Come on, she told herself. Face up to the problem! Move! She did. She glanced inside the playroom on her way towards the main door. Just one night nurse and a couple of children, cuddled up next to her watching a video, waiting for their parents. As always, Faith’s heart twanged, imagining for one stupid moment that they were her children, that she’d go in and say she was done for the day and they’d all go home to the cottage. Stop it. That way madness lies. Faith turned sharply away, and as she did so, caught a flash of bright pink from the Wendy house. She frowned. Was that ...? She looked closer. It was. There could be no mistake. A slightly grubby bright pink bear with a black head and one floppy arm stared up at her from the floor. Molly had left Panda behind.
Faith looked at the toy, dismayed. For all she knew the child had dozens of toys and wouldn’t miss this one until next week, but ... but she remembered her sister Hope at that age, dragging Bunny round with her, and the tantrums whenever Bunny got himself unaccountably lost just before bedtime. Visions of Molly, waking in the night, distraught, flooded Faith’s mind. She would have to take Panda back.
She keyed in the pass code and opened the door. The nurse looked around. Faith scooped up Panda. ‘This is Molly Ford’s, isn’t it? I’d better drop it in on my way home.’
The girl nodded and made an “OK” gesture. Because, after all, it was the obvious thing to do.
* * *
Faith had never been in the cottage at the bottom of her garden before. It had belonged to an old gentleman who didn’t encourage visitors. After he died she had seen painters renovating it. Presumably Chris had been over the place and decided to take it one time while she had been at work.
She couldn’t vault the fence at the bottom of her garden, as Chris had done. Probably she could have scrambled over or squeezed through the gap in the fence, but she decided to walk round to his front door. It would be more formal.
What it would be like inside? It was a traditional Lakeland cottage like hers. It would be difficult for it to be too dissimilar – the difference would be in the personal touches. Then again, he’d only just moved in. She realised she was deliberately concentrating on the house so she didn’t have to think about Chris.
When he opened the door she got a shock. Again. Could you get used to having a shock? Wasn’t a shock supposed to happen just once? Whatever, seeing Chris in front of her – even though he’d been in her operating theatre that afternoon – gave her the now familiar feeling in her throat and chest, almost a lack of breath, a stirring of the heart. This was crazy. She had to get used to this man. How were they to work together for the next six months otherwise?
He must have smartened up to visit the hospital, because he was now dressed as he had been when she first met him. Chinos and a dark T-shirt. She couldn’t help admiring the flatness of his waist, the muscles in his arms. He smiled, surprised to see her – and that raised her temperature even higher. I’ll bet he smiles on purpose because he knows the effect it has, she thought, striving to be detached.
‘Hi,’ he said. ‘This is unexpected.’
‘I’m not staying. I thought Molly might want ...’
His eyes dropped to the toy tucked under her arm. ‘Panda!’ he said in tones of utmost relief. ‘Oh, Faith, you life-saver! Where was it?’
‘In the hospital playroom. I saw this flash of pink by the Wendy house as I was leaving just now and thought I should investigate.’
‘I am so glad you did. That deserves a drink at least. Come in.’
‘No, I ...’
‘You’re on call, I remember. Tea, then. Please? The kettle’s just boiled.’
It was the please that did it. ‘Not for long, then,’ she said, stepping inside. ‘I’ve only just got back.’
He frowned. ‘That’s late.’
‘You know paperwork. If you don’t do it, it mounts up.’
He rubbed his chin. ‘And I stopped you doing it when I called?’
Faith flushed. She hadn’t meant to sound critical.
‘Are we understaffed?’ said Chris abruptly. ‘I know doctors are used to working long hours but if you’ll forgive me, you look tired out.’
‘The department works fine,’ said Faith, bristling. ‘I’ve been covering for Freddie, that’s why there’s more bookwork than usual.’ It was high time to change the subject. ‘Where shall I put Panda? I hope Molly found another toy to cuddle.’
‘Several,’ said Chris over his shoulder as he headed down a hall the twin of hers. ‘I got her off to sleep eventually but only with four stories and her other soft toys tucked up in bed too. We looked everywhere for the blessed thing.’
‘I used to have to do that with my sister Hope’s rabbit. It was the most miserable-looking thing, but Hope has always been a soft touch for waifs and strays. She’s got a heart like melted butter. Jumble sales adored her because she’d buy up all the leftover cuddlies at the end.’
Chris grinned. ‘And does she still?’
‘No, she collects unsuitable men instead. Starts each love affair with boundless energy, and then weeps all over us when he cuts and runs.’ She regarded Panda. ‘Anyway, this reminded me of Bunny. The same mournful expression and floppy arm from being dragged around.’
‘You got it. The trouble is, we haven’t been here long enough for Molly to identify favourite hiding places. She likes small enclosed spaces that she can see out of.’
Faith smiled. ‘Like sheds.’ She remembered where she’d seen Panda. ‘And Wendy houses?’
‘Exactly. “Open-womb” I call it. Come in. Sorry about the mess. This place is nothing like a home yet. There’s a lot still to do.’
He ushered her into the lounge towards a coffee table and two couches. She looked round and saw what he meant. Had she wanted to see personal touches? There weren’t any. No pictures on the wall. No ornaments. Just a row of books along the floor: Daddy’s and Molly’s side by side. Faith felt a strange lump in her throat.
‘I’ll get the tea.’ He walked into a back room that – if it was like her own cottage – must be the kitchen, returning with two mugs and a pile of sandwiches on a plate. ‘I was making these anyway,’ he said. ‘Please help yourself.’
About to demur, Faith realised she was hungry. She stretched towards the plate and was surprised into a laugh at the neatly cut triangles. ‘I can certainly tell you’re a surgeon. It looks as if you used a scalpel to cut the sandwiches. All exactly correct.’
‘I hate shoddy cutting,’ he said with a grin that did strange things to her pulse rate. ‘Now, eat and drink, with my thanks for Panda.’
‘It was nothing.’
There was an awkward pause. ‘Faith, is it going to be a problem? Me being your boss at the hospital and living here next door to you?’
This would be the time to say No, because I hope to be leaving in six months anyway. She hesitated. It would seem awfully rude if she did that. ‘It’s not the situation I would have chosen,’ she said carefully. ‘It’s not a good idea to have work overlapping into home life.’
She bit into a precise triangle of seed-strewn brown bread filled with what she realised was a local cheese. He’d wasted no time in finding the best neighbourhood shops. ‘You make a good sandwich.’
The first slightly bitter expression she’d seen crossed his face. ‘Over the past few years I’ve done a lot of catering for myself. I decided some time ago that if I had to live on sandwiches, then I might as well make them good ones. Faith, you might not want to mix your two worlds, but there’s one puzzle I need the answer to before I do anything else.’
‘I’m listening.’ She wasn’t going to offer anything until she found out where the conversation was going.
‘When I was being shown round I could have made ice cubes with the atmosphere every time you introduced me as the new head of department.’
Faith bit quickly into another sandwich. ‘Really?’ she mumbled.
‘Now, I know new faces always bring some suspicion but this was more than that. A
nd being a bright chap, I think I know why. Would I be wrong in guessing that a number of people thought you were the proper person for the job? That there is a feeling in the department about it being unfair that an outsider had beaten you to the post?’
‘I ... I applied for the position, of course ...’
His eyes met hers, serious and concerned but with a hint of steel in their green depths. ‘Let me say straight away that I can completely understand the attitude. You appear to be both competent and popular. But we need to clear the air right from the start. Do you feel the same way? That you were unfairly cheated out of a job?’
Faith leaned back in chair, took a breath. She had never backed down from a fight but she arranged her words carefully before she spoke. ‘The Board is entitled to appoint who they like. And the word “cheated” is wrong, I’m sure they made their decision honestly. But yes – I feel ... I feel disappointed. I’ve always been absolutely loyal to Freddie, but I’ve working towards the job for the past few years. I suppose you could say I felt I deserved it.’
‘I appreciate your honesty. Is it going to stop us working together?’
She shook her head decisively. ‘No. Certainly not. I have never let personal considerations get in the way of the efficient running of the department. Patients’ welfare must come first. And I know already that you want the best from your department, just as I would. That’s why I said earlier that there wouldn’t be a problem. Because I’m going to go round tomorrow and sing your praises.’
He nodded. ‘Thank you. I appreciate it. Do you ...’ He broke off, listening.
Faith blinked. What was that noise ... the place wasn’t haunted, where did the whimper come from? She saw Chris close his eyes briefly, and in that moment he looked tired to death. The whimper came again, then a full outburst of crying. Faith realised what it was, a baby alarm. Molly was waking up.
Chris stood and picked up the pink bear. ‘I’m sorry. With any luck the sight of Panda will soothe her. She is still insecure at night,’ he said. ‘Once, Lorraine went out and left her – I didn’t realise until I got home after a late shift and found Molly hunched up in the alcove under the stairs bawling her eyes out. She’s getting better now. Sometimes it only takes five minutes and she goes back to sleep.’
‘It’s not going happen this time,’ Faith said, listening to the increasing strength of the cries. ‘You’d better go up. I’ll see myself out.’
But then there was a series of thumps, the crying changed in tone, and with a hurtle of feet, into the room burst a small, blue-pyjamaed figure. ‘Daddy, I didn’t know where I was and Panda is lost and I’m thirsty and I thought you’d gone and ...’
Chris swept the flushed, tear-streaked child up into his arms and rocked her. ‘There, sweetheart, it’s all right now. I was only down here. I promised you I wouldn’t leave, remember? That’s why I took you with me to the hospital earlier. And look who decided to stay there because it was such a nice place.’
‘Panda!’ yelled Molly, hugging the pink toy as if she’d never let it go.
‘Yes, so we’ll go back upstairs and I’ll make your bed again and ...’
Faith stood. She’d been about to leave anyway, and now she was doubly in the way. Chris would have his hands full with his daughter for some time. But Molly turned her head and saw her.
‘Faith,’ she screamed, ‘I want Faith! Daddy, I want Faith to hold me.’ She held her arms out still clutching Panda, kicking and flailing so wildly she was likely to unbalance them both. Faith saw the look of desperation on Chris’s face.
‘Shh,’ he said. ‘Faith’s got to ...’
‘No!’ Molly screamed louder.
Faith didn’t want to get involved, but no woman on earth could have walked away from those heartrending sobs.
‘Want to hug,’ gulped the little girl, and made a renewed effort to scramble across. ‘And I’m thirsty.’
Chris sighed. ‘Just for a moment, then, while I get you a drink.’
In an instant Molly’s hot damp cheek was against Faith’s and she felt the weight of the small body in her arms.
‘Want milk,’ said the muffled voice. ‘Warm milk.’
‘Milk’s no good for quenching a thirst,’ said Faith, sitting on the couch with Molly on her lap burrowing into her chest. ‘Water’s much better. Dear me, you have got yourself into a state.’
She couldn’t read Chris’s expression as he looked at the two of them. He turned to get the water without comment.
Faith held the heaving little body close to hers, felt the strength of the sobs slowly diminish, felt the tears running down Molly’s cheeks dry up. She was not sure of her feelings. She hadn’t wanted to get involved, but there was satisfaction in calming the little girl. And something else. A tiny tug of something missing from her life.
Chris came back with the water. Molly was persuaded to sit between them on the couch and drink it. She wanted both Faith’s and her father’s arms round her as she pretended to give Panda a drink. Faith was in a short-sleeved shirt, Chris was in a T-shirt. Both had naked arms, their bare skin touched and she could feel his warmth. It was only a touch but pleasure stirred inside her and she wondered if she should get so much enjoyment from something so simple.
She tried to move her arm, Molly pulled it back. Chris looked at her over Molly’s head and shrugged. Faith would have preferred it if he could have smiled a little. Surely he could see that she hadn’t asked for this to happen?
It only took another few minutes, Molly really was tired. The beaker slipped in her hand and her eyes started to close. She leaned against Faith as her father removed the drink, fetched a flannel and gently wiped her tear-streaked face. ‘Do you mind coming up to her room?’ he asked in an undertone. ‘Just in case she has another tantrum.’
‘OK.’ She followed as he carried Molly upstairs, swiftly pulled the child’s bedclothes together and watched while he laid her down and tucked her in amongst her fluffy toys. When he kissed her forehead, something deep in her heart stirred.
‘She’s asleep,’ whispered Chris. Still he watched until Faith made a movement towards the door. He gave himself a little shake. ‘Sorry,’ he said, following her out to the landing. ‘She’s had such a rough time this past year. And we’ve moved from pillar to post until I’m not surprised she doesn’t know where she is. I’m hoping we will set up a stable home life here. Thanks for your help, Faith. Quickest I’ve settled her back for ages.’
‘Only too happy,’ she said. ‘I’d better go now.’
‘Yes, of course.’ He paused with his hand on the door latch. ‘Why did you say water, not milk? Not that I’m ungrateful, because usually she makes all sorts of fuss about it being too hot or too cold and not being like Grandma’s and ...’
Faith grinned. ‘That’s why. It takes five days to break a habit, but only one to make it. She didn’t really want a drink at all. Just your attention. Plain water at night means she doesn’t have you running around trying to satisfy her, you are still in control, and it’s not sufficiently exciting to make her want to repeat the experience tomorrow.’
Chris rubbed his jaw ruefully. ‘I told you my parents spoilt her. That was another reason I wanted to get us away. Thank you again. I’d see you home but ...’
‘But Molly is upstairs and my front door is only a three minute walk from yours, so don’t be silly. This is Little Allaby, not some great restless city. Goodnight, Chris. I hope the rest of it is undisturbed.’
‘I could do with a decent night’s sleep, that’s for sure.’ He released the door handle and his arm brushed hers.
Faith wasn’t a touchy-feely person. She certainly wasn’t an indiscriminate hugger and kisser. Sisters and parents, yes, but very few others. She kept a certain reserve. But now, perhaps because of the sigh in those last words, perhaps because of the drawn look in his eyes whenever he mentioned Molly, perhaps because she still felt a bit guilty over the way her staff had made their partisanship known, she gave Chris’s forearm
an awkward squeeze.
He stilled, looked down at her. The faint touch of citrus aftershave came down to her, warmed by the scent of his skin. A warm, exciting, essentially male combination.
It would take so little, thought Faith, shaken right out of her comfort zone. Just tip her head upwards a tiny bit. That’s all it would need. The temptation was there.
She stepped back. Inside she was yearning, and she was terrified. Something was telling her that everything would be all right, that this instant attraction was OK. Something else was telling her not to be a fool. That she was letting an attractive man and his vulnerable daughter make merry with her emotions.
No. Not again. It wasn’t going to happen.
‘I have to go,’ she said, trying to get the words out evenly. ‘I’ll see you when you start properly next week.’
‘Yes ...’ Chris’s lovely green eyes were dazed. Had he felt it too? That tug?
‘Sleep well,’ she said, and left.
* * *
Chris stood in the darkness and watched Faith walk away. I could have kissed her, he thought, the way she looked up at me, the way she tilted her head a little, I could have kissed her. I think she would have liked me to kiss her and I ... I half wanted to.
No! He turned away from the window. First, most important, he had Molly to think of. Second, it would be foolish to start any kind of affair with someone he would have to work with. And third ... the third reason was the memory of Lorraine. The horror of the past few years was still with him. He couldn’t risk going through anything like that again.
Faith was not for him.
Chapter Four
Faith walked round to her own cottage not knowing what to think. That had been too close. Much too close. How on earth was she going to work with this man for the next six months? Could she blame it on tiredness? She’d had a hard day, like all days recently, and she needed peace. She had always thought of herself as a determined person; if there were problems in her life she would face them and deal with them. But this situation was different. She didn’t like it.
The Lakeland Doctor's Decision Page 5
