fit right in. Tino was living high on the hog. Lois Gonzales was existing in a fashion to suit her hungriest dreams.
Yes, Tino lived here all right.
I checked the mailboxes. There was no Gonsmart listed. But Doc’s bartender friend had known Tino’s new name and new apartment number. He called himself Raoul Lemaire and he lived on the eighth floor.
I went up on the elevator and walked along the quiet corridor to the right door, and stood with my finger pressed against the doorbell. There was no answer. But while I stood there, I got another idea. I had to keep moving now, because Doc was going to see Luxtro fast. I could come back here, and there was one important call I had to make first.
Chapter Eighteen
When Lois opened the door of her Warwick Arms apartment, her eyes went wide and she tried to slam it shut in my face. I slapped it out of her hands and hurled it back so hard it cracked some of the expensive plaster.
“You didn’t do what I told you, did you?” I said.
“I don’t have to take orders from you.” She stared at me, her mouth twisted. “I talked to Alex Luxtro. I take orders from him—and so do you.”
I laughed at her. “Baby, you just made the second biggest mistake of your life.”
“I’m warning you. All I got to do is pick up that telephone and call Alex. He’s plenty burned. He says he’s not going to tolerate you stepping out of line one more time.”
“Did Alex say all that? He must have new writers.”
“You think I’m joking?” She turned and walked away from me. “Oh, I know what a big boy you are. You’ll keep me from calling while you’re here. Alex mentioned that, too. He said he’d be pleased to have his boys pick you up if I have any more trouble with you.”
“You going to call him from jail?”
She heeled around. “Maybe you don’t hear well. I told you. Alex means it. He says any trouble—and that means if I’m arrested. Do I have to spell it out to you? He wants you to leave me alone, and so do I.”
“Lois, I want some information from you, and to get it I’m willing to make that spanking I gave you look like nothing. You’ll be lucky if you can speak Luxtro’s name.”
“You don’t scare me. You’re on Luxtro’s payroll. That’s all I need to know.”
I walked over close to her. She looked up at me, those black eyes defiant.
“That isn’t quite all you need to know, baby. Tell me. You know a gambler named Doc Mayhugh?”
“Sure.”
“Call Mayhugh. Ask him what happened to him. Ask him if it helped him any to know Luxtro.”
Her face went white. She went to the telephone, dialed. After a moment she said, “Doc?” She waited. “He’s up here now,” she said. She listened some more. I saw something happen to her eyes. At last she replaced the receiver. She turned slowly. “You’ve gone nuts. You’ve flipped. Don’t you know what Luxtro’s going to do to you?”
“I don’t care, baby. I came up here to find out something. I just wanted you to know that Luxtro can’t scare me. Now you know that, why don’t you tell me what I want to know, and save wear and tear on your body.”
“Tell me something first.”
“Sure, baby, anything.”
“How are you going to stay in this town if you go on crossing Luxtro like this?”
“I don’t know. Looks like one of us is going to have to go, doesn’t it, baby.”
I stepped nearer. She retreated.
“You don’t have to get hurt,” I said. “Just tell me about Ruby. What did she know about Luxtro?”
“Are you crazy!”
“No. But you will be, by the time I’m through with you, Lois. I’m through fooling. Ruby lived in a swank apartment. Now you got one, and all Luxtro’s personal protection. I was out to T
ino Gonsmart’s apartment. He’s really living swank. It all adds up, baby. I’m going to throw you and Tino and Doc in jail and you’ll rot there. Luxtro won’t be able to help you, because one of the three of you will break before I’m through. You got sense, Lois. Save yourself.”
Her laugh was shrill. “Sure. Save myself by talking about Luxtro. How long would I live?”
“Maybe to, a ripe old age. Luxtro won’t bother you. He won’t be able to.”
“Leave me alone.”
I caught her arm and threw her down on the couch. I bent over her. She lunged forward, bringing her knee up. I caught her leg, twisted, and jerked her across my legs. I spanked her so hard the sound cracked in the room. She moaned, trying to writhe away. I brought the flat of my hand down again, as hard as I could.
She lunged free and fell back on the couch, staring up at me. ^.
“You’re going to keep getting it, baby, until I hear about Ruby.”
“Sure. You’d kill me, wouldn’t you?”
“Ask Doc. He got smart. And now you better get smart, too.”
“What do you want to know?”
“What was Ruby collecting from Luxtro on?”
“I don’t know.” I started toward her and she gasped. “I’ll tell you what I know. When she was sixteen, Luxtro picked her up and rented her an apartment. Everything was fine with Ruby, until—well, until Luxtro killed somebody in her apartment. Don’t ask me who, because I don’t know. I guess murder was more than Ruby could take. She ran away from him. You know what happened. She caught on with a strip act. She made some money. But that murder did something to her. She began to drink, and when she drank, all she wanted to talk about was murder.
“Luxtro had her brought back. He gave her a job, overpaid her. That’s how she lived in that apartment house. Then something happened. I don’t know. Luxtro kicked her out. And, well—it wasn’t long after that that Earl Walker killed her. That’s all I know, Mike, and there’s no use asking me any more.”
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