by Marie Silk
Frederick shook his head. “It appeared the survivors only arrived with the clothes on their backs. I do not think anyone was concerned with suitcases.”
“I see. No bother, I will have my dressmaker come first thing in the morning. Nellie will feel better when she has cheerful new clothes to wear.”
Frederick sighed. “You should be careful with her, Lucy. The girl has been through a lot.”
“Yes, of course. Thank you again for bringing her. I will see to it that she is well cared for,” Lucy assured him.
“I am certain of that. Goodbye, Lucy.” Frederick took his hat and left the house, anxious to return home for a good night’s rest.
“We’ll let her sleep as long as she likes tomorrow,” Lucy said to Julia. “She should have breakfast taken to her room in the morning.”
“Very good, Madam,” Julia responded.
When the dressmaker arrived the next day, she took Nellie’s measurements and reminded her not to slouch. Nellie did not realize that her shoulders were slumped forward or that it took great effort to stand straight with her head held high. She could still feel the sea under her legs. All she wanted to do was sit by the fire with a blanket wrapped around her body. Even while the room was warm, her teeth would chatter and shivers ran over her body. Lucy instructed the maids to be extra diligent about the fire in Nellie’s room, and even worried that she may need to see a doctor. Nellie insisted that she did not need to see a doctor, and spent the days in her room.
Later in the week, Captain Perry came to the house with a list of survivors from the telegraph office. “I thought your niece might like to see this,” he said to Lucy.
“I don’t think it is wise. Will it only make her more upset?” Lucy questioned.
But Nellie was standing at the top of the stairs and heard their conversation. “Are those the names of the survivors?”
Lucy looked up to see Nellie standing there. “Yes, we were not sure if you wanted to see it.”
Nellie hurried down the stairs, taking the list quickly and scanning the names as fast as she could read. There were no Campbells listed. Neither were there any Caswells. Tears fell down her face as she noted how short the list of names was.
“I did not intend to cause you distress, Miss Whitmore,” Captain Perry said kindly. “I am sorry that the list is not longer.”
“Wait a moment—my name isn’t on here!” cried Nellie. “Why haven’t they printed my name?”
“The list cannot be expected to be complete so soon,” Frederick answered. “Your name may not be included because you were taken directly to a house instead of a hospital. There are surely other survivors who are not on the list, although it is not likely there are many.”
“Then what good is this list anyway!” Nellie shouted, crumpling the paper in her hands and storming up the stairs. She could then be heard wailing from her room.
Lucy was aghast. “Captain Perry, I apologize! She is not usually like this!”
“I am not offended, Lucy. I only feel sympathy for the poor girl. She has undoubtedly lost friends from the voyage.”
“Yes, you must be right,” Lucy said thoughtfully. “The poor girl. I think I should go to comfort her now. Good day, Captain Perry.” Lucy went up the stairs to Nellie’s room, where Nellie lay crying on the bed. “I am terribly sorry, Dear.”
“It’s no use. They are all dead. The Caswells, Priscilla…Henry. It is my fault that Henry is dead. He could have gotten to safety, but he made them take me instead. It is my fault that he is drowned in the sea! I never want to hurt this much again! I won’t love anyone again!” Nellie rambled incoherently through her sobs, the flood of memories pouring from where they were kept hidden in her heart.
Lucy looked on helplessly. She did not comprehend how bad it was until now. She brought Nellie a dry handkerchief and endless cups of tea as Nellie continued to relive the tragedy. “If there is anything I may do for you, all you need do is ask. I have already sent a telegram to your parents in Lancaster. They know you are safe here with me.”
“We must inform Mary,” Nellie said suddenly. “She must be crazy with worry. Will you send it to her, Aunt Lucy? I want all the girls at Davenport House to know that I am well. I almost brought them with me. I would have been to blame for their deaths too!”
“I will send the telegram right away,” Lucy promised. “But Nellie, you are not responsible for anyone’s death. It was those dreadful Germans who are to blame. You have done nothing wrong.”
Nellie took a deep breath. “I should have forced Priscilla out of bed. She and the baby have drowned because I left her to sleep in the icy water!”
“You mustn’t blame yourself,” Lucy kept repeating.
Nellie continued to cry until tears would no longer come out. Exhausted, she leaned back onto her bed and fell asleep.
Henry Caswell was still at the hospital at Queenstown. He was discussing with Dr. O’Neil the possibility of an apprenticeship with him as a surgeon. He was not expecting his father to storm in just then.
“Henry!” growled his father. “What are you still doing here? Why haven’t you returned home?”
“Father,” Henry said in surprise. “I—I stayed to help with the wounded.”
“You have no business here!. You are not a doctor! I demand that you come home with me at once! Your name is not on the survivors’ list. Do you know what it has done to your mother to not find your name? Captain Perry came to call and told us you were alive and well, but your mother will not believe until she has seen you with her own eyes. Now come with me, before her heart fails her!” The Marquess spun on his heel and went out the door, expecting Henry to be right behind him.
Henry looked mournfully at the doctor. “I must leave now. Thank you for your advice, Doctor O’Neil. I hope to see you again soon.”
“You are welcome anytime, Lord Henry. I wish you the best in your career.”
Henry joined his father in the car that was waiting outside. “I am sorry, Father. I sent word with Captain Perry to ensure that Mother would not worry for me. I did not realize my name was missing from the list.”
“Likely because you were pretending to be a doctor instead of thinking of your family,” his father mumbled.
Henry bowed his head. “I am sorry about Uncle—”
“I do not wish to hear or speak of it,” his father interrupted. “I only came for you to calm your mother’s nerves.”
Henry nodded, surmising that his father’s anger was coming from pain over the loss of his brother. Henry did not wish to upset him further, and responded submissively. “Yes, Father.”
The next morning, Lucy and Julia were surprised when Nellie arrived at the breakfast table. “Good morning, Dear,” Lucy greeted her.
“Good morning, Aunt,” Nellie said quietly. “Please forgive my outburst in front of your friend yesterday. I know he was only trying to help.”
“It is nothing to worry about,” Lucy assured her. “Captain Perry was very understanding.”
“He seems a good man. I am ashamed that I have likely appeared ungrateful to him thus far,” Nellie cringed.
“At least you seem to be feeling better, Nellie,” replied Lucy. “I was just telling my maid to send out announcements to cancel the party, in light of the circumstances.”
“Oh, please do not cancel the party!” Nellie exclaimed.
Lucy raised her eyebrows. “But it is scheduled for Saturday. You cannot still wish to have the party…”
“I do,” insisted Nellie, helping herself to a scone from the buffet. “I have already invited my friends from the voyage. I do not wish them to be disappointed if they are planning to attend. They were not on the list…but neither was I. Perhaps they have survived after all.”
“Ah,” Lucy said hesitantly. “Only if you are certain…”
“I am certain, Aunt. You need not worry on my account.”
“Very well,” Lucy acquiesced, nodding to Julia. “We will continue with the party on Saturd
ay as planned.”
Captain Frederick Perry visited on Friday with a bouquet of flowers for Nellie. Julia led him to the sitting room where he wait for Lucy. When she entered the sitting room, she gasped in delight to see the flowers. “How kind of you, Captain Perry,” she greeted.
“Come now Lucy. You know you can call me Frederick. It is not as if I call you Baroness or Lady Whitmore,” Frederick remarked.
Lucy gave him a look. “No, you certainly do not. The flowers are a nice gesture. I will have Julia set them in a vase.”
“I brought them for your niece,” Frederick said sheepishly. “To apologize for upsetting her the other day. Is she faring any better?”
“She is,” replied Lucy, just as Nellie walked into the sitting room.
“Captain Perry,” she greeted with a smile. Before Lucy could stop her, Nellie had gone across the room to give the captain a hug and kiss on the cheek. “I have never thanked you for your kindness, but please know that I am grateful for all you have done for me.”
Frederick laughed. “I am glad to see you feeling better, Miss Whitmore. I brought these flowers to cheer you.”
“How wonderful. Thank you,” replied Nellie. Her spirits seemed high. Frederick and Lucy looked on in surprise. “You will come tomorrow, won’t you?” Nellie asked Frederick.
“Of course I will,” he answered slowly, looking between Nellie and Lucy.
“I am glad to hear it,” Nellie replied. “If you will excuse me, I have a dress fitting I must attend. Goodbye.” And with that, Nellie left the house.
“Am I invited to return tomorrow?” Frederick questioned, wondering if Nellie was confused.
“The party for Nellie,” Lucy reminded him.
Frederick stared in disbelief. “I am astonished at you for not having canceled. After everything the girl has endured, how could you think such a thing is appropriate?” he asked in a scolding tone.
Lucy became defensive. “If you must know, I tried to cancel, but Nellie insisted that we carry on.”
Frederick was quiet while he thought about it. “I am sorry, Lucy,” he apologized. “I will attend tomorrow, if it is what you wish. I am only surprised, that’s all.” He paused before he continued. “When the invitation first arrived at my house, it was the most surprised that I have been in years.”
Lucy looked down at her lap. “A good surprise, I hope?”
“Indeed.” An awkward silence followed while Lucy thought of what to say next.
“I should be preparing for the party,” she told him.
“Yes, of course. I will see you tomorrow. Goodbye, Lucy.”
Lucy Whitmore’s house had a grand ballroom that was polished from top to bottom and bursting with delightful flower arrangements. Lucy hired additional servants for the event to serve the food and drink. Nellie changed into her new gown for the party. She gazed at her reflection in the full-length mirror while her thoughts were miles away. “Please be here tonight,” she whispered. The only way she managed to retain cheerfulness was by telling herself that her friends had survived, despite their names not being printed on the list. Nellie clung to the hope that Henry and Priscilla might walk through the ballroom doors at any moment. She could feel tears of doubt stinging behind her eyes, but she blinked them back, as she had done many times since the voyage.
Nellie slowly entered the ballroom filled with lords and ladies from around the country. The noise of their merry conversation echoed off the walls and sent Nellie back to the festive nights aboard the ship. She scanned over the faces in the crowd, longing for a familiar one that might ease her grief. Lucy prepared to make an announcement to the guests when Nellie walked in. “My lords, ladies, and gentlemen, may I present my niece, Miss Nellie Whitmore.” Applause erupted from the guests, who had learned that Nellie survived the fateful voyage. Nellie forced a smile while Lucy came up alongside her. “Are you alright, Nellie?” she whispered.
“Of course,” Nellie lied.
“The Duke of Staffordshire has asked to open the dance with you.”
“Yes,” Nellie responded distractedly. The music was soon playing and Nellie found herself in the center of the room with the handsome Duke. As the dance began, she could feel the guests staring at her while every whisper in the crowd sounded as if it was being said loudly in her ear. They whispered about torpedoes, war, bodies, and lifeboats. Nellie did not feel connected to her arms and legs that were dancing in time to the music. Captain Perry was watching her closely from the corner of the room.
When the first dance was over, the Duke remarked to Nellie, “You are a marvelous dancer, Miss Whitmore.”
But Nellie was looking around the room frantically. “Can you tell me the time, Your Grace?” she asked abruptly.
The Duke removed his pocket watch. “It is half past the hour,” he answered.
Nellie heard a voice from behind her. “Might I have the next dance?”
Nellie spun around. She searched the man’s face for any degree of familiarity. Had she seen him before? She could not be sure. She saw his lips moving but she could not discern the words that were coming out. She looked again into the faces in the crowd. They began to blur together into faces that she had seen before, floating lifeless in the sea, their vacant eyes haunting her every thought. Nellie did not know that she had been holding her breath while the gentleman waited patiently for her answer about the next dance. Her heart was pounding loudly in her ears while her lungs tightened and burned. Her eyelids clamped shut and she was free falling again, waiting for her body to hit the icy water.
When Nellie opened her eyes, she was lying on her bed, and could hear voices arguing in the room. “I told Lucy she wasn’t ready. How could she let this happen?”
“But Miss Nellie insisted, Captain. Her ladyship was only trying to make her happy,” Julia’s voice explained.
“Lucy may have good intentions, but you know very well that they do not lead to the best decisions,” Captain Perry countered. “She can’t have more parties like this. Not right now. Where is Lucy, anyway?”
“She is sending the guests home now, Captain,” answered Julia. “I should be downstairs helping her.”
“Go ahead and help her. I will stay with the girl,” the Captain said.
“But—” Julia objected.
“It is fine. I will just be sitting in this chair until Lucy can get up here.” After Julia left the room, Frederick noticed that Nellie’s eyes were open. “You are awake. I am sorry about all that. Your aunt should be up here any minute.”
“Is the party over already?”
“It is now. You need to rest,” he answered.
“I don’t remember coming to my room,” Nellie thought aloud.
“You fainted after the first dance. The Duke helped carry you back to your bed.”
“I had the strangest sensation that I was reliving that awful day,” Nellie whispered.
“It is to be expected. There are things that will happen in life…reminders…that will bring the day so clearly to your mind as if it is happening all over again.”
“How ever did you find me that day in Ireland? I have wondered how only a photograph could have led you to the woman’s house.”
“I was fortunate that day to see an acquaintance of mine—a young man who recognized you from the photograph. He told me where to find you.”
Nellie jolted upright in her bed. “What young man?” she demanded.
Captain Perry was startled in his chair at Nellie’s sudden reaction. “He is called Lord Henry Caswell.”
Nellie’s mouth hung open and her heart raced. “Henry is alive?” she cried.
“He was helping with the wounded at the hospital in Queenstown,” Frederick answered. “I am sorry I did not think to tell you sooner. I assumed you knew.”
“Of course I didn’t know!” she shouted, leaping from her bed.
“Where do you think you are you going?”
“I’m going to Surrey. I need to see him with my own eyes.”<
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“You cannot go now. You are not well,” Frederick argued.
“I will be when I see him!” Nellie called as she hurried out the door.
“Please, Nellie, wait—” he called after her, following her down the stairs as quickly as he could. “At least tell your aunt—” But before he could finish, Nellie had left through the front door. When Frederick reached the door, he looked outside and could see no sign of her. He returned inside to find Lucy, who was busy with the guests remaining in the house. “I must speak with you Lucy,” he said urgently.
Lucy politely excused herself and went with Frederick to the parlor. “My maid has already informed me that you are cross with me for having the party,” she said. “If you are here to scold me, don’t you think it can wait until after the guests have gone?”
“No, Lucy, and I am sorry for scolding you. I see now how persuasive your niece can be when she sets her mind to something.”
“What do you mean?”
“She has gone.”
“Gone where? Gone out of the house?” Lucy asked in disbelief.
“I tried to stop her, but she would not listen,” he replied in embarrassment.
Lucy gasped. “We must find her! Where could she have gone?”
“I believe she is on her way to Caswell Castle in Surrey.”
“Why in Heaven’s name would she go there?” asked Lucy.
“I’ll explain on the way, if you wish to go with me,” Frederick offered.
“Yes, I’ll just need to get my coat.”
Henry Caswell dined with his mother and father in the grand dining room of Caswell Castle. An excess of footmen served the dinner while the family quietly ate at the table. Henry’s father spoke suddenly. “None of this would have happened if you had married the American girl when you were supposed to. I’ve had no shortage of angry telegrams from the girl’s family.”
“I’m sorry, Father,” Henry apologized. He had been treading carefully around his father since he arrived home, knowing that he was grieving the loss of his brother, even if he did not show it.
“What are we supposed to do now? How can I hand the reigns of this legacy to a son who does not even care for it?”
